I want to see you come back as the light

[silverraze]

... I got the call. The infection had not spread to his other organs. It had, however gotten to be so bad that the Veterinarian felt it was impossible to contain. She had taken out so much of the infected areas that she felt he would have trouble even using his legs again. She said that each time she removed some, she would find more infection underneath. She said that his tissue was so thin in one area, that she could see through it and he ran a high risk of his rectum tearing.

She gave me the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. Keep on trying, knowing that he will have a horrible time making it through this and that in all honesty, he probably wont... or ending his suffering now.

I chose to just end it. As much as I wanted to cuddle and kiss him more, and as difficult as it was, I could not bear the idea of him going through any more pain and suffering. I love him too much for that.

I had to put him first.

I keep blaming myself for ever getting him neutered in the first place. But honestly, I was just trying to do what was best for him. I had heard so many arguements for it, and none against it. I just wanted him to live a long and happy life.

I love him so much. so so so so much.

This is hell. This is complete hell. I miss him so much. He was my little man. He was my little ray of sunshine.

fuck.