(Untitled)

[simon_doctor]

The last textwave he got from Jordie said I'm going off-grid for a few weeks.

It's been close to a month, and Simon's looking through his inbound messages and wondering if he should write.

Comments

[leftistbeanpole]

The subject line reads when someone dies, you think about the past.

I forgot to mention, I think, how relieved I was to hear that you hadn't actually turned into a pod person.

[simon_doctor]

It takes him a moment to remember.

(The memory hurts.)

I'm glad to hear it.

And I know you understand why I did it, but I'm still sorry.

[leftistbeanpole]

All I could think about for the longest time was for what ungodly reason you might have reverted to what I thought you were.

I'd like to say there were other ways you could have done it. I don't believe there were.

I spent that night on Liz's couch. She got me appropriately drunk and only had her way with me a little.

[simon_doctor]

Was that ... I'm not sure how to ask this. Were you already seeing each other at that point, or was that later?

[leftistbeanpole]

That was the beginning of it.

I was thinking about that night today. I'm a little drunk right now. Were you upset? At all? Or did whatever you put yourself through to be able to do that override the whole thing?

[simon_doctor]

It's a long while before Simon's reply comes through.

It was the worst thing I'd ever had to do.

I'm not sure "upset" quite covers it. I'd have gotten drunk that night too, if I'd been able to.

[leftistbeanpole]

I'd just remembered that I sent a message back while drunk witless and was about to ask you to forget the whole thing.

The things we do with our one day off every three weeks.

[simon_doctor]

It's all right. You had every right to ask.

[leftistbeanpole]

No, I didn't. And I don't. The end.

[simon_doctor]

I won't argue with you.

It's been a long time since I thought about that night, or that time in general. I think there are some apologies I never really had a chance to give, and I should.

[leftistbeanpole]

If this goes where I think it's going I'm going to start deleting your waves unread. I don't want to hear it.

[simon_doctor]

Another long pause between waves.

Finally, nearly a day and a half later:

All right. I don't have to say it.

[leftistbeanpole]

Tam, you leave. Just like everybody else. You're no exception. You're not special. I've grown past expecting something different -- not just from you, but from anyone. Everybody knows why you're gone and they don't have a problem with it.

We all leave things behind us when we go. That's just how it is. Apologies are a waste of time and energy.

You're gone. Grow up.

[simon_doctor]

Simon comes back to reread the textwave about four hours later.

It doesn't hurt much less the second time. It does worry him considerably more.

He still has no idea how, or whether, to respond.

[gonna_live]

Kaylee wanders in, humming.

She trails a hand across Simon's shoulder absently as she passes, crouching by the drawers under the bed.

[simon_doctor]

He looks up.

"Hey."