The Year of Change
I ...
Wow.
For the first time in a long time, I feel hope.
And it's a really good feeling!
I just looked in the mirror while washing my hands... and I look good to me. Like... really good, despite the wind rash, or whatever they call it when your face gets all red from the cold, and the tears of relief. It's crazy...I almost found myself attractive.
I just got done with my therapy session today. And... for the first time I believe the gut feeling I've had for a while. I never really liked Renee (therapist)... ever since the beginning, I felt like she didn't get me, she wasn't listening to me, and she just seemed... something... (I later found out what it was. She's a Pisces, and that's the "something". Don't much care for those, I don't). I told Kris that I didn't really like her... and I was asked the question, "If you don't like her, why go to her? I couldn't talk to a therapist I don't like." And I responded with something along the lines of, "I don't know what it is... I don't like her... but I think she has the power to help me."
I've been reading "The Velvet Rage". I bought a copy for her. It should be here tomorrow or so. She's agreed to read it so we can discuss the chapters together. I outlined the plan. 1 chapter per session. The rules: Read it the night before the session or right before it so it's fresh in our minds... then we just talk about it. I explain how if fits to me, and she can form guiding questions as needed. She thinks it's a great idea.
I feel so good about it. Like if I can just relate all that I think and feel pertaining to what is in the pages and how it really does fit me, and if I can get her to understand what's it's like to be me and get an idea of my background... we can work through everything and maybe I can function as a person without the rage and the shame and everything else.
I was so nervous before the session... I actually felt like I could throw up. Now I feel great! Amazing! Like the world might not be a horrible place for me forever.
Good things. This is the year of change.
That is all for now.
Peace.
Wow.
For the first time in a long time, I feel hope.
And it's a really good feeling!
I just looked in the mirror while washing my hands... and I look good to me. Like... really good, despite the wind rash, or whatever they call it when your face gets all red from the cold, and the tears of relief. It's crazy...I almost found myself attractive.
I just got done with my therapy session today. And... for the first time I believe the gut feeling I've had for a while. I never really liked Renee (therapist)... ever since the beginning, I felt like she didn't get me, she wasn't listening to me, and she just seemed... something... (I later found out what it was. She's a Pisces, and that's the "something". Don't much care for those, I don't). I told Kris that I didn't really like her... and I was asked the question, "If you don't like her, why go to her? I couldn't talk to a therapist I don't like." And I responded with something along the lines of, "I don't know what it is... I don't like her... but I think she has the power to help me."
I've been reading "The Velvet Rage". I bought a copy for her. It should be here tomorrow or so. She's agreed to read it so we can discuss the chapters together. I outlined the plan. 1 chapter per session. The rules: Read it the night before the session or right before it so it's fresh in our minds... then we just talk about it. I explain how if fits to me, and she can form guiding questions as needed. She thinks it's a great idea.
I feel so good about it. Like if I can just relate all that I think and feel pertaining to what is in the pages and how it really does fit me, and if I can get her to understand what's it's like to be me and get an idea of my background... we can work through everything and maybe I can function as a person without the rage and the shame and everything else.
I was so nervous before the session... I actually felt like I could throw up. Now I feel great! Amazing! Like the world might not be a horrible place for me forever.
Good things. This is the year of change.
That is all for now.
Peace.