Fic: Five Deleted Scenes from 'The Shrine'
Title: Five Deleted Scenes from 'The Shrine'
Author: silverraven
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~2,000
Summary: See my very original title. *snorts*
Warnings: Angst. Pre-McKeller mentions. Spoilers for 5.06 'The Shrine'.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis does not belong to me.
Author's Note: A BIG thank you to kimberlyfdr for the beta and wonderful suggestions! Another BIG thank you to kisahawklin for giving me the idea for the first scene and audiencing!
1.
Rodney stares at the camera but doesn't really see it. He's not happy with Jennifer, with whoever's stupid idea this was, with the world. But mostly he's upset with himself; at his brain, which has never failed him before. This is stuff he should know. "I, uh. I..."
“That was good, Rodney,” Jennifer says encouragingly as she turns off the camera. Her tone is supposed to be soothing, Rodney knows that, but it only frustrates him more.
“No, it’s not.” He can only recall pi to six decimals. He can barely remember his own name for god’s sake!
“Its okay, Rodney.” She reaches out to him but Rodney finches away. She doesn’t understand. “Let’s go get some blood, okay?”
“No!” He crosses his arms, lifts his chin. “No. It hurts.”
“It doesn’t hurt. I put a cath in you a few days ago.” She tries to lead him to a bed, but he stands firm.
“What’s a…cath?” Should he know what that is? He can’t remember, he can’t - tears begin to blur his vision.
“Hey, Rodney,” he hears someone say behind him. “Want to grab some lunch?”
He turns toward the familiar voice and can't control the smile spreading across his face. “John! Lunch, now?”
“After Dr. Keller finishes her tests, okay?”
Rodney nods easily. “Okay.” Anything for John.
2.
"Here we are," Jennifer says as she leads Rodney to his quarters. "Let's get you ready for bed, hmm?" She reaches for his black jacket, but he pulls away from her, clenching the jacket tighter around him. "You can't sleep in that, Rodney. Where did you get it anyway?" she asks. He's been wearing it almost constantly for the past few days and Jennifer knows it isn't one of his; its too tight along the shoulders.
Rodney looks down at the soft leather. "I...I don't re-rem'ber," he says in a pained voice.
"Hey, hey, that's okay," she soothes quickly, rubbing Rodney's shoulder in what she hopes is a reassuring manner. "It just doesn't look like it'll be comfortable to sleep in. How about we take it off just until morning?" Rodney looks unsure, biting his lip. "We'll put it here on the chair where you'll see it right when you wake up."
He stares at the chair for a long moment, drumming his fingers against his thighs before slowly nodding. "Kay."
Jennifer helps him take off the jacket, watching curiously as he sniffs the material and then carefully lays it out on the back of the chair. She retrieves his pajamas from the dresser, turning away after Rodney insists he can change clothes by himself. She goes to the bathroom, finding his toothbrush and squeezing some paste on it; giving it to Rodney when he stands at the doorway.
She doesn't mention that his shirt is inside out.
She pulls down his bed covers and fluffs his pillow, finishing up when she hears him rinsing. "Do you need any help with using the bathroom?" she asks, stepping closer to him.
The corners of Rodney's mouth curve downward in clear displeasure. "I can do it," he says stubbornly.
"Of course." She closes the door and leans against the wall, releasing a deep breath. She doesn't know how much longer she should allow Rodney to sleep in his own room; perhaps a couple more days. I should go prepare the isolation room, she thinks and hears a muffled noise. "Rodney?" she asks hesitantly, knocking on the door.
The toilet flushes and when the door opens Rodney's head is down, his cheeks burning a bright red. "I missed."
Jennifer looks at the mess. It isn't bad; she's seen a lot worse during her residency. "It's nothing. Why don't you wash your hands and get into bed while I clean it up?"
A few minutes later, she shuts off the bathroom light and finds Rodney sitting on his bed. "Not tired," he says and it's almost immediately followed by a huge yawn. Jennifer raises an eyebrow and Rodney looks away. "I'm s-scared," he finally whispers as if he's ashamed to admit it.
"I'll be right here," she says, heart aching as she takes in Rodney's shattered expression and withdrawn body. She pulls up the covers and helps tuck him in, unable to resist softly combing his hair. "I'm here."
"Where's John?"
3.
"Come in," Teyla hears John call out before the doors swoosh open to reveal him on the other side, guitar in hand. It has been a long time since she's heard him play and she misses it. "Hey, Teyla. What's up?" he asks, propping his guitar against the wall.
"When Jeannie arrives tomorrow, I wish to speak to her about the Shrine of Talus."
"All right," John replies, plunking down on his bed.
Teyla studies him for a long moment. "You do not believe it will work."
He shrugs before saying, "I just wish I could see the proof."
"And have you not seen that which defies proof since coming to Pegasus?"
"True," he says and the corner of his mouth goes up in the closest approximation to a smile she has seen from him in weeks, outside of Rodney's presence. "It's just. Only a day?" he asks quietly.
"That is the gift; one last day-"
"Well it's bullshit!" he yells, bolting off the bed and Teyla takes an involuntary step back in surprise. He recoils at her reaction, saying, "Sorry, I didn't - I..." He runs a hand through his hair and meets her eyes for a short time before blinking at the far wall. "I'm not ready to say goodbye."
And he thinks that she is? That any of them are? "It is always hard saying goodbye to a loved one." She reaches for his forearm, inviting him to sit beside her on the bed. "We should consider ourselves lucky that we have this chance," she says, remembering those who were taken away from her so suddenly. "To tell Rodney what is in our hearts."
"He already knows," John mumbles and Teyla can almost see the walls forming around him whenever feelings are brought up.
'But you have not told him everything,' she wants to say, but doesn't. She knows John, knows how quickly he would run or deny - so instead she says, "Then to let him die with dignity."
"I don't want him to die with dignity!"
"John!" she gasps sharply, how can he -
"I don't want him to die," he explains, avoiding her eyes. "We still have time, maybe Keller will find a cure or stabilize -"
"To keep him as he is now," she interrupts and John nods. Teyla can't imagine a worse fate for Rodney, to stay in his current condition. He forgot her name two days ago; looked at her as if she was a stranger. It was only after she returned to her quarters that she let the tears fall. "You would keep him like this?" she questions, puzzled. John has to know that isn't what Rodney would want.
"If it meant he would be alive," John replies easily, "then, yes."
4.
Jeannie settles Mer next to her on one of the puddlejumpers’ hard benches and releases a deep breath, trying to ease the hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. It doesn't work.
"We don't have to go," Jennifer says, looking at her across Mer's shoulder. "If you've changed your mind, there's still time-"
"No, we're doing this." Jeannie doesn't know if the shrine will work, but she needs to try; needs to see Mer as he was, if only for a little while, not this...shell...not - she blinks at the sudden wetness gathering around her vision.
She takes Mer's shaky hand in hers and looks at his face, really looks at it. The lines around the outside of his eye, those long-lashes she was so jealous of in her teens, the ski-slope nose, the slight downward curve of his mouth. She tries to memorize his features, heart-sick that if this does work then by this time tomorrow...
A lone tear falls down her cheek and Jeannie quickly wipes it away.
"I love you," she whispers, but her brother isn't paying her any attention. He appears uneasy and confused, fidgeting in his seat, biting his lip. Before Jeannie can say anything, she hears footsteps coming up the ramp. As soon as John is visible, Rodney stops squirming, his eyes following John as he heads to the pilot's chair.
Jeannie feels the corners of her mouth curving up unexpectedly. Mer never had a best friend before. She's so happy that he has John; has people who so obviously care for him.
She looks over at Jennifer. "We're glad you're here."
5.
"You should go get some sleep," Rodney says, noticing how tired Jeannie looks. "I'll be fine - I am fine," he corrects, having just finished reciting pi to the twenty-seventh decimal in his head.
Jeannie stares at him for a long moment. "If you're sure you're-"
"Yes, yes," he interrupts and makes a shooing gesture with his hands. "Go, sleep."
Jeannie laughs and leans towards him, kissing him on the cheek. "See you in the morning," she says before moving away.
Rodney glances around the infirmary, empty except for two men laying on the beds in the far left. He can't see their faces and wonders who they are. He doesn't recall anyone being injured, but his memories of the last couple weeks are hazy at best. He spots Jennifer returning with a plate of food and hears his stomach growl.
"What did you bring me?" he asks, smirking as Jennifer puts the tray down on his legs, but doesn't wait for her to answer. "Purple mashed not-potatoes. One of my favorites," he says, pleased, picking up the spoon quickly and taking a big bite.
He hears Jennifer laugh and the sound of it fills him with warmth. He reaches for the fruit cup on the corner of the tray nervously. "I don't suppose you want another fruit cup?" he asks, remembering Jennifer's response the first time he asked. The lovely flush that had spread across her cheeks, he’s hoping to see it again.
He isn't let down.
Jennifer blushes and lifts a strand of hair behind her ear. "Maybe later. I need to go check on the other patients."
"Okay," Rodney replies trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice and shovels a spoonful of food into his mouth.
"Be back as soon as I can," she says and Rodney watches her go, admiring her sweet backside.
He digs into his plate with relish, stopping when he sees Sheppard approaching. "Colonel," he mumbles around a mouthful of ham.
"You're awake. And eating," Sheppard says with a broad grin.
"Yeah..." he mutters, his eyes automatically going to Jennifer as she re-enters the infirmary and speaks to one of the nurses. "She's great, isn't she?"
"Who?"
"Jennifer," he answers, turning his head to face Sheppard. The grin is gone. "Think she'll go out with me?"
Sheppard blinks, looking over at Jennifer for a short time before returning his gaze to Rodney. "Sure."
Rodney nods, his mind made up. "I'm gonna do it. Ask her out." Just as soon as he is released from the infirmary and wearing proper clothes.
"That's great, buddy." Sheppard smiles slightly and glances down at his watch. "It's getting late, I better go."
Rodney feels his mouth turn down unhappily. He doesn't want Sheppard to go, but asking Sheppard to stay just sounds stupid. "Okay. And thanks for, uh, everything."
Sheppard rubs the back of his neck. "Anytime." He licks his lips, appearing indecisive for a second before squeezing Rodney's bicep. "I'm glad you're okay," he says sincerely and ambles away.
Rodney looks down at his arm, a strange sensation running through him, like deja-vu. He suddenly smells cheap American beer and leather and feels safe, but has no idea why. He furrows his eyebrows, brushing the place that Sheppard had touched. Something about it seems...familiar.
But he can't remember.
Author: silverraven
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~2,000
Summary: See my very original title. *snorts*
Warnings: Angst. Pre-McKeller mentions. Spoilers for 5.06 'The Shrine'.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis does not belong to me.
Author's Note: A BIG thank you to kimberlyfdr for the beta and wonderful suggestions! Another BIG thank you to kisahawklin for giving me the idea for the first scene and audiencing!
1.
Rodney stares at the camera but doesn't really see it. He's not happy with Jennifer, with whoever's stupid idea this was, with the world. But mostly he's upset with himself; at his brain, which has never failed him before. This is stuff he should know. "I, uh. I..."
“That was good, Rodney,” Jennifer says encouragingly as she turns off the camera. Her tone is supposed to be soothing, Rodney knows that, but it only frustrates him more.
“No, it’s not.” He can only recall pi to six decimals. He can barely remember his own name for god’s sake!
“Its okay, Rodney.” She reaches out to him but Rodney finches away. She doesn’t understand. “Let’s go get some blood, okay?”
“No!” He crosses his arms, lifts his chin. “No. It hurts.”
“It doesn’t hurt. I put a cath in you a few days ago.” She tries to lead him to a bed, but he stands firm.
“What’s a…cath?” Should he know what that is? He can’t remember, he can’t - tears begin to blur his vision.
“Hey, Rodney,” he hears someone say behind him. “Want to grab some lunch?”
He turns toward the familiar voice and can't control the smile spreading across his face. “John! Lunch, now?”
“After Dr. Keller finishes her tests, okay?”
Rodney nods easily. “Okay.” Anything for John.
2.
"Here we are," Jennifer says as she leads Rodney to his quarters. "Let's get you ready for bed, hmm?" She reaches for his black jacket, but he pulls away from her, clenching the jacket tighter around him. "You can't sleep in that, Rodney. Where did you get it anyway?" she asks. He's been wearing it almost constantly for the past few days and Jennifer knows it isn't one of his; its too tight along the shoulders.
Rodney looks down at the soft leather. "I...I don't re-rem'ber," he says in a pained voice.
"Hey, hey, that's okay," she soothes quickly, rubbing Rodney's shoulder in what she hopes is a reassuring manner. "It just doesn't look like it'll be comfortable to sleep in. How about we take it off just until morning?" Rodney looks unsure, biting his lip. "We'll put it here on the chair where you'll see it right when you wake up."
He stares at the chair for a long moment, drumming his fingers against his thighs before slowly nodding. "Kay."
Jennifer helps him take off the jacket, watching curiously as he sniffs the material and then carefully lays it out on the back of the chair. She retrieves his pajamas from the dresser, turning away after Rodney insists he can change clothes by himself. She goes to the bathroom, finding his toothbrush and squeezing some paste on it; giving it to Rodney when he stands at the doorway.
She doesn't mention that his shirt is inside out.
She pulls down his bed covers and fluffs his pillow, finishing up when she hears him rinsing. "Do you need any help with using the bathroom?" she asks, stepping closer to him.
The corners of Rodney's mouth curve downward in clear displeasure. "I can do it," he says stubbornly.
"Of course." She closes the door and leans against the wall, releasing a deep breath. She doesn't know how much longer she should allow Rodney to sleep in his own room; perhaps a couple more days. I should go prepare the isolation room, she thinks and hears a muffled noise. "Rodney?" she asks hesitantly, knocking on the door.
The toilet flushes and when the door opens Rodney's head is down, his cheeks burning a bright red. "I missed."
Jennifer looks at the mess. It isn't bad; she's seen a lot worse during her residency. "It's nothing. Why don't you wash your hands and get into bed while I clean it up?"
A few minutes later, she shuts off the bathroom light and finds Rodney sitting on his bed. "Not tired," he says and it's almost immediately followed by a huge yawn. Jennifer raises an eyebrow and Rodney looks away. "I'm s-scared," he finally whispers as if he's ashamed to admit it.
"I'll be right here," she says, heart aching as she takes in Rodney's shattered expression and withdrawn body. She pulls up the covers and helps tuck him in, unable to resist softly combing his hair. "I'm here."
"Where's John?"
3.
"Come in," Teyla hears John call out before the doors swoosh open to reveal him on the other side, guitar in hand. It has been a long time since she's heard him play and she misses it. "Hey, Teyla. What's up?" he asks, propping his guitar against the wall.
"When Jeannie arrives tomorrow, I wish to speak to her about the Shrine of Talus."
"All right," John replies, plunking down on his bed.
Teyla studies him for a long moment. "You do not believe it will work."
He shrugs before saying, "I just wish I could see the proof."
"And have you not seen that which defies proof since coming to Pegasus?"
"True," he says and the corner of his mouth goes up in the closest approximation to a smile she has seen from him in weeks, outside of Rodney's presence. "It's just. Only a day?" he asks quietly.
"That is the gift; one last day-"
"Well it's bullshit!" he yells, bolting off the bed and Teyla takes an involuntary step back in surprise. He recoils at her reaction, saying, "Sorry, I didn't - I..." He runs a hand through his hair and meets her eyes for a short time before blinking at the far wall. "I'm not ready to say goodbye."
And he thinks that she is? That any of them are? "It is always hard saying goodbye to a loved one." She reaches for his forearm, inviting him to sit beside her on the bed. "We should consider ourselves lucky that we have this chance," she says, remembering those who were taken away from her so suddenly. "To tell Rodney what is in our hearts."
"He already knows," John mumbles and Teyla can almost see the walls forming around him whenever feelings are brought up.
'But you have not told him everything,' she wants to say, but doesn't. She knows John, knows how quickly he would run or deny - so instead she says, "Then to let him die with dignity."
"I don't want him to die with dignity!"
"John!" she gasps sharply, how can he -
"I don't want him to die," he explains, avoiding her eyes. "We still have time, maybe Keller will find a cure or stabilize -"
"To keep him as he is now," she interrupts and John nods. Teyla can't imagine a worse fate for Rodney, to stay in his current condition. He forgot her name two days ago; looked at her as if she was a stranger. It was only after she returned to her quarters that she let the tears fall. "You would keep him like this?" she questions, puzzled. John has to know that isn't what Rodney would want.
"If it meant he would be alive," John replies easily, "then, yes."
4.
Jeannie settles Mer next to her on one of the puddlejumpers’ hard benches and releases a deep breath, trying to ease the hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. It doesn't work.
"We don't have to go," Jennifer says, looking at her across Mer's shoulder. "If you've changed your mind, there's still time-"
"No, we're doing this." Jeannie doesn't know if the shrine will work, but she needs to try; needs to see Mer as he was, if only for a little while, not this...shell...not - she blinks at the sudden wetness gathering around her vision.
She takes Mer's shaky hand in hers and looks at his face, really looks at it. The lines around the outside of his eye, those long-lashes she was so jealous of in her teens, the ski-slope nose, the slight downward curve of his mouth. She tries to memorize his features, heart-sick that if this does work then by this time tomorrow...
A lone tear falls down her cheek and Jeannie quickly wipes it away.
"I love you," she whispers, but her brother isn't paying her any attention. He appears uneasy and confused, fidgeting in his seat, biting his lip. Before Jeannie can say anything, she hears footsteps coming up the ramp. As soon as John is visible, Rodney stops squirming, his eyes following John as he heads to the pilot's chair.
Jeannie feels the corners of her mouth curving up unexpectedly. Mer never had a best friend before. She's so happy that he has John; has people who so obviously care for him.
She looks over at Jennifer. "We're glad you're here."
5.
"You should go get some sleep," Rodney says, noticing how tired Jeannie looks. "I'll be fine - I am fine," he corrects, having just finished reciting pi to the twenty-seventh decimal in his head.
Jeannie stares at him for a long moment. "If you're sure you're-"
"Yes, yes," he interrupts and makes a shooing gesture with his hands. "Go, sleep."
Jeannie laughs and leans towards him, kissing him on the cheek. "See you in the morning," she says before moving away.
Rodney glances around the infirmary, empty except for two men laying on the beds in the far left. He can't see their faces and wonders who they are. He doesn't recall anyone being injured, but his memories of the last couple weeks are hazy at best. He spots Jennifer returning with a plate of food and hears his stomach growl.
"What did you bring me?" he asks, smirking as Jennifer puts the tray down on his legs, but doesn't wait for her to answer. "Purple mashed not-potatoes. One of my favorites," he says, pleased, picking up the spoon quickly and taking a big bite.
He hears Jennifer laugh and the sound of it fills him with warmth. He reaches for the fruit cup on the corner of the tray nervously. "I don't suppose you want another fruit cup?" he asks, remembering Jennifer's response the first time he asked. The lovely flush that had spread across her cheeks, he’s hoping to see it again.
He isn't let down.
Jennifer blushes and lifts a strand of hair behind her ear. "Maybe later. I need to go check on the other patients."
"Okay," Rodney replies trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice and shovels a spoonful of food into his mouth.
"Be back as soon as I can," she says and Rodney watches her go, admiring her sweet backside.
He digs into his plate with relish, stopping when he sees Sheppard approaching. "Colonel," he mumbles around a mouthful of ham.
"You're awake. And eating," Sheppard says with a broad grin.
"Yeah..." he mutters, his eyes automatically going to Jennifer as she re-enters the infirmary and speaks to one of the nurses. "She's great, isn't she?"
"Who?"
"Jennifer," he answers, turning his head to face Sheppard. The grin is gone. "Think she'll go out with me?"
Sheppard blinks, looking over at Jennifer for a short time before returning his gaze to Rodney. "Sure."
Rodney nods, his mind made up. "I'm gonna do it. Ask her out." Just as soon as he is released from the infirmary and wearing proper clothes.
"That's great, buddy." Sheppard smiles slightly and glances down at his watch. "It's getting late, I better go."
Rodney feels his mouth turn down unhappily. He doesn't want Sheppard to go, but asking Sheppard to stay just sounds stupid. "Okay. And thanks for, uh, everything."
Sheppard rubs the back of his neck. "Anytime." He licks his lips, appearing indecisive for a second before squeezing Rodney's bicep. "I'm glad you're okay," he says sincerely and ambles away.
Rodney looks down at his arm, a strange sensation running through him, like deja-vu. He suddenly smells cheap American beer and leather and feels safe, but has no idea why. He furrows his eyebrows, brushing the place that Sheppard had touched. Something about it seems...familiar.
But he can't remember.