Just a quick update, because I have... a minute.
Ugh... so I just got out of the shower. Actually... it was one of those showers that became a bath... which resulted in much thinking and further worrying. I do that too much...
Anyway, this morning, I talked to David. Didn't make me feel any better, as I had previously suspected... actually, it made me more nervous... I don't know, I guess yesterday, I thought that if I could just get a hold of David, I'd find out that there really wasn't anything to worry about. But that wasn't the case... yeah... he didn't have any information other than what I already knew... that it's really not a very good symptom to have... yeah. But it's ok, because tomorrow I'm going to the doctor... so, all will be well, right? right.
Anyway... good news: I now officially have health insurance. My mother bought it for me today. It's relatively cheap too, so in theory, I'll be able to afford it. I'm glad that I have it now... because one of the things that's been worrying me is that I'll go to the doctor tomorrow, find out that whatever I have is actually serious, and then it'll be a pre-existing condition and therefore it'll be a while before I'll be able to actually get coverage through insurance, if they even agree to cover it at all. Yeah... I've been down that road before... I know all the twisted games that insurance companies play... I also know that many doctors will actually treat you differently if you don't have insurance, and come as close to refusing to treat you as they are legally able. I've been there. Anyway... she doesn't know why I'm suddenly so adamant about needing to go to the doctor, but at least she's apparently starting to believe that I must have a good reason for wanting to go so badly...
Well, for the time being, I have health insurance.
Work today was slow, and I spent most of it worrying. I really like tending bar. I had a good time the last hour that I worked, because I had a few people back in the bar. Made my first margarita today. Turned out iffy, but the second one was much, much better. Amounts were off on the first one. Too strong. Certain drinks cannot be made stronger than they're intended to be, because it just ruins them. Anyway, did some palm reading too. Margarita woman (who was also a bartender, I came to learn) was so impressed by my ability to read her palm that she actually bought me a drink ^_^ (and tipped me $2 on that drink alone *_~). I made more tending bar in an hour than I made serving all day long.
I told my brother about my latest symptom.
I think it's because I've grown tired of him and my mother assuming there's nothing wrong with me. I do it to myself... I downplay or exaggerate everything that's wrong with me (to the point of it being almost laughable) because I don't want anyone to worry about me... and then when something is actually wrong with me, people assume I'm doing that same thing and they call me a baby, or they tell me I'm just being dramatic... But I told him tonight... and he asked me why I wasn't on my way to the ER. That's another thing I do... I go out of my way to convince myself that whatever's wrong with me is in my head... and that it's not actually as bad as it seems. I actually tried to reason my way through the latest thing, thinking that maybe it happens to a lot of people, they just don't necessarily notice or realize because of circumstance or whatever... J.Z. quickly informed me how stupid that statement was... and made me promise him that I'd be going to the doctor no later than tomorrow. Then I talked to David... and... well... honestly that made me a little more scared than I've been because it baffled him... and I guess I just thought he'd have some answer... ok... I was secretly hoping he'd tell me that it wasn't that uncommon... or that he's known someone that happened to and it wasn't that big a deal, but it was something I should get checked out anyway... or... just... something.
I don't know.
Well... at any rate... (see? Right there I actually had to fight the urge to write, 'It's not a big deal'. It might be a big deal... I'm even downplaying it here in my journal....). Tomorrow I go to the doctor, so... yeah.
Now I think I'm going to lay down some. My back is hurting (between my shoulder blades. That's where I store all my stress...), and I'd just like to rest for a spell, I think. So...
That is all.
Anyway, this morning, I talked to David. Didn't make me feel any better, as I had previously suspected... actually, it made me more nervous... I don't know, I guess yesterday, I thought that if I could just get a hold of David, I'd find out that there really wasn't anything to worry about. But that wasn't the case... yeah... he didn't have any information other than what I already knew... that it's really not a very good symptom to have... yeah. But it's ok, because tomorrow I'm going to the doctor... so, all will be well, right? right.
Anyway... good news: I now officially have health insurance. My mother bought it for me today. It's relatively cheap too, so in theory, I'll be able to afford it. I'm glad that I have it now... because one of the things that's been worrying me is that I'll go to the doctor tomorrow, find out that whatever I have is actually serious, and then it'll be a pre-existing condition and therefore it'll be a while before I'll be able to actually get coverage through insurance, if they even agree to cover it at all. Yeah... I've been down that road before... I know all the twisted games that insurance companies play... I also know that many doctors will actually treat you differently if you don't have insurance, and come as close to refusing to treat you as they are legally able. I've been there. Anyway... she doesn't know why I'm suddenly so adamant about needing to go to the doctor, but at least she's apparently starting to believe that I must have a good reason for wanting to go so badly...
Well, for the time being, I have health insurance.
Work today was slow, and I spent most of it worrying. I really like tending bar. I had a good time the last hour that I worked, because I had a few people back in the bar. Made my first margarita today. Turned out iffy, but the second one was much, much better. Amounts were off on the first one. Too strong. Certain drinks cannot be made stronger than they're intended to be, because it just ruins them. Anyway, did some palm reading too. Margarita woman (who was also a bartender, I came to learn) was so impressed by my ability to read her palm that she actually bought me a drink ^_^ (and tipped me $2 on that drink alone *_~). I made more tending bar in an hour than I made serving all day long.
I told my brother about my latest symptom.
I think it's because I've grown tired of him and my mother assuming there's nothing wrong with me. I do it to myself... I downplay or exaggerate everything that's wrong with me (to the point of it being almost laughable) because I don't want anyone to worry about me... and then when something is actually wrong with me, people assume I'm doing that same thing and they call me a baby, or they tell me I'm just being dramatic... But I told him tonight... and he asked me why I wasn't on my way to the ER. That's another thing I do... I go out of my way to convince myself that whatever's wrong with me is in my head... and that it's not actually as bad as it seems. I actually tried to reason my way through the latest thing, thinking that maybe it happens to a lot of people, they just don't necessarily notice or realize because of circumstance or whatever... J.Z. quickly informed me how stupid that statement was... and made me promise him that I'd be going to the doctor no later than tomorrow. Then I talked to David... and... well... honestly that made me a little more scared than I've been because it baffled him... and I guess I just thought he'd have some answer... ok... I was secretly hoping he'd tell me that it wasn't that uncommon... or that he's known someone that happened to and it wasn't that big a deal, but it was something I should get checked out anyway... or... just... something.
I don't know.
Well... at any rate... (see? Right there I actually had to fight the urge to write, 'It's not a big deal'. It might be a big deal... I'm even downplaying it here in my journal....). Tomorrow I go to the doctor, so... yeah.
Now I think I'm going to lay down some. My back is hurting (between my shoulder blades. That's where I store all my stress...), and I'd just like to rest for a spell, I think. So...
That is all.