in a nutshell. or two.
ooooooooh! tired tired. let's see. how is one supposed to write in a livejournal about one's life when one is leading about 4 different lives at once?
nashville life: i did hang out wih kate and she did make me go to red iguana where we danced among horribles. but, she's always entertaining to be around, making me do things that my sister would make me do and engaging me in her life in a way that i'm not always prepared to take. and the next day lauren and i went to farmer's market and made salads and reminisced as we walked though dragon park. like we've done so many times before. my life in nashville is very strange to me because although it is incredibly comfortable, it feels like only shadows of a former life that i knew and when i'm there i want to be that person, but honestly i'm different. although hanging out with brynne is always a whole barrel of fun. it was also good to see lexi and leah and cody who i'm mad at because he's sort of an asshole. oh and mike bielcyzech (however you spell his name) is incredibly mad at me because of my cat...she scratched his girlfriend's face and she said she won't come over again until jackie o is gone. so i'm faced with that dilemma again.
chicago life: i haven't seen mike in two weeks. he's going to stop being a pilot because he hates it and move back to oregon to deal with his shit, all this shit that has been building over the years that he's avoided for these six or seven months. i think of the lines in his face when i'm riding on planes. i think of the way he nuzzles me when i'm lying in hotel rooms alone. i think of the jokes he would tell, of the things he would say whenever he's not around and i need someone to make fun of things with. and i draw cartoons of him where he always looks very sad. which is why this is good, why i have to make myself be happy for him that he's going to get things worked out in his real life. and maybe after the storm is over, i will see him again.
i did hang out with lilly, cody's friend and we drank beers and talked about life and this guy walked in as i was talking about something and said "dude, this is like the first adult conversation i've ever been a part of" which made me feel very old. but we did have fun anyway and the next day lilly met me for lunch and coffee at earwax where we smoked cigarettes and eavesdropped on the silly hipsteresque girls sitting next to us.
airport life: this girl mandi, a flight attendant who looks very much like lisa loeb and is incredibly insecure has latched on to me. and i like her, i think, but it would be hard to tell because she only calls me to tell me that this hot maintenance guy asked her for her phone number or she gave head to some captain behind the stairs in the crew lounge or that her best friends friend wants to pay her to see her naked. i don't know how to take all of this. i mean how does one have a real conversation with a person that can't be real with themself? and my other friend at work just got back from rehab and i haven't seen her since because she's got a new "lover". and i feel horribly alone most of the time. but i've decided that regaurdless of my concerns with my quality of life i must at least stay with the airline for a year. things could get better. and it is pretty cool that i can get on a plane to whatever destination whenever i feel like it. and the money isn't that bad...i think we're going on strike. i'm wearing a green ribbon signifying union solidarity and chaos and more money and i have green tags on my roller board and union officials and representatives are calling me and talking to me in private, making me feel important. making me fill out surveys. this should happen in a month or i will be making more money and have a better life all together. if these things do work out, these negotiations.
new york life: almost non-existant at this point. last time i layed over in white plaines, jason haskins road the train from manhattan to visit me. that was over a month ago and now he' s moved to seattle. and i will be visiting him this month. greg and i are not speaking, which is probably for the best right now. i don't know why two people have to hate eachother so much. we both just fucked up and that should have been realized and nothing should have ever been done passed the time we broke up last may. i did finally speak to jason durham again and that felt so good. i'd been avoiding conversation for some unknown reason, i find myself doing that a lot these days. when there is so much going on, i honestly forget to call people that i really want and need to call. i forget that they've left 6 voicemails. its the strrangest thing. i miss therese and think i have to go back to new york at the end of this month. and wendi also. and i have to see jason. we'll just see.
nashville life: i did hang out wih kate and she did make me go to red iguana where we danced among horribles. but, she's always entertaining to be around, making me do things that my sister would make me do and engaging me in her life in a way that i'm not always prepared to take. and the next day lauren and i went to farmer's market and made salads and reminisced as we walked though dragon park. like we've done so many times before. my life in nashville is very strange to me because although it is incredibly comfortable, it feels like only shadows of a former life that i knew and when i'm there i want to be that person, but honestly i'm different. although hanging out with brynne is always a whole barrel of fun. it was also good to see lexi and leah and cody who i'm mad at because he's sort of an asshole. oh and mike bielcyzech (however you spell his name) is incredibly mad at me because of my cat...she scratched his girlfriend's face and she said she won't come over again until jackie o is gone. so i'm faced with that dilemma again.
chicago life: i haven't seen mike in two weeks. he's going to stop being a pilot because he hates it and move back to oregon to deal with his shit, all this shit that has been building over the years that he's avoided for these six or seven months. i think of the lines in his face when i'm riding on planes. i think of the way he nuzzles me when i'm lying in hotel rooms alone. i think of the jokes he would tell, of the things he would say whenever he's not around and i need someone to make fun of things with. and i draw cartoons of him where he always looks very sad. which is why this is good, why i have to make myself be happy for him that he's going to get things worked out in his real life. and maybe after the storm is over, i will see him again.
i did hang out with lilly, cody's friend and we drank beers and talked about life and this guy walked in as i was talking about something and said "dude, this is like the first adult conversation i've ever been a part of" which made me feel very old. but we did have fun anyway and the next day lilly met me for lunch and coffee at earwax where we smoked cigarettes and eavesdropped on the silly hipsteresque girls sitting next to us.
airport life: this girl mandi, a flight attendant who looks very much like lisa loeb and is incredibly insecure has latched on to me. and i like her, i think, but it would be hard to tell because she only calls me to tell me that this hot maintenance guy asked her for her phone number or she gave head to some captain behind the stairs in the crew lounge or that her best friends friend wants to pay her to see her naked. i don't know how to take all of this. i mean how does one have a real conversation with a person that can't be real with themself? and my other friend at work just got back from rehab and i haven't seen her since because she's got a new "lover". and i feel horribly alone most of the time. but i've decided that regaurdless of my concerns with my quality of life i must at least stay with the airline for a year. things could get better. and it is pretty cool that i can get on a plane to whatever destination whenever i feel like it. and the money isn't that bad...i think we're going on strike. i'm wearing a green ribbon signifying union solidarity and chaos and more money and i have green tags on my roller board and union officials and representatives are calling me and talking to me in private, making me feel important. making me fill out surveys. this should happen in a month or i will be making more money and have a better life all together. if these things do work out, these negotiations.
new york life: almost non-existant at this point. last time i layed over in white plaines, jason haskins road the train from manhattan to visit me. that was over a month ago and now he' s moved to seattle. and i will be visiting him this month. greg and i are not speaking, which is probably for the best right now. i don't know why two people have to hate eachother so much. we both just fucked up and that should have been realized and nothing should have ever been done passed the time we broke up last may. i did finally speak to jason durham again and that felt so good. i'd been avoiding conversation for some unknown reason, i find myself doing that a lot these days. when there is so much going on, i honestly forget to call people that i really want and need to call. i forget that they've left 6 voicemails. its the strrangest thing. i miss therese and think i have to go back to new york at the end of this month. and wendi also. and i have to see jason. we'll just see.