Forgetting to sleep, I need to breathe, I'm getting nowhere.
I lost my job on Friday night. Its a long story, but it Boils down to one of my managers throwing me under the bus to save her own skin. I stood by her at all times and never gave her any problems. But in the end, she blamed her shit on me, made up lies about my work ethic and I ended up taking the blame. Shit always rolls down hill I guess.
Maybe I should call the store and explain the the GM that the same manager who got me fired, slept on the floor in the closet for 2 hours one night we worked together.... But that would be immoral of me.
I dont know what Im going to do now. I really dont. Im depressed beyond anything Ive felt before. I finally found a place I loved to work, an entire staff I thought I could get along with and trust. They all told me everything they thought about everyone else and I kept it to myself. I assumed they trusted me like I trusted them. Apparently I was wrong.
It has thrown a wrench into my entire life. I have a wedding to pay for, a house to try and buy/ a city to try to move to, a car that all sorts of needs fixed, and new clothes since Ive lost weight (nothing seems to fit anymore.) I dont know how Im going to do any of this. It really has absolutely just turned my world completely upside down. I dont know what Im going to do anymore. Everyone keeps telling me that "you'll figure out something, you always do." I dont want to just "figure things out" anymore. I want to find something thats not just a temporary fix. Lets face it, this last job was just a temporary fix.
After getting written up like 3 weeks ago, I had been the model employee. 5 min early (minimum) every day, was hardly smoking, busting my butt doing work. I didnt do anything wrong. I think its bullshit. I also think its shit when companies hire your replacement, and then lie to your face about it for a few weeks.
I dont know where to go from here. Im at a stand still again. I need to stop thinking retail jobs or food jobs will save my life because they wont. I am living proof that no matter where you work, your are no better off than you were before. No matter where you work people are always going to be the same breed. Find what you love to do and make a career out of it. Dont be afraid to fail at opening your own business because it beats working for other assholes.
Im now depressed to the point, where, I am so tired right now, but there is no chance of me getting to sleep any time soon. I cant sleep, and when I finally do fall asleep, I wont be able to wake up. Ive been feeling for the past 24 hours like I need to throw up. Ive been jittery and feeling like I need to cry all at once. I can hardly eat, Ive been smoking like a freight train, and my mind will 100% not stop.
I wont be fine. Not this time.
In other news: I finally got Matt to apply at google, and the position he is applying for is in Dublin Ireland. Its just an internship, and I really really hope he gets it. I am out of options here. I need to escape. I need to get out of here. It would work out amazingly if he gets it. If you do the god thing, pray for us. I think (and hold onto your chairs here), I might, MIGHT stop by the catholic church up the street and say one for us too. I know I know. Like I said.... I MIGHT. We'll see how god makes me feel in the morning.
Matt and I are going to the dirt mall tomorrow (traders world). I hope I can enjoy it. Im not myself right now.
Maybe I should call the store and explain the the GM that the same manager who got me fired, slept on the floor in the closet for 2 hours one night we worked together.... But that would be immoral of me.
I dont know what Im going to do now. I really dont. Im depressed beyond anything Ive felt before. I finally found a place I loved to work, an entire staff I thought I could get along with and trust. They all told me everything they thought about everyone else and I kept it to myself. I assumed they trusted me like I trusted them. Apparently I was wrong.
It has thrown a wrench into my entire life. I have a wedding to pay for, a house to try and buy/ a city to try to move to, a car that all sorts of needs fixed, and new clothes since Ive lost weight (nothing seems to fit anymore.) I dont know how Im going to do any of this. It really has absolutely just turned my world completely upside down. I dont know what Im going to do anymore. Everyone keeps telling me that "you'll figure out something, you always do." I dont want to just "figure things out" anymore. I want to find something thats not just a temporary fix. Lets face it, this last job was just a temporary fix.
After getting written up like 3 weeks ago, I had been the model employee. 5 min early (minimum) every day, was hardly smoking, busting my butt doing work. I didnt do anything wrong. I think its bullshit. I also think its shit when companies hire your replacement, and then lie to your face about it for a few weeks.
I dont know where to go from here. Im at a stand still again. I need to stop thinking retail jobs or food jobs will save my life because they wont. I am living proof that no matter where you work, your are no better off than you were before. No matter where you work people are always going to be the same breed. Find what you love to do and make a career out of it. Dont be afraid to fail at opening your own business because it beats working for other assholes.
Im now depressed to the point, where, I am so tired right now, but there is no chance of me getting to sleep any time soon. I cant sleep, and when I finally do fall asleep, I wont be able to wake up. Ive been feeling for the past 24 hours like I need to throw up. Ive been jittery and feeling like I need to cry all at once. I can hardly eat, Ive been smoking like a freight train, and my mind will 100% not stop.
I wont be fine. Not this time.
In other news: I finally got Matt to apply at google, and the position he is applying for is in Dublin Ireland. Its just an internship, and I really really hope he gets it. I am out of options here. I need to escape. I need to get out of here. It would work out amazingly if he gets it. If you do the god thing, pray for us. I think (and hold onto your chairs here), I might, MIGHT stop by the catholic church up the street and say one for us too. I know I know. Like I said.... I MIGHT. We'll see how god makes me feel in the morning.
Matt and I are going to the dirt mall tomorrow (traders world). I hope I can enjoy it. Im not myself right now.