I shot for the sky. I'm stuck on the ground. So why do I try? I know I'm gonna fall down
Thought Du Jour
Learn to be what you are and learn to resign with good grace all that your are not.
With everything going on in this world, it certainly makes me feel like I don't really have the right to complain about the little things in life. Yet here I am taking some time out of my day to rant. I can't help what I feel, but it doesn't mean I can't have an outlet to let it all out. I don't really have anyone to confide in. It's a trust issue. I can't even open up entirely to my closest friends since I hold seeds of doubt. There was pretty fine example of that earlier today, but I won't go into that. To get things out of my chest, I choose to write to get it all out, and that's what I did last night. I wrote a huge long private/locked entry just complaining. It didn't quite do the trick, because my problems still exist... and I haven't quite figured out a way to bury it. At least it's sorta out there and gave me more time to think about the issue as I was typing away. Someday I'll look back and laugh at how silly I'm being right now. Until I reach that point, this still feels rather significant right now.
You know how they say 'fake it til you make it'? If you pretend that everything is okay, then you'll actually start believing it. Problem is, if everyone thinks you're fine, no one is going to ask what's wrong nor would they care. For the last little while, I've been putting on this facade and it seemed to be doing the trick. I was simply distracting myself. Trying to block certain thoughts out of my mind. I even took part in my friends' silly gossipy shenanigans just to steer away from thinking about what I'm feeling on the inside. Of course, avoidance isn't the best solution, but it's a pretty good temporary bandage. Even then, I'm feeling like I'm living a lie and I don't think I can put up with the fake smiles much longer.
I know this makes me sound like I'm depressed or something but that's not the case. I'm still a normal functioning individual in society. I'm just bummed with a certain situation/scenario in my life. Let's just say that this has become a regular occurrence in my life. When certain disappointing things occur, we simply accept the fact in good graces and move on. Sometimes we may also learn about what went wrong and perhaps make an effort to avoid such disappointments again. I try to make adjustments to avoid encountering the scenario again, but here I am. It's getting to a point where it is just simply frustrating. It seems as though this whole thing has become a vicious cycle and now I'm sitting here wondering when will the trend break? I know I'm being really vague here, but I really don't feel like sharing every little detail to the world. Let's just say that whatever I am chasing, always seems to be out of reach. It's so close yet so far away. It's getting to a point where I'm starting to ask 'why am I even trying?' when it seems as though it's always going to be just a little beyond me.
I tend to use self-depreciating humour a lot and it's starting to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps I should consider stopping that. It was all in an effort to laugh at myself, to create something funny out of a really unfunny situation. So all I hold onto now is hope. Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope that my problems will be resolved someday. Hope that I can finally obtain what I've been searching for.
There was a point in my life a few years back when I started wondering about my path when I kept encountering road blocks everywhere. Eventually things did work out... to a certain degree. So here I am, sitting here waiting for something better...waiting for something more.
I was asked today whether I believe in fate or destiny. I used to hate that question. I really want to believe that I have control of my life and not have to live out some plan. There are many times I resisted or tried to take things in my own hands but life somehow drew me into another direction. The way I see it is that if I'm not happy with what's in front of me, shouldn't I be at least making the effort to change it?
I can't help how I feel, but I can control what I can do about it. This time, I choose to do nothing. Just go with the flow. Maybe if I'm not trying hard to resist what's put up in front of me, perhaps the right things will come into place on its own someday.
Learn to be what you are and learn to resign with good grace all that your are not.
With everything going on in this world, it certainly makes me feel like I don't really have the right to complain about the little things in life. Yet here I am taking some time out of my day to rant. I can't help what I feel, but it doesn't mean I can't have an outlet to let it all out. I don't really have anyone to confide in. It's a trust issue. I can't even open up entirely to my closest friends since I hold seeds of doubt. There was pretty fine example of that earlier today, but I won't go into that. To get things out of my chest, I choose to write to get it all out, and that's what I did last night. I wrote a huge long private/locked entry just complaining. It didn't quite do the trick, because my problems still exist... and I haven't quite figured out a way to bury it. At least it's sorta out there and gave me more time to think about the issue as I was typing away. Someday I'll look back and laugh at how silly I'm being right now. Until I reach that point, this still feels rather significant right now.
You know how they say 'fake it til you make it'? If you pretend that everything is okay, then you'll actually start believing it. Problem is, if everyone thinks you're fine, no one is going to ask what's wrong nor would they care. For the last little while, I've been putting on this facade and it seemed to be doing the trick. I was simply distracting myself. Trying to block certain thoughts out of my mind. I even took part in my friends' silly gossipy shenanigans just to steer away from thinking about what I'm feeling on the inside. Of course, avoidance isn't the best solution, but it's a pretty good temporary bandage. Even then, I'm feeling like I'm living a lie and I don't think I can put up with the fake smiles much longer.
I know this makes me sound like I'm depressed or something but that's not the case. I'm still a normal functioning individual in society. I'm just bummed with a certain situation/scenario in my life. Let's just say that this has become a regular occurrence in my life. When certain disappointing things occur, we simply accept the fact in good graces and move on. Sometimes we may also learn about what went wrong and perhaps make an effort to avoid such disappointments again. I try to make adjustments to avoid encountering the scenario again, but here I am. It's getting to a point where it is just simply frustrating. It seems as though this whole thing has become a vicious cycle and now I'm sitting here wondering when will the trend break? I know I'm being really vague here, but I really don't feel like sharing every little detail to the world. Let's just say that whatever I am chasing, always seems to be out of reach. It's so close yet so far away. It's getting to a point where I'm starting to ask 'why am I even trying?' when it seems as though it's always going to be just a little beyond me.
I tend to use self-depreciating humour a lot and it's starting to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps I should consider stopping that. It was all in an effort to laugh at myself, to create something funny out of a really unfunny situation. So all I hold onto now is hope. Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope that my problems will be resolved someday. Hope that I can finally obtain what I've been searching for.
There was a point in my life a few years back when I started wondering about my path when I kept encountering road blocks everywhere. Eventually things did work out... to a certain degree. So here I am, sitting here waiting for something better...waiting for something more.
I was asked today whether I believe in fate or destiny. I used to hate that question. I really want to believe that I have control of my life and not have to live out some plan. There are many times I resisted or tried to take things in my own hands but life somehow drew me into another direction. The way I see it is that if I'm not happy with what's in front of me, shouldn't I be at least making the effort to change it?
I can't help how I feel, but I can control what I can do about it. This time, I choose to do nothing. Just go with the flow. Maybe if I'm not trying hard to resist what's put up in front of me, perhaps the right things will come into place on its own someday.