29 August 1982: As Lottie Parkin
Season starts and
FUCK. They've threatened to fire me if I get drunk even though I was half-drunk and still caught us Snitches, no, that's not good enough, I have to be perfect
Fuck you, Barry
I'm not drinking tonight because I want to see if I can last a night without drinking or hiding or writing it all out and burning it.
This is my life and I'm a Seeker and if I'm not a Seeker then I'm nothing.
I love a man who probably won't ever take me back after he asked me to marry him and I ran away.
I need to relearn how to breathe.
I need to be able to look at Rex or Nicole or any of them without wanting to scream because I'm not being fair to people who are happy.
Maybe I should just pretend it didn't happen. And then it'll go away.
There must have been a time when I wasn't scared, but I don't remember it. Now I'm just tired.
I'm so tired.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't do it anymore. I can't. Either I breathe or I stop breathing.
I'm not strong enough to do this.
I brought home too many souvenirs from Japan.