Awful sweet to be a little butterfly
So I realize my last posts have been really well.. emo. I haven't posted in a while because the boy (the one that would date me if I were Columbian? yeah still makes no sense) got a blog of his own. Not a livejournal mind you (those are so middle school wah!) his is a blogspot blog. He writes all sorts of inane crap but nothing personal (aka the very exact opposite of mine). He complains about hipsters (though he is a BLATANT hipster) he complains about the government and gas prices etc. He praises his bike. The bike I figured would be so awesome to be on the back of, but I realize now I'm pretty wrong.
Anyway stupid boy made me feel shitty about this Lj. He even made a mock entry in his blog about what people "like me" write about "the quarterback popping my cherry and then moving on so now I'll cut my bangs sideways and go to art school." I'm paraphrasing but whatever. So I made myself a blogspot blog. I was all clever and named it "those are not my eyes" HAH. I wrote one entry promoting the jackass's blog. Then I decided I would only write about issues, and my opinions. I couldn't think of an issue that I knew enough about to write about without sounding like well.. a jackass. So I thought of a couple topics like:
When did girls become so fucking dependent on eachother in terms of making choices or going to the fucking bathroom alone etc.
-But I was prompted to write about this from a personal experience I had with a friend recently where she forwarded me a text she was going to send to a boy and said "should I text him this" and because I wouldn't ever send a text like that to a guy but I knew she would I said yes and then she said "well I sent it but if he doesn't text back it's your fault" now of COURSE she was joking but it got me thinking.
But if I adhered to stupid boy's rules of proper cool hipster blogging I couldn't write about that topic, at least not well. I write well on a personal level, at least in my opinion I write well. I feel like if I'm going to publish something on the internet it should be from my real and honest experience, not just upchucking something I heard on CNN (sorry stupid boy but thats kinda just what you do).
So I decided I like the way I write in the LJ. I don't write for fans, I don't send people links to my lj in order to get comments either. I write because I have all these things I wanna say, and sometimes it's stuff I say in person to those that matter to me and sometimes it's stuff I would never have the guts to say ever.
I realize my journal is not private, and sometimes I consider making it friends only, but I have this weird idea that someone out there may read this and enjoy it, or be helped or comforted or maybe even entertained? I like the exhibition aspect of it and I think it's fair that when I trash talk (which happens and yeah I don't care bite me) I don't use names (generally) and I'm going to try and be better about naming names etc.
So in closing STUPID HIPSTER BOY. Please fuck off. I like my LJ, Long live my online therapist :)
This entry is preparation for my next entry that I may write tonight if I have the energy or maybe not. It's going to be abstract and maybe even poem like. I have all these phrases bouncing around in my head that I wanna lay out. I've been explosively sad and angry these days and thats not gonna change for awhile.
So I have a feeling you may read this. Either you read this, or you and I really do have the connection I think we have (which I highly doubt). Maybe you don't even read this religiously, and thats ok. Maybe you'll never see this ever, but hey why not try. I just want to say that even though it wasn't much, and it's driven me up the walls this past week what you said meant something to me. Yes it was on a screen and it was meager and curt but if I know you as well as I think I do it took a lot for you to do it. I want you to know I appreciate that a lot. Doesn't mean I completely forgive you, or forgive myself. But honestly I'm sorry if you feel like I'm harboring major resentment toward you (it' not major anymore... gets better everyday) If you ever want to tell me more about anything (your shoelaces, your grandfather, you and me, the person you must be in love with, anything at all) I'm listening.
Anyway stupid boy made me feel shitty about this Lj. He even made a mock entry in his blog about what people "like me" write about "the quarterback popping my cherry and then moving on so now I'll cut my bangs sideways and go to art school." I'm paraphrasing but whatever. So I made myself a blogspot blog. I was all clever and named it "those are not my eyes" HAH. I wrote one entry promoting the jackass's blog. Then I decided I would only write about issues, and my opinions. I couldn't think of an issue that I knew enough about to write about without sounding like well.. a jackass. So I thought of a couple topics like:
When did girls become so fucking dependent on eachother in terms of making choices or going to the fucking bathroom alone etc.
-But I was prompted to write about this from a personal experience I had with a friend recently where she forwarded me a text she was going to send to a boy and said "should I text him this" and because I wouldn't ever send a text like that to a guy but I knew she would I said yes and then she said "well I sent it but if he doesn't text back it's your fault" now of COURSE she was joking but it got me thinking.
But if I adhered to stupid boy's rules of proper cool hipster blogging I couldn't write about that topic, at least not well. I write well on a personal level, at least in my opinion I write well. I feel like if I'm going to publish something on the internet it should be from my real and honest experience, not just upchucking something I heard on CNN (sorry stupid boy but thats kinda just what you do).
So I decided I like the way I write in the LJ. I don't write for fans, I don't send people links to my lj in order to get comments either. I write because I have all these things I wanna say, and sometimes it's stuff I say in person to those that matter to me and sometimes it's stuff I would never have the guts to say ever.
I realize my journal is not private, and sometimes I consider making it friends only, but I have this weird idea that someone out there may read this and enjoy it, or be helped or comforted or maybe even entertained? I like the exhibition aspect of it and I think it's fair that when I trash talk (which happens and yeah I don't care bite me) I don't use names (generally) and I'm going to try and be better about naming names etc.
So in closing STUPID HIPSTER BOY. Please fuck off. I like my LJ, Long live my online therapist :)
This entry is preparation for my next entry that I may write tonight if I have the energy or maybe not. It's going to be abstract and maybe even poem like. I have all these phrases bouncing around in my head that I wanna lay out. I've been explosively sad and angry these days and thats not gonna change for awhile.
So I have a feeling you may read this. Either you read this, or you and I really do have the connection I think we have (which I highly doubt). Maybe you don't even read this religiously, and thats ok. Maybe you'll never see this ever, but hey why not try. I just want to say that even though it wasn't much, and it's driven me up the walls this past week what you said meant something to me. Yes it was on a screen and it was meager and curt but if I know you as well as I think I do it took a lot for you to do it. I want you to know I appreciate that a lot. Doesn't mean I completely forgive you, or forgive myself. But honestly I'm sorry if you feel like I'm harboring major resentment toward you (it' not major anymore... gets better everyday) If you ever want to tell me more about anything (your shoelaces, your grandfather, you and me, the person you must be in love with, anything at all) I'm listening.