"We can drive around this town and let the cops chase us around..."
I edited this from something an online friend posted at an LEO site. A little rant, a little humor, a little advice.
Memo from Law Enforcement Officers to the General Public:
ON CALLING THE POLICE:
· Regarding our investigation of your loss: “CSI” is a TV show. There is no machine into which we can drop an eyelash and come up with the DNA profile, fingerprints, and mug shot of the owner in 2 minutes.
· When you're the victim of a burglary, while waiting [im]patiently for the officer to arrive, use the time to find the model #'s and the serial #'s of the stuff that was taken.
· Attention: Crime Victims. I need to know the WHO,WHAT,WHERE,WHEN, and HOW. Not what meds you're on or what your 15 cats have peed on.
· Remember that you and I enjoy the benefits of Constitutional rights. So does the guy you suspect of stealing your stuff. I can't go search his house for your property just because you suspect he might be involved.
ON TRAFFIC PATROL:
· Every single traffic stop could end in gunfire, but we have to be polite and professional until that time.
· When you're driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you, don't slow down to 5 mph's under the speed limit. (Unless you were just doing 90 in a 55, in which case, see the next item). We are not impressed by how safe of a driver you can be, we're trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass by you, please.
· When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens on: pull to the RIGHT, and Stop. We are usually required to pass cars on the left. If you are the guy doing 90 in a 55: -put on your hazards so we know you see us, -pull to the right, -stop, -turn off your hazards: there should be plenty of pretty lights keeping us both visible, -put out your cigarette and turn off the radio, -get your license and registration in hand, -turn on the dome light, and roll down the window, -put both hand on the wheel and keep them there until we tell you to move them. Thank you. This will lessen the likelihood that we’ll shoot you.
· If you've just been pulled over and were doing 70 in a 35, do not greet the officer with "What seems to be the problem, Officer?"
· If you don't know what the speed limit in your neighborhood is, why do you assume it's 65?
· If you drive a piece of junk car; this is why you're getting pulled over. In one week an Officer I know pulled over 10 cars for minor equipment violations.
w 8 out of 10 had no vehicle insurance
w 7 out of 10 had suspended drivers licenses
w 5 out of 10 had warrants
w 2 out of 10 had felony warrants
w 1 out of 10 was a known sex offender with his 12 year old niece in the car without her mothers knowledge.
w 2 out of 10 that didn't have any other violations, 1 was given a “fix-it” ticket and the other a warning
· If you get a warning instead of a ticket from a motorcycle cop...go buy a lottery ticket, because you've already beaten the odds.
· If a cop causes a car accident we usually get a ticket, and sometimes we get suspended. When is the last time you got 3 days off [without pay] for rear-ending a guy at Wal-mart.
· Just because you have your hazard lights on, doesn't mean it is okay to park in the fire lane and run into the store. Even if you really need milk! Unless you are driving a firetruck.
· We know if you've had more than 2 beers. I've never had two beers, then hit six parked cars and driven my car through the front doors of a Toys-R-Us, peed my pants, and passed out with my foot on the gas.
· If you think you can fan all the pot smoke out of the car before we smell it, you’re impaired enough not to be driving.
· How to get out of a ticket: Don't break the law in the first place.
· If it's nighttime and you're driving a vehicle with tinted windows and we pull you over, it's not because of your skin color, we usually can't tell if the vehicle even has a driver until the windows are rolled down.
· Flares + cruiser parked at an angle equals a place you can't go, (even if it's a ramp to the interstate).
· When a "neighborhood association" asks for police to start ticketing in their neighborhood, one of the first five ticketed will always be on the association's board.
· Yes it's true, cops usually don't give other cops speeding tickets. Think of it as an employee discount, perk or benefit. Unless YOU are a habitual speeder, all you ever get is a fine. (The amount we save in fines only begins to take the sting out of the mediocre pay).
ON DOMESTIC CALLS:
· About the same amount of men and women are booked into jail for domestic violence. And about half of the men are falsely accused.
· If there are police cars, fire trucks, or ambulances at your neighbor's house then there is a problem. Meddling in your neighbor's business by asking us what's happening is only keeping us from helping them, while we answer your stupid question. If it's something that YOU need to worry about, we would've knocked on your door and told you.
· If you hit your spouse in front of your children, your children will hit their spouse in front of their children. Then you’ll have family pictures in matching orange suits.
· Your 5 year old kid getting pushed down by another 5 year old kid IS NOT a police matter, talk to the other kids parents.
· If your kid won't do his homework or do his chores, 911 is not the answer. We are not a uniformed second-string parent. We have criminals to catch.
· We will not go get your 6 year old from their friends house, because it is 1:00am and you don't want to drive 3 minutes. YOU should set a curfew, and YOU should enforce it. This situation does not mean we are bad officers. It means you are a bad parent.
ON SEARCHES:
· If we find crack pipes in a lady’s purse, there is a good chance they belong to her.
· If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing off a beer with a bong hit I don't need a warrant.
· If you tell us "I borrowed the jacket from a friend", just before we search it, we know you've got something. And it's still gonna be YOUR jacket.
· Why do people think we'll believe it when they tell us "I don't know how it got there?"
· Stopping a green man in a blue shirt and pink pants a block away from an armed robbery when the suspect description is a green man in a blue shirt and pink pants...IS NOT racial profiling.
ON BEING ARRESTED:
· "Stop resisting!" means exactly that. Yelling "I'm not resisting!" as you throw a punch at the officer's face doesn't mean you weren't resisting. And it also adds a felony to whatever we were picking you up for (which may have been a misdemeanor).
· If you attempt to assault us, you will go to the ground. (Even though you are handcuffed. And pregnant. Because you are trying to bite us.)
ETIQUETTE:
· If an officer is standing in front of you, with his hand outstretched, waving furiously at you, yelling for you to "Stop", it's usually a good idea to do as he asks. Please don't keep driving toward the Officer.
· When we are conducting a traffic stop, or have a suspect in handcuffs, we’re busy Ask a mailman for directions.
· When you see an Officer walk into the room, a polite greeting of "Hello, how are you?" is much more appropriate than, "Uh-Oh Jim, it looks like they're here for you!" or putting your arms up and exclaiming, "I didn't do it!" It will annoy the Officer less, and save you looking like an unoriginal horse's arse.
· Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops' salaries. Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops' salaries so, hey, this traffic stop is on me.
· No, I don't know your cousin who's a police officer in (fill in location anywhere in the US) We don't all know each other.
COP STUFF:
· EVERYBODY loves firemen!
· Dunkin' donuts has much better coffee than they do doughnuts. And yes, there is a magical correlation between the badge and the donuts. We don’t usually eat them off-duty. I can’t explain why. Same goes for McDonalds.
· Some cops are just jerks. Rest assured that other cops don't like them either.
· Cops make mistakes, and sometimes they are big mistakes. Some cops are bad, and sometimes they're real bad. But then there's the rest of us.
· Police work is...writing reports.
· If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but we get to see a K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the $20.
· Irate Offender: "My tax money pays your salary, so you work for me!" Officer: "I pay taxes, too, so I figure I'm self-employed."
· In 1 year of patrol work in a large city, only about 10 minutes would be cool enough to be on COPS (TV show). But if COPS was about report writing and accident reports, each show would be a year long.
· Some of us cops don't like to be called cops. I don't know why, we've been called worse.
· On my first day of training, a veteran officer told me, "When you wear the uniform, everything you do is a liability."
· We often work in environments where we are the only ones that have to follow the rules. A criminal can use every resource, tool and weapon available to him and at his discretion, but we have to use department issued and approved equipment and use it according to the strictest guidelines or we can be fired, sued or arrested ourselves.
· Every time you hear on the news about people running away from a crazed gunman, remember that someone's son or daughter in a blue or brown uniform is running TOWARD that crazed gunman.
· We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some shopping during them. This is our BREAK. Being on break means you don't do any work. But we will anyway. Because that's what cops do. We give directions, stop bad guys, and help people.
· Most Officers do their job honestly and with great pride. We are in this job because we want to make the world a better place. We may be cynical from the rough life, but we all have those ideals down deep inside, and that’s why we keep doing this job.
We sign up each day to Serve and Protect YOU. And we’re glad to do it.