*Ahem* This is why you don't do crackfic kids. Also the story of how Moosey banned me from MSPaint
This is a story. A horribly bad written, on purposely AWFUL, tongue-in-cheek lulz at the fail, lulz more at the stick figures.... Smoker/Ace story.
Alas, it is not even Smoker/Ace... for it is... The Adventure of Chaser and Trace. Once upon at time there was a Smoker fangirl named Silver (who had a brother named Moosey who tried to be the voice of sanity) and an evil dubbing corporation called 4Kids. Upon the destruction of her favorite character, Silver snapped slightly. Rather horribly. Her brother tried to salvage the pieces, but alas it was too late.
THIS. Is the results.
WARNING FOR BRAIN-HURTING CRACK, TRAUMA, SQUICK-OUT, and everything that you ever hated about 4Kids except for Sanji's lollipop. ♥ You've been warned~
Author's Preamble: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do and I'm sorry that I don't have the will to stop it from happening. I'm sorry to all my friends, my family (especially Moosey though it really is his fault), everyone I know, everyone who's ever met me in passing, and all the people who don't know me yet. I'm sorry to everyone who will ever possibly hear of this and all of you without the sense/too much curiosity to leave yet. I'm sorry to Shounen Jump, Toei, all the JVAs, every artist, producer, and editor who worked on the One Piece original. I'm SO sorry to Smoker and Ace and MOST OF ALL sorry to Eiichiro Oda because it really shouldn't have come this far. I am not however, sorry to 4Kids, because they brought this on themselves and you all know it. (*Moosey breaks out into songs from Chicago*) And I'm only MILDLY sorry to Viz because I half-blame them too. And hypothetically you'd think my conscience would stop me but it seems to feel they have it coming too. And I'm also REALLY sorry that my drawings are so bad, but trust me... they're not meant to be good. And finally; no I don't actually think Smoker and Ace are like this but I have come to the realization that Chaser and Trace are not the same people.
Moosey: Don't do it Silver!!! This is not the way!
Silver: I have to, Moosey. I have to know why!
Moosey: This solves NOTHING! Don't do it!
Silver: *shaking head sadly* It's too late; I have no choice.
Moosey: There's always a choice!!!
Silver *begins anyways*
This is a picture flip-book done in stick figure style with pretty ICKY pictures.
This is Chaser. (crossed out cigars) -- he chases pirates
He has smoke powers
This is Trace -- he has tattoos because he's a pirate
And he's made of fire.
Chaser loves Trace
Trace loves Chaser
But Chaser is embarrassed because he doesn't want the other marines to know he's in love with a pirate. (Moosey: Or that he's gay!!!! Silver: Oh yeah... that too.)
One day Trace sends Chaser a letter with a flower.
It tells him to wear the flower all day for good luck and where to meet him later that night.
Chaser doesn't want to, but when Tashigi finds it she makes him.
She keeps asking who it's from -- she thinks it's from a girl, Teehehehe. (Moosey: :| *shudders with agony*)
Later that night Smoker goes to the restaurant they're supposed to meet up at. (Moosey: What kind of a guy would go to a heart shaped restaurant!?!?! Silver: A gay one? Moosey: :| Shouldn't have asked...)
Inside Trace is already waiting.
They have a moment. (Moosey: *pukes from the revoltingness*)
Trace shows Chaser his new tattoo. "It was supposed to SWASCE" he explains.
Chaser is confused.
Trace explains. (Moosey: WHAT?! You have a thing for Whitebeard too?! Silver: What? Ew of course not! With all those IV tubes.. no thanks. Moosey: Then why is he. . . gay? He's got all those nurses and junk! Silver: He's not gay! It was on how Ace has two captains Whitebeard and Smoker... get it? Ahhh nvm. Moosey: :| *scoots away*)
"But. . . ." Trace continues.
Chaser is still confused.
Trace answers. (Moosey: *gouges eyes out with nearby fork*)
And with the perfect ambiance set they have a romantic dinner filled with tons of Lady and the Tramp cliches. (Moosey *singing* Oh this is the night, the disturbing night and they call it . . . . I've ran out of things for this. Silver: Yaoi Notte? Moosey: *throws up again losing his last three meals and intestines*)
But all is not well in the restaurant of Love as Chaser insists their love can no longer continue.
But Trace reassures him that their love can conquer all! (Moosey: *dies from painful agony to escape it*)
And so they finish to go frolic in a field of pretty flowers (*Everyone else dies*)
And Chaser adds, "I've been thinking of adding Usopp's nose to my jitte pike. What do you think?" (All dead souls: :| ) -- I've taken the pictures away because it's wrong. Very wrong.
Trace says, "Well... there's no wrong way to use Usopp's nose." (Retching in heaven.)
THE END.
Silver: So what do you guys think?
*silence*
Silver: Guys????? *sad* :( I'm lonely :(
Voices in Heaven: You should have thought of that before making this atrocity!!!!
Silver: *extra sad* :(
Voices in Hell: Well you still have Chaser/Trace
Silver: Oh yeah! :D
*screams echo through heaven.*
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Part 2. The Return of Chaser & Trace.
That's right the gayest little stick figures ever made are back! Which is why you should beat me up. Happy April's Fools Day! (Reasons I should never be allowed to have MS Paint... Moosey: You were banned remember?!!!! Silver: Yes, but you're too weak to stop me and I don't have anything else to prank you with tomorrow so... Happy April's Fools!!! Moosey: *shudders*)
Chaser and Trace's Karaoke Adventure
Our story begins in a bar.... erm juice drinking restaurant in the Grand Line.
"Oh look they have karaoke!" Trace declares with delight.
Chaser is not so thrilled.
Luckily for any would-be patrons, there aren't many people around.
"I'm going to sing 'I'll Be That Girl!'" Trace informed Chaser with a happy grin on his face (**I'll Be That Girl** -- Barenaked Ladies, album Stunt)
Chaser suffered a moment of imagining as Trace happily sang away.
"I'll be that girl, and you would be right over. If I were a field you would be in clover. If I were the sun you would be in shadow. And if I had a gun there'd be no tomorrow," Trace poured his heart into the song while Chaser stead-fastedly ignored him at the bar.
"This is the weakest juice I've ever had," Chaser griped to the bartender smoke pouring out of his mouth, "Got any Power juice?"
"Sing with me Taisa Captain!" Trace begged.
Chaser declined, "Heck no." And drank his cranberry juice.
But since the bar was still empty except for the two of them, Trace went back onstage singing "Come on, come on and there'll be no turning back. You were only killing time and it'll kill you right back! Come on, come on it's time to burn the fuse, you've got nothing do and even less to lose! You've got nothing to do and even less to lose! And I want to take you out of the frying pan and into the fire!" (**Out of the Frying Pan And Into the Fire** -- By Meat Loaf, Album: Bat Out of Hell 2)
This caused Chaser's ears to burn from the flush he was failing to hide and smoke poured out his ears much to the bartender's shock.
After this song, Trace drank an orange juice as he tried to convince Chaser to at least join him in a duet. But Chaser refused and even suggested leaving to find someplace with at least power juice.
"After this song I just KNOW you'll want to sing with me," Trace insisted.
"I rather doubt that Portgaz," Chaser returned ignoring the pirate who sulked back on stage.
Despite only drinking orange juice, Trace was clearly a little bit drunk . . . tipsy. . . happy when he climbed the stairs and sang for the whole world -- though really just Chaser since no one else was around. "Wish I could love you out loud! Because I'm under your spell! Wish I could tell the whole world! But I'll just keep it to myself. Wish I could hear how it sounds to be with you and no one else. Don't make a sound, don't tell a soul." (**Love You Out Loud** -- Meatloaf Album: Couldn't Have Said It Better)
It was of course during this that Tashigi, Chaser's second in command tripped inside.
"Chaser!" she said oblivious to the singing pirate on the stage, "Whitebeard's Second in Command, Trace has been spotted in the area!"
"Oh? Really?" Chaser didn't bother looking up from his limeade.
Meanwhile Trace launched into a rendition of, "Man! I feel like a woman!" (**Feel Like a Woman** Shania Twain) in order to catch Chaser's attention. It worked but also caught Tashigi's attention.
"Oh! You found him already Sir!" and with that Tashigi, well used to Trace's antics by now sat down next to her captain and decided to have a nice relaxing white grape juice.
"Tashigi!!!" Trace waved when his song was over, "Come sing with me!"
Tashigi's face blanched, "Oh no, that's alright Trace... I'd rather not." Muttering to herself she murmured, "There's not enough white grape juice in the world to make me sing with him."
The bartender overhearing grinned and said, "But what about purple grape juice?"
Tashigi stared at him indifferently.
"What's the difference?" she asked as Ace launched himself into cheerfully singing, "Life is Like a Boat" (**Life Is Like a Boat** First Bleach ending theme.)
"It's purple," the bartender stated.
For some inexplicable reason that convinced her and she tried it (that and the bartender offered it free.)
"Is it any stronger than this?" Chaser asked holding up the limeade.
The bartender shrugged, "Not really."
Chaser sighed with disgust at the fruity drink but kept drinking it anyways in the hopes to get drunk. that it would get better.
"Well I know you're an emotional girl! It took a lot for you to not lose your faith in this world. But I can't offer you proof, and you're going to face a moment of truth. It's hard when you're always afraid, you just recover when another belief is betrayed. . ." (**A Matter of Trust** -- Billy Joel, Album: Greatest Hits) Ace crooned to Tashigi who nodded her head in empathy to the song, before the pirate switched back to his previous tactic of singing to Chaser, "So break my heart if you must. It's a matter of trust. You can't go the distance with too much resistance, I know you have doubts, but for God's sake don't shut me out. This time you've got nothing to lose. You can take it, you can leave it, whatever you choose. I won't hold back anything and I'll walk away a fool or a king. Some love is just a lie of the mind, it's make believe until it's only a matter of time, and some might have learned to adjust but then it never was a matter of trust." The skanky pirate than did a dance around the stage which he was sure would get the marine captain's attention.
Chaser, however, was too busy splurting out his limeade all over the bar at the word, "lie" and nearly started choking on his own cigars smoke when Trace continued with "Some love is a just a lie of the soul. A constant battle for the ultimate state of control. After you've heard lie upon lie, there can hardly be a question of why. Some love is just a lie of the heart, the core remains to what began with a passionate start, but that can't happen to us, because it's always been a matter of trust."
Tashigi, quite tipsy . . . drunk . . . loosened up. . . juiced, decided, "That looks like fun! I think I will join you Trace!"
"Yay!" Trace yelled happily helping her to the stage, Chaser staying firmly on his stool and still trying to recover from the last song, "But what do you want to sing?"
"We Are!" (**We Are** -- First One Piece opening) Tashigi said determinedly.
"But Tashigi!" Trace said in shock, "That's a pirate song!"
Tashigi grinned drunkenly, "That's what makes it so fun!"
They happily sang their song under the shine of the stagelights as Chaser mulled over his dilemma. Was Trace being serious about the "love song" or was he just being Trace... like the song about being a woman. Trace didn't want to be a woman, he just liked to tease Chaser (at least, Chaser certainly hoped that was the case, a man that smexy shouldn't ever have a sex-change.) And to have it paraded in front of everybody like that! Finally Chaser decided there was only one solution left to him.
And as Tashigi climbed down the stairs, Trace gentlemanly escorting her, Chaser went up the stairs and hesitantly cleared his throat.
"YAY! Go Chaser!" Trace whooped.
Tashigi tripped but was quickly caught by the bar stool and yelled, "Yay Captain Chaser!"
Chaser cleared his throat again and began unsteadily, eventually singing more clearly, "I know that you love me. There's no need to talk. I see the look in your eyes and I got the proof. And there are no lies on your body, so take off your dress. Oh, I just want to get at the truth." (**Left in the Dark** -- Jim Steinman, Album: Bad For Good)
Moosey (first interruption -- he's done very well at ignoring me): wtf? Why is Trace wearing a dress?
Silver: Remember the "I'll Be That Girl" and "Man, I Feel Like a Woman"?
Moosey: I'm trying not to :|
Silver: Well Trace isn't actually WEARING a dress, Chaser just imagines it so that's why he picked this song.
Moosey: You're an idiot :|
Silver: You do know that just for that I'm now going to sing that song in Chaser/Trace style every time now?
Moosey: YOU ALREADY DO!
Silver: haha... oh right O:)
As the song finished Trace and Tashigi applauded, Trace blinking away the touched tears in his eyes.
"I sang," Chaser gruffly announced, "Can we go now?"
Trace shrugged, "Yeah alright."
But before they could leave in walked (DUN DUN DUN!) Crocodile!
Moosey: Isn't he you know... in jail?
Silver: You'll see
"Crocodile!" Tashigi said in shock, "Weren't you arrested?!"
"I busted out," he explained, "I needed to come drown my sorrows in juice and sing my favorite song."
Moosey: That explains nothing.
Silver: Shut up or I'll add in Jango and Fullbody AND Bon Clay. Yeah I went there.
Moosey: Oh God no... you were so close to finishing!
Silver: Exactly mwhahaha so shush.
Unable to leave without hearing just what exactly Crocodile's favorite song was, the three of them stayed and watched as Crocodile climbed onstage.
"I remember when rock was young. Me and Chaser had so much fun. Holding hands and skipping stones. . ." (***A filked version of Crocodile Rock*** -- Elton John) Crocodile sung into the mike.
Trace glared at Chaser indignantly, "SAND-BOY!?!"
Chaser fervently shook his head, "No! I hate pirates!"
Crocodile chuckled evilly as he wreaked further mischief.
"OH! I See! So you hate me?!" Trace shouted, flames starting leak out.
"No, I hate shichibukai worse than pirates!"
But suddenly Trace laughed saying, "I know Chaser, gosh darn it, you're the one who arrested him right?" and batted his eyelashes at his marine lover.
Moosey: Explain again why you feel the need to censor alcohol but the yaoi stays?
Silver: Because they kept the fire/smoke sex remember? 4Kids supports Chaser/Trace yaoi, further proof just by the gaying up of their names.
Moosey: Riiiight *covers head with stuffed animals and pillows*
Now sad that his evil plot failed, (Moosey: WHAT EVIL PLOT?! That was so lame!) Crocodile continued to sing, "The years went by and rock out died, Smoker went and left me for some pirate guy. Mihawk's crying by the record machine and DoFlamingo's the gayest cat I've ever seen..."
"He is pretty gay looking," Trace conceded.
"... burning up to the crocodile rock! While the other pirates were rocking 'round the clock, we hopping and bopping to the Crocodile rock..." Crocodile continued.
"I think we can go now," Chaser decided, Trace quickly nodding in agreement.
And so ended the Karaoke Adventure of Chaser and Trace. The moral of the story is, as always, do not call Smoker Chaser or Ace Trace or I shall torment your mind. *bow*
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Without a Trace (yes this spoofs on the show Without A Trace if you can't figure that out :|)
1 Month Missing
This is Chaser. He is sad. (Moose: So are the rest of us Silver. So are the rest of us. And what did you do to his cigars? Silver: There's no cigars. It's all an illusion!t's all an illusion!)
That's because his "good buddy" Trace went missing. (Moose: And by good buddy you mean...? Silver: Pirate buddy. Yeah.)
But that's ok! Because Chaser is the best there ever was at chasing criminals! And it just so happens that Trace is also a criminal (Moose: Why then is Chaser "friends" with him again? Silver: We went over this in the first one. Moosey: But it wasn't explained there either! Silver: Do you WANT me to do a prologue? Moosey: No!! For the love of God Nooooo!!!) because Trace is a Whitebeard pirate! (Moosey: that thing attacking Santa's face is not a beard. It's a furry animal attacking his chin. And he deserves it for wearing that ridiculous hat. Silver: that's Santa!! Do not question the Santa hat!)
1 Month & 2 Days Missing: (dun dun!)
Tashigi tells her captain, "Sir! There's been no trace of the criminal named Trace." (Moosey: That's lame. Silver: Actually for my pictures it's pretty decent. Moose: That's the sad part. Silver: *tears*)
Chaser doesn't want the other marines to know he's friends with a pirate so he pretends to be glad about it. "Good Tashigi. Good."
But back away from the other men Chaser confesses, "We must find a trace of his last whereabouts. Anything will do. I fear the worst." (Moose: I've never seen him wear shorts... Silver: It's implied. Because otherwise they'd be naked. *Moosey fervently tries to get the image out of his brain and claws his eyes*)
Tashigi answers, "He was looking for Blackbeard, right?" (Moosey: but Blackbeard doesn't HAVE a beard and that's not even black! Silver: I ran out of black paint on Trace's shorts. Moosey: On MSPaint?! Silver: It could happen! Moosey: This is stupid. Silver: So's your face. Moosey: So is "Black"beard's face)
"Blackbeard should be no match for heat-fist, I faced Trace myself. I don't know what's going on." Chaser muses sadly. (Moosey: Tune in next time on Chaser and Trace for our new product placement the hammer-gun!)
Tashigi queries nervously, "He wouldn't be cheating on you would he?"
Chaser puts a gloved hand over his constantly spewing smoke mouth, "I almost wish he was having an affair. At least then I'd know he was alive." (Moosey: That's a real line from the real show "Without a Trace" Silver: And it was just too cheesy/funny/corny to not use)
1 Month & 2 Weeks Missing:
But suddenly a trace was found! (Moosey: It's really not sudden after a month and a half) "Chaser come quick!" one of the men yelled, "We found a trace of Trace!"
Tashigi gasped when she saw it, "It's a hand tracing!"
"No!" Chaser said, "It's a hand turkey! That's so like Trace."
"If we can trace this hand tracing back to where Trace might have traced it from we might be able to find another trace of Trace!" Tashigi said excitedly. (Moosey: could you work in "trace" another time? Silver: Maybe. Moosey: Wait wouldn't that mean they're going backwards and where he came from and not where he is now? Silver: Maybe. Moosey: *facepalm*)
"Oh no! We're running out of time! His handturkey is getting faint!" one of the men pointed out as the waves on the shore slowly lapped it away.
2 Months Missing
After some fancy maneuvering and chasing things (Moosey: what was he chasing? His tail? Silver: Maybe) Chaser realized, "The last island he was at must have been at is Banaro Be-Near-You Island! Quick to the ship!" (Moosey: Be-Near-You island? Silver: I needed something suitably 4Kidsy. Moosey: Also that ship is horrible. No wonder he had to "borrow" Hina's)
2 Months and 15 hours Missing:
(Moosey: 15 hours? Silver: His ship might look like crap but it's very very fast. Yeah that's it.)
"Look!" Tashigi yelled pointing at the ashen town, "Another trace of Trace!"
Chaser looked crestfallen at the hat, "He must have lost. He would never leave his hat behind."
"He couldn't have done too badly," Tashigi said reassuringly, "There's still flames everywhere."
Chaser stared at the buildings, "There is something strange about this town."
"They have no windows?" Tashigi suggested. (Moosey: She's got a point there)
"No, not that," Chaser retorted.
"The buildings are lopsided?" she ventured a guess.
"No! Will you stop looking at the architecture?! They're all black! They're completely enveloped in shadow!"
Tashigi looked closer at the buildings. "Oh look! It's another handprint! It might be a trace!"
Chaser hurried over to take a look, "No that's a pawprint. It must be Kuma's doing. . . " (Moosey: What kind of animal has 3 toes??)
To be continued. . . (Moosey: oh god just end it)
DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!
Alas, it is not even Smoker/Ace... for it is... The Adventure of Chaser and Trace. Once upon at time there was a Smoker fangirl named Silver (who had a brother named Moosey who tried to be the voice of sanity) and an evil dubbing corporation called 4Kids. Upon the destruction of her favorite character, Silver snapped slightly. Rather horribly. Her brother tried to salvage the pieces, but alas it was too late.
THIS. Is the results.
WARNING FOR BRAIN-HURTING CRACK, TRAUMA, SQUICK-OUT, and everything that you ever hated about 4Kids except for Sanji's lollipop. ♥ You've been warned~
Author's Preamble: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do and I'm sorry that I don't have the will to stop it from happening. I'm sorry to all my friends, my family (especially Moosey though it really is his fault), everyone I know, everyone who's ever met me in passing, and all the people who don't know me yet. I'm sorry to everyone who will ever possibly hear of this and all of you without the sense/too much curiosity to leave yet. I'm sorry to Shounen Jump, Toei, all the JVAs, every artist, producer, and editor who worked on the One Piece original. I'm SO sorry to Smoker and Ace and MOST OF ALL sorry to Eiichiro Oda because it really shouldn't have come this far. I am not however, sorry to 4Kids, because they brought this on themselves and you all know it. (*Moosey breaks out into songs from Chicago*) And I'm only MILDLY sorry to Viz because I half-blame them too. And hypothetically you'd think my conscience would stop me but it seems to feel they have it coming too. And I'm also REALLY sorry that my drawings are so bad, but trust me... they're not meant to be good. And finally; no I don't actually think Smoker and Ace are like this but I have come to the realization that Chaser and Trace are not the same people.
Moosey: Don't do it Silver!!! This is not the way!
Silver: I have to, Moosey. I have to know why!
Moosey: This solves NOTHING! Don't do it!
Silver: *shaking head sadly* It's too late; I have no choice.
Moosey: There's always a choice!!!
Silver *begins anyways*
This is a picture flip-book done in stick figure style with pretty ICKY pictures.
This is Chaser. (crossed out cigars) -- he chases pirates
He has smoke powers
This is Trace -- he has tattoos because he's a pirate
And he's made of fire.
Chaser loves Trace
Trace loves Chaser
But Chaser is embarrassed because he doesn't want the other marines to know he's in love with a pirate. (Moosey: Or that he's gay!!!! Silver: Oh yeah... that too.)
One day Trace sends Chaser a letter with a flower.
It tells him to wear the flower all day for good luck and where to meet him later that night.
Chaser doesn't want to, but when Tashigi finds it she makes him.
She keeps asking who it's from -- she thinks it's from a girl, Teehehehe. (Moosey: :| *shudders with agony*)
Later that night Smoker goes to the restaurant they're supposed to meet up at. (Moosey: What kind of a guy would go to a heart shaped restaurant!?!?! Silver: A gay one? Moosey: :| Shouldn't have asked...)
Inside Trace is already waiting.
They have a moment. (Moosey: *pukes from the revoltingness*)
Trace shows Chaser his new tattoo. "It was supposed to SWASCE" he explains.
Chaser is confused.
Trace explains. (Moosey: WHAT?! You have a thing for Whitebeard too?! Silver: What? Ew of course not! With all those IV tubes.. no thanks. Moosey: Then why is he. . . gay? He's got all those nurses and junk! Silver: He's not gay! It was on how Ace has two captains Whitebeard and Smoker... get it? Ahhh nvm. Moosey: :| *scoots away*)
"But. . . ." Trace continues.
Chaser is still confused.
Trace answers. (Moosey: *gouges eyes out with nearby fork*)
And with the perfect ambiance set they have a romantic dinner filled with tons of Lady and the Tramp cliches. (Moosey *singing* Oh this is the night, the disturbing night and they call it . . . . I've ran out of things for this. Silver: Yaoi Notte? Moosey: *throws up again losing his last three meals and intestines*)
But all is not well in the restaurant of Love as Chaser insists their love can no longer continue.
But Trace reassures him that their love can conquer all! (Moosey: *dies from painful agony to escape it*)
And so they finish to go frolic in a field of pretty flowers (*Everyone else dies*)
And Chaser adds, "I've been thinking of adding Usopp's nose to my jitte pike. What do you think?" (All dead souls: :| ) -- I've taken the pictures away because it's wrong. Very wrong.
Trace says, "Well... there's no wrong way to use Usopp's nose." (Retching in heaven.)
THE END.
Silver: So what do you guys think?
*silence*
Silver: Guys????? *sad* :( I'm lonely :(
Voices in Heaven: You should have thought of that before making this atrocity!!!!
Silver: *extra sad* :(
Voices in Hell: Well you still have Chaser/Trace
Silver: Oh yeah! :D
*screams echo through heaven.*
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Part 2. The Return of Chaser & Trace.
That's right the gayest little stick figures ever made are back! Which is why you should beat me up. Happy April's Fools Day! (Reasons I should never be allowed to have MS Paint... Moosey: You were banned remember?!!!! Silver: Yes, but you're too weak to stop me and I don't have anything else to prank you with tomorrow so... Happy April's Fools!!! Moosey: *shudders*)
Chaser and Trace's Karaoke Adventure
Our story begins in a bar.... erm juice drinking restaurant in the Grand Line.
"Oh look they have karaoke!" Trace declares with delight.
Chaser is not so thrilled.
Luckily for any would-be patrons, there aren't many people around.
"I'm going to sing 'I'll Be That Girl!'" Trace informed Chaser with a happy grin on his face (**I'll Be That Girl** -- Barenaked Ladies, album Stunt)
Chaser suffered a moment of imagining as Trace happily sang away.
"I'll be that girl, and you would be right over. If I were a field you would be in clover. If I were the sun you would be in shadow. And if I had a gun there'd be no tomorrow," Trace poured his heart into the song while Chaser stead-fastedly ignored him at the bar.
"This is the weakest juice I've ever had," Chaser griped to the bartender smoke pouring out of his mouth, "Got any Power juice?"
"Sing with me Taisa Captain!" Trace begged.
Chaser declined, "Heck no." And drank his cranberry juice.
But since the bar was still empty except for the two of them, Trace went back onstage singing "Come on, come on and there'll be no turning back. You were only killing time and it'll kill you right back! Come on, come on it's time to burn the fuse, you've got nothing do and even less to lose! You've got nothing to do and even less to lose! And I want to take you out of the frying pan and into the fire!" (**Out of the Frying Pan And Into the Fire** -- By Meat Loaf, Album: Bat Out of Hell 2)
This caused Chaser's ears to burn from the flush he was failing to hide and smoke poured out his ears much to the bartender's shock.
After this song, Trace drank an orange juice as he tried to convince Chaser to at least join him in a duet. But Chaser refused and even suggested leaving to find someplace with at least power juice.
"After this song I just KNOW you'll want to sing with me," Trace insisted.
"I rather doubt that Portgaz," Chaser returned ignoring the pirate who sulked back on stage.
Despite only drinking orange juice, Trace was clearly a little bit drunk . . . tipsy. . . happy when he climbed the stairs and sang for the whole world -- though really just Chaser since no one else was around. "Wish I could love you out loud! Because I'm under your spell! Wish I could tell the whole world! But I'll just keep it to myself. Wish I could hear how it sounds to be with you and no one else. Don't make a sound, don't tell a soul." (**Love You Out Loud** -- Meatloaf Album: Couldn't Have Said It Better)
It was of course during this that Tashigi, Chaser's second in command tripped inside.
"Chaser!" she said oblivious to the singing pirate on the stage, "Whitebeard's Second in Command, Trace has been spotted in the area!"
"Oh? Really?" Chaser didn't bother looking up from his limeade.
Meanwhile Trace launched into a rendition of, "Man! I feel like a woman!" (**Feel Like a Woman** Shania Twain) in order to catch Chaser's attention. It worked but also caught Tashigi's attention.
"Oh! You found him already Sir!" and with that Tashigi, well used to Trace's antics by now sat down next to her captain and decided to have a nice relaxing white grape juice.
"Tashigi!!!" Trace waved when his song was over, "Come sing with me!"
Tashigi's face blanched, "Oh no, that's alright Trace... I'd rather not." Muttering to herself she murmured, "There's not enough white grape juice in the world to make me sing with him."
The bartender overhearing grinned and said, "But what about purple grape juice?"
Tashigi stared at him indifferently.
"What's the difference?" she asked as Ace launched himself into cheerfully singing, "Life is Like a Boat" (**Life Is Like a Boat** First Bleach ending theme.)
"It's purple," the bartender stated.
For some inexplicable reason that convinced her and she tried it (that and the bartender offered it free.)
"Is it any stronger than this?" Chaser asked holding up the limeade.
The bartender shrugged, "Not really."
Chaser sighed with disgust at the fruity drink but kept drinking it anyways in the hopes to get drunk. that it would get better.
"Well I know you're an emotional girl! It took a lot for you to not lose your faith in this world. But I can't offer you proof, and you're going to face a moment of truth. It's hard when you're always afraid, you just recover when another belief is betrayed. . ." (**A Matter of Trust** -- Billy Joel, Album: Greatest Hits) Ace crooned to Tashigi who nodded her head in empathy to the song, before the pirate switched back to his previous tactic of singing to Chaser, "So break my heart if you must. It's a matter of trust. You can't go the distance with too much resistance, I know you have doubts, but for God's sake don't shut me out. This time you've got nothing to lose. You can take it, you can leave it, whatever you choose. I won't hold back anything and I'll walk away a fool or a king. Some love is just a lie of the mind, it's make believe until it's only a matter of time, and some might have learned to adjust but then it never was a matter of trust." The skanky pirate than did a dance around the stage which he was sure would get the marine captain's attention.
Chaser, however, was too busy splurting out his limeade all over the bar at the word, "lie" and nearly started choking on his own cigars smoke when Trace continued with "Some love is a just a lie of the soul. A constant battle for the ultimate state of control. After you've heard lie upon lie, there can hardly be a question of why. Some love is just a lie of the heart, the core remains to what began with a passionate start, but that can't happen to us, because it's always been a matter of trust."
Tashigi, quite tipsy . . . drunk . . . loosened up. . . juiced, decided, "That looks like fun! I think I will join you Trace!"
"Yay!" Trace yelled happily helping her to the stage, Chaser staying firmly on his stool and still trying to recover from the last song, "But what do you want to sing?"
"We Are!" (**We Are** -- First One Piece opening) Tashigi said determinedly.
"But Tashigi!" Trace said in shock, "That's a pirate song!"
Tashigi grinned drunkenly, "That's what makes it so fun!"
They happily sang their song under the shine of the stagelights as Chaser mulled over his dilemma. Was Trace being serious about the "love song" or was he just being Trace... like the song about being a woman. Trace didn't want to be a woman, he just liked to tease Chaser (at least, Chaser certainly hoped that was the case, a man that smexy shouldn't ever have a sex-change.) And to have it paraded in front of everybody like that! Finally Chaser decided there was only one solution left to him.
And as Tashigi climbed down the stairs, Trace gentlemanly escorting her, Chaser went up the stairs and hesitantly cleared his throat.
"YAY! Go Chaser!" Trace whooped.
Tashigi tripped but was quickly caught by the bar stool and yelled, "Yay Captain Chaser!"
Chaser cleared his throat again and began unsteadily, eventually singing more clearly, "I know that you love me. There's no need to talk. I see the look in your eyes and I got the proof. And there are no lies on your body, so take off your dress. Oh, I just want to get at the truth." (**Left in the Dark** -- Jim Steinman, Album: Bad For Good)
Moosey (first interruption -- he's done very well at ignoring me): wtf? Why is Trace wearing a dress?
Silver: Remember the "I'll Be That Girl" and "Man, I Feel Like a Woman"?
Moosey: I'm trying not to :|
Silver: Well Trace isn't actually WEARING a dress, Chaser just imagines it so that's why he picked this song.
Moosey: You're an idiot :|
Silver: You do know that just for that I'm now going to sing that song in Chaser/Trace style every time now?
Moosey: YOU ALREADY DO!
Silver: haha... oh right O:)
As the song finished Trace and Tashigi applauded, Trace blinking away the touched tears in his eyes.
"I sang," Chaser gruffly announced, "Can we go now?"
Trace shrugged, "Yeah alright."
But before they could leave in walked (DUN DUN DUN!) Crocodile!
Moosey: Isn't he you know... in jail?
Silver: You'll see
"Crocodile!" Tashigi said in shock, "Weren't you arrested?!"
"I busted out," he explained, "I needed to come drown my sorrows in juice and sing my favorite song."
Moosey: That explains nothing.
Silver: Shut up or I'll add in Jango and Fullbody AND Bon Clay. Yeah I went there.
Moosey: Oh God no... you were so close to finishing!
Silver: Exactly mwhahaha so shush.
Unable to leave without hearing just what exactly Crocodile's favorite song was, the three of them stayed and watched as Crocodile climbed onstage.
"I remember when rock was young. Me and Chaser had so much fun. Holding hands and skipping stones. . ." (***A filked version of Crocodile Rock*** -- Elton John) Crocodile sung into the mike.
Trace glared at Chaser indignantly, "SAND-BOY!?!"
Chaser fervently shook his head, "No! I hate pirates!"
Crocodile chuckled evilly as he wreaked further mischief.
"OH! I See! So you hate me?!" Trace shouted, flames starting leak out.
"No, I hate shichibukai worse than pirates!"
But suddenly Trace laughed saying, "I know Chaser, gosh darn it, you're the one who arrested him right?" and batted his eyelashes at his marine lover.
Moosey: Explain again why you feel the need to censor alcohol but the yaoi stays?
Silver: Because they kept the fire/smoke sex remember? 4Kids supports Chaser/Trace yaoi, further proof just by the gaying up of their names.
Moosey: Riiiight *covers head with stuffed animals and pillows*
Now sad that his evil plot failed, (Moosey: WHAT EVIL PLOT?! That was so lame!) Crocodile continued to sing, "The years went by and rock out died, Smoker went and left me for some pirate guy. Mihawk's crying by the record machine and DoFlamingo's the gayest cat I've ever seen..."
"He is pretty gay looking," Trace conceded.
"... burning up to the crocodile rock! While the other pirates were rocking 'round the clock, we hopping and bopping to the Crocodile rock..." Crocodile continued.
"I think we can go now," Chaser decided, Trace quickly nodding in agreement.
And so ended the Karaoke Adventure of Chaser and Trace. The moral of the story is, as always, do not call Smoker Chaser or Ace Trace or I shall torment your mind. *bow*
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Without a Trace (yes this spoofs on the show Without A Trace if you can't figure that out :|)
1 Month Missing
This is Chaser. He is sad. (Moose: So are the rest of us Silver. So are the rest of us. And what did you do to his cigars? Silver: There's no cigars. It's all an illusion!t's all an illusion!)
That's because his "good buddy" Trace went missing. (Moose: And by good buddy you mean...? Silver: Pirate buddy. Yeah.)
But that's ok! Because Chaser is the best there ever was at chasing criminals! And it just so happens that Trace is also a criminal (Moose: Why then is Chaser "friends" with him again? Silver: We went over this in the first one. Moosey: But it wasn't explained there either! Silver: Do you WANT me to do a prologue? Moosey: No!! For the love of God Nooooo!!!) because Trace is a Whitebeard pirate! (Moosey: that thing attacking Santa's face is not a beard. It's a furry animal attacking his chin. And he deserves it for wearing that ridiculous hat. Silver: that's Santa!! Do not question the Santa hat!)
1 Month & 2 Days Missing: (dun dun!)
Tashigi tells her captain, "Sir! There's been no trace of the criminal named Trace." (Moosey: That's lame. Silver: Actually for my pictures it's pretty decent. Moose: That's the sad part. Silver: *tears*)
Chaser doesn't want the other marines to know he's friends with a pirate so he pretends to be glad about it. "Good Tashigi. Good."
But back away from the other men Chaser confesses, "We must find a trace of his last whereabouts. Anything will do. I fear the worst." (Moose: I've never seen him wear shorts... Silver: It's implied. Because otherwise they'd be naked. *Moosey fervently tries to get the image out of his brain and claws his eyes*)
Tashigi answers, "He was looking for Blackbeard, right?" (Moosey: but Blackbeard doesn't HAVE a beard and that's not even black! Silver: I ran out of black paint on Trace's shorts. Moosey: On MSPaint?! Silver: It could happen! Moosey: This is stupid. Silver: So's your face. Moosey: So is "Black"beard's face)
"Blackbeard should be no match for heat-fist, I faced Trace myself. I don't know what's going on." Chaser muses sadly. (Moosey: Tune in next time on Chaser and Trace for our new product placement the hammer-gun!)
Tashigi queries nervously, "He wouldn't be cheating on you would he?"
Chaser puts a gloved hand over his constantly spewing smoke mouth, "I almost wish he was having an affair. At least then I'd know he was alive." (Moosey: That's a real line from the real show "Without a Trace" Silver: And it was just too cheesy/funny/corny to not use)
1 Month & 2 Weeks Missing:
But suddenly a trace was found! (Moosey: It's really not sudden after a month and a half) "Chaser come quick!" one of the men yelled, "We found a trace of Trace!"
Tashigi gasped when she saw it, "It's a hand tracing!"
"No!" Chaser said, "It's a hand turkey! That's so like Trace."
"If we can trace this hand tracing back to where Trace might have traced it from we might be able to find another trace of Trace!" Tashigi said excitedly. (Moosey: could you work in "trace" another time? Silver: Maybe. Moosey: Wait wouldn't that mean they're going backwards and where he came from and not where he is now? Silver: Maybe. Moosey: *facepalm*)
"Oh no! We're running out of time! His handturkey is getting faint!" one of the men pointed out as the waves on the shore slowly lapped it away.
2 Months Missing
After some fancy maneuvering and chasing things (Moosey: what was he chasing? His tail? Silver: Maybe) Chaser realized, "The last island he was at must have been at is Banaro Be-Near-You Island! Quick to the ship!" (Moosey: Be-Near-You island? Silver: I needed something suitably 4Kidsy. Moosey: Also that ship is horrible. No wonder he had to "borrow" Hina's)
2 Months and 15 hours Missing:
(Moosey: 15 hours? Silver: His ship might look like crap but it's very very fast. Yeah that's it.)
"Look!" Tashigi yelled pointing at the ashen town, "Another trace of Trace!"
Chaser looked crestfallen at the hat, "He must have lost. He would never leave his hat behind."
"He couldn't have done too badly," Tashigi said reassuringly, "There's still flames everywhere."
Chaser stared at the buildings, "There is something strange about this town."
"They have no windows?" Tashigi suggested. (Moosey: She's got a point there)
"No, not that," Chaser retorted.
"The buildings are lopsided?" she ventured a guess.
"No! Will you stop looking at the architecture?! They're all black! They're completely enveloped in shadow!"
Tashigi looked closer at the buildings. "Oh look! It's another handprint! It might be a trace!"
Chaser hurried over to take a look, "No that's a pawprint. It must be Kuma's doing. . . " (Moosey: What kind of animal has 3 toes??)
To be continued. . . (Moosey: oh god just end it)
DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!