Wherein our hero's body begins a revolt, and a fatal stabbing is narrowly avoided.
I'm sick. It started with a sinus infection a couple weeks ago, and this past weekend, descended into a full blown ass kicking sickness.
Aleeve and Liquid Ibuprofen got me through the weekend, with some of my best performances of the year (I called my audience bitches for half hour, called one man Drunky McGee, covered up cleavage, and vigorously rubbed my nuts with three of the girls' skirts, and the audience fucking loved it.) I got more compliments on my performance this weekend than I ever have before. Antibiotics + Alcohol turns this monkey in to an offensive, insulting, performing MACHINE. I fear I will never be able to duplicate the proper mixture of perscription medication and liquor which helped me acheive such a state.
I hope someone got video, and that somewhere on youtube is a scene of me screaming at my audeice "I can see that you're not clapping, asshole!"
Onward to this morning...
You know the usual soreness after a weekend of high energy performances? Couple that with the added soreness of being sick, and no amount of over the counter drugs can help you. If I could, I'd go home right now, and crawl back into bed, and pray for the sweet release of death.
But I can't. My coworker is working from home today so she can go to a Dodger's game. If they win, I probably get cookies tomorrow. If they lose, I listen to mumbled swears all day tomorrow. Either way, tomorrow will be interesting.
But back to the near fatal stabbing that almost occurred this morning.
Right now, I'm heading aproject to get all of our decives (cell phones) profiled. This entails loading several programs onto the device, running them, and recording the info the programs spit out. To facilitate speed in this, I have created the white board of perpetual profiling.
This whiteboard, a 4' x 6' monstorsity, has been sectioned off into a grid, with 24 handsets listed on it, with a space to mark if a device is out. It is situated in my office in such a way that one HAS to see this board before they can see me. Next to the WBoPP is a basket full of devices, the very same devices that are listed on the WBoPP. This is so when someone has the time, all they must do is walk in, take a device from the basket, write their name down, and get to profiling.
Last Friday, one of the QA project leads came in around 11. I had just gotten in from a docotr's appointment, and had made sure to fill the basket and board so there would be plenty of work to be done before I got in. The lead walks in, looks at the board, which still has 20 handsets listed, ready to go, looks in the basket, then turns to me and says "So, are there any more phones to be profiled?"
I laugh at first, thinking he's kidding. He isn't. I point out the board, and the basket. He says "Oh." and takes a phone and leaves. My coworker turns to me and says "That's the second time today he's done that. I explained to him the first time about the board and the basket." My hand hit my forehead so fast there was a noticeable breeze.
2 hours later, he comes back in. "Are there any more phones?"
*face palm*
I explain again about the system, all the while wondering how this person got hired. The rest of the day, all goes well, he comes in takes a phone out of the basket, all is well.
Jump to 8:30 am, Monday. In my heightened state of sick, I decide to fill the board and do as little as possible today. Board and basket are full. Several testers come in, and take phones, write down names and go about their merry way, with little disturbance of myself, other than the occasional "Dude, you look like shit, are you okay?"
Until 9:15.
In walks the Lead.
He looks at the board.
He looks at the basket, overflowing with devices.
He turns to me, "So are there any more phones to be profiled?"
Had I been a healthy man, there would have been blood.
Aleeve and Liquid Ibuprofen got me through the weekend, with some of my best performances of the year (I called my audience bitches for half hour, called one man Drunky McGee, covered up cleavage, and vigorously rubbed my nuts with three of the girls' skirts, and the audience fucking loved it.) I got more compliments on my performance this weekend than I ever have before. Antibiotics + Alcohol turns this monkey in to an offensive, insulting, performing MACHINE. I fear I will never be able to duplicate the proper mixture of perscription medication and liquor which helped me acheive such a state.
I hope someone got video, and that somewhere on youtube is a scene of me screaming at my audeice "I can see that you're not clapping, asshole!"
Onward to this morning...
You know the usual soreness after a weekend of high energy performances? Couple that with the added soreness of being sick, and no amount of over the counter drugs can help you. If I could, I'd go home right now, and crawl back into bed, and pray for the sweet release of death.
But I can't. My coworker is working from home today so she can go to a Dodger's game. If they win, I probably get cookies tomorrow. If they lose, I listen to mumbled swears all day tomorrow. Either way, tomorrow will be interesting.
But back to the near fatal stabbing that almost occurred this morning.
Right now, I'm heading aproject to get all of our decives (cell phones) profiled. This entails loading several programs onto the device, running them, and recording the info the programs spit out. To facilitate speed in this, I have created the white board of perpetual profiling.
This whiteboard, a 4' x 6' monstorsity, has been sectioned off into a grid, with 24 handsets listed on it, with a space to mark if a device is out. It is situated in my office in such a way that one HAS to see this board before they can see me. Next to the WBoPP is a basket full of devices, the very same devices that are listed on the WBoPP. This is so when someone has the time, all they must do is walk in, take a device from the basket, write their name down, and get to profiling.
Last Friday, one of the QA project leads came in around 11. I had just gotten in from a docotr's appointment, and had made sure to fill the basket and board so there would be plenty of work to be done before I got in. The lead walks in, looks at the board, which still has 20 handsets listed, ready to go, looks in the basket, then turns to me and says "So, are there any more phones to be profiled?"
I laugh at first, thinking he's kidding. He isn't. I point out the board, and the basket. He says "Oh." and takes a phone and leaves. My coworker turns to me and says "That's the second time today he's done that. I explained to him the first time about the board and the basket." My hand hit my forehead so fast there was a noticeable breeze.
2 hours later, he comes back in. "Are there any more phones?"
*face palm*
I explain again about the system, all the while wondering how this person got hired. The rest of the day, all goes well, he comes in takes a phone out of the basket, all is well.
Jump to 8:30 am, Monday. In my heightened state of sick, I decide to fill the board and do as little as possible today. Board and basket are full. Several testers come in, and take phones, write down names and go about their merry way, with little disturbance of myself, other than the occasional "Dude, you look like shit, are you okay?"
Until 9:15.
In walks the Lead.
He looks at the board.
He looks at the basket, overflowing with devices.
He turns to me, "So are there any more phones to be profiled?"
Had I been a healthy man, there would have been blood.