Something Profound
Over winter break I started meditating nightly. Back at school, I've started doing a routine where I shut down my computer/whatever stimulating activity I'm doing around 11pm and just let myself sit back and think or pet my cat. After a while, I've wound down enough that I can more easily slip into a meditative state. And then I go to bed and am usually asleep very quickly.
I think it's having a lot of good effects, this daily (nightly) practice. A few nights ago I did a metta meditation, following the easy-being, self, friend/family, enemy path. The idea is to start with a being whom it is easy to love or feel kindly toward and build up the lovingkindness in my heart as I go. It's a practice I love. So. A few nights ago I worked through kitty, me, and I think a friend. And then I did Travis.
And then I realized that something has changed. Because while I was going through "may you be well and happy" kinds of thoughts, I for some reason included, "I love you." So I thought about that, and then realized that there was a corollary: "I forgive you."
I'm finally finding some measure of peace about what happened with him over a year ago.
It was incredibly hard, and continues to be hard, but...the meditation and focus on myself is working. It's letting me feel more compassion both for myself and for others; even for people who have hurt me.
There's something profound in that.
I think it's having a lot of good effects, this daily (nightly) practice. A few nights ago I did a metta meditation, following the easy-being, self, friend/family, enemy path. The idea is to start with a being whom it is easy to love or feel kindly toward and build up the lovingkindness in my heart as I go. It's a practice I love. So. A few nights ago I worked through kitty, me, and I think a friend. And then I did Travis.
And then I realized that something has changed. Because while I was going through "may you be well and happy" kinds of thoughts, I for some reason included, "I love you." So I thought about that, and then realized that there was a corollary: "I forgive you."
I'm finally finding some measure of peace about what happened with him over a year ago.
It was incredibly hard, and continues to be hard, but...the meditation and focus on myself is working. It's letting me feel more compassion both for myself and for others; even for people who have hurt me.
There's something profound in that.