I'm back
yeah, I've been neglecting this for a long time, but I think I'm coming back to using this. right now I'm at a place in life where using something like this to connect with people and vent is a good thing for me, whereas I was neglecting this before because I felt the need to avoid certain things and people.
life has been crap since the end of October, when I got canned from Sam's Club for "not being able to do my job" (ironically I was recently before that given a good sized raise for doing my job well) and within slightly over a week there were a total of about 5 others fired for various odd reasons and one person who quit because he noticed someone watching him and waiting for him to screw up. the end of January I was ready to start looking for a new job (I decided that looking for a job that would probably be seasonal only even if they swore there was a chance they'd keep me on after the holidays were over) my mom unexpectedly passed away. having had successful heart surgery less than two years before and slowly recovering from that she her health had been slowly getting to a point where it was expected before long her health would be better than it had in over a decade having her suddenly die while taking a nap was like getting suckerpunched in the gut by a high level black belt.
I'm still emotionally recovering from it all, and I have to say I'm at one of the most emotionally precarious times I've ever been at. with how badly my dad was taking it I felt the need to have to try to be strong to not worry him, I have few friends physically near enough to me to hang with when I have an especially bad day or check on me when I'm feeling down enough I try to isolate myself. I've also got this reputation among many I know to be emotionally resilient to the point many expected me to be over it very soon and are already back to expecting me being able to help them with any emotional burden they have (a friend who got fired recently is acting like it's the worst thing that could happen to her and told me flat out she expected me to fully be there for her and get her new copies of two hardcover books she was planning on getting soon and bring her back something from JAFAX when I went there last month. I still have no new job since the job market is total crap here in Michigan, too.
I've not felt suicidal or anything, but sometimes it gets bad enough I'm tempted to just withdraw into myself and get lost in my head and not come back out. it's also bad enough I've not picked up a novel and read more than half a chapter in one sitting since my mom died. considering up until then I've been a voracious reader who could read 5 books a week and regularly finished at least three a week that says a lot. I'd actually be tempted to talk to my doctor about antidepressants as a temporary measure if I could afford it, bit without insurance or a job it's not an option...
so, I'm hoping I can use this to help deal with everything, as well as hopefully start to interact with more people again, even if only online.
life has been crap since the end of October, when I got canned from Sam's Club for "not being able to do my job" (ironically I was recently before that given a good sized raise for doing my job well) and within slightly over a week there were a total of about 5 others fired for various odd reasons and one person who quit because he noticed someone watching him and waiting for him to screw up. the end of January I was ready to start looking for a new job (I decided that looking for a job that would probably be seasonal only even if they swore there was a chance they'd keep me on after the holidays were over) my mom unexpectedly passed away. having had successful heart surgery less than two years before and slowly recovering from that she her health had been slowly getting to a point where it was expected before long her health would be better than it had in over a decade having her suddenly die while taking a nap was like getting suckerpunched in the gut by a high level black belt.
I'm still emotionally recovering from it all, and I have to say I'm at one of the most emotionally precarious times I've ever been at. with how badly my dad was taking it I felt the need to have to try to be strong to not worry him, I have few friends physically near enough to me to hang with when I have an especially bad day or check on me when I'm feeling down enough I try to isolate myself. I've also got this reputation among many I know to be emotionally resilient to the point many expected me to be over it very soon and are already back to expecting me being able to help them with any emotional burden they have (a friend who got fired recently is acting like it's the worst thing that could happen to her and told me flat out she expected me to fully be there for her and get her new copies of two hardcover books she was planning on getting soon and bring her back something from JAFAX when I went there last month. I still have no new job since the job market is total crap here in Michigan, too.
I've not felt suicidal or anything, but sometimes it gets bad enough I'm tempted to just withdraw into myself and get lost in my head and not come back out. it's also bad enough I've not picked up a novel and read more than half a chapter in one sitting since my mom died. considering up until then I've been a voracious reader who could read 5 books a week and regularly finished at least three a week that says a lot. I'd actually be tempted to talk to my doctor about antidepressants as a temporary measure if I could afford it, bit without insurance or a job it's not an option...
so, I'm hoping I can use this to help deal with everything, as well as hopefully start to interact with more people again, even if only online.