I got reeeeally bored/
scoping for recipes, I found this from the 50s. anything i wrote is what I was thinking as I read it....at least the relatively nice ones.
The Good Wife’s Guide
1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Bunnie: Ah, yes. Every night I will sit up contemplating life’s greatest mystery…..steak or pork?
2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Bunnie: And I’ve just spent the day cleaning his house, caring for his children and cooking his dinner. Methinks that putting a ribbon in my hair isn’t going to remove the bags from under my eyes and food stains from baby’s ” projectile pea” experiment.
3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Bunnie: If I were gay, chances are I wouldn’t have a husband, now would I? Hmmm, something to chew over there.
4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
Bunnie: Especially if that’s where he keeps his football paraphernalia. Glad bag that whoooole fucking room!
5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.
Bunnie: But stepping on blocks and annoying musical toys while on a 4 a.m. bathroom run is an essential joy of parenthood.
6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Bunnie: Only if it results in messed up sheets and a frantic EPT.
7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Bunnie:” Charlotte, go wash your hands and face, comb your hair, change your clothes and duct tape your mouth. Momma has to go turn off Daddy’s clothes in the wash.” AND WRINKLES BE DAMNED!!!
8. Be happy to see him.
Bunnie: I suppose this one isn’t so bad.
9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Bunnie: TCH!
10. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Bunnie: Oh, yessir mastah.” Oh, my day? Oh, Charlotte lit the stove on fire, Dante broke his arm and front two teeth bungee jumping off the bunk beds, Lillia has chicken pox and Jonas has lice. Oh and the bank called about my missing debit card….we’re overdrawn by $32000. But I’m sure your assignment to count the dents on a golfball was MUUUUCH more important.”
11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Bunnie: Other places of entertainment? I’m okay with him going bowling or whatever without me, but he so much as looks at a stripclub and my ‘bitch senses’ will be tingling. *Prepares the Ceremonial Bitch Slap(aka cracking my knuckles)*
12. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Bunnie: I believe they have a designated place for that. It’s called church.
13. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
Bunnie:Because the real world stands still when he wanders in three hours late, drunk as shit.
14. Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
Bunnie: I would never complain if he were out all night….I’d just change the locks on all the doors and windows. =D
15. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Bunnie: Not gunna touch this one.
16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Bunnie: *Stepford wife voice* Darling. I’m filing for divorce.*sincere, vacant smile*
17. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
Bunnie: Defiance is futile! MUAHAHAHAHA!
18. A good wife always knows her place.
Bunnie: On top. Bent over a chair. Against the shower door. On the kitchen table. Under the kitchen table. The driver’s seat……hm? Wrong type of place? Oh, well, I stand by the driver’s seat part, then.
The Good Wife’s Guide
1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Bunnie: Ah, yes. Every night I will sit up contemplating life’s greatest mystery…..steak or pork?
2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Bunnie: And I’ve just spent the day cleaning his house, caring for his children and cooking his dinner. Methinks that putting a ribbon in my hair isn’t going to remove the bags from under my eyes and food stains from baby’s ” projectile pea” experiment.
3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Bunnie: If I were gay, chances are I wouldn’t have a husband, now would I? Hmmm, something to chew over there.
4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
Bunnie: Especially if that’s where he keeps his football paraphernalia. Glad bag that whoooole fucking room!
5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.
Bunnie: But stepping on blocks and annoying musical toys while on a 4 a.m. bathroom run is an essential joy of parenthood.
6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Bunnie: Only if it results in messed up sheets and a frantic EPT.
7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Bunnie:” Charlotte, go wash your hands and face, comb your hair, change your clothes and duct tape your mouth. Momma has to go turn off Daddy’s clothes in the wash.” AND WRINKLES BE DAMNED!!!
8. Be happy to see him.
Bunnie: I suppose this one isn’t so bad.
9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Bunnie: TCH!
10. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Bunnie: Oh, yessir mastah.” Oh, my day? Oh, Charlotte lit the stove on fire, Dante broke his arm and front two teeth bungee jumping off the bunk beds, Lillia has chicken pox and Jonas has lice. Oh and the bank called about my missing debit card….we’re overdrawn by $32000. But I’m sure your assignment to count the dents on a golfball was MUUUUCH more important.”
11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Bunnie: Other places of entertainment? I’m okay with him going bowling or whatever without me, but he so much as looks at a stripclub and my ‘bitch senses’ will be tingling. *Prepares the Ceremonial Bitch Slap(aka cracking my knuckles)*
12. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Bunnie: I believe they have a designated place for that. It’s called church.
13. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
Bunnie:Because the real world stands still when he wanders in three hours late, drunk as shit.
14. Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
Bunnie: I would never complain if he were out all night….I’d just change the locks on all the doors and windows. =D
15. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Bunnie: Not gunna touch this one.
16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Bunnie: *Stepford wife voice* Darling. I’m filing for divorce.*sincere, vacant smile*
17. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
Bunnie: Defiance is futile! MUAHAHAHAHA!
18. A good wife always knows her place.
Bunnie: On top. Bent over a chair. Against the shower door. On the kitchen table. Under the kitchen table. The driver’s seat……hm? Wrong type of place? Oh, well, I stand by the driver’s seat part, then.