Self-sabotage
Sometimes, I am just unlucky.
But on others, I just seem unable to keep what I have, because I'm starting to feel unusually happy and not used to it. I probably just get scarred, or in the illusion it should go easy and at the single sing of challenge, I think it's just the beginning of the end...
Lately, I've been looking a lot to my actions, thoughts and words, being really more aware, and noticed I had unconscious trust-issues reflexes... Some of the same I would blame others... I started to become what I hated: cynical. Lazy, victimizing and unresponsible.
Of course, right now, before going along with others, and showing a better example, I have to take care of myself first.
Starting with my health; such as re-eating right, doing exercises, create, have fun with other's creations, continue on my therapy project and, maybe most of them all, a quiet place to be at peace to do all that... And that have been a major trouble since I first moved ever... (although, even before...)
I figured out that only then, since I somehow still wish for it... NEED it in fact, someone could enter my life...
Love has always pushed me to do better with my life and I really need that... More than money, or whatever.
So... By being more conscious of that, I'm hoping also to avoid myself the crappy situations and relationships I had before.
I am not desperate enough to take anything that pass my way. I've always been a carefull, picky, decider.
But on others, I just seem unable to keep what I have, because I'm starting to feel unusually happy and not used to it. I probably just get scarred, or in the illusion it should go easy and at the single sing of challenge, I think it's just the beginning of the end...
Lately, I've been looking a lot to my actions, thoughts and words, being really more aware, and noticed I had unconscious trust-issues reflexes... Some of the same I would blame others... I started to become what I hated: cynical. Lazy, victimizing and unresponsible.
Of course, right now, before going along with others, and showing a better example, I have to take care of myself first.
Starting with my health; such as re-eating right, doing exercises, create, have fun with other's creations, continue on my therapy project and, maybe most of them all, a quiet place to be at peace to do all that... And that have been a major trouble since I first moved ever... (although, even before...)
I figured out that only then, since I somehow still wish for it... NEED it in fact, someone could enter my life...
Love has always pushed me to do better with my life and I really need that... More than money, or whatever.
So... By being more conscious of that, I'm hoping also to avoid myself the crappy situations and relationships I had before.
I am not desperate enough to take anything that pass my way. I've always been a carefull, picky, decider.