And now for a sudden turn of events...
Today was a bit rough. Lots of different thoughts and what not. Just... yeah. Like I have the whole Eight of Swords looming over my head O_o*. Just about everything I've been feeling lately falls under that whole chestnut... which is, I know, delightfully vague. Can't help it, it's just one of those things... I worry about being like my mother in that regard... not that her life is awful, she's lived a very good life... but I've been noticing something about my family... the more I watch, the more worried I become. The 'males' are all fucked up... they're all the same, it's always all about them... and the 'females' (there are no actual females in the family besides my mother... but let's face it... Christian and I are most definitely closer to that side of things than the male side...) all seem to have the same thing about them... where they will go out of their way, taking all the hurt and the blame, just to keep the people they care about happy, even when they shouldn't. But that's enough of that.
Anyway, so... I went out driving today, because that often helps me, especially when I roll down the windows. Just driving... ended up at The Falls today, actually. I desperately wanted to call David... but it was one of those times where there wasn't anything he could do, because it would involve me actually talking about stuff, and that's really, really hard for me to do. Truthfully... I sort of envy the people who just say what's on their mind when something is bothering them, because I just don't seem to be able to do that. Although... it just depends upon the person, some people I can do that far too easily with... which is why some people still see me as being cold hearted and distant. Christian recently told me that he wished he could be as cold hearted as I am... Anyway, David called me, which couldn't have come at a better time, because I was feeling really low. Lots of different things, and even though I have a very hard time sharing what's bothering me, it helps to know that someone is thinking about me enough to call. So we talked for a little while, and I did sort of talk a little bit about what's been on my mind these last few days. I was just driving around the hotel parking lot at that point.
So... after I got off the phone with him, I called my mother. She told me she couldn't talk, because the neighbor's dog was having puppies and they needed her. Don't ask me why, but the next words out of my mouth were, "I'm on my way." So, I drove to their house, and as I parked in the street outside their house, I did my Mrs. Doubtfire, "Help is on the way, dear!!" And hurried into the house. Nick, the neighbor's husband, was on the phone with the vet as I hurried past, which was the first indication that something was going wrong. I got inside and Lisa (the neighbor) looked at me and said, "Thank God! You're a calm person, put some gloves on and help her! (her, being her dog) The puppy is stuck... it's just hanging there..." Now... this is just the way things go when it comes to me. People assume I can do things like this... I don't know what it is about me that makes them think that... or why people see me the way that they do... maybe it's because I try to help when people need help... maybe that's what it is. I had no idea what I was doing, but I put on the gloves and did what I could. The puppy's head was lodged inside, with her legs hanging out. It was... really sad. I did what I could... trying to help ease the puppy out. I couldn't though, nothing I did worked. My dad got there and was able to get the puppy out... he's done stuff like this, having grown up on a farm. I didn't want to hurt the mother, knowing the puppy was already dead... it was just too long a time... anyway, I helped in getting the dog to the vet, the puppies were just too big... Second puppy was born in my lap, I helped to deliver her, as her hind leg sort of got stuck... She's the one my mom is going to keep. Her name is Eva. Third puppy died, in much the same way as the first. Fourth puppy, also breach, survived somehow, even though the odds were against him. Everyone heaved a sigh of relief when the fourth one was born, because that was supposed to be it. X-ray showed four puppies a few weeks ago. The vet did another x-ray, just to be sure... nope. Two more puppies to go. 6 puppies for a dachshund is... a lot. I stayed to help with the puppies through number four. I hate feeling useless. It's one of those things about me. My brother and Les showed up after number 4, so after a while, they dragged me off to go get something to eat, or I would have stayed for the other two.
We went to eat at an overpriced Chinese restaurant after I showered and got cleaned up. Having an animal give birth in your lap is no less messy than anyone might think ^_^*. After that, we all headed back to the neighbor's house to see how many of the other two puppies survived. Both did. Total of four. I'm very glad about that. We all celebrated, drank wine and had some gourmet apples and donuts. Was good, but didn't do much for my self image. Been feeling/looking really fat lately. It's to the point where I look in the mirror and can't help but think about how round my face is and how bad that makes me look.
Anyway, helping to deliver the puppies was really something. Made me feel really good ^_^. It also forced me to pull it together, because people needed me to be in control. It was one of those days where I couldn't motivate myself to do anything, where all I really wanted to do was lay in bed all day. Didn't even let house keeping come in today. Left to go driving and try to clear my head with the intent of returning to my room and not doing anything (despite how much I have to get done, still) for the rest of the day. Instead, I helped deliver puppies. And... although I didn't do too much, really... I did do a lot to try to get the first puppy out... it's a shame I didn't have lube in my bag... because that would've helped. That was my first thought as I was trying to ease the puppy out, then thought it was kind of a stupid one... until the vet actually ended up doing just that for the other puppies (it was me who reminded him that he would need another tube of the lube after the fourth puppy, as he used up the whole tube on the last two). And I did help with Eva, as she did have her foot stuck. If things go according to plan... which I'm sure they won't, because there's a plan ^_^*... she'll be ready to leave her mother around the time that the house is completed. But... that's assuming that things get finished on time, which I'm pretty sure they won't.
Oh well, no biggie, really.
Well, that was my day ^_^.
Anyway, so... I went out driving today, because that often helps me, especially when I roll down the windows. Just driving... ended up at The Falls today, actually. I desperately wanted to call David... but it was one of those times where there wasn't anything he could do, because it would involve me actually talking about stuff, and that's really, really hard for me to do. Truthfully... I sort of envy the people who just say what's on their mind when something is bothering them, because I just don't seem to be able to do that. Although... it just depends upon the person, some people I can do that far too easily with... which is why some people still see me as being cold hearted and distant. Christian recently told me that he wished he could be as cold hearted as I am... Anyway, David called me, which couldn't have come at a better time, because I was feeling really low. Lots of different things, and even though I have a very hard time sharing what's bothering me, it helps to know that someone is thinking about me enough to call. So we talked for a little while, and I did sort of talk a little bit about what's been on my mind these last few days. I was just driving around the hotel parking lot at that point.
So... after I got off the phone with him, I called my mother. She told me she couldn't talk, because the neighbor's dog was having puppies and they needed her. Don't ask me why, but the next words out of my mouth were, "I'm on my way." So, I drove to their house, and as I parked in the street outside their house, I did my Mrs. Doubtfire, "Help is on the way, dear!!" And hurried into the house. Nick, the neighbor's husband, was on the phone with the vet as I hurried past, which was the first indication that something was going wrong. I got inside and Lisa (the neighbor) looked at me and said, "Thank God! You're a calm person, put some gloves on and help her! (her, being her dog) The puppy is stuck... it's just hanging there..." Now... this is just the way things go when it comes to me. People assume I can do things like this... I don't know what it is about me that makes them think that... or why people see me the way that they do... maybe it's because I try to help when people need help... maybe that's what it is. I had no idea what I was doing, but I put on the gloves and did what I could. The puppy's head was lodged inside, with her legs hanging out. It was... really sad. I did what I could... trying to help ease the puppy out. I couldn't though, nothing I did worked. My dad got there and was able to get the puppy out... he's done stuff like this, having grown up on a farm. I didn't want to hurt the mother, knowing the puppy was already dead... it was just too long a time... anyway, I helped in getting the dog to the vet, the puppies were just too big... Second puppy was born in my lap, I helped to deliver her, as her hind leg sort of got stuck... She's the one my mom is going to keep. Her name is Eva. Third puppy died, in much the same way as the first. Fourth puppy, also breach, survived somehow, even though the odds were against him. Everyone heaved a sigh of relief when the fourth one was born, because that was supposed to be it. X-ray showed four puppies a few weeks ago. The vet did another x-ray, just to be sure... nope. Two more puppies to go. 6 puppies for a dachshund is... a lot. I stayed to help with the puppies through number four. I hate feeling useless. It's one of those things about me. My brother and Les showed up after number 4, so after a while, they dragged me off to go get something to eat, or I would have stayed for the other two.
We went to eat at an overpriced Chinese restaurant after I showered and got cleaned up. Having an animal give birth in your lap is no less messy than anyone might think ^_^*. After that, we all headed back to the neighbor's house to see how many of the other two puppies survived. Both did. Total of four. I'm very glad about that. We all celebrated, drank wine and had some gourmet apples and donuts. Was good, but didn't do much for my self image. Been feeling/looking really fat lately. It's to the point where I look in the mirror and can't help but think about how round my face is and how bad that makes me look.
Anyway, helping to deliver the puppies was really something. Made me feel really good ^_^. It also forced me to pull it together, because people needed me to be in control. It was one of those days where I couldn't motivate myself to do anything, where all I really wanted to do was lay in bed all day. Didn't even let house keeping come in today. Left to go driving and try to clear my head with the intent of returning to my room and not doing anything (despite how much I have to get done, still) for the rest of the day. Instead, I helped deliver puppies. And... although I didn't do too much, really... I did do a lot to try to get the first puppy out... it's a shame I didn't have lube in my bag... because that would've helped. That was my first thought as I was trying to ease the puppy out, then thought it was kind of a stupid one... until the vet actually ended up doing just that for the other puppies (it was me who reminded him that he would need another tube of the lube after the fourth puppy, as he used up the whole tube on the last two). And I did help with Eva, as she did have her foot stuck. If things go according to plan... which I'm sure they won't, because there's a plan ^_^*... she'll be ready to leave her mother around the time that the house is completed. But... that's assuming that things get finished on time, which I'm pretty sure they won't.
Oh well, no biggie, really.
Well, that was my day ^_^.