(no subject)
fireflies
summary: because even though you're no longer here with me in this world, i'll keep your love safe and aglow, memories and all complete in the package.
a/n: it's been almost 4 years but i still miss my grandma so fucking much & i've been thinking alot about her. felt the need to really write something like that even though i've always hated death fics. so bear with me, an emo unglorious angsty idiot. (:
Jaejoong missed him so damn fucking much that it hurt.
He didn't feel happy, didn't know how to feel happy, and couldn't ever feel happy as much as he tried to. How was it possible to tell himself to move on, when his heart could never have enough strength to let go?
To let go of something that you once built your life and soul upon? Of something that meant the entire world to you; the one that rained sunshine on you through the darkest weathers of your days, the one who carved rainbows in your skies when the colours merely fell like snow, & the one who drew smiley faces over your sad ones on paper, lips and frowning foreheads?
Jaejoong didn't need any condolences, white lily wreaths or any of those empathizing stares because for one, none of them could bring Yunho back.
Yunho, the angel whom the upper heavens had called back on much earlier than anyone else his age should have deserved.
"Baby," he whispered lightly, breath taken along with the wind, and then he crumbles before the cold stone, words indented almost in a mocking, glaring way, reminding him of the presence that was lost and could never suffice ever again.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he cries without a sound, his heart weeping haphazardly in quick erratic beats with the tears it bled.
"I could never leave you even if you asked me to! If anything would happen, it'd only be possible if you were the one who stopped loving me. So stop accusing me, you silly boo! I should be questioning your love for me instead!" Yunho argues with Jaejoong, wrestling him onto the bed and reprimanding him with the faked, chiding squints of his pearly eyes.
"Hmph, that's what you say. I'll kill you if the reverse ever happens!"
"Yah, I shall shut you up in the cleverest way possible," Yunho won and stood as the last man laughing, before he silenced the trapped Jaejoong in a gentle, heated kiss.
The memory of that now painful conversation coursed through his mind and he could only crumble further at the cruelty of fate, the cold-hearted whore that twisted his life into such a terrible knot. He couldn't believe that this love he cherished with all his might was taken away from him in such a flash, gone in a blink like a red string snapping into half without a warning.
"Baby, remember the hand-knitted glove you wanted for your birthday? I'm almost done with it, it's sitting in my drawer waiting for you to claim it, so why won't you just come back?" clutching onto the rim of his black shirt, another wave of sobs wracked through Jaejoong's body again.
He remembered vividly how Yunho, after spending days of struggling on life support to sustain himself since the fateful accident, had spent his last few breaths with him. Their hands were intertwined tightly, Jaejoong furiously battling the onslaught of tears that threatened to spill, as Yunho assured his love for the other man, mouthing the same 3 words repeatedly with the little strength he had left.
And it hurt Jaejoong to remember about the dry playfulness Yunho had possessed even then, as he drew a tiny heart with his fingers over the fogged glass window next to the hospital bed, complete with the letters YJ within the shakily drawn shape. Yunho's eyes shone like fireflies, lit up in their special beautiful ways, before they gradually lost themselves and Yunho was gone.
Yunho had told him to find someone new, to find someone who could take care of him in future, but Jaejoong thought it impossible. How could anyone be able to replace Yunho, the one who had filled and marked his heart wholesome?
Jaejoong placed the box of white roses he had folded in the past 35 days of mourning before the grave, and as he knelt down, he said a silent prayer within him.
Yunho-ah, my Yunnie, my one and only Yun, I'll never stop loving you, and you can blame it on me but I'll never change. I've kept your love & you'll always have mine, & I'll work hard for my future till the day I get back with you again in the next world, where we can be together forever.
Like fireflies in a jar that shine, Jaejoong swore that he'd keep Yunho's selfless love within his heart, and trusted that it'd guide him through the tomorrows without him.
Till the day the light that emanates turns out and into nothingness, he made himself believe that everyday would mean one day lesser to get closer to Yunho; because the time that the aglow is to be lit all over again would be when it could set itself in flames all stronger and wilder than before, possible only when he could see Yunho again.
Again in that next world.
-
This was relatively short & I don't know what I'm writing anymore because I feel so messed up after the terrible exams, complete with all these tumbled emotions. So if you've gotten here, thanks for reading. -inserts smiley, thankful face
summary: because even though you're no longer here with me in this world, i'll keep your love safe and aglow, memories and all complete in the package.
a/n: it's been almost 4 years but i still miss my grandma so fucking much & i've been thinking alot about her. felt the need to really write something like that even though i've always hated death fics. so bear with me, an emo unglorious angsty idiot. (:
Jaejoong missed him so damn fucking much that it hurt.
He didn't feel happy, didn't know how to feel happy, and couldn't ever feel happy as much as he tried to. How was it possible to tell himself to move on, when his heart could never have enough strength to let go?
To let go of something that you once built your life and soul upon? Of something that meant the entire world to you; the one that rained sunshine on you through the darkest weathers of your days, the one who carved rainbows in your skies when the colours merely fell like snow, & the one who drew smiley faces over your sad ones on paper, lips and frowning foreheads?
Jaejoong didn't need any condolences, white lily wreaths or any of those empathizing stares because for one, none of them could bring Yunho back.
Yunho, the angel whom the upper heavens had called back on much earlier than anyone else his age should have deserved.
"Baby," he whispered lightly, breath taken along with the wind, and then he crumbles before the cold stone, words indented almost in a mocking, glaring way, reminding him of the presence that was lost and could never suffice ever again.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he cries without a sound, his heart weeping haphazardly in quick erratic beats with the tears it bled.
"I could never leave you even if you asked me to! If anything would happen, it'd only be possible if you were the one who stopped loving me. So stop accusing me, you silly boo! I should be questioning your love for me instead!" Yunho argues with Jaejoong, wrestling him onto the bed and reprimanding him with the faked, chiding squints of his pearly eyes.
"Hmph, that's what you say. I'll kill you if the reverse ever happens!"
"Yah, I shall shut you up in the cleverest way possible," Yunho won and stood as the last man laughing, before he silenced the trapped Jaejoong in a gentle, heated kiss.
The memory of that now painful conversation coursed through his mind and he could only crumble further at the cruelty of fate, the cold-hearted whore that twisted his life into such a terrible knot. He couldn't believe that this love he cherished with all his might was taken away from him in such a flash, gone in a blink like a red string snapping into half without a warning.
"Baby, remember the hand-knitted glove you wanted for your birthday? I'm almost done with it, it's sitting in my drawer waiting for you to claim it, so why won't you just come back?" clutching onto the rim of his black shirt, another wave of sobs wracked through Jaejoong's body again.
He remembered vividly how Yunho, after spending days of struggling on life support to sustain himself since the fateful accident, had spent his last few breaths with him. Their hands were intertwined tightly, Jaejoong furiously battling the onslaught of tears that threatened to spill, as Yunho assured his love for the other man, mouthing the same 3 words repeatedly with the little strength he had left.
And it hurt Jaejoong to remember about the dry playfulness Yunho had possessed even then, as he drew a tiny heart with his fingers over the fogged glass window next to the hospital bed, complete with the letters YJ within the shakily drawn shape. Yunho's eyes shone like fireflies, lit up in their special beautiful ways, before they gradually lost themselves and Yunho was gone.
Yunho had told him to find someone new, to find someone who could take care of him in future, but Jaejoong thought it impossible. How could anyone be able to replace Yunho, the one who had filled and marked his heart wholesome?
Jaejoong placed the box of white roses he had folded in the past 35 days of mourning before the grave, and as he knelt down, he said a silent prayer within him.
Yunho-ah, my Yunnie, my one and only Yun, I'll never stop loving you, and you can blame it on me but I'll never change. I've kept your love & you'll always have mine, & I'll work hard for my future till the day I get back with you again in the next world, where we can be together forever.
Like fireflies in a jar that shine, Jaejoong swore that he'd keep Yunho's selfless love within his heart, and trusted that it'd guide him through the tomorrows without him.
Till the day the light that emanates turns out and into nothingness, he made himself believe that everyday would mean one day lesser to get closer to Yunho; because the time that the aglow is to be lit all over again would be when it could set itself in flames all stronger and wilder than before, possible only when he could see Yunho again.
Again in that next world.
-
This was relatively short & I don't know what I'm writing anymore because I feel so messed up after the terrible exams, complete with all these tumbled emotions. So if you've gotten here, thanks for reading. -inserts smiley, thankful face