(no subject)
Why am I so sad....I want to be happy. I want to be the happiest girl in the world again. I have never been so sad in my whole life, ever. I have never wanted something so bad before, and I want my John. I want him so bad I can taste it. Its like I need to be with him. I need to hold him and love him and it kills me to know its over. Like it just all hit me today, like a beam of steel right in the face. and boy does it hurt me. I am tired of this, all of it. Im tired of being made to feel like everything is all my fault, that my choices in everything arent right or arent good. everyone thinks Im wrong with everything, my sense of character, my sense of self, the world around me. Its like Im always wrong all the time. Even the closest of friends make me feel this way. John even makes me feel like this. He cant accept it and he cant understand that I am my own person and I want to make misatakes like I am destined to. I am tired of living by eveyone elses rules in life, like I am trying to be this thing they all want me to be, so agreeable with no mind of my own, no likes or dislikes and sometimes glad to go after things that arent necessarily good for me. I dont know what I mean. Maybe im worng to think that way. I try t stay clear of people not good for me, but I soemtimes try o see the good in people, and it doesnt always work I guess