I forgot the title of my post.. OI
Shoot.. I copied and pasted from my notepad and forgot the name of the post before closing it.. frig! I feel so down, so fucking down. Mentally and physically. To start my bitching I will start with the flu; Peachy keen.
I got it, it went into the lungs but not before thinking (after taking some strong cold meds) that perhaps a 3MI hike would clear up things with some sweat to get the mail (I live in the country). That idea wasnt so hot, it turned into a touch of phenmonia.
Mentally, I am just .... Drained. Im not talking to blu; nor have I been since I had my fight with sis.
In theroy is it possible if you do one thing your conceqences bounce off each other into another relationship? Ying and Yang, I know you need harmony in life but with ummm how do I word it so it makes any sense... Just knowing stuff about things. For example. Knowing that your down and having a pop to drink while scrolling this (if you were down and had one).
Just that, knowing stuff. If you lost your ability to know stuff and your harmony. Or is it just all in your head.
Ironically I am taking a course in philisophy... (shoot i cant spell; dont shoot me ok?) I never claimed to be the worlds greatest typist.
My best friends sister (Trudy's) Marion has passed on and of course we had a service for her ashes. That got me thinking of future events. NO I am not one of those end of the world types but it now hit me that mum has alot of shorter days ahead of her than behind. That really troubles me...
See the thing is.. Im not really afraid of death, I have been with people at that time of passing, but I dont think I can live my life alone. If mum goes (dad is still here) I would feel abandonded. This probably can be said for all those across the world who have a great bond with their parents and/or went through this already.
I know what your thinking, dont think about this!!
Your right, I am trying not too, I am rather thinking of something petty, somethink like my upcomming make up thingy at a store (makeover with Dior stuff) with one of my cosmoticians that I booked for a month back.
I face my birthday comming up and that also depresses me. I know it should be a time of celebration. Its not the age so much as it is the aloneness. I am single with no husband and a family. I look at Trudy's daughter (and family) of 4 kids and wish that I could trade places.
I know that kids are alot of work 24/7 ect,. but somehow I feel that I am missing out on the greatest part of my life here. I know that I would make a great mother and wife..
Ok so call me insane. I no longer care.
So I had two husbands... neither of them were potential father material or husband material (loyal or trustworthy) in the long run.
Do I feel self pity? No. Am I sad? Yes. Do I feel sick? Yep yep. I hate flus.
Right now Im watching H_P movie and loving every moment of it beleive it or not... Im one big kid. Its a make you feel good movie for coughs and colds (now i sound like a darn advertisement)
I want to get back into writting.. but fear is holding me back. I want to go for that gold ring. But I dont want to fall on my face.
Ah to hell with it, Why would I care what others think when the only think I should worry about Is my self esteem and after I take care of myself i can be there to take care of others like I have always done. If I cant take care of myself... then thats when Im useless.
Ciao for now,
Ms. Simone
I got it, it went into the lungs but not before thinking (after taking some strong cold meds) that perhaps a 3MI hike would clear up things with some sweat to get the mail (I live in the country). That idea wasnt so hot, it turned into a touch of phenmonia.
Mentally, I am just .... Drained. Im not talking to blu; nor have I been since I had my fight with sis.
In theroy is it possible if you do one thing your conceqences bounce off each other into another relationship? Ying and Yang, I know you need harmony in life but with ummm how do I word it so it makes any sense... Just knowing stuff about things. For example. Knowing that your down and having a pop to drink while scrolling this (if you were down and had one).
Just that, knowing stuff. If you lost your ability to know stuff and your harmony. Or is it just all in your head.
Ironically I am taking a course in philisophy... (shoot i cant spell; dont shoot me ok?) I never claimed to be the worlds greatest typist.
My best friends sister (Trudy's) Marion has passed on and of course we had a service for her ashes. That got me thinking of future events. NO I am not one of those end of the world types but it now hit me that mum has alot of shorter days ahead of her than behind. That really troubles me...
See the thing is.. Im not really afraid of death, I have been with people at that time of passing, but I dont think I can live my life alone. If mum goes (dad is still here) I would feel abandonded. This probably can be said for all those across the world who have a great bond with their parents and/or went through this already.
I know what your thinking, dont think about this!!
Your right, I am trying not too, I am rather thinking of something petty, somethink like my upcomming make up thingy at a store (makeover with Dior stuff) with one of my cosmoticians that I booked for a month back.
I face my birthday comming up and that also depresses me. I know it should be a time of celebration. Its not the age so much as it is the aloneness. I am single with no husband and a family. I look at Trudy's daughter (and family) of 4 kids and wish that I could trade places.
I know that kids are alot of work 24/7 ect,. but somehow I feel that I am missing out on the greatest part of my life here. I know that I would make a great mother and wife..
Ok so call me insane. I no longer care.
So I had two husbands... neither of them were potential father material or husband material (loyal or trustworthy) in the long run.
Do I feel self pity? No. Am I sad? Yes. Do I feel sick? Yep yep. I hate flus.
Right now Im watching H_P movie and loving every moment of it beleive it or not... Im one big kid. Its a make you feel good movie for coughs and colds (now i sound like a darn advertisement)
I want to get back into writting.. but fear is holding me back. I want to go for that gold ring. But I dont want to fall on my face.
Ah to hell with it, Why would I care what others think when the only think I should worry about Is my self esteem and after I take care of myself i can be there to take care of others like I have always done. If I cant take care of myself... then thats when Im useless.
Ciao for now,
Ms. Simone