and i'm alone, all i do is sit and moan
Today is kind of yuck. Yesterday was, too. It's been dark and cold and rainy. Yesterday started out really well. The night before we ate at a fancy Italian restaurant to celebrate Mom getting the final word that she passed, she's now a Dr., the first in our family! I'm so proud of her, words can't even express it. Then the next morning Mamaw met up with us and we all ate at IHOP then went over to Mom's new house to look at how the work is coming along. In true Southern fashion my cousin's boyfriend is doing the drywall work and my aunt's brother is building some cabinets for the house. Then we went to Big Lots and some random lady jumped into a conversation I was having with Moo in the pillow isle and told us all about how her house is decorated, what styles she and her husband like, where they live, and did we think the pillows she had picked out would match a couch cover with palm trees on it? Thankfully Laura whistled at us which gave us an excuse to leave. After Moo and I left we went to Earthfare, where the cashier struck up a conversation with me about the organic sodas I was buying and what flavours of fruit she liked. Moo couldn't stop laughing at the fact that I, the most anti-social of all of us, constantly get into conversations with strangers. It all just sort of happens around me, and I was raised too well to be rude!
After I got home I had a sort of breakdown, once again about my life and how I have no idea where I'm gonna go and what I'm gonna do. My job searches over the past few years (ever since I graduated with my BA) have resembled the searches I did for true love from the time I was a teenager up through undergrad uni: pointless, fruitless, and endlessly disappointing. I cried for about an hour, then went to bed for the rest of the day/night, waking up every so often, sometimes eating a little, then going back to bed until 11 am today. I really try to keep the faith, I really do. I see good things happening for everyone around me, and that makes me so happy for them: jobs, grad schools, weddings, new houses, retirement...I know that good things are coming for me soon, I know it. But the waiting is killing me.
On a good note, I bought some interesting tea for PMS from Earthfare, since I hate taking so many pills (I now take at least 2 pills daily plus use an inhaler, and use anywhere from 6-12 more per day when my lady parts are acting up) and the tea has been working! Hooray for herbal remedies! It's much better than having to pay over $200 for a doctor to tell me nothing is wrong and prescribe some 'just in case' pills at $100 a bottle, that's for damn sure.
Good things: in my depression I bought a black-and-white sweater, red kimono top, and two pairs of shoes, all for about $50. Lane is planning on visiting me in just over a month for David's birthday. I'm going to take them to the Lost Sea (this huge underground body of water that you can take boat rides on and look at the glowing fishes; it's located just down the interstate from the farm) then we're going to Cades Cove, this beautiful green forest an hour away that seriously looks like it's straight out of a Tolkien book or something. There we can take pony rides and have a picnic. I haven't been since my church youth group took a hay ride there (as I mentioned 'church' it should be evident that this really has been quite a while) but I remember loving it. And I'm excited to show friends around. I tend to forget how beautiful and interesting it is in the foothills where I grew up.
And that's my poop. Rain, rain, cold grey rain. I listen to a lot of old country music, which soothes my barefoot soul. Moo almost stepped on a queen snake just off the porch, our first snake of the season. The tree frogs still sing at night, and that makes things better. I'm going to drink some more of the magic tea and work on a new mix CD for elaboratewhimsy now, and that always makes me happier, makes things better.
After I got home I had a sort of breakdown, once again about my life and how I have no idea where I'm gonna go and what I'm gonna do. My job searches over the past few years (ever since I graduated with my BA) have resembled the searches I did for true love from the time I was a teenager up through undergrad uni: pointless, fruitless, and endlessly disappointing. I cried for about an hour, then went to bed for the rest of the day/night, waking up every so often, sometimes eating a little, then going back to bed until 11 am today. I really try to keep the faith, I really do. I see good things happening for everyone around me, and that makes me so happy for them: jobs, grad schools, weddings, new houses, retirement...I know that good things are coming for me soon, I know it. But the waiting is killing me.
On a good note, I bought some interesting tea for PMS from Earthfare, since I hate taking so many pills (I now take at least 2 pills daily plus use an inhaler, and use anywhere from 6-12 more per day when my lady parts are acting up) and the tea has been working! Hooray for herbal remedies! It's much better than having to pay over $200 for a doctor to tell me nothing is wrong and prescribe some 'just in case' pills at $100 a bottle, that's for damn sure.
Good things: in my depression I bought a black-and-white sweater, red kimono top, and two pairs of shoes, all for about $50. Lane is planning on visiting me in just over a month for David's birthday. I'm going to take them to the Lost Sea (this huge underground body of water that you can take boat rides on and look at the glowing fishes; it's located just down the interstate from the farm) then we're going to Cades Cove, this beautiful green forest an hour away that seriously looks like it's straight out of a Tolkien book or something. There we can take pony rides and have a picnic. I haven't been since my church youth group took a hay ride there (as I mentioned 'church' it should be evident that this really has been quite a while) but I remember loving it. And I'm excited to show friends around. I tend to forget how beautiful and interesting it is in the foothills where I grew up.
And that's my poop. Rain, rain, cold grey rain. I listen to a lot of old country music, which soothes my barefoot soul. Moo almost stepped on a queen snake just off the porch, our first snake of the season. The tree frogs still sing at night, and that makes things better. I'm going to drink some more of the magic tea and work on a new mix CD for elaboratewhimsy now, and that always makes me happier, makes things better.