Your To-Do List before the Inauguration
1. Get that abortion you needed.
2. Drink a nice clean glass of water.
3. Cash your social security check.
4. See a doctor of your own choosing.
5. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild.
6. Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter.
7. Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying.
8. Hoard gasoline.
9. Buy all the porn you can carry.
10. Borrow books from library before they're banned - Constitutional law books, Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, Tropic of Cancer, etc.
11. If you have an idea for an art piece involving a crucifix - do it now.
12. Come out - then go back in - HURRY!
13. Jam in all the Alzheimer's stem cell research you can.
14. Stay out late before the curfews start.
15. Get within 6 feet of a stripper in a state where it's still allowed.
16. Go see Bruce Springsteen before he has his "accident."
17. Go see Mount Rushmore before the Reagan addition.
18. Use the phrase - "you can't do that - this is America."
19. If you're white - marry a black person, if you're black - marry a white person.
20. If you're gay, learn to butch it up so people will think you are straight.
21. Take a walk in Yosemite, without being hit by a snowmobile or a base-jumper.
22. Enroll your kid in an accelerated art or music class.
23. Start your school day without a prayer.
24. Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations.
25. Stockpile hard liquor.
26. Learn French.
27. Two words - Doggy Style.
28. Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends.
29. Take a factory tour anywhere in the US.
30. Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list.
31. Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt.
32. Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive.
33. Visit Alaska before "The Big Spill."
34. Visit Massachusetts while it is still a State.
2. Drink a nice clean glass of water.
3. Cash your social security check.
4. See a doctor of your own choosing.
5. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild.
6. Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter.
7. Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying.
8. Hoard gasoline.
9. Buy all the porn you can carry.
10. Borrow books from library before they're banned - Constitutional law books, Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, Tropic of Cancer, etc.
11. If you have an idea for an art piece involving a crucifix - do it now.
12. Come out - then go back in - HURRY!
13. Jam in all the Alzheimer's stem cell research you can.
14. Stay out late before the curfews start.
15. Get within 6 feet of a stripper in a state where it's still allowed.
16. Go see Bruce Springsteen before he has his "accident."
17. Go see Mount Rushmore before the Reagan addition.
18. Use the phrase - "you can't do that - this is America."
19. If you're white - marry a black person, if you're black - marry a white person.
20. If you're gay, learn to butch it up so people will think you are straight.
21. Take a walk in Yosemite, without being hit by a snowmobile or a base-jumper.
22. Enroll your kid in an accelerated art or music class.
23. Start your school day without a prayer.
24. Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations.
25. Stockpile hard liquor.
26. Learn French.
27. Two words - Doggy Style.
28. Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends.
29. Take a factory tour anywhere in the US.
30. Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list.
31. Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt.
32. Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive.
33. Visit Alaska before "The Big Spill."
34. Visit Massachusetts while it is still a State.