(no subject)
Everything's been resurfacing. Every trap, every shred of false-hope, every over-idealized relationship I ever fell for seems to be coming back to me now.
I don't want to remember how he ignored me because he didn't want to be with me anymore.
I don't want to remember how he never seemed to really care until the end.
I don't want to remember how he led me on and never told me he was seeing someone else.
I don't want to remember how he played me.
I don't want to experience another lapse in communication that leads me to heartbreak. I'm fucking sick of it.
Why must I be so good at giving romantic/relationship advice to other people, yet I can keep none of it for myself? I wouldn't call it being a hypocrite, because with me it's that I just don't realize that I need to follow my own advice till it's too late.
boy, you royally fucked with me. not only did i share the moment of losing my virginity to you, but you laughed at my minor actions of trying to make it romantic. it was just another fuck for you but guess what, it was a big moment in my life for me, you jackass. i don't care if it was a just another hot fuck. for me it was something special. and yeah, the sex was good. but after a while, when you stopped caring, it got boring. i hated how it was your house, you eat lunch, you watch tv, we go upstairs, we fuck, you go to the bathroom, we go downstairs, watch another half hour of tv, you bring me home. EVERY FUCKING DAY. i made suggestions, you shot them down. it was the most boring winter of my entire life. and way to be an asshole and not evenhave the balls to break up with me. bad enough you broke up with your once again gf through a TEXT MESSAGE. now you just simply IGNORE me as if i'd just....go away? that pissed me off more than anything in this world. and then when i go to break up with *you* (yeah good one, get me to break up with you, smooth move asswipe you're lucky i didnt beat your face in the 4th of July) i give you all this advice on how to be with women because you *CLEARLY* have/had no idea. i mean, look at your father. how many wives did he have again? i don't even remember. you're lucky he's so old and wrinkled, otherwise he might just have cheated on your mother. what a swell fucking role model. and then you turn around, 17 minutes later, and apply it to her. wonderful. on a trip. in disney. a BAND TRIP. jackass.
i gave you everything i had. EVERYTHING. i gave you space, i gave you love, i gave you attention, i gave you my body. and what did you do? you flirted with other women, online even, you took my body and my sex drive for granted, and you were upset when i couldn't bring you food when you were working WHEN I TOLD YOU I MAY OR MAY NOT. why the fuck wasn't it good enough for you to see that i loved you and didnt care who knew? i put up with a LOT of shit because of you, and you took it all for granted. then, when you said you did love me. it was almost too late, but i took you back. i realized i did love you. we had that one moment of bliss where we held each other and loved each other, truly loved each other. then winter break came. all you could talk about was how wonderful you were. and i knew you'd never change. you wanted sex, you'd been deprived of it. stupidly, i gave it to you. you're a fucking egotistical asshole. never *once* did you ask me how my break was, how coaching was going. no. you only cared to tell me lies to beef yourself up. i loved you, why wasn't that enough? why did you have to lie? i didn't love the lies. i knew what the lies were before you ever confessed to them. i didn't care. i knew you lied and i still loved you.
inconsiderate ass. you made me waste my autumn on you.
you. wow. what a *fun* ride eh? way to lead me on, fucktard. too bad you didn't just say "no". too nice? nah. just too lazy. you really were lazy in that whole communication aspect. "oh yeah um... i have a girlfriend" WAY TO TELL ME WHEN IM HANGING ON EVERY WORD YOU SAY FUCKFACE. if a girl seems *way* too interested in you, and you're not that interested, you let her know. don't make up something like "i dont want another relationship just yet... at least not a long-distance one" um. hi. just say no. not with me. that wasn't clear enough. and way to only give me 20 bucks for the hamster, asshole. she cost me 25, at least. her cage another 20, her travel cage i bought for you last minute, 7. food and bedding, another 12. that's around 60 bucks. you gave me 20 dollars for giving you my baby, pretty much. i could say cheap ass jew, but i know better. cheap ass firecrotch. honestly? i just want you to give me back what you took from me. the time and money i wasted on you. her name is claudette. louise sucks. the end.
remember when i called you green eyes? yeah. um, almost the same thing as the last one. i had feelings for you. way to be, player, way to be. you were the worst sympathy fuck ever. you didnt seem to want me on top, didnt seem to want *anything*. quiet as a fucking mouse. i hated it. curse of being 13th i guess. but honestly, everything you did and said, leading me on. completely wasted a month of my summer where i could've been having *much* more fun. but no, i felt guilty, for poor pinto. poooor ice cream truck. poooor you with the 'im smooth' act that i could see through like a glass window on a sunny tuesday afternoon. and i still went for it. why? cause i go for geeks and you played on that. dick. yeah good thing i started talking to magic, eh? he sorted me out. thank god. he ruined nothing for you. don't worry. i wasn't going to continue anyway when i found out you lied about where you were. thanks for being straight with me letting me know that we were just casually dating, dick. learn how to play better.
there's my rant. i feel a *bit* better now.
really, i just want a relationship with someone in which i can grow with. i need someone to love and pamper that will love and pamper right back. i need sweet nothings. i fucking love sweet nothings.
I don't want to remember how he ignored me because he didn't want to be with me anymore.
I don't want to remember how he never seemed to really care until the end.
I don't want to remember how he led me on and never told me he was seeing someone else.
I don't want to remember how he played me.
I don't want to experience another lapse in communication that leads me to heartbreak. I'm fucking sick of it.
Why must I be so good at giving romantic/relationship advice to other people, yet I can keep none of it for myself? I wouldn't call it being a hypocrite, because with me it's that I just don't realize that I need to follow my own advice till it's too late.
boy, you royally fucked with me. not only did i share the moment of losing my virginity to you, but you laughed at my minor actions of trying to make it romantic. it was just another fuck for you but guess what, it was a big moment in my life for me, you jackass. i don't care if it was a just another hot fuck. for me it was something special. and yeah, the sex was good. but after a while, when you stopped caring, it got boring. i hated how it was your house, you eat lunch, you watch tv, we go upstairs, we fuck, you go to the bathroom, we go downstairs, watch another half hour of tv, you bring me home. EVERY FUCKING DAY. i made suggestions, you shot them down. it was the most boring winter of my entire life. and way to be an asshole and not evenhave the balls to break up with me. bad enough you broke up with your once again gf through a TEXT MESSAGE. now you just simply IGNORE me as if i'd just....go away? that pissed me off more than anything in this world. and then when i go to break up with *you* (yeah good one, get me to break up with you, smooth move asswipe you're lucky i didnt beat your face in the 4th of July) i give you all this advice on how to be with women because you *CLEARLY* have/had no idea. i mean, look at your father. how many wives did he have again? i don't even remember. you're lucky he's so old and wrinkled, otherwise he might just have cheated on your mother. what a swell fucking role model. and then you turn around, 17 minutes later, and apply it to her. wonderful. on a trip. in disney. a BAND TRIP. jackass.
i gave you everything i had. EVERYTHING. i gave you space, i gave you love, i gave you attention, i gave you my body. and what did you do? you flirted with other women, online even, you took my body and my sex drive for granted, and you were upset when i couldn't bring you food when you were working WHEN I TOLD YOU I MAY OR MAY NOT. why the fuck wasn't it good enough for you to see that i loved you and didnt care who knew? i put up with a LOT of shit because of you, and you took it all for granted. then, when you said you did love me. it was almost too late, but i took you back. i realized i did love you. we had that one moment of bliss where we held each other and loved each other, truly loved each other. then winter break came. all you could talk about was how wonderful you were. and i knew you'd never change. you wanted sex, you'd been deprived of it. stupidly, i gave it to you. you're a fucking egotistical asshole. never *once* did you ask me how my break was, how coaching was going. no. you only cared to tell me lies to beef yourself up. i loved you, why wasn't that enough? why did you have to lie? i didn't love the lies. i knew what the lies were before you ever confessed to them. i didn't care. i knew you lied and i still loved you.
inconsiderate ass. you made me waste my autumn on you.
you. wow. what a *fun* ride eh? way to lead me on, fucktard. too bad you didn't just say "no". too nice? nah. just too lazy. you really were lazy in that whole communication aspect. "oh yeah um... i have a girlfriend" WAY TO TELL ME WHEN IM HANGING ON EVERY WORD YOU SAY FUCKFACE. if a girl seems *way* too interested in you, and you're not that interested, you let her know. don't make up something like "i dont want another relationship just yet... at least not a long-distance one" um. hi. just say no. not with me. that wasn't clear enough. and way to only give me 20 bucks for the hamster, asshole. she cost me 25, at least. her cage another 20, her travel cage i bought for you last minute, 7. food and bedding, another 12. that's around 60 bucks. you gave me 20 dollars for giving you my baby, pretty much. i could say cheap ass jew, but i know better. cheap ass firecrotch. honestly? i just want you to give me back what you took from me. the time and money i wasted on you. her name is claudette. louise sucks. the end.
remember when i called you green eyes? yeah. um, almost the same thing as the last one. i had feelings for you. way to be, player, way to be. you were the worst sympathy fuck ever. you didnt seem to want me on top, didnt seem to want *anything*. quiet as a fucking mouse. i hated it. curse of being 13th i guess. but honestly, everything you did and said, leading me on. completely wasted a month of my summer where i could've been having *much* more fun. but no, i felt guilty, for poor pinto. poooor ice cream truck. poooor you with the 'im smooth' act that i could see through like a glass window on a sunny tuesday afternoon. and i still went for it. why? cause i go for geeks and you played on that. dick. yeah good thing i started talking to magic, eh? he sorted me out. thank god. he ruined nothing for you. don't worry. i wasn't going to continue anyway when i found out you lied about where you were. thanks for being straight with me letting me know that we were just casually dating, dick. learn how to play better.
there's my rant. i feel a *bit* better now.
really, i just want a relationship with someone in which i can grow with. i need someone to love and pamper that will love and pamper right back. i need sweet nothings. i fucking love sweet nothings.