(no subject)
I think I might have one of those 24 hour bugs. :(
blagh
Here are my thoughts:
1.) I haven't been sick in 14 months...whenever i get sick, it's REALLY bad because of the slim amount that i do. Therefore, i understand why it always gets so bad because it's always been that way for me. Simple. I'm very thankful i dont' get sick alot.
2.) I had a really funny/awesome dream last night (but that has nothing to do with the way i feel) but as soon as i woke up, i didn't feel so well....and i've felt this kind of sickness all day today. I thought it was because i was really hungry or something but everytime I tried to eat....didn't do very well.
And lastly, my dad just talked to me about my grandmother and how she was finally called down to these "retirement" homes for the elderly. My dad and his brother (my uncle) and his sister (my aunt) all agree that it is best for my grandma to finally live in these homes...permenantly.
As much as i agree with them, its SO much harder then it seems to fully accept that.
For the past year...maybe two, we've known the idea that my grandma can't continue living on her own in her house. However, my cousin Peter has been living with her for the past three years now finishing up his major in Philadelphia which is an easy 20 minute drive from Jersey (where she lives).
But he's also ready to move on now and live in a place of his own so it seems to work out for both.
But it's just that.....that house is all i remember....its the center when i go back to visit - where we all meet up on sundays to have our big italian dinners and be fun and crazy all day. It's the house where I first went up into an attic and found a picture of my dad as captain of the football team all thru high school and college. I still have that picture today.
That house is everything to me....all these memories of my grandpa when he was alive, rocking in the same chair smiling when i can inside; or the memories of endless nights with Peter down in the basement playing World of Warcraft until our eyes couldn't stay open at 5 am; chasing fireflys outside in the grass and swinging on the old horseshoe swing; watching my Grandma make biscotti and gnocci on the basement table; taking a morning jog down to the Deleware river and then later being thrown in by my cousins; falling asleep on the floor with Peter and hearing the every-fifteen-minute-annoying-chime on the grandfather clock; and always waking up to the train that went by at least twice a day only 15 feet away from the house......
yeah...its alot harder then it seems to let go and accept that she'll be moving out in only a couple weeks.
The house is going to be turned over to her children (obviously my dad, uncle and aunt) and they get to do what they wish with it. But it'll be realy hard when i go back to visit over the summer or fall next time because I can't see her there.....it'll be at a retirement complex...full of people.
I don't know - maybe i'm just being really stuborn, and that i should be more happy for her...i just don't know how to take it all in right now i guess. It should pass over time though.
My dad wants to go back and help her move and stay with all my family back there for a while....i really want to go with him but i can't afford to miss alot of school.
I just find it so ironic that only 2 to 3 months ago when i was back there, that i actually took a picture of her house and the train and the laundry line where you hang up clothes.....i could have taken a picture any year...but i choose this year without even realizing it....
So I love you Grams - I pray that things will work out at the beginning and it'll become easier for you....and me. I love every memory i've shared with you in your house and i would never take anything back or change any of it for a second.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I think my sickness might also be because I'm just missing alot of people lately...austin, ashley, joscelyn, even mike, and mike H, and THE SAMs and ZAK!! hehehe naw, i really enjoy hanging out with you guys everyday - it's made me realy happy and its just so nice to be able to make weekend plans again so carefree if you know what i mean.
But Austin and Ashely and even Alison are my college buddies now...i had two years of high school with them and i loved ever moment very much:
Austin and I in San Fran.
Austin, Ashley, Michael, Alison
Before we went up....
After the rush back down....hehe look at their estatic faces. :)
:)
I miss you guys.
I feel alot better after saying all of that....if anyone clicked on that and actually read it, thank you - it means alot. But otherwise, it's just more for myself to get out of my system, so don't feel that you missed out if you didn't read. :)
I have so much to finish studying tonight; my book is REALLY good. i can't put it down. Grey's Anatomy starts tonight; LOST in 13 days. I <3 my Foxy.
And I hope that I can go JAMBA with some amazing kids this weekend. :D
And finally, i shall end with my never ending laugh....
SPA MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN
hugs for all~
PS- i need to go CD shopping this weekend again!
blagh
Here are my thoughts:
1.) I haven't been sick in 14 months...whenever i get sick, it's REALLY bad because of the slim amount that i do. Therefore, i understand why it always gets so bad because it's always been that way for me. Simple. I'm very thankful i dont' get sick alot.
2.) I had a really funny/awesome dream last night (but that has nothing to do with the way i feel) but as soon as i woke up, i didn't feel so well....and i've felt this kind of sickness all day today. I thought it was because i was really hungry or something but everytime I tried to eat....didn't do very well.
And lastly, my dad just talked to me about my grandmother and how she was finally called down to these "retirement" homes for the elderly. My dad and his brother (my uncle) and his sister (my aunt) all agree that it is best for my grandma to finally live in these homes...permenantly.
As much as i agree with them, its SO much harder then it seems to fully accept that.
For the past year...maybe two, we've known the idea that my grandma can't continue living on her own in her house. However, my cousin Peter has been living with her for the past three years now finishing up his major in Philadelphia which is an easy 20 minute drive from Jersey (where she lives).
But he's also ready to move on now and live in a place of his own so it seems to work out for both.
But it's just that.....that house is all i remember....its the center when i go back to visit - where we all meet up on sundays to have our big italian dinners and be fun and crazy all day. It's the house where I first went up into an attic and found a picture of my dad as captain of the football team all thru high school and college. I still have that picture today.
That house is everything to me....all these memories of my grandpa when he was alive, rocking in the same chair smiling when i can inside; or the memories of endless nights with Peter down in the basement playing World of Warcraft until our eyes couldn't stay open at 5 am; chasing fireflys outside in the grass and swinging on the old horseshoe swing; watching my Grandma make biscotti and gnocci on the basement table; taking a morning jog down to the Deleware river and then later being thrown in by my cousins; falling asleep on the floor with Peter and hearing the every-fifteen-minute-annoying-chime on the grandfather clock; and always waking up to the train that went by at least twice a day only 15 feet away from the house......
yeah...its alot harder then it seems to let go and accept that she'll be moving out in only a couple weeks.
The house is going to be turned over to her children (obviously my dad, uncle and aunt) and they get to do what they wish with it. But it'll be realy hard when i go back to visit over the summer or fall next time because I can't see her there.....it'll be at a retirement complex...full of people.
I don't know - maybe i'm just being really stuborn, and that i should be more happy for her...i just don't know how to take it all in right now i guess. It should pass over time though.
My dad wants to go back and help her move and stay with all my family back there for a while....i really want to go with him but i can't afford to miss alot of school.
I just find it so ironic that only 2 to 3 months ago when i was back there, that i actually took a picture of her house and the train and the laundry line where you hang up clothes.....i could have taken a picture any year...but i choose this year without even realizing it....
So I love you Grams - I pray that things will work out at the beginning and it'll become easier for you....and me. I love every memory i've shared with you in your house and i would never take anything back or change any of it for a second.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I think my sickness might also be because I'm just missing alot of people lately...austin, ashley, joscelyn, even mike, and mike H, and THE SAMs and ZAK!! hehehe naw, i really enjoy hanging out with you guys everyday - it's made me realy happy and its just so nice to be able to make weekend plans again so carefree if you know what i mean.
But Austin and Ashely and even Alison are my college buddies now...i had two years of high school with them and i loved ever moment very much:
Austin and I in San Fran.
Austin, Ashley, Michael, Alison
Before we went up....
After the rush back down....hehe look at their estatic faces. :)
:)
I miss you guys.
I feel alot better after saying all of that....if anyone clicked on that and actually read it, thank you - it means alot. But otherwise, it's just more for myself to get out of my system, so don't feel that you missed out if you didn't read. :)
I have so much to finish studying tonight; my book is REALLY good. i can't put it down. Grey's Anatomy starts tonight; LOST in 13 days. I <3 my Foxy.
And I hope that I can go JAMBA with some amazing kids this weekend. :D
And finally, i shall end with my never ending laugh....
SPA MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN
hugs for all~
PS- i need to go CD shopping this weekend again!