I wonder if I take you home, will you still be in love baby?
It's May - Getting ready for the frey. Fray, even. I feel a touch frayed as I nearly had a heart attack at the beginning of the month. Hydro was cut - eviction notices issued and cat pee everywhere. I think I may have pee'd on my futon. All is well and the situation proved two things (again) 1) don't get insane and then misinterpret situation, no matter how fucked they are to deal with - Blaming yourself can be fun & 2) Don't procrastinate (still working on that...tomorrow).
Just dandy is the fact that I am still a toadstool of a loaf when it comes to being a functioning member of society. I almost feel like I need to go into hiding, yet know I won't and I can't. Lately I have been taking the negative perspective far too often when I think about what is going on. The truth is that nothing is going on unless I make it happen. And I find it usually involves other people. Hence my thoughts regarding taking advantage of people in every sense. So this is my little admittance of denial and hopefully a twist back in the direction of reality. I have not really strayed from it so much as convoluted it.
Boys, boys, boys. It's the lambing season or something and this one hasn't been silent - Good for hope, bad for the nunnery. Is 16 too young ( I will kill you if you dare even comment) ? Well the smiles are free as I am smitten once again with an exbf of two summers ago. It had lasted a week. So I am cautiously throwing all of my eggs into one basket while taking a bite out of crime. I hope that the boy is, as they are saying, smitten with me in a similar way. I feel like sunshiney fields of flowers spilling golden brilliance resides in my head at the thought. I think I got goosebumps. Oddly enough I just checked a Tim Horton's comment card (FOOD SAFETY) which happened to have his address on it. Now I know where to send the cake of which I will jump out of. I'm only excited because I never get the details - And don't know where half of the people I hang out with live, on paper. I am also excited that I cannot ever get a hold of the boy because I chose internet over phone. Luckily it was proven to be the smartest choice. I figure fate will play itself out or I'll just fuck everything up by babbling in my head about it too much.
Been all over - Victoria almost every weekend, a Vancouver PumpJack stint and back home. Then some more Victoria. A lot of things have gone on in the last while and I think everything is starting to settle itself down. Certainly I have been a bit lucky in that respect, yet foolish. Although any playing with boys has happened at home. That says something but I don't know what. Although being on my knees in the PJ wheelchair access bathroom kissing a guy had to be the FILTHIEST and most self-degrading thing ever. It was just kissing his face - so don't get any ideas. I was filthy enough at that point to stumble away. Then I got a cold. Hmmm...
Enough gloating and self-deprication for now as I am off to shower and find something to eat. Don't wait for my van full of candy and zap-straps to come to your neighbourhood.
Just dandy is the fact that I am still a toadstool of a loaf when it comes to being a functioning member of society. I almost feel like I need to go into hiding, yet know I won't and I can't. Lately I have been taking the negative perspective far too often when I think about what is going on. The truth is that nothing is going on unless I make it happen. And I find it usually involves other people. Hence my thoughts regarding taking advantage of people in every sense. So this is my little admittance of denial and hopefully a twist back in the direction of reality. I have not really strayed from it so much as convoluted it.
Boys, boys, boys. It's the lambing season or something and this one hasn't been silent - Good for hope, bad for the nunnery. Is 16 too young ( I will kill you if you dare even comment) ? Well the smiles are free as I am smitten once again with an exbf of two summers ago. It had lasted a week. So I am cautiously throwing all of my eggs into one basket while taking a bite out of crime. I hope that the boy is, as they are saying, smitten with me in a similar way. I feel like sunshiney fields of flowers spilling golden brilliance resides in my head at the thought. I think I got goosebumps. Oddly enough I just checked a Tim Horton's comment card (FOOD SAFETY) which happened to have his address on it. Now I know where to send the cake of which I will jump out of. I'm only excited because I never get the details - And don't know where half of the people I hang out with live, on paper. I am also excited that I cannot ever get a hold of the boy because I chose internet over phone. Luckily it was proven to be the smartest choice. I figure fate will play itself out or I'll just fuck everything up by babbling in my head about it too much.
Been all over - Victoria almost every weekend, a Vancouver PumpJack stint and back home. Then some more Victoria. A lot of things have gone on in the last while and I think everything is starting to settle itself down. Certainly I have been a bit lucky in that respect, yet foolish. Although any playing with boys has happened at home. That says something but I don't know what. Although being on my knees in the PJ wheelchair access bathroom kissing a guy had to be the FILTHIEST and most self-degrading thing ever. It was just kissing his face - so don't get any ideas. I was filthy enough at that point to stumble away. Then I got a cold. Hmmm...
Enough gloating and self-deprication for now as I am off to shower and find something to eat. Don't wait for my van full of candy and zap-straps to come to your neighbourhood.