i'll see you in my dreams
well, i finally finished a paper i'd been putting off for a long time - read my ridiculology post about it for more details. in any case, i feel a lot better than when i wrote my last post. just one more thing finished and off my mind.
mom and brooke are coming today, which should be very fun. i'm not sure why clayton isn't coming, but i suspect it has something to do with not leaving grandpa alone at home. clayton is the sweetest kid in the world - he's only 8, but he knows that grandpa is sad and hurting, and he begs his mom to let him visit grandpa as much as he can. he's almost always there on weekends, and i know grandpa enjoys having him around. i really wish i could be up there more.
i keep thinking about grandma, and how much i miss her. i even have dreams about her - the last dream i had was the other night, and it's been bugging me. in the dream, she was alive but i knew she was going to die. it was as if i knew i had gone back in time and could play out the days before she passed over again. i remember talking to grandma, and that she also knew what was going to happen, but nobody else (mom, nat, grandpa) did. i can't remember what we talked about, and that's what's bothering me. i know it's just a dream, but i wish i knew what dream-me would have said to her. i know that real-me doesn't regret anything - the last time i spoke to her when she could understand me and answer, i told her that i loved her very much, and she told me the same. i guess my only regret is not being up there with her more - but i know that realistically, i got up there as much as i could. in any case, it's not worth worrying about now.
i'm not sure why i'm up so early. i have to work today, but that's not until 1pm. i don't know when mom and brooke are going to get here, but hopefully it's before then. otherwise, they'll have to rely on jared to let them in - and judging by his journal post this morning, he hasn't been asleep long. silly boy.
i think a nap is in order.
mom and brooke are coming today, which should be very fun. i'm not sure why clayton isn't coming, but i suspect it has something to do with not leaving grandpa alone at home. clayton is the sweetest kid in the world - he's only 8, but he knows that grandpa is sad and hurting, and he begs his mom to let him visit grandpa as much as he can. he's almost always there on weekends, and i know grandpa enjoys having him around. i really wish i could be up there more.
i keep thinking about grandma, and how much i miss her. i even have dreams about her - the last dream i had was the other night, and it's been bugging me. in the dream, she was alive but i knew she was going to die. it was as if i knew i had gone back in time and could play out the days before she passed over again. i remember talking to grandma, and that she also knew what was going to happen, but nobody else (mom, nat, grandpa) did. i can't remember what we talked about, and that's what's bothering me. i know it's just a dream, but i wish i knew what dream-me would have said to her. i know that real-me doesn't regret anything - the last time i spoke to her when she could understand me and answer, i told her that i loved her very much, and she told me the same. i guess my only regret is not being up there with her more - but i know that realistically, i got up there as much as i could. in any case, it's not worth worrying about now.
i'm not sure why i'm up so early. i have to work today, but that's not until 1pm. i don't know when mom and brooke are going to get here, but hopefully it's before then. otherwise, they'll have to rely on jared to let them in - and judging by his journal post this morning, he hasn't been asleep long. silly boy.
i think a nap is in order.