(no subject)
Whine whine whine whine. I wish my head would just shut up.
I'm overthinking things, being paranoid and I think I might even be slowly developing seperation anxiety. Yes, like a puppy.
I don't know what to do with myself.
Yes, in the usual "Ugh I can't write or read and great, just great... that leaves video games" but at least I HAVE games I can play and that momentarily distract me long enough. But I hate all this uncertainty. When will I get over CFIDS? Am I actually getting over it? Why does my head hurt? Should I take Ultracet or hold off?
And worse still, I just really miss him.
And I can't shake the constant feeling that somewhere I screwed up.
And I don't know on what or how.
If I could fix it I would but I can't even talk to him so how can I know? And maybe I'm supposed to sit quiet for awhile but somehow I'm spiraling. And where went the person who could maintain reasonable distance from people and be self-satisfied with reading and not be so dependent?
I feel like I never have any independence anymore because what little I can afford costs me.
I just need to talk to him and then the world will be okay again but I can't. And it's eating me up inside.
I'm overthinking things, being paranoid and I think I might even be slowly developing seperation anxiety. Yes, like a puppy.
I don't know what to do with myself.
Yes, in the usual "Ugh I can't write or read and great, just great... that leaves video games" but at least I HAVE games I can play and that momentarily distract me long enough. But I hate all this uncertainty. When will I get over CFIDS? Am I actually getting over it? Why does my head hurt? Should I take Ultracet or hold off?
And worse still, I just really miss him.
And I can't shake the constant feeling that somewhere I screwed up.
And I don't know on what or how.
If I could fix it I would but I can't even talk to him so how can I know? And maybe I'm supposed to sit quiet for awhile but somehow I'm spiraling. And where went the person who could maintain reasonable distance from people and be self-satisfied with reading and not be so dependent?
I feel like I never have any independence anymore because what little I can afford costs me.
I just need to talk to him and then the world will be okay again but I can't. And it's eating me up inside.