A post about yesterday. About time *_~.
Yesterday was a wonderful day! Really it was ^_^*. So, I got home and my mom and I went out to eat. My treat ^_^. Nothing too big or anything, but we just had a great time. Talking, and laughing and eating. Very much fun ^_^. I was telling her about what J.Z.'s Aunt Ja. (or was it Aunt Jo.?) said at the theater when we went to see his brother's play, about how I need to have him bring me along more often. My mom was smiling, and she said, "I think you're very good for J.Z.". Yes, I'm sure that she meant it in a friendship sense, but it still made me smile ^_^*.
After that, we went to the Home Depot for something that she wanted to get. We looked at tile because I've been wanting to put tile in my room for ages... Yes, I know... it'll be very cold in the winter *_~. That seems to be what everyone is telling me ^_^*. It's just that the carpet in there now is uber old shag carpet and it's icky... and gross... and I feel gross sitting on it... so I usually don't. Tile is easy to keep clean, and it's easier than putting in that nice, short carpet like J.Z. has in his place... so... it looks like the best option ^_^. Maybe I'll start the project over the extended 4th of July weekend I have ^_^*.
So, as we were driving home, my mother decided to tell me a story about one time when they (being my mom and dad) went parking. I don't remember exactly what spurred this... we might have actually passed the place it happened.
Mom: "We got stuck in the mud when we went parking."
Me: *looking at her* "Wait a minute... do you mean parking... or... Parking...?"
Mom: "...Parking..."
Me: *Facepalm, with much laughter. Yes, I was driving*
Mom: *she just kept right on going* "Well... we were going to leave and suddenly we discovered that we were stuck in the mud. I started panicking because I kept thinking I was going to have to call my mother, and I knew that she would be asking what exactly we had been doing back there... So dad eventually found a shovel from the building site nearby and started digging us out. He told me to press the gas a little, but I wasn't thinking, so I pressed really hard and sprayed mud ALL OVER him... I did that to him twice."
Me: *Still cracking up*
I know... you'd think that hearing about my parents doing that would be a disgusting thought to me... but it wasn't. I mean... I know it happened... at least five times. I like hearing stories ^_^*. It just added to the enjoyment of the evening. ^_^.
So, we got home around 8:30, and J.Z. hadn't gotten home yet. So I went on the computer while still talking to my mom. She told me that she had a really good time. That she loves spending time with me because I make her "laugh and laugh and laugh!" We do have fun together again now ^_^*. It's amazing what 6 months or so can do. Maybe it was more like 7 or 8... I'm really bad with time. Things were really rough back then... and yes... that's more than just a smidge of an understatement. I think we fought every day, and things just kept getting worse. At the time, I thought it was her, but it wasn't. It was me. Everything was me then. I was just so miserable and I hated everything so much, I just wanted it all to go away... but it wouldn't, so I hated it all even more. I'm so glad that time has ended. And in a positive way, no less. I know I've said this all before, and who knows what it means... but I really do have just one person to thank for it all, and that person is not me. Maybe that does mean I'm a little dependent on him... but you know what I've realized? People are not solitary creatures. We all need other people... and in that sense, we're all dependent on someone. Whether it be a spouse... or a lover... or a friend, or a brother, or a mother... or a child... we all need someone. Someone we go to when things aren't what they should be. Someone who can has enough of you to lift you out of that place without knowing that they're doing it. The simple fact that they're there is enough, they needn't even say a word... just being around these people is enough to help you. So... we're all dependent. We all need someone...
Hmmm... a while back, I did a meme... or a survey or something... in which I listed shows and people on my f-list told me who they thought I was most like from each show. I think it was sailor_atma who said that he thought I was most like Sailor Pluto from Sailor Moon. I wonder if that's changed now based on how my outlook and how everything in my life has changed... hmmm.
At any rate. I went over to J.Z.'s place last night when he texted me. "I'm home". So after talking to my mom a little more, I headed over.
I knocked.
He opened the door with a confused look on his face. I headed in and sat on my his couch. He headed over to his chair and looked at me, that same confused look on his face, and he said, "Since when do you knock?" Now... this is where I was supposed to say something like, "Well.. I was getting the impression that it might have been bugging you a little... so I thought I'd try something new." But... I couldn't. I just sort of shrugged a little... and we moved on. It felt weird saying that to him... just like it feels weird knocking. But... I'm too close to the situation and I know I can't see everything that other people can... so... I will knock, and I will stay away more, even though it's becoming more and more obvious that he wants me there.
Anyway, so we talked a bit, and then he said, "If I had any money, I'd say let's go rent a movie." I had a few bucks, so I said let's do it. So we headed up the road, and we looked around Blockbuster... one movie turned into three... which is alright, it's just more than I had planned on, that's all. We got, "Blood and Chocolate" (an unlikely romance, from what I've been told. We've both wanted to see it), "Pan's Labyrinth" (a movie we both want to see), and "Blow" (it has Johnny Depp in it... so it can't be that bad... he's a very good actor... but this was on J.Z.'s list... for some reason he was hell bent on three, so we searched and searched looking for number three... ^_^*). While we were looking, one of the sale's people came up to us to try to draw us into that online thing (which I'm actually considering... I just have to look into it more). He was very friendly, which is the best sales pitch anyone can have, because it's hard to say no to someone who is being friendly like that. But we did say no. Then he came up to us while we were standing in line and asked if we were going to do it. We turned him down, and said, "Well... just go ahead and think about it some more than." and he put his hand on my shoulder lightly before moving away to someone else. I've felt that touch before... I feel it a lot. That light touch. It wasn't a bad touch like I got when I worked at a movie rental place... because it was on my shoulder rather than my lower back, but it was the same touch. I looked at J.Z. when it happened... I don't know why. It just seemed like the thing to do. He got it too, apparently. The same touch. As we walked out, he was talking about it. Since we both got the same impression from the touch, I'm guessing it really was what we thought. When it happened... I wasn't really sure... I just thought "Well... that was a little weird, but this person is friendly, and some people touch... that's all." At any rate, it didn't bother me at all. To me a touch is a touch (provided that it's not on your lower back while you're working and the guy who touched you isn't creepy beyond all reason and makes you think of the headline "Body of local resident found bound, naked, and horribly disfigured in a cellar." *shudders*). It did bother J.Z. though... or that's what he said. I just kind of shrugged it off and said it wasn't a big deal.
J.Z.: "Still... it makes me feel a little uncomfortable when a guy who is obviously... eh... touches me like that..."
Me: "Well... I don't know, it's not like it was below the waist or anything... it was just a touch on your shoulder."
J.Z.: "Yeah... below the waist would be bad..."
Me: "Besides, it doesn't bother me because P. (my brother in PA) is gay, as you know... so it's really no big deal, you know?" *I was going for the whole, "Just because he touched you, doesn't mean he wanted you" thing... but I didn't just come right out and say that, which I probably should have, but oh well.*
J.Z.: "Yeah... but P. is different. He's your brother. I wouldn't care if he touched me either. It was just weird..."
I shrugged it off again, and that was the end of that. We got back, and by this time it was after 10, and I had had a stressful day at work... so I suggested we watch the movies another day... because I knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake. So we watched a little tv, and yes, I started falling asleep. I caught myself at 4 before 11, and that's when I retired for the evening...
As I was leaving he told me to come over at some point today, and we'll hang out. I said sure. ^_^. I think he's taking the lead pretty well, don't you? I mean, it would appear that he's already realized that when he asks me to come over, I do. I've slept better these last two nights than I have in a while, which is good. And he's not talking about my brother and Lore too much, although he did talk about them an awful lot last night. There are times I wonder if he's talking about them because he feel uncomfortable with our silences... There are times when I can tell that he's genuinely upset about things... but other times, I'm not so sure... it's like he feels the need to be talking, so he brings up something he knows that we have in common... which is usually my brother and Lore... Although, now that he's been developing this new campaign for roleplaying, he's been talking about that a lot more in the gaps of our conversations. I know where he's coming from... sometimes I hate the silence that comes in between conversations... sometimes I feel that way when I'm with him, but other times, I feel completely content with them, because I know that we don't have to be talking at every second. The only times I feel slightly weird about our lulls in conversation are when we're in the car together... don't know why... but that's when I feel it. ^_^*. Weird huh? I think that's when he feels it the most too.
Anyway, I'm doing laundry now. (UGH!! Hate doing laundry...), then I'm going to cut the grass, go to the gym (yay!! double dose of exercise, go me *_~), then shower and it's off to that art show (I'm going to be all "fashion victim" *_~. It's an art show... so you have to look the part, you know? ^_^*). Then I'll go to J.Z's place and we'll watch a movie or two and just chill ^_^. I think it's going to be a good day *_~.
Catch ya later ^_^.
After that, we went to the Home Depot for something that she wanted to get. We looked at tile because I've been wanting to put tile in my room for ages... Yes, I know... it'll be very cold in the winter *_~. That seems to be what everyone is telling me ^_^*. It's just that the carpet in there now is uber old shag carpet and it's icky... and gross... and I feel gross sitting on it... so I usually don't. Tile is easy to keep clean, and it's easier than putting in that nice, short carpet like J.Z. has in his place... so... it looks like the best option ^_^. Maybe I'll start the project over the extended 4th of July weekend I have ^_^*.
So, as we were driving home, my mother decided to tell me a story about one time when they (being my mom and dad) went parking. I don't remember exactly what spurred this... we might have actually passed the place it happened.
Mom: "We got stuck in the mud when we went parking."
Me: *looking at her* "Wait a minute... do you mean parking... or... Parking...?"
Mom: "...Parking..."
Me: *Facepalm, with much laughter. Yes, I was driving*
Mom: *she just kept right on going* "Well... we were going to leave and suddenly we discovered that we were stuck in the mud. I started panicking because I kept thinking I was going to have to call my mother, and I knew that she would be asking what exactly we had been doing back there... So dad eventually found a shovel from the building site nearby and started digging us out. He told me to press the gas a little, but I wasn't thinking, so I pressed really hard and sprayed mud ALL OVER him... I did that to him twice."
Me: *Still cracking up*
I know... you'd think that hearing about my parents doing that would be a disgusting thought to me... but it wasn't. I mean... I know it happened... at least five times. I like hearing stories ^_^*. It just added to the enjoyment of the evening. ^_^.
So, we got home around 8:30, and J.Z. hadn't gotten home yet. So I went on the computer while still talking to my mom. She told me that she had a really good time. That she loves spending time with me because I make her "laugh and laugh and laugh!" We do have fun together again now ^_^*. It's amazing what 6 months or so can do. Maybe it was more like 7 or 8... I'm really bad with time. Things were really rough back then... and yes... that's more than just a smidge of an understatement. I think we fought every day, and things just kept getting worse. At the time, I thought it was her, but it wasn't. It was me. Everything was me then. I was just so miserable and I hated everything so much, I just wanted it all to go away... but it wouldn't, so I hated it all even more. I'm so glad that time has ended. And in a positive way, no less. I know I've said this all before, and who knows what it means... but I really do have just one person to thank for it all, and that person is not me. Maybe that does mean I'm a little dependent on him... but you know what I've realized? People are not solitary creatures. We all need other people... and in that sense, we're all dependent on someone. Whether it be a spouse... or a lover... or a friend, or a brother, or a mother... or a child... we all need someone. Someone we go to when things aren't what they should be. Someone who can has enough of you to lift you out of that place without knowing that they're doing it. The simple fact that they're there is enough, they needn't even say a word... just being around these people is enough to help you. So... we're all dependent. We all need someone...
Hmmm... a while back, I did a meme... or a survey or something... in which I listed shows and people on my f-list told me who they thought I was most like from each show. I think it was sailor_atma who said that he thought I was most like Sailor Pluto from Sailor Moon. I wonder if that's changed now based on how my outlook and how everything in my life has changed... hmmm.
At any rate. I went over to J.Z.'s place last night when he texted me. "I'm home". So after talking to my mom a little more, I headed over.
I knocked.
He opened the door with a confused look on his face. I headed in and sat on my his couch. He headed over to his chair and looked at me, that same confused look on his face, and he said, "Since when do you knock?" Now... this is where I was supposed to say something like, "Well.. I was getting the impression that it might have been bugging you a little... so I thought I'd try something new." But... I couldn't. I just sort of shrugged a little... and we moved on. It felt weird saying that to him... just like it feels weird knocking. But... I'm too close to the situation and I know I can't see everything that other people can... so... I will knock, and I will stay away more, even though it's becoming more and more obvious that he wants me there.
Anyway, so we talked a bit, and then he said, "If I had any money, I'd say let's go rent a movie." I had a few bucks, so I said let's do it. So we headed up the road, and we looked around Blockbuster... one movie turned into three... which is alright, it's just more than I had planned on, that's all. We got, "Blood and Chocolate" (an unlikely romance, from what I've been told. We've both wanted to see it), "Pan's Labyrinth" (a movie we both want to see), and "Blow" (it has Johnny Depp in it... so it can't be that bad... he's a very good actor... but this was on J.Z.'s list... for some reason he was hell bent on three, so we searched and searched looking for number three... ^_^*). While we were looking, one of the sale's people came up to us to try to draw us into that online thing (which I'm actually considering... I just have to look into it more). He was very friendly, which is the best sales pitch anyone can have, because it's hard to say no to someone who is being friendly like that. But we did say no. Then he came up to us while we were standing in line and asked if we were going to do it. We turned him down, and said, "Well... just go ahead and think about it some more than." and he put his hand on my shoulder lightly before moving away to someone else. I've felt that touch before... I feel it a lot. That light touch. It wasn't a bad touch like I got when I worked at a movie rental place... because it was on my shoulder rather than my lower back, but it was the same touch. I looked at J.Z. when it happened... I don't know why. It just seemed like the thing to do. He got it too, apparently. The same touch. As we walked out, he was talking about it. Since we both got the same impression from the touch, I'm guessing it really was what we thought. When it happened... I wasn't really sure... I just thought "Well... that was a little weird, but this person is friendly, and some people touch... that's all." At any rate, it didn't bother me at all. To me a touch is a touch (provided that it's not on your lower back while you're working and the guy who touched you isn't creepy beyond all reason and makes you think of the headline "Body of local resident found bound, naked, and horribly disfigured in a cellar." *shudders*). It did bother J.Z. though... or that's what he said. I just kind of shrugged it off and said it wasn't a big deal.
J.Z.: "Still... it makes me feel a little uncomfortable when a guy who is obviously... eh... touches me like that..."
Me: "Well... I don't know, it's not like it was below the waist or anything... it was just a touch on your shoulder."
J.Z.: "Yeah... below the waist would be bad..."
Me: "Besides, it doesn't bother me because P. (my brother in PA) is gay, as you know... so it's really no big deal, you know?" *I was going for the whole, "Just because he touched you, doesn't mean he wanted you" thing... but I didn't just come right out and say that, which I probably should have, but oh well.*
J.Z.: "Yeah... but P. is different. He's your brother. I wouldn't care if he touched me either. It was just weird..."
I shrugged it off again, and that was the end of that. We got back, and by this time it was after 10, and I had had a stressful day at work... so I suggested we watch the movies another day... because I knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake. So we watched a little tv, and yes, I started falling asleep. I caught myself at 4 before 11, and that's when I retired for the evening...
As I was leaving he told me to come over at some point today, and we'll hang out. I said sure. ^_^. I think he's taking the lead pretty well, don't you? I mean, it would appear that he's already realized that when he asks me to come over, I do. I've slept better these last two nights than I have in a while, which is good. And he's not talking about my brother and Lore too much, although he did talk about them an awful lot last night. There are times I wonder if he's talking about them because he feel uncomfortable with our silences... There are times when I can tell that he's genuinely upset about things... but other times, I'm not so sure... it's like he feels the need to be talking, so he brings up something he knows that we have in common... which is usually my brother and Lore... Although, now that he's been developing this new campaign for roleplaying, he's been talking about that a lot more in the gaps of our conversations. I know where he's coming from... sometimes I hate the silence that comes in between conversations... sometimes I feel that way when I'm with him, but other times, I feel completely content with them, because I know that we don't have to be talking at every second. The only times I feel slightly weird about our lulls in conversation are when we're in the car together... don't know why... but that's when I feel it. ^_^*. Weird huh? I think that's when he feels it the most too.
Anyway, I'm doing laundry now. (UGH!! Hate doing laundry...), then I'm going to cut the grass, go to the gym (yay!! double dose of exercise, go me *_~), then shower and it's off to that art show (I'm going to be all "fashion victim" *_~. It's an art show... so you have to look the part, you know? ^_^*). Then I'll go to J.Z's place and we'll watch a movie or two and just chill ^_^. I think it's going to be a good day *_~.
Catch ya later ^_^.