A Love That Can Never Be
Title: A Love That Can Never Be
Author: silverysalt
Pairing: Key x Taemin
Genre: Angst
Rating: G
Summary: When SHINee first deputed Key and Taemin became close very fast. But things change as time goes buy and to his horror Key notices that his feelings have turned from innocent into something much more.
Disclaimer: Do you I even need to say that I don’t own SHINee?
Warnings: un-betad and it’s my first fic
a/n: I dreamed this story this morning. There are several things that could be better, but it’s my first fic, so please bear with me.
Comments would be truly appreciated. [I’m so nervous]
My inspiration for Taemin's character 1 and 2
All the members of SHINee were affectionate, sharing little touches and innocent hugs. When the homesickness got the best of them they would sleep next to each other, feeling safe for at least a moment in their hectic and confusing new world.
When SHINee first deputed, Key and Taemin became close very fast. The youngest was sweet and innocent, nervous at interviews and in need of attention at the dorm. He missed his parents and his older brother a lot. Key missed his family too and took Taemin as a replacement for his younger sister. He would pamper Taemin, cook for him, compliment him on his dance moves, encourage him whenever he needed it. Whenever he heard Taemin cry himself to sleep he would get up from his bed and move to sleep next to the other. It wasn’t just a one-way street though. When Key was crying at night, Taemin would come and wrap his skinny arms around his waist and pull him close. At first Key felt a bit embarrassed to be comforted by someone younger than him, but he would gradually calm down and fall asleep in Taemins arms.
Taking care of others came naturally to Key and even though he distributed his attention pretty equally among all the members Taemin always got a little extra. The pair of them were close, like a mother and a son.
But things change as time goes by. Taemin was crowing up and he no more needed all of the love and care he was getting from Key. Taemin and Key stopped sharing a bed for the night.
It seemed that Taemin couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be seen as a boy or as a growing man. He wanted to still be a kid, with no responsibilities, but at the same time he didn’t want to be seen as only a cute little boy.
In the end it was not Taemin who was changing, it was Key himself. They times he would catch himself staring at the younger one became more frequent, his touches ever more affectionate. He could barely take Taemins cute acts without squealing out loud and letting the whole world to see how he felt for the other. Taemins cuteness what not what made Keys feelings to turn from innocent into something much more. Taemins body language changed from boyish to manly. The way he sat, he way he walked, confidentially and relaxed. Key could not resist it. Confusing enough, Key wanted Taemin to take care of him. He was convinced that he would feel safe in Taemins arms. Key might have looked tough and strong, but really he just wanted someone to cuddle him and care for him. The cool cat was really just a tiny kitten.
It became really difficult for Key to act normal around the younger. The longing hurt his heart and it made him sad when he could not express his feelings. The closeness they once shared died down, the touches became empty and meaningless, only done for the sake of their fans.
When Key couldn’t go to Taemin anymore, he turned to Onew first. He would sit next to Onew on his bed and place a soft peck on the older one’s cheek. Onew would blush and smile earnestly up to Kibum with eyes that turned into beautiful slits. He would pad Kibum’s knee clumsily, causing the other one to huff, place his forehead against the older one’s shoulder and mutter an affectionate “idiot.” Onew was not the one to get what cuddling was all about.
Where Onew was a passive, Jonghyun was active. Key had to only touch his forearm slightly to have the other take his hand, wrap his arm around his hip and pull him in for a hug. Jonghyun loved to show his affection and was not afraid of kinship. Key liked the attention, but sometimes when Key would go sleep next to Jonghyun just to wake up with the other stroking his sides and trying to get under his shirt, kissing his neck and whispering “ou girl…” into his ear with a hot breath, he would quickly get off of Jonghyuns arms and stumble to his own bed.
Key would keep on cuddling with Jonghyun, but after being taken as a girl for several times Key stopped sleeping next to Jonghyun. As his last option Key turned to Minho. He didn’t particularly like the idea, but he was getting despaired. Minho never pushed him away, put he made clear that the hugs they shared were just out of brotherly love. Onew was always too oblivious and Jonghyun too busy to understand that Key was gay. Minho wasn’t so blind and Key was worried that Minho might start hating and avoiding him.
One day they were walking at the back stage, surrounded by several people. Key was deep in his thought when he felt a hand on his arm. He lifted his gaze from the ground to see Minho nod towards a guy who was walking past them and lift his eyebrow questioningly. Key was confused for a moment, before an understanding smile spread on his face and he nodded just slightly. Minhos smile got wider and he nudged against Key’s arm only to get punched lightly by the other one. Surely the passerby had not been his ideal type, but quite cute nonetheless. From that day on Key knew that Minho was okay with him being gay and that the other would always be there for him no matter what.
After going a full circle things had not changed at all. Taemin still made his heart beat faster, made him want to get close to the other and cuddle. Key’s mood sank with every passing day. He knew that his feelings were doomed to never be recognised.
They got home late one night after a busy schedule and extra practice. Key was so exhausted he felt like crying. All the public appearances, extra practices and his situation with Teamin started to take their toll on him. He really needed a hug.
He wrapped his arms around Jonghyun and gave him a quick, but tight hug, before turning to Onew and then to Minho. Those hugs were brief, but full of emotion. He hesitated a bit when it came time to hug the youngest. Taemin didn’t give him time to think, let alone escape.
The blonde wrapped his still skinny arms around Kibum and pulled him close. Key felt Onew and Minho pass them and take Jonghyun with them when the three left them alone in the entrance hall.
Keys hands wrapped around the fabric of Teamins t-shirt along his sides and pressed his face against Taemins chest as his shoulders started to move to the silent sobs. Taemin let out a deep sigh and started stroking Keys back with slow, calming motions. A few tears escaped Keys eyes leaving dark spots on the light green of Teamins shirt.
Key made his heart let go of the other along with the crib of his hands. Teamins hands moved to Keys arms as the older pulled away to make space between them. Without looking up Key turned on his heals and walked into the bedroom, his whole form screaming pain and sorrow. Taemin was left alone in the hall.
Had Key looked up he would have seen the happy shine in Taemins eyes turn into deep, dark pain.