Christmas Eve
Well, that's what it feels like, and I'm the kid who can't sleep! I can't think past tomorrow, going to St Louis is the top of the hill and I can't see anything beyond it. I'm excited and nervous and superstitiously trying to avoid looking directly at it. The snow and cold makes everything uncertain, and the conflicting reports from the last two shows make me worried (but then, I usually do worry about this band, I can be a friggin' mother hen when it concerns these guys!)
But I've been re-reading my old journals, freshly retrieved from storage, reading about previous shows. There has always been a great deal of faith involved, in letting go of control and letting the experience unfold as the Fates allow. There's always been a hefty dose of magic involved in seeing this band, at least for me.
And yesterday the roads made it impossible to go into work, so I bundled up and went out to the woods, braved the icy winds that rattled through the bare brittle leaves and danced up snow devils on the ridges of the fields, went out and tasted winter again, and felt my own spring within. Something woke up, something that needed the crunch of snow underfoot and the jolt of my feet sliding out from under me. I held up my hands to the snow grey sky and Grandmother Winter blasted me with brute cold, stole my breath and made me laugh all at once.
I can go forward. There's a trickle of magic flowing within me, yesterday the ice covering it broke. I stood under the pines and listened to them rub together like a bow drawn across a violin's strings, I saw the perfect oval hollow left behind by the warmth of a sleeping deer, I have the knowledge of who I have been carried to me in boxes likes amulets, and I have a ticket to My Chemical Romance.
There is magic, there is life -- this winter witch needed the snow and the promise of music to break free of the dead season within, and now she can begin to create again.
But I've been re-reading my old journals, freshly retrieved from storage, reading about previous shows. There has always been a great deal of faith involved, in letting go of control and letting the experience unfold as the Fates allow. There's always been a hefty dose of magic involved in seeing this band, at least for me.
And yesterday the roads made it impossible to go into work, so I bundled up and went out to the woods, braved the icy winds that rattled through the bare brittle leaves and danced up snow devils on the ridges of the fields, went out and tasted winter again, and felt my own spring within. Something woke up, something that needed the crunch of snow underfoot and the jolt of my feet sliding out from under me. I held up my hands to the snow grey sky and Grandmother Winter blasted me with brute cold, stole my breath and made me laugh all at once.
I can go forward. There's a trickle of magic flowing within me, yesterday the ice covering it broke. I stood under the pines and listened to them rub together like a bow drawn across a violin's strings, I saw the perfect oval hollow left behind by the warmth of a sleeping deer, I have the knowledge of who I have been carried to me in boxes likes amulets, and I have a ticket to My Chemical Romance.
There is magic, there is life -- this winter witch needed the snow and the promise of music to break free of the dead season within, and now she can begin to create again.