No One Wants A Good Girl
Why do guys not like me in a romantic way? They either want me as a friend (example Willie) or as a fuck (example Eric *shiver* and Jammy).
Am I not girlie enough for men? Am I too boyish? Am I too screwed up? Is that why Kyani dropped me? Yes I'm going to use Kyani as an example because that's the only memories I have of a relationship. I mean Kyani had everything. Ok he was putting his down payment on his house and then BAM! He tossed me aside like a bag of garbage.
Maybe I'm too needy. You know I'm one of those girls that like to be taken care of. That likes for her man to buy her things instead of buying them herself. I wanna be the stay at home wife. No one wants to be the stay at home wife. Then again I would not mind getting a job if it were one I liked, but still!
I could be too pushy. Or naggy or bitchy. Or too psycho. Or jealous. I'm all of those things I think.
I am pissed off at Heather because let's face it. I envy the stupid bitch. One day she meets Roscoe. ONE FUCKING DAY and they are together. It was like that with all of her boyfriends. One day she meets them and they want to be with her. They always want to start out as 'friends' with me. Which to me is another way of saying, "Woman listen, I don't want your dumb ass."
Maybe guys I have a connection with are good guys yet they think I'm not a good girl for them so they don't bother with me and instead get some other girl with big tits, makeup, beautiful face, and who can fix her hair and who is fucking secure in everything she does.
The fact is this as kinky as I am, I am a good girl. I'm the southern girl who you bring home to meet mom. The girl who does not have sex on the first, second, third or so on date. I'm the girl that doesn't cheat, yet no one wants that. No one wants the good girl it seems. They want the other girl.
They want the girl that is opposite of the good girl. I mean it is like every single guy I feel a strong connection with. That I'm not all that nervous around. And then I become the 'friend' or 'little sister' or they fuck Stacey or I'm not good enough or pretty enough or rich enough for them or even sane enough.
And most of these guys I feel this connection with really are good guys. Granted Kyani and Rico were not good guys. Andrew was just...lost and confused I guess. I don't know. His friends turned him into an asshole, making me turn into a bitch.
Eric was just a fuck. Jammy was a wannabe fuck. Willie FUCKED MY SISTER SO THAT BLEW THAT OUT THE WINDOW. Not that he wanted me anyway. Ryan wants to be my friend. Kevin I'm not feeling I'm strong connection towards him yet. Jimmy is in the middle but living in fucking Washington and his car makes me horny.
I sometimes don't even know why I bother. Maybe there is no one out there for me. And then when there is I'll think they're with me out of pity because a lot of guys read my livejournal and they'll feel sorry for the poor little good girl and want to date and fuck me out of the kindness of their heart or maybe not. I don't know.
Maybe I'm just the girl that gets shit on while the guy is waiting for that 'right girl' to walk in and use me in the process and treat me like shit. Maybe that is my purpose with men. I don't know.
And if who all I mentioned don't like what I wrote then don't fucking read my journal. Jesus Christ it is a journal, I'm supposed to write what I fucking feel. GOOD GOD! I WISH I HAD SOME BACARDI SILVER RIGHT NOW!
Am I not girlie enough for men? Am I too boyish? Am I too screwed up? Is that why Kyani dropped me? Yes I'm going to use Kyani as an example because that's the only memories I have of a relationship. I mean Kyani had everything. Ok he was putting his down payment on his house and then BAM! He tossed me aside like a bag of garbage.
Maybe I'm too needy. You know I'm one of those girls that like to be taken care of. That likes for her man to buy her things instead of buying them herself. I wanna be the stay at home wife. No one wants to be the stay at home wife. Then again I would not mind getting a job if it were one I liked, but still!
I could be too pushy. Or naggy or bitchy. Or too psycho. Or jealous. I'm all of those things I think.
I am pissed off at Heather because let's face it. I envy the stupid bitch. One day she meets Roscoe. ONE FUCKING DAY and they are together. It was like that with all of her boyfriends. One day she meets them and they want to be with her. They always want to start out as 'friends' with me. Which to me is another way of saying, "Woman listen, I don't want your dumb ass."
Maybe guys I have a connection with are good guys yet they think I'm not a good girl for them so they don't bother with me and instead get some other girl with big tits, makeup, beautiful face, and who can fix her hair and who is fucking secure in everything she does.
The fact is this as kinky as I am, I am a good girl. I'm the southern girl who you bring home to meet mom. The girl who does not have sex on the first, second, third or so on date. I'm the girl that doesn't cheat, yet no one wants that. No one wants the good girl it seems. They want the other girl.
They want the girl that is opposite of the good girl. I mean it is like every single guy I feel a strong connection with. That I'm not all that nervous around. And then I become the 'friend' or 'little sister' or they fuck Stacey or I'm not good enough or pretty enough or rich enough for them or even sane enough.
And most of these guys I feel this connection with really are good guys. Granted Kyani and Rico were not good guys. Andrew was just...lost and confused I guess. I don't know. His friends turned him into an asshole, making me turn into a bitch.
Eric was just a fuck. Jammy was a wannabe fuck. Willie FUCKED MY SISTER SO THAT BLEW THAT OUT THE WINDOW. Not that he wanted me anyway. Ryan wants to be my friend. Kevin I'm not feeling I'm strong connection towards him yet. Jimmy is in the middle but living in fucking Washington and his car makes me horny.
I sometimes don't even know why I bother. Maybe there is no one out there for me. And then when there is I'll think they're with me out of pity because a lot of guys read my livejournal and they'll feel sorry for the poor little good girl and want to date and fuck me out of the kindness of their heart or maybe not. I don't know.
Maybe I'm just the girl that gets shit on while the guy is waiting for that 'right girl' to walk in and use me in the process and treat me like shit. Maybe that is my purpose with men. I don't know.
And if who all I mentioned don't like what I wrote then don't fucking read my journal. Jesus Christ it is a journal, I'm supposed to write what I fucking feel. GOOD GOD! I WISH I HAD SOME BACARDI SILVER RIGHT NOW!