No Fear
(("You" in this entry is a generic term for the world-- most specifically some people I've had trouble with in the past.))
I'm not afraid of you. Not anymore. I see you there and I have no fear. I had been... I've been afraid of many of you for a long time.
But look at me now. I haven't had more than a few moments of doubt since this realization occured. I'm changed but in a way that will make me no more different than my having a little more confident. I understand now. I understand what it is to be free of oneself.
I walk alone and I don't constantly check behind me. I sit in a crowded room and I can just read and not care that there are others there. I speak out in class. I haven't done that in years. I dominated a discussion in my sculpture class. And you know what? I don't fear that anymore either. It will be a fun semester. Not a horrible one.
For you, I have little to say. You aren't in my life anymore so why keep worrying? I don't fear what you did to her. I just know that I need to try harder so that she can keep smiling. Maybe she'll forget you someday. My eye doesn't twitch when I think of your name anymore.
I don't fear being attacked by you anymore.
When we sit at a table together, partaking in the same conversation, I'm not the one who looks sour and turns my head away when you speak and our friends respond positively. I'm not the one who seems to become defensive everytime the other walks into a room. I'm not the one who has been left by three people I was conversing with because you asked who wanted to join you for a late lunch.
This is an amazing feeling and I bet it's how you've always felt. The freedom to be whoever you bloody well please. The freedom of having no fear in your heart. Nothing but good will come from me upon finding this new strength. Such a shame that you either live so much in fear or are just so rotten in total that you have done such horrible things to people so undeserving.
Well, I won't stand for it now. You can't intimidate me anymore. What you've done will never go away. None of what any of you have done will ever go away. I can meet your eyes and hold that gaze because you have no power over me anymore.
No one has any power of me. Because the fear that has kept me locked away from myself for so long has been washed away. I am not that little girl anymore and I will not be so easily harmed from here on.
I have a new strength.
And I plan to use that to my advantage and that of my loved ones.
I'm not afraid of you. Not anymore. I see you there and I have no fear. I had been... I've been afraid of many of you for a long time.
But look at me now. I haven't had more than a few moments of doubt since this realization occured. I'm changed but in a way that will make me no more different than my having a little more confident. I understand now. I understand what it is to be free of oneself.
I walk alone and I don't constantly check behind me. I sit in a crowded room and I can just read and not care that there are others there. I speak out in class. I haven't done that in years. I dominated a discussion in my sculpture class. And you know what? I don't fear that anymore either. It will be a fun semester. Not a horrible one.
For you, I have little to say. You aren't in my life anymore so why keep worrying? I don't fear what you did to her. I just know that I need to try harder so that she can keep smiling. Maybe she'll forget you someday. My eye doesn't twitch when I think of your name anymore.
I don't fear being attacked by you anymore.
When we sit at a table together, partaking in the same conversation, I'm not the one who looks sour and turns my head away when you speak and our friends respond positively. I'm not the one who seems to become defensive everytime the other walks into a room. I'm not the one who has been left by three people I was conversing with because you asked who wanted to join you for a late lunch.
This is an amazing feeling and I bet it's how you've always felt. The freedom to be whoever you bloody well please. The freedom of having no fear in your heart. Nothing but good will come from me upon finding this new strength. Such a shame that you either live so much in fear or are just so rotten in total that you have done such horrible things to people so undeserving.
Well, I won't stand for it now. You can't intimidate me anymore. What you've done will never go away. None of what any of you have done will ever go away. I can meet your eyes and hold that gaze because you have no power over me anymore.
No one has any power of me. Because the fear that has kept me locked away from myself for so long has been washed away. I am not that little girl anymore and I will not be so easily harmed from here on.
I have a new strength.
And I plan to use that to my advantage and that of my loved ones.