[the_muses_stage] 24 - Fragile
(Sam is imnot_likeyou. I apologize if you find songfics lame, I couldn't help it when I listened to this one.)
i'm looking through you, where did you go
i thought i knew you, what did I know
you don't look different, but you have changed
i'm looking through you, you're not the same
Dean stood across from Sam and watched his brother's face. Words lingered in the air. A part of Dean wanted it to sting Sam the way he had stung so much lately, but that part of him that always wanted to protect Sam argued against it. And then a third voice jumped in, reminding him that things were different. That Sam had made things different.
His eyes closed, before opening and dropping to the ground. He turned his back to Sam and went to get in the car.
your lips are moving, i cannot hear
your voice is soothing, but the words aren't clear
you don't sound different, i've learned the game.
i'm looking through you, you're not the same
"Dean?"
"What?" A young Dean looked over at an even younger Sam.
"Did Mom and Dad ever used to fight?"
Dean's small shoulders shrugged. "Not much."
"Never?" Sam tilted his head, watching the motel TV. The parents on the show were arguing.
"I don't know," he replied, getting slightly exasperated. "Why?"
"Because. I like to think they never fought."
Dean snorted. "Everyone argues, Sammy. It just happens. If Mom and Dad did argue...doesn't mean they didn't love each other."
"Yeah...I guess so." Sam moved back to laying on his stomach on the bed and watched the TV a bit longer, then he glanced over to his brother again. "Dean?"
"What?"
"Does that mean that when we fight you still love me?"
you're thinking of me, the same old way
you were above me, but not today
the only difference is you're down there
i'm looking through you, and you're nowhere
Lights passed over Dean as he drove quietly. No radio. Just him, the road, and silence. He glanced to the seat where Sam was sleeping. Or if he wasn't sleeping, he had been pretending to for awhile by then. Either way, it made the silence less awkward.
He sighed and ran a hand over his face, shaking slightly to get his attention back on the road. Things would be better in the morning. Dean would make sure of it. He was great at pretending after all, and it would be best for both of them.
He could feel Sam, the smaller, more innocent Sam, around him. Yeah, he was going crazy. Or maybe he was too tired, or just stuck in the memories. Times that were a hell of a lot easier, and when Dean the knew answers to everything better. Or at least when he was better at faking the answer. Now...he didn't know how much energy he had left for faking.
Dean still wanted to blame himself. Still wanted to figure out where he went wrong, and how that had made Sam do the things he had done. Acted the way he had acted. But Dean was tired. He was more tired than he had ever been in his life, and he just couldn't blame Sam's problems on himself anymore. He wanted to be cut a break.
He sighed and shook his head. Of course he still loved his brother. It just...wasn't the same. And when he blinked next, he didn't feel that younger Sammy there anymore. And that only made the night ever quieter.
i'm looking through you, where did you go
i thought i knew you, what did i know
you don't look different, but you have changed
i'm looking through you, you're not the same
"I'm Looking Through You" by The Beatles
472 (without lyrics)
i'm looking through you, where did you go
i thought i knew you, what did I know
you don't look different, but you have changed
i'm looking through you, you're not the same
Dean stood across from Sam and watched his brother's face. Words lingered in the air. A part of Dean wanted it to sting Sam the way he had stung so much lately, but that part of him that always wanted to protect Sam argued against it. And then a third voice jumped in, reminding him that things were different. That Sam had made things different.
His eyes closed, before opening and dropping to the ground. He turned his back to Sam and went to get in the car.
your lips are moving, i cannot hear
your voice is soothing, but the words aren't clear
you don't sound different, i've learned the game.
i'm looking through you, you're not the same
"Dean?"
"What?" A young Dean looked over at an even younger Sam.
"Did Mom and Dad ever used to fight?"
Dean's small shoulders shrugged. "Not much."
"Never?" Sam tilted his head, watching the motel TV. The parents on the show were arguing.
"I don't know," he replied, getting slightly exasperated. "Why?"
"Because. I like to think they never fought."
Dean snorted. "Everyone argues, Sammy. It just happens. If Mom and Dad did argue...doesn't mean they didn't love each other."
"Yeah...I guess so." Sam moved back to laying on his stomach on the bed and watched the TV a bit longer, then he glanced over to his brother again. "Dean?"
"What?"
"Does that mean that when we fight you still love me?"
you're thinking of me, the same old way
you were above me, but not today
the only difference is you're down there
i'm looking through you, and you're nowhere
Lights passed over Dean as he drove quietly. No radio. Just him, the road, and silence. He glanced to the seat where Sam was sleeping. Or if he wasn't sleeping, he had been pretending to for awhile by then. Either way, it made the silence less awkward.
He sighed and ran a hand over his face, shaking slightly to get his attention back on the road. Things would be better in the morning. Dean would make sure of it. He was great at pretending after all, and it would be best for both of them.
He could feel Sam, the smaller, more innocent Sam, around him. Yeah, he was going crazy. Or maybe he was too tired, or just stuck in the memories. Times that were a hell of a lot easier, and when Dean the knew answers to everything better. Or at least when he was better at faking the answer. Now...he didn't know how much energy he had left for faking.
Dean still wanted to blame himself. Still wanted to figure out where he went wrong, and how that had made Sam do the things he had done. Acted the way he had acted. But Dean was tired. He was more tired than he had ever been in his life, and he just couldn't blame Sam's problems on himself anymore. He wanted to be cut a break.
He sighed and shook his head. Of course he still loved his brother. It just...wasn't the same. And when he blinked next, he didn't feel that younger Sammy there anymore. And that only made the night ever quieter.
i'm looking through you, where did you go
i thought i knew you, what did i know
you don't look different, but you have changed
i'm looking through you, you're not the same
"I'm Looking Through You" by The Beatles
472 (without lyrics)