(no subject)
Well it's sure been ages since I've posted to LJ now hasn't it? Apolgies in advance. It's a long one. As usual when I don't update often. Just need to get things out there.
First off I'll just start on the rather negative side of life for me right now:
It's been nearly 4 months since Lauren and I technically broken up. 3 since it was definitely final and there was pretty much no going back. It was a rough time that first month and a half. Though it may have seemed otherwise. I had lots of dreams of us reconnecting and hopes of getting back together were apparant from those dreams. I thougth about her a lot during that time and it made me feel really insecure and lonely. The first real g/f I had and I was not ready at all to be single again. 2 Months of utter bliss and 1 month of complete hell was really heavy on my mind. I still think about her every so often. But the longing is gone. I'm just curious as to what she's up to and if she's happy now, if she's found someone new. Which, if she has I'd be rather annoyed since we initially broke up because she said she wanted to be single again for a good amount of time that was indicated to me by like 6 months or something. (seriously she seemed to think it would take her taht long to feel right again). But whatev.
During this time I couldn't help be attracted to some other girls. And I got to admit. I really never understood the concept of "dating." Not in the sense of actual dates. But the concept of going out with bunch of people. To "test the waters" or sommat. I've always only been attracted seriously to one girl during all my crushes. So I've always just focused all my energy on one girl. But now I feel kind of overwhelmed and odd.
I find myself attracted to 4 girls....4, it's really odd to me. Whether this is normal or not. I don't know. I've not really mentioned it to anyone yet. And each one when I talk to them I feel the same I did in the past when I was only infatuated with one girl. 2 of which work at Meijer with me. Recently things have really warmed up between us. Even though 1, Jenna, I rarely work with for a decent amount of time so I rarely get to talk and see her frequently. While the other, Ann, I tend to work the same hours with, but is a Service Coordinator most of the time. So she's busy doing a lot of other things. Helping other cashiers and service desk people. Oddly enough, the whole Harry Potter thing really started this warming up to them. It was a connection I could share with the two to get things going. With Jenna I could swear she was flirting with me and it was nice. But after a facebook inquiry I see she's in a relationship, but has yet to mention it. Dunno if this is just one of those silly "i'm in a relatioship with my best friend because it's silly" sort of thing. But meh. I'm sure I can get the truth out eventually. The other is single, but I heard has recently become single, so I dunno if she's actually looking for anthing qutie yet. I'd expect not. But I kind of was after mine break up. Even everytime I thought about it I would smack myself mentally saying it was way too soon and this would be a major mistake.
The other would have to be Debra, my neighbor from across the hall for another week. We've not hung out much really. But she's really cute and has a lot of endearing qualities and quirks I've noticed from her. I don't think she really has any sort of crush on me. I doubt it highly in fact, but I think she's been a bit curious about my personality and such. Testing it of sorts. But we've only hung out once for about like an hour at a cafe by ourselves. It wasn't anything spectacular. Nothing really clicked or anything. Which is sad because her quirkiness is really cute.
The last is Lisa, whom I met at Meijer back in 05 when I first started working there. I thought she was really cute then and it was easy to talk to her, I asked her out once but she turned me down in an avoiding, but true way without me even finding out that she was currently in a relationship then. She's single now and we for the first time hung out the last day I was up in Montague. She goes to central and I've mentioned her to a few people already. That one day was really nice. We didn't do a whole lot, lunch at Red Dragon chinese buffet, Midway during Summer Celebration quickly and then the beach for a long time. But we talked a lot and told stories and flirted a ton. It was really fun and I feel I'm the most attracted to her so far. But, the problem is that she's to be heading to Germany for a year again this late september. Ironically enough it was the same situation I found myself in with Lauren, but through her eyes this time. Though we'd have had more time together before I would have had to leave. Her worries were the same as mine are now. I don't know if I'd be willing to start a relationship and so soon after not see her for a year. I've never had a long distance relationship and don't know how I could handle the lack of physical contact and just physical presence. So I'm really torn on the situation.
Wow, 4 girls. I never have been this way before and I feel like every time I'm with each one I direct all my thoughts and time toward them. Even though each have only been for short amounts of time. I'm not really sure on how to think about it all and could use some constructive help in the situation. I know the basic reply to the things are, but it's not really much help to me right now.
Honestly, there is sort of a 5th, but only not really. She's got a very attractive body and is pretty nice. But I feel no real connection or chance yet between her and I, so I don't really include her. Just eye-candy and day-dream-food I guess.
Anywho, now for something good:
Finished Harry Potter 7 today. It was an awesome book. The last half was insanely packed with plot and action. It really moved along and just punched you constantly in the face with events and twists. It's sad tot hink there won't be another. I'm hoping Rowling will come out with another book that's like the Special Features to a DVD orsomething. Various tidbits of the magical world. Maybe a brief layout of the lives of HP & co. after the 7th book. The epilogue that was 19 years later was nice. But I was still left curious on things. I like to know what happens nearly exactly to characters after the main story. It's my sort of closure.
My hair's gone again. Decided to chop it off for fun. I like the sudden change of things. I also enjoy the reactions I get from people. It's funny sometimes. Nothing as great as Liz's was last summer. Bwah haha. It's ok. I don't hate it. I'd like to find something nice to do with it though. I do still like long hair, but I find it tedious and annoying sometimes. So the easiness of short hair is greatly welcomed. I had been telling me to get my haircut nearly right after Lauren and I seperated for good. I had been growing it out mainly for her. And I would've been cutting it basically for her too, but in a resentful way. Though now I've settled things nearly completely with that situation and this was purely my own decision.
Edit- Steph made Corned beef today and it was utterly amazing. I <3 really good food like that!
First off I'll just start on the rather negative side of life for me right now:
It's been nearly 4 months since Lauren and I technically broken up. 3 since it was definitely final and there was pretty much no going back. It was a rough time that first month and a half. Though it may have seemed otherwise. I had lots of dreams of us reconnecting and hopes of getting back together were apparant from those dreams. I thougth about her a lot during that time and it made me feel really insecure and lonely. The first real g/f I had and I was not ready at all to be single again. 2 Months of utter bliss and 1 month of complete hell was really heavy on my mind. I still think about her every so often. But the longing is gone. I'm just curious as to what she's up to and if she's happy now, if she's found someone new. Which, if she has I'd be rather annoyed since we initially broke up because she said she wanted to be single again for a good amount of time that was indicated to me by like 6 months or something. (seriously she seemed to think it would take her taht long to feel right again). But whatev.
During this time I couldn't help be attracted to some other girls. And I got to admit. I really never understood the concept of "dating." Not in the sense of actual dates. But the concept of going out with bunch of people. To "test the waters" or sommat. I've always only been attracted seriously to one girl during all my crushes. So I've always just focused all my energy on one girl. But now I feel kind of overwhelmed and odd.
I find myself attracted to 4 girls....4, it's really odd to me. Whether this is normal or not. I don't know. I've not really mentioned it to anyone yet. And each one when I talk to them I feel the same I did in the past when I was only infatuated with one girl. 2 of which work at Meijer with me. Recently things have really warmed up between us. Even though 1, Jenna, I rarely work with for a decent amount of time so I rarely get to talk and see her frequently. While the other, Ann, I tend to work the same hours with, but is a Service Coordinator most of the time. So she's busy doing a lot of other things. Helping other cashiers and service desk people. Oddly enough, the whole Harry Potter thing really started this warming up to them. It was a connection I could share with the two to get things going. With Jenna I could swear she was flirting with me and it was nice. But after a facebook inquiry I see she's in a relationship, but has yet to mention it. Dunno if this is just one of those silly "i'm in a relatioship with my best friend because it's silly" sort of thing. But meh. I'm sure I can get the truth out eventually. The other is single, but I heard has recently become single, so I dunno if she's actually looking for anthing qutie yet. I'd expect not. But I kind of was after mine break up. Even everytime I thought about it I would smack myself mentally saying it was way too soon and this would be a major mistake.
The other would have to be Debra, my neighbor from across the hall for another week. We've not hung out much really. But she's really cute and has a lot of endearing qualities and quirks I've noticed from her. I don't think she really has any sort of crush on me. I doubt it highly in fact, but I think she's been a bit curious about my personality and such. Testing it of sorts. But we've only hung out once for about like an hour at a cafe by ourselves. It wasn't anything spectacular. Nothing really clicked or anything. Which is sad because her quirkiness is really cute.
The last is Lisa, whom I met at Meijer back in 05 when I first started working there. I thought she was really cute then and it was easy to talk to her, I asked her out once but she turned me down in an avoiding, but true way without me even finding out that she was currently in a relationship then. She's single now and we for the first time hung out the last day I was up in Montague. She goes to central and I've mentioned her to a few people already. That one day was really nice. We didn't do a whole lot, lunch at Red Dragon chinese buffet, Midway during Summer Celebration quickly and then the beach for a long time. But we talked a lot and told stories and flirted a ton. It was really fun and I feel I'm the most attracted to her so far. But, the problem is that she's to be heading to Germany for a year again this late september. Ironically enough it was the same situation I found myself in with Lauren, but through her eyes this time. Though we'd have had more time together before I would have had to leave. Her worries were the same as mine are now. I don't know if I'd be willing to start a relationship and so soon after not see her for a year. I've never had a long distance relationship and don't know how I could handle the lack of physical contact and just physical presence. So I'm really torn on the situation.
Wow, 4 girls. I never have been this way before and I feel like every time I'm with each one I direct all my thoughts and time toward them. Even though each have only been for short amounts of time. I'm not really sure on how to think about it all and could use some constructive help in the situation. I know the basic reply to the things are, but it's not really much help to me right now.
Honestly, there is sort of a 5th, but only not really. She's got a very attractive body and is pretty nice. But I feel no real connection or chance yet between her and I, so I don't really include her. Just eye-candy and day-dream-food I guess.
Anywho, now for something good:
Finished Harry Potter 7 today. It was an awesome book. The last half was insanely packed with plot and action. It really moved along and just punched you constantly in the face with events and twists. It's sad tot hink there won't be another. I'm hoping Rowling will come out with another book that's like the Special Features to a DVD orsomething. Various tidbits of the magical world. Maybe a brief layout of the lives of HP & co. after the 7th book. The epilogue that was 19 years later was nice. But I was still left curious on things. I like to know what happens nearly exactly to characters after the main story. It's my sort of closure.
My hair's gone again. Decided to chop it off for fun. I like the sudden change of things. I also enjoy the reactions I get from people. It's funny sometimes. Nothing as great as Liz's was last summer. Bwah haha. It's ok. I don't hate it. I'd like to find something nice to do with it though. I do still like long hair, but I find it tedious and annoying sometimes. So the easiness of short hair is greatly welcomed. I had been telling me to get my haircut nearly right after Lauren and I seperated for good. I had been growing it out mainly for her. And I would've been cutting it basically for her too, but in a resentful way. Though now I've settled things nearly completely with that situation and this was purely my own decision.
Edit- Steph made Corned beef today and it was utterly amazing. I <3 really good food like that!