(no subject)
i suppose it's about that time to update my livejournal again. it seems like so much would have happened by now, but really nothing has. my life has become somehow stable to some degree, considering that i do live out of my suitcase mostly and spend my free time in places that aren't chicago where i pay rent and all. i went to new york a couple weeks ago and felt more alive than i've felt since i left. it is perfect there. and i will move back as soon as i can afford to do so comfortably. until then i will visit at least once a month. therese is producing the mermaid parade in coney island this year. and therese is my hero and a half. and i got to kick it with all of the old brew bar folk in the west village. and i sat by the hudson on my pier that i always sat on with the fake grass that steven labeled the "family values pier". i like it because i'm allergic to real grass.
i went to nashville a couple weeks back and it happens that my brother has turned back up in town after an ecstasy overdose. he's very paranoid. and he hates me. he called me a fucking bitch and i cried and didn't speak to him for 3 days, and well i haven't spoken to him since. and that makes me not want to go back to nashville because quite frankly i can't handle that treatment, no matter what drugs he's coming off of. i can't be blamed for the way he chooses to fuck up his life. not by him or by my parents. its unfair. and then chris and cody decided that they would try to set me up with one of their friends without my knowledge and put me in a very awkward position. so i'm sort of mad at them but mostly just think they're being dreadfully immature and disrespectful. not that i should have assumed they had any respect for me in the first place. ah well. so i'm trying to avoid nashville currently, if you don't see me for awhile, now you'll know why. and plus i've been drinking too much there. well drinking too much everywhere really.
i've met a new friend named steve in chicago. we met on the train on the way to work and talked about cartoons and punk rock music and we've had good times together since then. mike is still there. it gets harder everytime he leaves. and now he can't decide whether or not he wants to move back to portland and he's still not dealing with the most important things. i had an "episode" the other night as he calls it where i was drinking too much red wine and weeping and telling him that he had to make a decisioin. that this hurt me too much. that either he had to deal with his situation or break up with me. i need him to deal with this in someway, he can't just keep avoiding it. he's hurting too many people. and i can't stop this because i am in love. although i should be able to stop it, i should not allow myself to be in this situation. arg. anyway. that's that for now.
i went to austin this weekend and saw my cousin and jason and marie and ben white and had a memorial day feast. it was all very lovely. and i watched far too many episodes of family guy. ok, i must go now. i have to fly the friendly skies.
i went to nashville a couple weeks back and it happens that my brother has turned back up in town after an ecstasy overdose. he's very paranoid. and he hates me. he called me a fucking bitch and i cried and didn't speak to him for 3 days, and well i haven't spoken to him since. and that makes me not want to go back to nashville because quite frankly i can't handle that treatment, no matter what drugs he's coming off of. i can't be blamed for the way he chooses to fuck up his life. not by him or by my parents. its unfair. and then chris and cody decided that they would try to set me up with one of their friends without my knowledge and put me in a very awkward position. so i'm sort of mad at them but mostly just think they're being dreadfully immature and disrespectful. not that i should have assumed they had any respect for me in the first place. ah well. so i'm trying to avoid nashville currently, if you don't see me for awhile, now you'll know why. and plus i've been drinking too much there. well drinking too much everywhere really.
i've met a new friend named steve in chicago. we met on the train on the way to work and talked about cartoons and punk rock music and we've had good times together since then. mike is still there. it gets harder everytime he leaves. and now he can't decide whether or not he wants to move back to portland and he's still not dealing with the most important things. i had an "episode" the other night as he calls it where i was drinking too much red wine and weeping and telling him that he had to make a decisioin. that this hurt me too much. that either he had to deal with his situation or break up with me. i need him to deal with this in someway, he can't just keep avoiding it. he's hurting too many people. and i can't stop this because i am in love. although i should be able to stop it, i should not allow myself to be in this situation. arg. anyway. that's that for now.
i went to austin this weekend and saw my cousin and jason and marie and ben white and had a memorial day feast. it was all very lovely. and i watched far too many episodes of family guy. ok, i must go now. i have to fly the friendly skies.