Aperture (Chapter 4)
Title: Aperture
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya, Sho/??, Sho/OC
Rating: PG13
Chapter - Word Count: Chapter 4 - 4 527 words
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Family, Fluff, Kid, Romance
Summary: "Did you hate me when I didn't fight for you before?" Sho asked before it was too late. The other man paused and then turned to look back at him. The other looked up, thinking intently before looking back at Sho and shaking his head, "Maybe at first... But then you made me realize that something that is perfect isn't real happiness, and so instead, I'm thankful."
Beta: akhikaru (You know you're awesome right. You're the best ever!!!)
Author’s Notes: I’m still on time right? Yay!!! Busy day honestly, but gambarimasu! octavialao, no, I’m not sending it to you! I’m posting it :P learashi, belated happy birthday dear!
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Four Years Old
Jun was well aware of the frightened stares, the trembling bodies, and the hanging tension in the conference room, where every staff of the studio was gathered. Still, Jun couldn't remove the feeling annoyed. He was frustrated. He was angry, but more than to anyone, he was honestly angry with himself. Sadly, he had been lashing out on people who had nothing to do with it.
"Will someone please explain to me how the pictures turned sepia when the theme of the magazine is clearly black and white?" Jun asked. His tone was harsh. He was in front of the long table where all the staff sat around. Jun noticed how everyone in the room was anxious under his scrutinizing eyes. Some were fidgeting in their seats. Others couldn't look up to meet his eyes. One was brave enough to answer though.
"Sir, it's my fault. The original pictures were taken in sepia so that when we edit and turn it to black and white, it will carry more different shades than doing it in gray scale."
Jun turned to the man who spoke. The man was the newly hired photographer from Kansai, Nakama Junta, if he remembered correctly. Jun's eyes were blank, and that made Junta flinch albeit trying to hide it.
"Are you trying to make decisions without my permission on how to do the photoshoots?" Jun asked. It was low, but with the silence everyone could hear it clearly. They also noticed the bite in each word.
"Uhm..." Junta couldn't reply. He gulped down before saying anything, carefully choosing his words to justify his actions. "It wasn’t my intention, Matsumoto-san. I was given the freedom on how the photoshoot and process will go by the director."Junta said. He took a deep breath before explaining further. "I just thought that the sepia setting translated to black and white would create the old picture effect the director wanted for the spread."
Jun glared at Junta, saying, "I'm well-aware of the director's concept for the spread, Nakama-san." Jun's words were said in monotone, and if Jun did use that kind of tone, everyone in the room knew that he was beyond furious.
It wasn't that Jun was always angry at them. It was the exact opposite. It was just that the actual rarity of it left a impression on every staff, and they didn't want it to happen again.
"Let me rephrase my sentence then..." Jun deadpanned, "Why go through such process when it could produce faster results by using a more direct approach?"
Mao looked at Jun with apprehension. She was worried. Although Jun did have a point, she had known Jun long enough to know he would still approved of Junta's process. Jun was open with photographer's artistry. In fact, He encouraged it. That day, Jun's anger was completely odd. The argument was honestly petty.
Even if Mao had been working with Jun from the very start Jun and Ohno had build the studio, she didn't really know how to calm Jun. Thankfully, there was someone else who could.
"That's enough, Jun."Ohno interceded, placing a hand on Jun's shoulder after pushing himself away from the wall he had been leaning at from the beginning of the abrupt meeting. He had been silent all the while, just observing. Judging by Jun’s reactions and answers, it was time he intervened to pacify things.
Somehow, there was a collective sigh of relief from everyone else in the conference room.
Jun looked away, visibly pissed. Ohno took it as a cue to take the lead, which was actually rare.
"Junta-kun, I appreciate that you are trying new techniques to bring better qualities for our pictures. But if you are unsure of things, please consult me or Matsumoto-san first." Ohno explained, calm and collected. There wasn't hardness in his words. He was just reprimanding.
Junta looked apologetic, not just to Ohno or Jun, but to all the staffs present for putting them in such an uncomfortable situation. He bowed and murmured an apology, promising not to cause any more trouble to anyone.
Ohno dismissed all of the staff present afterwards. When he was left alone with Jun, he locked the door and turned to the younger man. "What's wrong with you today, Jun?" He asked. Although the words Ohno used might sound be rude or accusing, Jun heard far from that. Ohno was rather concerned and worried.
"It's nothing." Jun lied. As much as he liked Ohno's concern directed at him, now wasn't a good time.
"There’s something, Jun. It's been like that for almost a week. You've been in everyone's back."Ohno pointed out.
Jun's nose cringed at that. He remembered how he had exploded almost every day throughout the week. On Monday, he lashed out on an assistant because he was given a different lens from what he asked for. It turned out that the lens was a better choice. In another day, he got irritated at a staff in-charge of the orders because the props he asked for a photoshoot hadn't arrived yet at the studio when he arrived. It wasn't the staff's fault though, because there had been an accident that caused the delay of the delivery.
Things hadn't been smooth lately. Or rather Jun's patience was thinning, and he easily let his temper get the better of him. For that, Ohno was worried.
"Is there something wrong?" Ohno rephrased his previous question. This time, he openly expressed his concern. He knew Jun was perfectionist. Still, he wouldn't reach to a point that he might embarrass another person.
"I... I..." He stammered. "I'm just tired." Another lie came out of Jun's mouth, "I'm sorry... I'm just really out of it." He excused before Ohno could say something more, looking exhausted.
"You need a break." Ohno decided, making Jun look up in surprise. There was authority in Ohno's voice, and he couldn't actually read what Ohno was thinking especially when the older man said, "Come with me."
Jun wasn't in the mood, but Ohno's calm yet commanding demeanor still managed to make him obliged.
It had been a while since Ohno showed Jun that he was older. Ohno might not look like it, but the older man was reliable. For that fact, Jun was thankful because Ohno managed to guide him at times when Jun was lost. Jun respected Ohno, and maybe that was why despite dreading any lectures that might come his way (because it seemed Ohno would be giving one), Jun didn't have the heart to object.
They left the conference room and were heading out. Jun stopped at the middle after noticing everyone had a careful stance once they were passing by. Even Mao, who was bubbly and cheerful, had restrains in her movements.
Then there was also Junta. Despite trying to play it cool, there was stiffness in his aura. It seemed that the kind and happy-go-lucky Junta which Jun remembered was nowhere in sight at the moment.
Jun took a deep breath and approached Junta's table. It didn't escape his eyes that sweat was forming in Junta's forehead as the younger man fidgeted under his gaze.
"Junta-kun."
"Hai!" Junta answered, sounding nervous.
Jun heaved another deep breath before speaking again, "I'm sorry, Junta-kun. My anger earlier was out of a place. I do appreciate your efforts too. Just please consider if your methods will be efficient." Jun apologized, adding a reminder at the end.
"There's no need to apologize, Matsumoto-san. I promise to be more considerate of my actions in the future." Junta replied, and Jun smiled at that. He was truly happy there were no grudges despite what he had done earlier.
The tension in the air finally dissipated after their exchange. It seemed it was the only thing they needed for every staff to be relaxed once again. There were no more words needed. The staff understood that Jun's apology wasn't just intended for Junta. It was intended for everyone. Although they had been under Jun's wrath for a week, Jun still managed to show in his own ways how he was truly sorry for his uncalled outburst.
It seemed Ohno had witnessed what Jun did. When Jun saw Ohno waiting for him by the door, relief was clearly seen in Ohno’s face.
Jun approached the door. Mao was standing at Ohno’s side, gleefully waiting to hear if Jun had further instructions with a smile. Jun only said to call him or Ohno if they were needed. Mao saluted to let him know she would do what she was told. Jun was really thankful he had such wonderful staffs.
Ohno and Jun took an elevator towards the parking lot. Since Ohno didn't bring his car that day - which was brand new since he just recently got his driver's license - they went to Jun's car instead. As both Jun and Ohno settled in the car, Jun asked, "Where are we heading?"
"To the kindergarten."
Jun's head instantly turned towards Ohno. Jun was looking at Ohno like the older man had just grown two heads. Ohno was rather calm contrary to Jun's anxious look. As much as Jun wanted to visit the kids because he deliberately avoided going there that week, he didn't want to let the kids experience his wrath. He was calm now, calmer than he was at the start of the week. Still, Jun didn't want the kids to see him like that.
"Oh-chan. I don't think I should go there now." Jun said, not elaborating more anything in his mind.
Ohno's reply was enough to assume he knew enough what he was suggesting though. "I told you, Jun, you need a break. Kids are distracting enough to let you forget for awhile, to clear your mind. Who knows, you might be enlightened on how to overcome whatever you are going through."
Jun didn't reply anymore. Ohno had a point. Jun could just leave if he felt that he might explode in front of the kids anyway.
They arrived during the children’s nap time. That’s why only Juri and Nino welcomed them in the main entrance of the small school.
"Where have you been, you moron?" Juri hissed through gritted teeth, surprising Jun because this was the first time Juri openly called him names - and that even happened in the kindergarten where children might hear her.
"I... I-,"Jun was lost for words. There was anger written in Juri's face, but it wasn't because she was mad, she was just really worried because Jun hadn't contacted her that week.
As Jun thought about it, his destinations for the last week were just his workplace and his apartment. At home, he had been spending his time only with his television and dozens of cans of beers. There were also times he just cried himself to his sleep. He didn't think about those who cared for him, worrying about what he was doing with his life. He was trapped. No matter how much he tried to hide it, he was trapped in his own broken little world that he forgot his reality and everyone around him.
Jun wouldn't cry in front of anybody. Not in that kind of place where other people could see his despair, yet he was only human and had his limitations. And so he gave in, crying as his sister hugged him.
Sho is gone.
He wanted to say that, but no one knew about his relationship with Sho. Ohno perhaps met with the guy a few times, but that didn't mean anything. And that was when Jun noted he was alone in his struggle. He was still stuck inside the world he and Sho built. Sho was gone, it was time for Jun to leave their world and go on with his life.
Juri didn't say anything, but held Jun tight in her arms. Jun would say something in time, but now all he needed was someone to ground him back. The people around him, his friends, and his sister were doing it right.
Jun was sporting puffy eyes when the children woke up from nap time. He was glad he had his reading glasses with him when he faced them. He used them to hide his eyes in the pretense that he had an eye infection. The children only had happy faces as they swarmed at him, telling him how he was missed by all of them. In the children's play time, Jun made sure he got to interact with each of the children.
Juri and the others were with him of course, playing with the children. He was also thankful the others didn't mention his display of weakness earlier. It seemed Jun didn't need to dwell on it for now. Ohno was right then. That was the perfect distraction he needed. Why didn't Jun thought of it in the first place? He did always go there if he wanted to think anything else aside from work.
Sho had a kid.
That was right. Sho had his own bundle of joy. Going here would remind Jun that fact.
Sho had a family, and with Jun, he could have broken it. Instead, he broke off his and Jun's world to be with them.
Sho chose them.
It wasn't like Jun hated them. He felt rather apologetic towards them. They didn’t have any clue what Sho was doing those times the older man wasn’t with them, and was with Jun.
If Jun could, he would ask for their forgiveness personally.
Jun didn’t have resentment for Sho either. Maybe the fact Sho had hidden that he had a family from the start could be a reason to be mad at the other but Jun was at fault too. Why did you stay when you knew Sho wasn’t yours begin with? Because Jun had loved Sho, and Jun would like to think Sho loved him too.
Jun shook his head. Thinking about those things was kind of exhausting. (And really, it was annoying too.) That was when he finally saw the boy he hadn’t been able to play with those past few days. Shojiro was sitting on a tree’s roots, looking over the children (and some adults) who played in the playground.
"Hey there." Jun squatted in front of Shojiro, catching the boy’s attention.
"You're not going to join them?"
Shojiro shook his head.
Jun was cautious of Shojiro’s response. It seemed Shojiro was back to those times he had been distant to everyone else. Or was it because Jun hadn't showed up, and Shojiro was again careful around him?
Jun decided to sit beside Shojiro. At least the kid won't be alone.
The silence between the two stretched. Jun opted to break it with a simple question, trying to engage the boy to a conversation, but it was Shojiro who asked first. His question surprised Jun.
"Why are you sad, an-chan?"
Jun gasped. He wasn't expecting Shojiro to ask something like that. Though, he was thankful Shojiro still called him an-chan. Jun was afraid Shojiro might become distant around him again, losing the trust he gained before.
It took time before Jun could decide what to reply, and he chose to be honest. Shojiro was a smart kid, smarter than others definitely. That was why even though Shojiro may not fully understand what he was going through, it didn't mean he should lie to the boy.
"I'm sad because I have to be separated from the one I love." Jun replied simply for a four year old child to understand.
Shojiro blinked his eyes. His small eyebrows knitted together, making Jun chuckle.
"You know, if you keep on frowning like that. You'll have wrinkles at young age." Jun joked, smoothing Shojiro's knitted eyebrows with his thumb and index finger.
Shojiro cringed his nose, and Jun couldn't help but poke his nose with affection. Shojiro reached out his hand towards Jun's face, but he couldn't really reach it. Jun leaned closer to Shojiro. The boy took Jun's glasses, exposing Jun's eyes. They weren’t that puffy anymore, but there were remnants that proved Jun cried earlier.
"An-chan is really handsome. Sadness doesn't suit an-chan." Shojiro claimed. Jun was grateful. Those were just innocent words from a child, yet they had a great impact. It felt good because he felt Shojiro cared for him too. Jun couldn't help but hug Shojiro. There was a lonely tear drop falling down, but Jun could tell it was due to happiness.
When they finally let go, Jun had a smile, genuine and refreshing. Shojiro too was smiling when he said, "I want to spend time with an-chan later after class."
Jun loved the idea. He could definitely bring Shojiro again to the park where they last went. Shojiro would love ice cream. Jun thought, but then he needed to consult first with Shojiro's mother. Too much sweet was bad to children after all.
"I would love to, Shojiro. We'll go to the park and play while waiting for your mama to pick you up. What do you say?"
Shojiro's smile vanished at the mention of 'mama'. Jun got worried. "Is something wrong?"
Shojiro looked away. His eyes were getting moist."Mama isn't going to pick me up."He murmured. "She won't be for a long time."
"What do you mean?" Jun asked dumbfounded.
Last time he brought Shojiro to a park, Arimura met with them. Even with a short conversation, they managed to talk about serious stuff like they were best of friends. That day, Shojiro was talking like she was gone.
"She left." Shojiro confirmed Jun's thoughts.
Jun was left speechless. He didn't know what to do to comfort Shojiro. Someone leaving would always be hard for those who were left behind. Heck, an adult like him was having a hard time coping. How much would it affect a four year old child?
Jun remembered Arimura’s last words before he left that time. He hugged Shojiro. The boy's body was trembling against his body. He knew Shojiro was crying, and Jun could only hug Shojiro tighter.
“Please take good care of my son from now on too.”
Jun knew hugging Shojiro wasn’t going to suffice. Jun just hoped it would be enough to let Shojiro know that he would always be there for him.
From Juri, Jun learned that Shojiro was in the father's care. She said she hadn't properly met the man since the one who had been picking Shojiro up was the boy's uncle like before. It seemed the father was still readjusting his work schedule to match with Shojiro's school. The uncle had been babysitting since then until the father was home.
Jun would say he was lucky. When he was going to ask Juri to contact Shojiro's father, so he could ask permission to take Shojiro after class, Shojiro's uncle had called, relaying the unavailability to pick the boy up. The father would do it instead but in later time.
Jun then proposed his plan when he had the chance to talk to the uncle through the school’s phone. The plan was consisted of taking Shojiro again with him to play at the park. He would babysit Shojiro and drop the boy at the house by the time Shojiro's father was home.
Shojiro's uncle loved the idea and gave his full support together with the address where Shojiro was staying with his father. After the call ended, Jun remembered he didn’t catch the name of both Shojiro’s father and uncle. It was too bad since it seemed the uncle was really friendly and outgoing. Somehow, Jun also found familiarity with the uncle's voice.
Jun also took this opportunity to completely distract Shojiro. Aside from playing with Shojiro in the park, Jun took the boy to the nearest bookstore. He had noticed long before that Shojiro loved to read books. As a gift for being a great achiever in class (as told by Juri), Jun decided to buy a new book for Shojiro. The boy was delighted upon hearing the news and dragged him to the children's books section to choose. Jun could only chuckle as he watched in amusement how Shojiro was having a hard time choosing.
Jun squatted beside Shojiro, so he could be in the same level with the standing boy. He looked at the titles written in the spines of the books. The collection had a lot of variety in it. Jun remarked, "You really love reading, right?"
Shojiro looked at Jun, nodding eagerly. When he finally got a book he wanted, he sat on the carpeted floor before opening it. He patted the space beside him and asked Jun to sit with him.
Jun looked at his watch. It was quarter to six in the evening. If he remembered right, Shojiro's father would probably be back half an hour past seven as told by Shojiro’s uncle. They still got time to even grab a quick bite. He sat beside Shojiro and peeked to the book in Shojiro's lap.
"Planets?” Jun noted. Shojiro nodded while beaming at Jun.
“Do you know the names of each one?” Jun asked. He was amused when Shojiro looked smug all of a sudden.
Shojiro started pointing at each planet pictured in the page. He also cited the planet’s uniqueness from the rest, like Mercury was the closest to the Sun, and that Jupiter was the largest planet.
“Wow, you know a lot.” Jun praised, and Shojiro looked proud at the compliment.
“Papa read me books before bed. The books about planets and stars are my favorite.” Shojiro said, and Jun nodded.
Jun then noticed the necklace around Shojiro’s tiny neck, especially the pendant attached to it. Unconsciously, he reached for his own, which was hidden under his shirt. If his eyes weren’t deceiving him, Jun was sure it was the same half-of-a-camera pendant as his. It might even be the other half. Jun didn’t have time to dwell about the similarity of their pendants though. He got busy listening to Shojiro’s stories.
As they browsed through the contents of the book, Shojiro relayed what his father had been teaching him during their reading sessions before bed time to Jun. The older man listened intently, getting more and more curious about Shojiro’s father. Except for the part of not coming to pick Shojiro up, Jun was amazed how easily the father adjusted in taking care of the boy. It seemed that the father had been taking good care of Shojiro despite not being able to cook (as Shojiro hinted).
Jun didn’t want to compare. He was sure Shojiro was well taken care by both mother and father in their own ways. It was just that Shojiro was more talkative about the father.
After buying the book they had been reading in the bookstore, their talk continued on when Jun brought Shojiro to a family restaurant that served the best hamburgers - as Nino recommended before. Shojiro was eating his meal eagerly. The sight made Jun smile because it seemed what he was doing all afternoon had been working. He wasn’t expecting though what Shojiro had in mind instead.
“An-chan is finally smiling!” Shojiro chirped, clapping his hands with glee.
Jun tilt his head to the side in confusion. “Haven’t I been smiling earlier?” Jun asked.
Shojiro took a zip of his drink first before answering, “You have, but it isn’t the same as before. So I’m happy I see an-chan’s real smile again. It means I’m doing my job right.” Shojiro said pompously.
“Doing your job?” Jun chuckled.
“Yeah… My job is to make an-chan smile brightly again.” Shojiro cheered. Suddenly, he looked to his food solemnly. “Papa is the same. He is smiling, but it isn’t bright. It’s not like the one in the picture I saw before, so I’m trying my best to see that kind of Papa’s smile again.” Shojiro took a deep breath like he was mustering strength to do what he intended. He beamed again at Jun before saying, “Since I made an-chan happy again, maybe I can make Papa smile again like that.”
Jun was speechless once again because of Shojiro. He was right. Shojiro was smarter than any four year old he had encountered. The boy had perspective about things. Shojiro’s parents would be proud and happy to have the boy as their child.
Jun hugged Shojiro, mumbling, “Don’t worry, Shojiro. I’m sure your papa is very happy because you’re there with him.”
When Jun let go, he ruffled Shojiro’s hair with affection. Shojiro giggled before finishing his meal. Jun just watched, thinking it would be nice to talk to Shojiro’s father about how wonderful Shojiro was.
They were a bit late. Jun could tell the father was already home after seeing the car parked in front of the house. Since Shojiro fell asleep along the way, Jun had to carry him to the door. After reaching the porch, he rang the doorbell, readying himself to face the father and explain why he brought Shojiro home late. He just hoped the father wouldn’t be angry to the point he would forbid Jun to see Shojiro again. His time with Shojiro had always been fun.
Rather than seeing anger when the door opened, Jun saw surprised, yet familiar, eyes looking back at him, “Sho-san…” Jun gasped.
Jun’s eyes shifted between Shojiro’s sleeping form in his arms and Sho in front of him. Everything then sunk in. The familiarity he saw in Shojiro’s features were due to the boy’s splitting resemblance to his father, Sakurai Sho.
“Jun… I…”
Before Sho could say anything else, Shojiro moaned in his sleep. Jun took this chance to make an excuse to get away, asking Sho where he could lie Shojiro first because handing the sleeping boy in Sho’s arms could risk waking Shojiro up. Jun didn’t know how long he could hold the emotions that erupted from the moment he saw Sho for the first time after splitting up.
When he laid Shojiro on the couch, Jun instantly headed for the door. Sho grabbed his arm, halting his steps. Jun didn’t want to look at Sho again. The clench in his chest was overwhelming. It was bringing tears to his eyes, but Jun tried to hold it off.
“Wait, Jun… I need-“
“Goodnight, Sho-san.” Jun cut in.
Jun didn’t want Sho to say anything more. He had enough of Sho’s excuses. He pulled his hand away as Sho easily let go of him. He went straight to his car and drove off. When he was streets away, Jun finally pulled over. His eyes were already blurry with tears as he finally let them flow.
Sho was Shojiro’s father. He was Arimura Yuka’s ex-husband. They were divorced for two years already.
Jun didn’t know which of Sho’s lies he was angrier about: the one where he claimed to be married, when in fact he was already divorced, or the one where he said he loved Jun.
All in all, Sho’s actions told Jun one thing. Other than for sex maybe, Sho didn’t want Jun in his life. That pained Jun more because to be in Sho’s life was what he had wanted from the beginning.
Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5---------------
Additional notes from the author:
Mah, mah, mah~~~ All of you are right after all. Sho is Shojiro’s father! *throws confetti*
Well, the ending part is kind of heartbreaking ne? Please remind me why I’m writing this again? This is making me cry!!! OTL
But then, Shojiro is so cute. That's why I survive writing this. :3
Now we know that Sho is divorced when he and Jun got together right? The question is, why Sho hides it and act like he is still married? Well, answers will be revealed in later chapters, so better watch out!
A little spoiler: Chapter 5 is about a sort-of-domestic life for Sakumoto, but with this chapter’s ending, do you think it’s possible? Nurufufufufu~~~
Thanks for reading. Love to hear from you guys! Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!
P.S. One picture to summarize Aperture, courtesy of Ms. octavialao
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya, Sho/??, Sho/OC
Rating: PG13
Chapter - Word Count: Chapter 4 - 4 527 words
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Family, Fluff, Kid, Romance
Summary: "Did you hate me when I didn't fight for you before?" Sho asked before it was too late. The other man paused and then turned to look back at him. The other looked up, thinking intently before looking back at Sho and shaking his head, "Maybe at first... But then you made me realize that something that is perfect isn't real happiness, and so instead, I'm thankful."
Beta: akhikaru (You know you're awesome right. You're the best ever!!!)
Author’s Notes: I’m still on time right? Yay!!! Busy day honestly, but gambarimasu! octavialao, no, I’m not sending it to you! I’m posting it :P learashi, belated happy birthday dear!
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Four Years Old
Jun was well aware of the frightened stares, the trembling bodies, and the hanging tension in the conference room, where every staff of the studio was gathered. Still, Jun couldn't remove the feeling annoyed. He was frustrated. He was angry, but more than to anyone, he was honestly angry with himself. Sadly, he had been lashing out on people who had nothing to do with it.
"Will someone please explain to me how the pictures turned sepia when the theme of the magazine is clearly black and white?" Jun asked. His tone was harsh. He was in front of the long table where all the staff sat around. Jun noticed how everyone in the room was anxious under his scrutinizing eyes. Some were fidgeting in their seats. Others couldn't look up to meet his eyes. One was brave enough to answer though.
"Sir, it's my fault. The original pictures were taken in sepia so that when we edit and turn it to black and white, it will carry more different shades than doing it in gray scale."
Jun turned to the man who spoke. The man was the newly hired photographer from Kansai, Nakama Junta, if he remembered correctly. Jun's eyes were blank, and that made Junta flinch albeit trying to hide it.
"Are you trying to make decisions without my permission on how to do the photoshoots?" Jun asked. It was low, but with the silence everyone could hear it clearly. They also noticed the bite in each word.
"Uhm..." Junta couldn't reply. He gulped down before saying anything, carefully choosing his words to justify his actions. "It wasn’t my intention, Matsumoto-san. I was given the freedom on how the photoshoot and process will go by the director."Junta said. He took a deep breath before explaining further. "I just thought that the sepia setting translated to black and white would create the old picture effect the director wanted for the spread."
Jun glared at Junta, saying, "I'm well-aware of the director's concept for the spread, Nakama-san." Jun's words were said in monotone, and if Jun did use that kind of tone, everyone in the room knew that he was beyond furious.
It wasn't that Jun was always angry at them. It was the exact opposite. It was just that the actual rarity of it left a impression on every staff, and they didn't want it to happen again.
"Let me rephrase my sentence then..." Jun deadpanned, "Why go through such process when it could produce faster results by using a more direct approach?"
Mao looked at Jun with apprehension. She was worried. Although Jun did have a point, she had known Jun long enough to know he would still approved of Junta's process. Jun was open with photographer's artistry. In fact, He encouraged it. That day, Jun's anger was completely odd. The argument was honestly petty.
Even if Mao had been working with Jun from the very start Jun and Ohno had build the studio, she didn't really know how to calm Jun. Thankfully, there was someone else who could.
"That's enough, Jun."Ohno interceded, placing a hand on Jun's shoulder after pushing himself away from the wall he had been leaning at from the beginning of the abrupt meeting. He had been silent all the while, just observing. Judging by Jun’s reactions and answers, it was time he intervened to pacify things.
Somehow, there was a collective sigh of relief from everyone else in the conference room.
Jun looked away, visibly pissed. Ohno took it as a cue to take the lead, which was actually rare.
"Junta-kun, I appreciate that you are trying new techniques to bring better qualities for our pictures. But if you are unsure of things, please consult me or Matsumoto-san first." Ohno explained, calm and collected. There wasn't hardness in his words. He was just reprimanding.
Junta looked apologetic, not just to Ohno or Jun, but to all the staffs present for putting them in such an uncomfortable situation. He bowed and murmured an apology, promising not to cause any more trouble to anyone.
Ohno dismissed all of the staff present afterwards. When he was left alone with Jun, he locked the door and turned to the younger man. "What's wrong with you today, Jun?" He asked. Although the words Ohno used might sound be rude or accusing, Jun heard far from that. Ohno was rather concerned and worried.
"It's nothing." Jun lied. As much as he liked Ohno's concern directed at him, now wasn't a good time.
"There’s something, Jun. It's been like that for almost a week. You've been in everyone's back."Ohno pointed out.
Jun's nose cringed at that. He remembered how he had exploded almost every day throughout the week. On Monday, he lashed out on an assistant because he was given a different lens from what he asked for. It turned out that the lens was a better choice. In another day, he got irritated at a staff in-charge of the orders because the props he asked for a photoshoot hadn't arrived yet at the studio when he arrived. It wasn't the staff's fault though, because there had been an accident that caused the delay of the delivery.
Things hadn't been smooth lately. Or rather Jun's patience was thinning, and he easily let his temper get the better of him. For that, Ohno was worried.
"Is there something wrong?" Ohno rephrased his previous question. This time, he openly expressed his concern. He knew Jun was perfectionist. Still, he wouldn't reach to a point that he might embarrass another person.
"I... I..." He stammered. "I'm just tired." Another lie came out of Jun's mouth, "I'm sorry... I'm just really out of it." He excused before Ohno could say something more, looking exhausted.
"You need a break." Ohno decided, making Jun look up in surprise. There was authority in Ohno's voice, and he couldn't actually read what Ohno was thinking especially when the older man said, "Come with me."
Jun wasn't in the mood, but Ohno's calm yet commanding demeanor still managed to make him obliged.
It had been a while since Ohno showed Jun that he was older. Ohno might not look like it, but the older man was reliable. For that fact, Jun was thankful because Ohno managed to guide him at times when Jun was lost. Jun respected Ohno, and maybe that was why despite dreading any lectures that might come his way (because it seemed Ohno would be giving one), Jun didn't have the heart to object.
They left the conference room and were heading out. Jun stopped at the middle after noticing everyone had a careful stance once they were passing by. Even Mao, who was bubbly and cheerful, had restrains in her movements.
Then there was also Junta. Despite trying to play it cool, there was stiffness in his aura. It seemed that the kind and happy-go-lucky Junta which Jun remembered was nowhere in sight at the moment.
Jun took a deep breath and approached Junta's table. It didn't escape his eyes that sweat was forming in Junta's forehead as the younger man fidgeted under his gaze.
"Junta-kun."
"Hai!" Junta answered, sounding nervous.
Jun heaved another deep breath before speaking again, "I'm sorry, Junta-kun. My anger earlier was out of a place. I do appreciate your efforts too. Just please consider if your methods will be efficient." Jun apologized, adding a reminder at the end.
"There's no need to apologize, Matsumoto-san. I promise to be more considerate of my actions in the future." Junta replied, and Jun smiled at that. He was truly happy there were no grudges despite what he had done earlier.
The tension in the air finally dissipated after their exchange. It seemed it was the only thing they needed for every staff to be relaxed once again. There were no more words needed. The staff understood that Jun's apology wasn't just intended for Junta. It was intended for everyone. Although they had been under Jun's wrath for a week, Jun still managed to show in his own ways how he was truly sorry for his uncalled outburst.
It seemed Ohno had witnessed what Jun did. When Jun saw Ohno waiting for him by the door, relief was clearly seen in Ohno’s face.
Jun approached the door. Mao was standing at Ohno’s side, gleefully waiting to hear if Jun had further instructions with a smile. Jun only said to call him or Ohno if they were needed. Mao saluted to let him know she would do what she was told. Jun was really thankful he had such wonderful staffs.
Ohno and Jun took an elevator towards the parking lot. Since Ohno didn't bring his car that day - which was brand new since he just recently got his driver's license - they went to Jun's car instead. As both Jun and Ohno settled in the car, Jun asked, "Where are we heading?"
"To the kindergarten."
Jun's head instantly turned towards Ohno. Jun was looking at Ohno like the older man had just grown two heads. Ohno was rather calm contrary to Jun's anxious look. As much as Jun wanted to visit the kids because he deliberately avoided going there that week, he didn't want to let the kids experience his wrath. He was calm now, calmer than he was at the start of the week. Still, Jun didn't want the kids to see him like that.
"Oh-chan. I don't think I should go there now." Jun said, not elaborating more anything in his mind.
Ohno's reply was enough to assume he knew enough what he was suggesting though. "I told you, Jun, you need a break. Kids are distracting enough to let you forget for awhile, to clear your mind. Who knows, you might be enlightened on how to overcome whatever you are going through."
Jun didn't reply anymore. Ohno had a point. Jun could just leave if he felt that he might explode in front of the kids anyway.
They arrived during the children’s nap time. That’s why only Juri and Nino welcomed them in the main entrance of the small school.
"Where have you been, you moron?" Juri hissed through gritted teeth, surprising Jun because this was the first time Juri openly called him names - and that even happened in the kindergarten where children might hear her.
"I... I-,"Jun was lost for words. There was anger written in Juri's face, but it wasn't because she was mad, she was just really worried because Jun hadn't contacted her that week.
As Jun thought about it, his destinations for the last week were just his workplace and his apartment. At home, he had been spending his time only with his television and dozens of cans of beers. There were also times he just cried himself to his sleep. He didn't think about those who cared for him, worrying about what he was doing with his life. He was trapped. No matter how much he tried to hide it, he was trapped in his own broken little world that he forgot his reality and everyone around him.
Jun wouldn't cry in front of anybody. Not in that kind of place where other people could see his despair, yet he was only human and had his limitations. And so he gave in, crying as his sister hugged him.
Sho is gone.
He wanted to say that, but no one knew about his relationship with Sho. Ohno perhaps met with the guy a few times, but that didn't mean anything. And that was when Jun noted he was alone in his struggle. He was still stuck inside the world he and Sho built. Sho was gone, it was time for Jun to leave their world and go on with his life.
Juri didn't say anything, but held Jun tight in her arms. Jun would say something in time, but now all he needed was someone to ground him back. The people around him, his friends, and his sister were doing it right.
Jun was sporting puffy eyes when the children woke up from nap time. He was glad he had his reading glasses with him when he faced them. He used them to hide his eyes in the pretense that he had an eye infection. The children only had happy faces as they swarmed at him, telling him how he was missed by all of them. In the children's play time, Jun made sure he got to interact with each of the children.
Juri and the others were with him of course, playing with the children. He was also thankful the others didn't mention his display of weakness earlier. It seemed Jun didn't need to dwell on it for now. Ohno was right then. That was the perfect distraction he needed. Why didn't Jun thought of it in the first place? He did always go there if he wanted to think anything else aside from work.
Sho had a kid.
That was right. Sho had his own bundle of joy. Going here would remind Jun that fact.
Sho had a family, and with Jun, he could have broken it. Instead, he broke off his and Jun's world to be with them.
Sho chose them.
It wasn't like Jun hated them. He felt rather apologetic towards them. They didn’t have any clue what Sho was doing those times the older man wasn’t with them, and was with Jun.
If Jun could, he would ask for their forgiveness personally.
Jun didn’t have resentment for Sho either. Maybe the fact Sho had hidden that he had a family from the start could be a reason to be mad at the other but Jun was at fault too. Why did you stay when you knew Sho wasn’t yours begin with? Because Jun had loved Sho, and Jun would like to think Sho loved him too.
Jun shook his head. Thinking about those things was kind of exhausting. (And really, it was annoying too.) That was when he finally saw the boy he hadn’t been able to play with those past few days. Shojiro was sitting on a tree’s roots, looking over the children (and some adults) who played in the playground.
"Hey there." Jun squatted in front of Shojiro, catching the boy’s attention.
"You're not going to join them?"
Shojiro shook his head.
Jun was cautious of Shojiro’s response. It seemed Shojiro was back to those times he had been distant to everyone else. Or was it because Jun hadn't showed up, and Shojiro was again careful around him?
Jun decided to sit beside Shojiro. At least the kid won't be alone.
The silence between the two stretched. Jun opted to break it with a simple question, trying to engage the boy to a conversation, but it was Shojiro who asked first. His question surprised Jun.
"Why are you sad, an-chan?"
Jun gasped. He wasn't expecting Shojiro to ask something like that. Though, he was thankful Shojiro still called him an-chan. Jun was afraid Shojiro might become distant around him again, losing the trust he gained before.
It took time before Jun could decide what to reply, and he chose to be honest. Shojiro was a smart kid, smarter than others definitely. That was why even though Shojiro may not fully understand what he was going through, it didn't mean he should lie to the boy.
"I'm sad because I have to be separated from the one I love." Jun replied simply for a four year old child to understand.
Shojiro blinked his eyes. His small eyebrows knitted together, making Jun chuckle.
"You know, if you keep on frowning like that. You'll have wrinkles at young age." Jun joked, smoothing Shojiro's knitted eyebrows with his thumb and index finger.
Shojiro cringed his nose, and Jun couldn't help but poke his nose with affection. Shojiro reached out his hand towards Jun's face, but he couldn't really reach it. Jun leaned closer to Shojiro. The boy took Jun's glasses, exposing Jun's eyes. They weren’t that puffy anymore, but there were remnants that proved Jun cried earlier.
"An-chan is really handsome. Sadness doesn't suit an-chan." Shojiro claimed. Jun was grateful. Those were just innocent words from a child, yet they had a great impact. It felt good because he felt Shojiro cared for him too. Jun couldn't help but hug Shojiro. There was a lonely tear drop falling down, but Jun could tell it was due to happiness.
When they finally let go, Jun had a smile, genuine and refreshing. Shojiro too was smiling when he said, "I want to spend time with an-chan later after class."
Jun loved the idea. He could definitely bring Shojiro again to the park where they last went. Shojiro would love ice cream. Jun thought, but then he needed to consult first with Shojiro's mother. Too much sweet was bad to children after all.
"I would love to, Shojiro. We'll go to the park and play while waiting for your mama to pick you up. What do you say?"
Shojiro's smile vanished at the mention of 'mama'. Jun got worried. "Is something wrong?"
Shojiro looked away. His eyes were getting moist."Mama isn't going to pick me up."He murmured. "She won't be for a long time."
"What do you mean?" Jun asked dumbfounded.
Last time he brought Shojiro to a park, Arimura met with them. Even with a short conversation, they managed to talk about serious stuff like they were best of friends. That day, Shojiro was talking like she was gone.
"She left." Shojiro confirmed Jun's thoughts.
Jun was left speechless. He didn't know what to do to comfort Shojiro. Someone leaving would always be hard for those who were left behind. Heck, an adult like him was having a hard time coping. How much would it affect a four year old child?
Jun remembered Arimura’s last words before he left that time. He hugged Shojiro. The boy's body was trembling against his body. He knew Shojiro was crying, and Jun could only hug Shojiro tighter.
“Please take good care of my son from now on too.”
Jun knew hugging Shojiro wasn’t going to suffice. Jun just hoped it would be enough to let Shojiro know that he would always be there for him.
From Juri, Jun learned that Shojiro was in the father's care. She said she hadn't properly met the man since the one who had been picking Shojiro up was the boy's uncle like before. It seemed the father was still readjusting his work schedule to match with Shojiro's school. The uncle had been babysitting since then until the father was home.
Jun would say he was lucky. When he was going to ask Juri to contact Shojiro's father, so he could ask permission to take Shojiro after class, Shojiro's uncle had called, relaying the unavailability to pick the boy up. The father would do it instead but in later time.
Jun then proposed his plan when he had the chance to talk to the uncle through the school’s phone. The plan was consisted of taking Shojiro again with him to play at the park. He would babysit Shojiro and drop the boy at the house by the time Shojiro's father was home.
Shojiro's uncle loved the idea and gave his full support together with the address where Shojiro was staying with his father. After the call ended, Jun remembered he didn’t catch the name of both Shojiro’s father and uncle. It was too bad since it seemed the uncle was really friendly and outgoing. Somehow, Jun also found familiarity with the uncle's voice.
Jun also took this opportunity to completely distract Shojiro. Aside from playing with Shojiro in the park, Jun took the boy to the nearest bookstore. He had noticed long before that Shojiro loved to read books. As a gift for being a great achiever in class (as told by Juri), Jun decided to buy a new book for Shojiro. The boy was delighted upon hearing the news and dragged him to the children's books section to choose. Jun could only chuckle as he watched in amusement how Shojiro was having a hard time choosing.
Jun squatted beside Shojiro, so he could be in the same level with the standing boy. He looked at the titles written in the spines of the books. The collection had a lot of variety in it. Jun remarked, "You really love reading, right?"
Shojiro looked at Jun, nodding eagerly. When he finally got a book he wanted, he sat on the carpeted floor before opening it. He patted the space beside him and asked Jun to sit with him.
Jun looked at his watch. It was quarter to six in the evening. If he remembered right, Shojiro's father would probably be back half an hour past seven as told by Shojiro’s uncle. They still got time to even grab a quick bite. He sat beside Shojiro and peeked to the book in Shojiro's lap.
"Planets?” Jun noted. Shojiro nodded while beaming at Jun.
“Do you know the names of each one?” Jun asked. He was amused when Shojiro looked smug all of a sudden.
Shojiro started pointing at each planet pictured in the page. He also cited the planet’s uniqueness from the rest, like Mercury was the closest to the Sun, and that Jupiter was the largest planet.
“Wow, you know a lot.” Jun praised, and Shojiro looked proud at the compliment.
“Papa read me books before bed. The books about planets and stars are my favorite.” Shojiro said, and Jun nodded.
Jun then noticed the necklace around Shojiro’s tiny neck, especially the pendant attached to it. Unconsciously, he reached for his own, which was hidden under his shirt. If his eyes weren’t deceiving him, Jun was sure it was the same half-of-a-camera pendant as his. It might even be the other half. Jun didn’t have time to dwell about the similarity of their pendants though. He got busy listening to Shojiro’s stories.
As they browsed through the contents of the book, Shojiro relayed what his father had been teaching him during their reading sessions before bed time to Jun. The older man listened intently, getting more and more curious about Shojiro’s father. Except for the part of not coming to pick Shojiro up, Jun was amazed how easily the father adjusted in taking care of the boy. It seemed that the father had been taking good care of Shojiro despite not being able to cook (as Shojiro hinted).
Jun didn’t want to compare. He was sure Shojiro was well taken care by both mother and father in their own ways. It was just that Shojiro was more talkative about the father.
After buying the book they had been reading in the bookstore, their talk continued on when Jun brought Shojiro to a family restaurant that served the best hamburgers - as Nino recommended before. Shojiro was eating his meal eagerly. The sight made Jun smile because it seemed what he was doing all afternoon had been working. He wasn’t expecting though what Shojiro had in mind instead.
“An-chan is finally smiling!” Shojiro chirped, clapping his hands with glee.
Jun tilt his head to the side in confusion. “Haven’t I been smiling earlier?” Jun asked.
Shojiro took a zip of his drink first before answering, “You have, but it isn’t the same as before. So I’m happy I see an-chan’s real smile again. It means I’m doing my job right.” Shojiro said pompously.
“Doing your job?” Jun chuckled.
“Yeah… My job is to make an-chan smile brightly again.” Shojiro cheered. Suddenly, he looked to his food solemnly. “Papa is the same. He is smiling, but it isn’t bright. It’s not like the one in the picture I saw before, so I’m trying my best to see that kind of Papa’s smile again.” Shojiro took a deep breath like he was mustering strength to do what he intended. He beamed again at Jun before saying, “Since I made an-chan happy again, maybe I can make Papa smile again like that.”
Jun was speechless once again because of Shojiro. He was right. Shojiro was smarter than any four year old he had encountered. The boy had perspective about things. Shojiro’s parents would be proud and happy to have the boy as their child.
Jun hugged Shojiro, mumbling, “Don’t worry, Shojiro. I’m sure your papa is very happy because you’re there with him.”
When Jun let go, he ruffled Shojiro’s hair with affection. Shojiro giggled before finishing his meal. Jun just watched, thinking it would be nice to talk to Shojiro’s father about how wonderful Shojiro was.
They were a bit late. Jun could tell the father was already home after seeing the car parked in front of the house. Since Shojiro fell asleep along the way, Jun had to carry him to the door. After reaching the porch, he rang the doorbell, readying himself to face the father and explain why he brought Shojiro home late. He just hoped the father wouldn’t be angry to the point he would forbid Jun to see Shojiro again. His time with Shojiro had always been fun.
Rather than seeing anger when the door opened, Jun saw surprised, yet familiar, eyes looking back at him, “Sho-san…” Jun gasped.
Jun’s eyes shifted between Shojiro’s sleeping form in his arms and Sho in front of him. Everything then sunk in. The familiarity he saw in Shojiro’s features were due to the boy’s splitting resemblance to his father, Sakurai Sho.
“Jun… I…”
Before Sho could say anything else, Shojiro moaned in his sleep. Jun took this chance to make an excuse to get away, asking Sho where he could lie Shojiro first because handing the sleeping boy in Sho’s arms could risk waking Shojiro up. Jun didn’t know how long he could hold the emotions that erupted from the moment he saw Sho for the first time after splitting up.
When he laid Shojiro on the couch, Jun instantly headed for the door. Sho grabbed his arm, halting his steps. Jun didn’t want to look at Sho again. The clench in his chest was overwhelming. It was bringing tears to his eyes, but Jun tried to hold it off.
“Wait, Jun… I need-“
“Goodnight, Sho-san.” Jun cut in.
Jun didn’t want Sho to say anything more. He had enough of Sho’s excuses. He pulled his hand away as Sho easily let go of him. He went straight to his car and drove off. When he was streets away, Jun finally pulled over. His eyes were already blurry with tears as he finally let them flow.
Sho was Shojiro’s father. He was Arimura Yuka’s ex-husband. They were divorced for two years already.
Jun didn’t know which of Sho’s lies he was angrier about: the one where he claimed to be married, when in fact he was already divorced, or the one where he said he loved Jun.
All in all, Sho’s actions told Jun one thing. Other than for sex maybe, Sho didn’t want Jun in his life. That pained Jun more because to be in Sho’s life was what he had wanted from the beginning.
Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5---------------
Additional notes from the author:
Mah, mah, mah~~~ All of you are right after all. Sho is Shojiro’s father! *throws confetti*
Well, the ending part is kind of heartbreaking ne? Please remind me why I’m writing this again? This is making me cry!!! OTL
But then, Shojiro is so cute. That's why I survive writing this. :3
Now we know that Sho is divorced when he and Jun got together right? The question is, why Sho hides it and act like he is still married? Well, answers will be revealed in later chapters, so better watch out!
A little spoiler: Chapter 5 is about a sort-of-domestic life for Sakumoto, but with this chapter’s ending, do you think it’s possible? Nurufufufufu~~~
Thanks for reading. Love to hear from you guys! Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!
P.S. One picture to summarize Aperture, courtesy of Ms. octavialao