Pretty much since 2006 things have been slowly but steadily deteriorating in my life. Friends that I thought would stay when the going got tough... well, they didn't get going so much as they just went... elsewhere, I guess.
Family... well, what's left of it at any rate, has become something that is honestly hard to describe to someone who knew and loved her own... when mine had never really given a damn about me to begin with. I'm still with them, yes, but it's more out of a sense of obligation than anything else, and as for love? Well, that illusion was cast aside ages ago.
Health issues have cropped up and been beaten down only to have more replace them, and relationships? Heh, don't even get me started on that front.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not standing here trying to get in a pissing contest over who's had the worst bout of luck. Every single one of us still standing here, still standing strong? We've been beaten and bloodied and had just about everything that was ever important to us torn from our lives, and that which hasn't been torn from us has been completely bastardized from what it once was... or at least the attempt was made.
I know this shit is hard, hun. And for each and every one of us it's been difficult in it's own agonizingly painful way... and it's been meant to. Because it's been meant to wear us down and slowly strip us of everything that ever made us... well, us. But the fact that we're still standing here? The fact that we're still alive to face another damned day, no matter how bleak or sucky or barren it may seem at the moment?
That's another damned day that we're standing there, shoving the other side the finger and telling them to fuck off. We're still here and we're still standing. And that counts for something, even when it doesn't feel like much sometimes, Beck.
You're not alone. I cannot stand here and say I know exactly what you've been through, because my own circumstances of a Personal Hell have been different than yours... but for what it's worth, I can say that I understand at least to some extent how hopeless this bullshit seems...
And maybe that doesn't seem like much to you right now, maybe it won't and maybe it will... but all I can say is just keep holding on, Rhuka. Because despite how much it may seem to you at times, you are not alone... you never were.
Family... well, what's left of it at any rate, has become something that is honestly hard to describe to someone who knew and loved her own... when mine had never really given a damn about me to begin with. I'm still with them, yes, but it's more out of a sense of obligation than anything else, and as for love? Well, that illusion was cast aside ages ago.
Health issues have cropped up and been beaten down only to have more replace them, and relationships? Heh, don't even get me started on that front.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not standing here trying to get in a pissing contest over who's had the worst bout of luck. Every single one of us still standing here, still standing strong? We've been beaten and bloodied and had just about everything that was ever important to us torn from our lives, and that which hasn't been torn from us has been completely bastardized from what it once was... or at least the attempt was made.
I know this shit is hard, hun. And for each and every one of us it's been difficult in it's own agonizingly painful way... and it's been meant to. Because it's been meant to wear us down and slowly strip us of everything that ever made us... well, us. But the fact that we're still standing here? The fact that we're still alive to face another damned day, no matter how bleak or sucky or barren it may seem at the moment?
That's another damned day that we're standing there, shoving the other side the finger and telling them to fuck off. We're still here and we're still standing. And that counts for something, even when it doesn't feel like much sometimes, Beck.
You're not alone. I cannot stand here and say I know exactly what you've been through, because my own circumstances of a Personal Hell have been different than yours... but for what it's worth, I can say that I understand at least to some extent how hopeless this bullshit seems...
And maybe that doesn't seem like much to you right now, maybe it won't and maybe it will... but all I can say is just keep holding on, Rhuka. Because despite how much it may seem to you at times, you are not alone... you never were.
Reply
Leave a comment