Oct 23, 2011 08:41
Sun, 01:20 : Movie night at Casa de Pickles! Tonight's feature: Rob Zombie's Halloween. I shall tweet my thoughts so far. Sun, 01:20 : So I guess this movie goes into Michael's past? Cute. Sun, 01:21 : So I missed the first 7 minutes, and came in on Tyke Mike beating some school bully to deaths with a branch. Sun, 01:21 : Also, his dad's a dick, his mom's a stripper and his sister's a hoebag who has to stop sex to establish Dick dad isn't HER dad Sun, 01:22 : And Hoebag Sis skips out on taking Tyke Mike Trick-or-Treating to have sex. We can all see why he's a murdering fuckhead now, can't we? Sun, 01:22 : The kid they got to play Tyke Mike is adorbs, though. I want to pinch his chubby cheeks Sun, 01:24 : Post-sex sandwich about to be ruined by murderer fuckhead child. Lovely. Sun, 01:25 : I will say that I am happy with the amount of chub in this movie: Tyke Mike is an adorable chubster, and... Sun, 01:26 : ...Hoebag Sis' boyfriend has a nice Stoner's Spare going on. Sun, 01:26 : OH LOOK, TYKE MIKE HAS DONNED THE ICONIC MASK. SIGNIFICANCE IS SIGNIFICANT. Sun, 01:27 : Damn, Hoebag Sis is a bitch. Sun, 01:27 : Honestly glad Tyke Mike stabbed her. She was just completely unlikable. Sun, 01:27 : OKAY, wasn't Michael's sis Laurie? I recall her being flawless and lovable in the original film. What the hell did Rob do to her? Sun, 01:28 : (I could always be remembering Laurie wrong, tbh) Sun, 01:28 : Ummm, who the fuck's the baby? Sun, 01:29 : Stripper mom's home; I feel she's gonna be wholly upset. Sun, 01:30 : Despair, shown in sepia Sun, 01:31 : Yeah, Tyke Mike is too cute to pull off the Creepy Child look Sun, 01:37 : YEAH, DR. LOOMIS Sun, 01:38 : Tyke Mike, stop being so cute! Sun, 01:39 : Hearing Tyke Mike talk is just weird, honestly. I mean, one of Michael's main qualities is his silence. And murder. Sun, 01:39 : Ah, Julio the janitor. He'll probably get Michael Murdered. Sun, 01:40 : YES, JULIO, TELL THE MURDERER CHILD TO LIVE INSIDE HIS HEAD. This will bear no negative consequences at all. Sun, 01:40 : Umm, Tyke Mike has made himself a mask. GET THAT AWAY FROM HIM NOW Sun, 01:40 : Dr. Loomis, no one curr about black not being a color. Sun, 01:41 : TYKE MIKE, YOU'RE A CUTEY CUTESTER, NO NEED TO MASK YOURSELF Sun, 01:42 : ...Random tantrum is random. i guess because it's close to Halloween? Sun, 01:43 : This is kind of awkward, really. Sun, 01:44 : Mom, Tyke Mike's probably tired of the hospital's food. Get that boy a Mighty Kid's Meal, fix him right up. Sun, 01:45 : Lol, at the words "shock treatment" Tyke Mike murders Nameless Nurse. Really, shock treatment isn't THAT bad, Mikey. Sun, 01:45 : ...Why do Michael and Dr. Loomis have the same hairstyle? OMG IS THAT HIS REAL DAD? *super twist* Sun, 01:46 : More despair, but in color this time. Sun, 01:47 : Just gonna step in and say: women don't typically shoot themselves. I mean, it does happen, but still. Sun, 01:47 : Julio is the only one who understands Michael. Maybe he will be spared. But I doubt it. Sun, 01:48 : Jackass Replacement Orderly will certainly be killed, though. Sun, 01:48 : Lol, Dr. Loomis, no one curr about your failure marriages. Sun, 01:49 : Okay, I know a lot of blond people's hair darkens with time, and Michael did spend like 15+ years out of the sun, but... Sun, 01:49 : ...How did a light blond kid go to having super dark hair? Maybe it's the EEEVIIIL in him. Sun, 01:50 : Oh Dr. Loomis...you're so melodramatic. Sun, 01:55 : Never gonna see The Haunting in Connecticut. I saw a docu on the case that movie's based on, and it was bad shit. Sun, 01:55 : Considering the trauma the family went through, the movie seems kind of...tasteless. But I guess they were okay with it being made, so. Sun, 01:56 : Still not seeing it. Sun, 01:57 : Yay, asshole cops! Nothing like some good asshole cops! Sun, 01:57 : lol, the cussing is silenced. TV movies are hilarious. Sun, 01:57 : Um, I'm sure Mikey could walk faster if he wasn't chained to Hell and back. Just sayin' Sun, 01:58 : ...Not that the chains made a difference. Sun, 01:58 : Well, there goes the asshole cops. Sun, 01:58 : OH SHIT, MICHAEL USED A MEATSHEILD. He's self-aware?! Sun, 01:59 : I like how "meashield" gets autocorrected to "meatloaf" Sun, 01:59 : Okay, I get Tyke Mike was still evolving, and this scene is Mikey escaping, but MICHAEL MURDERS WITH KNIVES, DAMMIT. Sun, 02:00 : Ominous phone ringing is ominous. Sun, 02:00 : BE AFEARED, JULIO, BE AFEARED Sun, 02:01 : Michael, why kill Julio? He's your only friend, you know. Oh, right, you don't curr. Sun, 02:02 : "Michael's out" sounds like a porn. Sun, 02:03 : ...Tom Sawyer? Really? Sun, 02:03 : Oh, well, there's truckers. Understandable, I guess. (?) Sun, 02:04 : Jazzy Black Man looks like a werewolf. And HE 'BOUT TO GET MICHAELED. Sun, 02:04 : Mmm, poo humor. Classy. Sun, 02:05 : Jazzy Black Wolf is willing to stab a man over being interrupted on the toilet? Can these characters get anymore ridic? Sun, 02:06 : Also, whythefuck is Mikey killing hairy black men? Just wondering. Sun, 02:12 : Aww, a perfect American family! Sun, 02:13 : ...Wait, THAT'S Laurie?! Then who was his sister...? Sun, 02:13 : Huh...Maybe I should go catch up on my Halloween lore. Because I honestly can't remember. Sun, 02:14 : But she's lovable, like I remember <3 Sun, 02:15 : I like how a kitchen knife that was kept under some floorboards in an attic is still shiny after 15+ years Sun, 02:15 : And the mask looks believably run-down Sun, 02:16 : ...Which I hate, honestly. I prefer the plain mask. Sun, 02:18 : Lol, bitchy high school girls. And Michael. Stalking Laurie. Ahh, this is familiar! Sun, 02:19 : This scene almost like the original, but with 45% more swearing. EDGY ENGAGE Sun, 02:19 : ...And more sexuality. Lovely. Sun, 02:21 : ....Wow, that cop actor was horrid. Flatlined like a corpse. Sun, 02:21 : "Couldn't handle the stress of being Satan's mother." WOW, NICE LINE. Sun, 02:29 : YES, LET'S SEX IN A DIRTY, ABANDONED HOUSE Sun, 02:29 : Why do all the girls have to be cold bitches in bed in this movie? Sun, 02:32 : Okay, the knife is NOT long enough to pin Dead Douche's body to the wall Sun, 02:32 : Um, Bitchy Girl? Don't you notice your boyfriend has grown by like...six inches? Sun, 02:32 : Oop, you're not listening anymore...Cause you got Michaeled! Sun, 02:35 : WHOA, MICHAELED OUT OF FUCKIN NOWHERE Sun, 02:35 : Looks like Laurie's Perfect American Family ain't no family anymore Sun, 02:37 : Michael gets around really quickly...I know he Walks Slowly Fast, but damn. Sun, 02:38 : I guess he's also half-ninja. Sun, 02:39 : Yes, Michael did lift that headstone himself...He has the strength of EEEVIIIIL Sun, 02:46 : ...Lesbihonest Sun, 02:47 : "Duuude, she's hot" has to be the most charming line ever. To a high school girl, anyway. Sun, 02:47 : Why does Dr. Loomis' book look like a shitty paperback? Sun, 02:48 : I like how Laurie is supposed to be the nerdy one of her little group of (dying) friends, shown only because she wears GLASSES, GASP Sun, 02:49 : They can't talk, Officer, they've been Michaeled Sun, 02:50 : Oh come on! I couldn't even begin to fap to this teen pr0n before they got Michaeled. Sun, 02:50 : ...Kay, she got Pimp-Michaeled, damn. Keep the hand strong, man. Sun, 02:51 : Oh, okay, Laurie is Mikey's sis. His baby sis. o.O Sun, 02:52 : Cool story bro time: I once wrote a beautifully shitty Halloween fic! Sun, 02:52 : It was about this Totes Gawth girl who was interested in the legend of Michael Myers, and I think she went to the hospital he was held at Sun, 02:53 : With her high school gawth friends, of course! It was, liek, totally awesome! Okay, she didn't talk like that. She was pretty flat, really. Sun, 02:53 : I can't remember her name, but let's call her Enoby. Sun, 02:54 : So anyway, Enoby and her friends go to the hospital, which was shut down for some reason, and Michael was there for...some reason. Sun, 02:55 : He doesn't actually kill anyone, but just chases everyone for some time before Enoby confronts him. She then gives him a BLACK ROSE OF LOVE Sun, 02:55 : Which he takes and the EBUL SPELL OF EBUL is broken by the POWER OF LOVE. And they lived happily ever after. Sun, 02:56 : I shit you not, I wrote that shit. I was like...13 I think? Ahh, to be young again. (Never) Sun, 02:58 : Blurred Bloody Tits of Censorship Sun, 02:59 : Oh noes, the door closed by itself! Or because it got Michaeled! Sun, 03:01 : Laurie, why did you lead the murdering fuckhead to the kids? REALLY?! Sun, 03:01 : Oop, another door got Michaeled Sun, 03:02 : Officer Ignorant, Michael is a ninja. Of course you won't see him....oh, you got Michaeled too. Sun, 03:03 : THE EEVIIIL MAKES HIM BULLETPROOF. Better than Kevlar. Sun, 03:03 : I think it would be pretty interesting if Mikey grabbed Laurie and just hugged for like, three hours. Since she was the only one he... Sun, 03:04 : ...showed love to as a kid. But no, he's too eeviiil now. Sun, 03:05 : Dr. Loomis, call for backup! Why are you running over towards the eeeviiil?! Oh right, because you're armed with illegal weapons. Sun, 03:05 : Too bad Mikey's Evil Bulletproof Sun, 03:06 : ...Mmm, dead girl at a grave. Sexy. Sun, 03:06 : omg he dropped the knife. IF HE SPEAKS, I WILL MICHAEL A DOOR Sun, 03:07 : Okay, I dunno if they're using slightly different masks or if the lighting is just really good, but Michael's mask seems to.... Sun, 03:07 : ...very subtly change expression. It's cool. Sun, 03:08 : OH FUCK HE'S UNMASKED. Laurie, be careful, he's going to Michael-hug you to death Sun, 03:08 : Laurie....you're fucked now. You really shouldn't have done that. Of course, you are in a panic, but still. Sun, 03:09 : He gon' be pissed now. Sun, 03:10 : I wonder if Mr. Zombie will remake H2O. I bet he has a shot of making it actually better. Sun, 03:16 : What is this Neverland?! I MUST SEE IT. Sun, 03:16 : Laurie's stuck in the Pit o' Doom. Waiting for Loomis. Sun, 03:17 : Honestly, I'm all out of interest for the movie. I'm just sticking around to see if Zombie keeps Laurie alive Sun, 03:17 : OH THERE'S LOOMIS, KNEW HE'D BE AROUND Sun, 03:18 : You know, killing Michael seems like a "remove the head and burn the remains" kind of deal, honestly. You can't just shoot him. Sun, 03:19 : Loomis...you're just going to let Michael's body chill? SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO?! Sun, 03:19 : This film doesn't have enough down time. The pacing is way fast. Sun, 03:19 : Aaand we're back in House of Myers. Again. *sigh* Sun, 03:20 : Laurie has to escape. Again. Sun, 03:20 : Or hide, cool too. And sob. Again. Sun, 03:20 : Oh wait, Loomis is dead? Wtf?!
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