CROSS LEGACY; 3.1
Eons ago, four kids went to college. Three went on to lead happy, successful lives.
...and then there was Jason.
Jason: I'M HEIR?!? OH GOD WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?
Welcome to the real world, bbgirl.
Never fear, though, your mother lookalike and her ovaries are here to help you soothe your chagrin.
And also to annoy the everliving fuck out of your mother.
Who am I kidding? PROCREATE, MY LOVELIES.
Pippa: Where are your breasts?
Pippa: You're kidding, right? My son isn't even MAN enough to score a woman who's graduated out of her trainers?
Pippa: LOLOL srsly. Out.
You guys. Really. I don't believe you've even been properly introduced and you're already at each other's necks.
Everyone except David rolled wants for a pet, so the family adopted a puppy.
Sarah's completely ecstatic about this. Just remember, you were the one whose wants were dominated by obtaining a pet, so don't bitch when you have to go pick it up.
Oh. :(
Miscarriage. I'd almost feel for ya, but.
Well, but. And Jason's trying to cheer you up, too.
But when God closes a door, somewhere Xenu opens a window. And by "Xenu" I mean that one telescope hack, sorry to disappoint.
I never really noticed until I was staring at this picture for a few seconds: really? Ass first? Come on, my alien friends, be more subtle than that!
This is what I'd do if a relative of mine was being sucked up by a UFO. Oh, totally.
Sarah: Well, now that my husband's been pulled out of my life...
Sarah: Wait, why is he looking at her like that, huh?!
Pippa: So you know that one kid I had, right? You're never going to believe this...
Pippa: ...SHE GREW UP!!!
David: *aghast* No. WAY.
Sarah's pretty pissed that she's missing out on all the latest juicy gossip.
Oh, wait, maybe she's just having an anxiety attack.
Yeah, let's go with that.
wb Jase!
Why the face? Are you completely horrified at what's been done to you or shocked that nobody honestly cared that you were gone?
Sarah: Ohay guise what's goin down? *COCKBLOCKS*
Sarah: I'M WATCHING YOU.
Sarah: DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU IN BED WITH MY MAN AGAIN.
Sarah: Hello, by the way.
And in desperation of her not-aspiration, she begins some bitchfit.
Sarah: What do you say we have a little party while she's in the bathroom?
Yeah, this is a pretty regular occurrence with this family.
Pippa's choke-a-bitch senses are tingling.
They also make her see through walls.
/groooooaaaan.
Sarah and David only move the party outdoors anyway.
Sarah: WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE HOT, CHEATING ON HIM WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF HE WAS UGLY AS SIN.
I really should've rolled her a second aspiration, because apparently every townie's second is romance by default. Way to ruin the neighborhood, Pippa.
...and after this I finally got to doing it and she came up with pleasure.
Sarah: Now that I'm married, we can't be lovers anymore.
Good. GOOD.
Manpop.
And suddenly Jason is the hottest thing in the world.
I mean, he's this hot.
So hot that you have to throw up your insides.
You can't do that outside of the bathroom?
Two pregnant sims! Oh how fun!!
At least he won't be pregnant for that much longer.
Jason's bump isn't what got Sarah up though.
Because HOLY CRAP, there's a fire OUTSIDE, YA'LL.
David...doesn't know what to do with himself.
Jason: You've noticed how GARGANTUAN my rocket is, right?
Sarah: Please, if it was that big I wouldn't have attempted to cheat on you in the first place.
I hope your kids don't pick up your tabble manners.
Or yours, for that matter.
Here are the crosses, trying to pretend that they are, in fact, sane.
Are you gossiping or are you bragging?
Awwww.
AND IT'S BABY TIME, EVERYONE!
Today's labor will be accompanied by Pippa singing her rendition of 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' on the karaoke machine.
Sarah: IS THIS WOMAN FUCKING INSANE?
Sadly, she probably is.
It's a girl, Stephanie with brown hair. And no, Jason, if you avert your eyes she won't go away.
Sarah: Men in labor...that's hot...my husband's father...that's hot...ooh, dilemma...!
Jason: Just take the damn kid already, woman.
Because, of course, it's twins.
Another girl, Nell. This one has black hair. Not brown, thank ye gods.
Sarah: *sulks* I was supposed to do something with this, right? Why me?
.....................no. Nononono please. D:
I love how Pippa hasn't even acknowledged the fact that her son has just had a pair of green-skinned babies.
Anyways, just kidding! He gave Nell to David because Jason is that lazy. Fantastic father he'll be.
David: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS? NO, I'M DONE WITH PARENTING!
David: YOU TAKE IT BACK.
David, honey, you might as well have just put her on the floor.
Sarah: I HATE THIS FAMILY.
Pippa: ...looked at my kingdom, I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air!
/badum-ching.
Like any proud father would do as soon as his little ones were born, Jason breaks out the MP3 player.
Sarah shirks all parental responsibility to join her husband using her ~INVISIBLE~ player.
The puppy grew up. It's been so long since I've played this that I forgot its name. :/
Jason: Something smells pretty RANK out here.
Fatherhood's already making you sweat profusely, eh?
:| Those things behind you; they're not decoration.
Stephanie: BUT WHY WON'T ANYONE BATHE ME? D:
That crib is decoration as well.
Parenting, you guys. Learn it.
Ugh, Sarah's turn. You guys so aren't ready for this.
It's a boy, Matthew, dark blue eyes, brown hair, s1 I think.
Dumping the problem on the unwitting grandpa again, huh?
And what fun would it be if the pregnancy didn't result in twins?
A girl, Bellamy, same colorings as her bro.
Jason: HELL YEAH, MOOOOAAR!
Jason: HUNH. HOO-AHH.
Jason and Sarah proceed with celebratory sex.
Pippa and David are stuck with parenting duty.
Pippa: NOT. AGAINNNNN!
David: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORRRRRRRRRRREEEEE!
Maid: ........
Where are the adults, he's probably asking himself. One's at work, and that's understandable. The others?
It's like a freaking virus, I swear.
B-day tiems for the aliens.
BLOODY GUMS er Nell.
Stephanie saves us the sight of the inside of her mouth.
With matching makeovers:
The ability for them to crawl is just one more excuse the Cross adults would use to leave them alone.
This. This will go over very well.
Have some doggie + toddler spam:
/spam
dundunduuuuuuuuunnnnn! :O
Sarah: I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR A FEW WEEKS AND YOU GO RUN BACK TO HER?!?
Pippa: Hay gurrrl, sup? :D/
Sarah: YOU CHEATING BASTARD WHO ISN'T EVEN MINE! /bitchslaps
I like this picture a lot. idk why, but it's a good shot to end with anyway. As opposed to the cheesy Friday afternoon soap opera type cliffhanger going on with David and Sarah.