"The Choices of Spirits"
Title: "The Choices of Spirits"
Author: dawn_felagund
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Heterosexual sex, violence, and mature themes, including discussions of death
Summary: Caranthir falls in love with Haleth of the Edain, and their lives--and fates--become forever entwined. This story examines the AU relationship between Caranthir and Haleth and how it might have ( Read more... )
Author: dawn_felagund
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Heterosexual sex, violence, and mature themes, including discussions of death
Summary: Caranthir falls in love with Haleth of the Edain, and their lives--and fates--become forever entwined. This story examines the AU relationship between Caranthir and Haleth and how it might have ( Read more... )
But I was alone, walking in the forest beneath autumnal leaves aflame with color-a beautiful death, I’d always thought, even in the north of Valinor where death was supposed to be unknown. I had gone walking on a whim, having bidden farewell to Celegorm and Curufin three days prior and already bored with silence and long-neglected paperwork: lonely, if I was being honest with myself. Why don’t you marry? came the frequent question. Why do you live alone?
I thought mentioning the autumnal leaves was so appropriate here, just before mentioning the effect of Haleth’s death upon Caranthir. It just puts the reader right in the mood for what is to follow.
The following descriptions of his pain are so real that it tears one’s heart, and makes the ending all the more poignant.
In agony, in the forest aflame with beautiful death, I wept that day, for her. For even as I knew this moment had been coming from the moment we’d first met, I had not been prepared for it. I’d expected pain, not emptiness. Pain I’d known; pain could be dulled with drink and sleep as thick, black, and clinging as the mud of fens. But emptiness was different; emptiness infected every last ounce of one’s being until all of which one could think was filling the void…only for me, that void could never be filled.
I wept long that day, gouging my own flesh with my fingernails, making pain to forget the emptiness. What I would have given to have seized Time by his scruffy neck and jerked him backward, to hold him in place and time long ago that should never have ended. But I could not. My scrabbling hands found only empty air. Even my father-a genius heartbroken over the loss of my mother-had not been able to reverse time, and he’d certainly tried. Fool of me to think that I-one of his lesser sons-would be able to accomplish what he could not by strength of will alone!
I just love the part where Caranthir rubs Maedhros’ “phantom hand” to get rid of the “shadow-pain”. What a lovely word to describe the loss of a part of yourself. And again, it fits so well with the same sense of pain that Caranthir feels at the end when she dies and he can’t stand the loss.
But nothing-no one-answered me, and the empty place remained inside of me. I waited for the strangling grip of grief to seize me anew-almost I wanted it to, for it seemed right that I should mourn her, my wife-but it did not return, and wondered: Had that strange touch like a kiss inoculated me against grief? Had it been her?
Madness.
Their separation was heart wrenching, after the sweet and tender descriptions of their lovemaking. What an awesome couple they make!
I love the way the story then eases itself into the supernatural. The way that you have imagined bringing them together in the end is amazing-it’s just brilliant. And so horribly sad, when Caranthir severs his connection to Mandos-but so sweet, too-because his spirit can be with Haleth’s forever.
I loved it, Dawn. I’m doing my own romance story about them. As I said before, they lend themselves so well to romance!
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The following descriptions of his pain are so real that it tears one’s heart, and makes the ending all the more poignant.
Emotions as strong as grief are so hard to write, so I was really worried about making this work. It's so easy to fall back on cliche and melodrama, and I hope that I haven't done that.
I just love the part where Caranthir rubs Maedhros’ “phantom hand” to get rid of the “shadow-pain”.
I remember being young--elementary-school age--and reading a biography about a little girl who had bone cancer and had to have her leg amputated. She experienced very severe phantom pain after the operation, but her family discovered that by rubbing and massaging the missing leg, it went away. I hope that she does not mind that I've borrowed her experiences for this story! :)
The bit about pain and loss being in the mind, of course, comes from me being a biopsych nerd. I'm discovering that although my degree doesn't come with any suitable employment options, it makes for good ideas when writing!
And so horribly sad, when Caranthir severs his connection to Mandos-but so sweet, too-because his spirit can be with Haleth’s forever.
Even though I'm not too fond of Arwen and Luthien, this aspect of their story has always struck me: making the choice between forsaking all of their people--including their families--or losing the one they love. I can imagine the choice for Caranthir, to leave behind his brothers and his father and his mother...or lose Haleth. I don't think that I will ever perfectly capture the nature of that choice in words, but I shall keep trying.
(Of course, you know better than most my obsession with this idea: After all, I do the same thing to Felak in my Midhavens stories. ;^D)
I loved it, Dawn. I’m doing my own romance story about them. As I said before, they lend themselves so well to romance!
I can't wait to read your story! Hurry home, Vana! :^D (Of course, that means that I'll have to finish her story too.... o.O)
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It deserves a MEFA nomination! Do you mind if I do that? There are - what - three or four days left to do so? I still have some nomination room!
I remember being young--elementary-school age--and reading a biography about a little girl who had bone cancer and had to have her leg amputated. She experienced very severe phantom pain after the operation, but her family discovered that by rubbing and massaging the missing leg, it went away. I hope that she does not mind that I've borrowed her experiences for this story! :)
I remember reading something like that as well! It is a fascinating subject - one of the many mysteries of medicine!
Even though I'm not too fond of Arwen and Luthien, this aspect of their story has always struck me: making the choice between forsaking all of their people--including their families--or losing the one they love. I can imagine the choice for Caranthir, to leave behind his brothers and his father and his mother...or lose Haleth. I don't think that I will ever perfectly capture the nature of that choice in words, but I shall keep trying.
(Of course, you know better than most my obsession with this idea: After all, I do the same thing to Felak in my Midhavens stories. ;^D)
Yes, I agree that the choices that both Arwen and Luthien made to pick the man they loved over family were probably the most fascinating things about them. Otherwise - *yawn*. (Hee Hee) (Arwen and Luthien fangurls don't hit me!)
You do the same thing to Felak? What do you mean? In the "real" story that you've written? Or in the one we fool around with? Are you talking about Talbie? In his case, Felak chose 'family' over love. Not that we know if Felak actually feels anything of a romantic love for Talbie since he didn't say. Or do you mean that in your story Felak does eventually choose love over family? But it isn't Talbie, is it? Talbie wants to know! Talbie needs to know!
I can't wait to read your story! Hurry home, Vana! :^D (Of course, that means that I'll have to finish her story too.... o.O)
You're writing another story for Vana? Is this one about Caranthir too? Mine is het (of course) and I'm trying to make it more romantic than sexy, although sex is in it, of course. ;-}
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It deserves a MEFA nomination! Do you mind if I do that?
I would be honored if you want to do this. :)
I remember reading something like that as well! It is a fascinating subject - one of the many mysteries of medicine!
We studied it quite a bit in physiological psych. Apparently, there are regions of the brain "mapped" to each body part. When a limb is removed, it's spot on the brain remains, so the mind can convince the body that it feels something in that limb. That's also a theory for why some people have foot fetishes: the foot and the genitals are mapped next to each other and some of the neurons from the foot-region spill over onto more exciting spots. ;) Sorry to ramble, but I just figured that that was something that would amuse you!
You do the same thing to Felak? What do you mean?
He's immortal, I give him a mortal wife...and I kill her before she can become immortal with him. Now he's one of the few immortals left in a mortal world, so he must resign himself to love and lose or never love again. So it's not exactly the same, but it's along the same lines...without the "easy out" of being able to switch fates, like Luthien and Arwen do. Actually, I'm not wholly decided how I will reconcile this dilemma for Felak...if at all.
You're writing another story for Vana? Is this one about Caranthir too? Mine is het (of course) and I'm trying to make it more romantic than sexy, although sex is in it, of course. ;-}
Yep, it's also about Caranthir. She asked me for a story about Caranthir and the sea, so I'm working on something kind of weird, kind of supernatural, about how Caranthir found connection to the sea.
There's sex in yours? *pretends to be shocked* :^P Unfortunately, I think mine's destined to be a nice, safe PG!
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I would be honored if you want to do this. :)
Okay, I'm going to do it.
I just had to log out Meryth to reply to this. How annoying. :^P
Oh goody! Is Meryth writing another journal entry?
He's immortal, I give him a mortal wife...and I kill her before she can become immortal with him.
Oh, yes, Talbie says he forgot about Felak's Stupid!Wife.
Yep, it's also about Caranthir. She asked me for a story about Caranthir and the sea, so I'm working on something kind of weird, kind of supernatural, about how Caranthir found connection to the sea.
Awesome! Caranthir is quickly becoming my next sexual-object-of-desire-of-the-Fëanorions!!!
There's sex in yours? *pretends to be shocked* :^P
Not yet! But I'm intending to put it in.
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