(no subject)
I've been thinking about the feedback that I got from my Amber scene (thanks, everyone who responded!). There were a couple of common comments: 1, that it isn't clear that Brigid is Amber; and 2, that the scene wasn't immediately interesting and her back story would be best told in flashbacks.
Addressing #1 first - this actually surprised me. I thought that I included enough hints, but apparently not. The hard part though is the fact that we know nothing about Amber before she becomes a contractor - so what would make it more obvious who she is? A little later on I have a character comment that her eyes look amber-colored; that was going to be the 'gimme' line for everyone who hadn't figured it out by then. But maybe I should do some editing and try to get that line moved up earlier...or at least shorten the first two scenes so that it gets included in the first chapter (which at this point would be over 5000 words - longer than I like to post...). In any case, her human personality will share some similarities with her contractor personality, but won't be exactly the same, because she still has all her emotions in the beginning.
About 2, flashbacks - that isn't going to work. On a couple of levels. First, one of my inspirations for writing this prequel is to explore Amber's character. I want her to have an actual character arc, with a beginning, middle, and end. What was she like before becoming a contractor? How does that change the way she interacts with the world, and her relationships with people she cares/cared about? How does she discover her power? And more importantly, how does she get on MI-6's radar and how do governments learn who and what contractors are, and decide how to use them? These are all questions that are best addressed via Amber's POV and it's important then to start her story before she changes. (We will get a little of this from Bai's story, but I'm going to use Bai mostly to show how Hei changes, rather than the world around them).
In a way, Amber is going to have two arcs: human to contractor, then contractor to emotional contractor. Another problem with telling her human back story as flashbacks when she starts changing is that, once she's a contractor, who cares about her past? We won't have any investment in her as a human, and we won't care about the fact that she became a contractor, just that she is, if that makes any sense. Why stop the action in the present and interrupt her growing relationship with Hei to show what she used to be like? If, on the other hand, we already know her back story, then I can reference that with just a line or two without having to jump into a lengthy explanation, and we'll see little hints that she's starting to regain some of her humanity that way (in addition to how her interactions with Hei and their team change).
And I will admit, I got a little carried away with Amber's story - but I really like it, and I think it'll do a good job of getting her in touch with MI-6 as soon as possible without being too boring.
I am approaching this more like a book than like a fan fiction...and I get that fans already have their own ideas and expectations, which is one reason why this story is making me nervous. But I think that if I start out with a Hei chapter, then re-work Amber's a little bit and make sure that her first chapter ends where it's obvious that it's Amber and that things are about to get interesting - it'll work.
Anyway, that scene I posted takes place the night that Heaven's Gate appears - a blurb at the beginning will let readers know that something funky is going on, and Amber will be affected by it in an obvious way. BUT, she doesn't become a contractor right away - partly so that she has to make an important decision while she is still human (this will be important for her overall character arc), and also because, I forget which episode it's in, but they state that Heaven's Gate appears first, then Hell's Gate a week later, then contractors appear. And realistically (as in, pretending that this is something that could happen and then thinking about how it could happen) that does make sense.
I like the idea of the slow build-up, instead of BAM! Gates and contractors! That's just...inadequate, IMHO (and may be part of why, to my knowledge, there are no complete, serial stories about the appearance of the Gates and Heaven's War; it's complicated, and to do it justice you really have to start before then. One-shots and overviews are a lot easier because you don't have to fill in as many gaps).
Also, I can't write the stars disappearing from both Hei's and Amber's POVs, because they're on opposite sides of the planet and it's not night for them both at the same time. So, Hei could watch the stars vanish, but for Amber it would be morning already and she wouldn't notice anything different. Instead, Amber's story will unfold as strange things are starting to happen in South America, at the same time that we see what Hei's and Bai's normal life is like. Then Hell's Gate appears and everything changes for all of them. (I really hate the idea of following just Hei and Bai at first, then introducing Amber as we know her in South America - that makes her less of a major character in her own right and more of a female character who only exists in relation to her interaction with the major male character - boo sexism).
I guess if people don't like it, they can skip ahead a few chapters =P
As an aside, there was one detail in that scene that I thought would catch people's attention right away, but only optimustaud commented on it...either no one else noticed, or just no one else mentioned it. Hm.
Anyway, thanks again for all your feedback, it was certainly helpful! Hopefully my mental vision will make more sense once I actually start publishing chapters...
Addressing #1 first - this actually surprised me. I thought that I included enough hints, but apparently not. The hard part though is the fact that we know nothing about Amber before she becomes a contractor - so what would make it more obvious who she is? A little later on I have a character comment that her eyes look amber-colored; that was going to be the 'gimme' line for everyone who hadn't figured it out by then. But maybe I should do some editing and try to get that line moved up earlier...or at least shorten the first two scenes so that it gets included in the first chapter (which at this point would be over 5000 words - longer than I like to post...). In any case, her human personality will share some similarities with her contractor personality, but won't be exactly the same, because she still has all her emotions in the beginning.
About 2, flashbacks - that isn't going to work. On a couple of levels. First, one of my inspirations for writing this prequel is to explore Amber's character. I want her to have an actual character arc, with a beginning, middle, and end. What was she like before becoming a contractor? How does that change the way she interacts with the world, and her relationships with people she cares/cared about? How does she discover her power? And more importantly, how does she get on MI-6's radar and how do governments learn who and what contractors are, and decide how to use them? These are all questions that are best addressed via Amber's POV and it's important then to start her story before she changes. (We will get a little of this from Bai's story, but I'm going to use Bai mostly to show how Hei changes, rather than the world around them).
In a way, Amber is going to have two arcs: human to contractor, then contractor to emotional contractor. Another problem with telling her human back story as flashbacks when she starts changing is that, once she's a contractor, who cares about her past? We won't have any investment in her as a human, and we won't care about the fact that she became a contractor, just that she is, if that makes any sense. Why stop the action in the present and interrupt her growing relationship with Hei to show what she used to be like? If, on the other hand, we already know her back story, then I can reference that with just a line or two without having to jump into a lengthy explanation, and we'll see little hints that she's starting to regain some of her humanity that way (in addition to how her interactions with Hei and their team change).
And I will admit, I got a little carried away with Amber's story - but I really like it, and I think it'll do a good job of getting her in touch with MI-6 as soon as possible without being too boring.
I am approaching this more like a book than like a fan fiction...and I get that fans already have their own ideas and expectations, which is one reason why this story is making me nervous. But I think that if I start out with a Hei chapter, then re-work Amber's a little bit and make sure that her first chapter ends where it's obvious that it's Amber and that things are about to get interesting - it'll work.
Anyway, that scene I posted takes place the night that Heaven's Gate appears - a blurb at the beginning will let readers know that something funky is going on, and Amber will be affected by it in an obvious way. BUT, she doesn't become a contractor right away - partly so that she has to make an important decision while she is still human (this will be important for her overall character arc), and also because, I forget which episode it's in, but they state that Heaven's Gate appears first, then Hell's Gate a week later, then contractors appear. And realistically (as in, pretending that this is something that could happen and then thinking about how it could happen) that does make sense.
I like the idea of the slow build-up, instead of BAM! Gates and contractors! That's just...inadequate, IMHO (and may be part of why, to my knowledge, there are no complete, serial stories about the appearance of the Gates and Heaven's War; it's complicated, and to do it justice you really have to start before then. One-shots and overviews are a lot easier because you don't have to fill in as many gaps).
Also, I can't write the stars disappearing from both Hei's and Amber's POVs, because they're on opposite sides of the planet and it's not night for them both at the same time. So, Hei could watch the stars vanish, but for Amber it would be morning already and she wouldn't notice anything different. Instead, Amber's story will unfold as strange things are starting to happen in South America, at the same time that we see what Hei's and Bai's normal life is like. Then Hell's Gate appears and everything changes for all of them. (I really hate the idea of following just Hei and Bai at first, then introducing Amber as we know her in South America - that makes her less of a major character in her own right and more of a female character who only exists in relation to her interaction with the major male character - boo sexism).
I guess if people don't like it, they can skip ahead a few chapters =P
As an aside, there was one detail in that scene that I thought would catch people's attention right away, but only optimustaud commented on it...either no one else noticed, or just no one else mentioned it. Hm.
Anyway, thanks again for all your feedback, it was certainly helpful! Hopefully my mental vision will make more sense once I actually start publishing chapters...