(no subject)
I can't stop watching tonight's How I Met Your Mother episode.
It's had some of the best writing I've seen in a TV show episode in a long time, not to mention some really, really funny easter eggs, but it (and last week's episode) resound with me so well, because I've realized just how hard my life has seemed to me in the past week. Obviously, it's how you see the world that makes the difference... but this week has also shown me just how much support I truly have.
First off, I'm no longer an officer. My cynical attitude and comments cited, I was given the opportunity to resign on Tuesday from my last place of employment. The very same attitude and comments I hoped I'd be able to grow out of when I left Atlanta. The ones that seem to be such a part of my life that I don't even notice I'm behaving that way. I'm not angry, and I can understand. At this point, my only concern is to get a job, so I can maintain my truck and take care of Ghost.
And then I watched last week's episode. Ted discussed how he felt like the journey he's taken has reached its final stop, because he doesn't have anybody he can't stop thinking about. I don't either. And I feel like ice has encased my heart, because for once I was perfectly fine that I was single on Valentine's Day. I honestly no longer believe with my whole heart that I'll find the girl that meets my standards, nor that I will have the family I so long ago hoped to have in the future. Could it still happen? Sure, I will not deny that... but it's something I no longer feel. A year and a half ago I used to have romantic dreams of marrying the woman of my dreams, in a beautiful wedding, eventually raising some beautiful children. Now, that dream seems empty, because my imagination can't create the idea of a bride standing next to me on what I felt would be the most important day of my life.
The episode flowed so well into this week's episode, where Ted revisited his relationship with Robin after five years, after previously (at the end of last week's episode) confessing that he still loves her. When he realizes they're not to be together, he moves on at the end, albeit with pain in his heart which he does not admit to. I think they'll end up together, with Robin as the eponymous "Mother" mentioned in the title, but more on that later. It kinda ties my feelings together, because at the end of the episode, "Shake It Out" by Florence + The Machine played through to emphasize the emotions of despair and eventual hope that Ted goes through, something that makes sense to me in this time. To make matters ironic, "Shake It Out" was the song playing on the radio when I left headquarters after being told that I would have the opportunity to resign. The song, with its triumphant marching drumbeat and inspirational background choir, will always have a special place in my heart. Especially when I couple it with my Sifu's (paraphrased) advice-- "You got knocked down. You need to get back up and fight." I just need to keep moving toward that eventual hope.
It's had some of the best writing I've seen in a TV show episode in a long time, not to mention some really, really funny easter eggs, but it (and last week's episode) resound with me so well, because I've realized just how hard my life has seemed to me in the past week. Obviously, it's how you see the world that makes the difference... but this week has also shown me just how much support I truly have.
First off, I'm no longer an officer. My cynical attitude and comments cited, I was given the opportunity to resign on Tuesday from my last place of employment. The very same attitude and comments I hoped I'd be able to grow out of when I left Atlanta. The ones that seem to be such a part of my life that I don't even notice I'm behaving that way. I'm not angry, and I can understand. At this point, my only concern is to get a job, so I can maintain my truck and take care of Ghost.
And then I watched last week's episode. Ted discussed how he felt like the journey he's taken has reached its final stop, because he doesn't have anybody he can't stop thinking about. I don't either. And I feel like ice has encased my heart, because for once I was perfectly fine that I was single on Valentine's Day. I honestly no longer believe with my whole heart that I'll find the girl that meets my standards, nor that I will have the family I so long ago hoped to have in the future. Could it still happen? Sure, I will not deny that... but it's something I no longer feel. A year and a half ago I used to have romantic dreams of marrying the woman of my dreams, in a beautiful wedding, eventually raising some beautiful children. Now, that dream seems empty, because my imagination can't create the idea of a bride standing next to me on what I felt would be the most important day of my life.
The episode flowed so well into this week's episode, where Ted revisited his relationship with Robin after five years, after previously (at the end of last week's episode) confessing that he still loves her. When he realizes they're not to be together, he moves on at the end, albeit with pain in his heart which he does not admit to. I think they'll end up together, with Robin as the eponymous "Mother" mentioned in the title, but more on that later. It kinda ties my feelings together, because at the end of the episode, "Shake It Out" by Florence + The Machine played through to emphasize the emotions of despair and eventual hope that Ted goes through, something that makes sense to me in this time. To make matters ironic, "Shake It Out" was the song playing on the radio when I left headquarters after being told that I would have the opportunity to resign. The song, with its triumphant marching drumbeat and inspirational background choir, will always have a special place in my heart. Especially when I couple it with my Sifu's (paraphrased) advice-- "You got knocked down. You need to get back up and fight." I just need to keep moving toward that eventual hope.