Paper Lanterns (Chapter 1)
Title: PAPER LANTERNS
Fandom: DBSK/JYJ
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13 (R for later part)
Genre: AU, Drama/Angst, Romance, a bit fluff
Previously: Prologue
Chapter - Words: Chapter 1 - 5 561 words
Disclaimer: Big emphasis to the word “FICTION”. Don’t own them and no right to do so, just this plot.
Warning: Character Death
Summary: Yunho sets out to discover what do those paper lanterns meant as they travel towards the vast sky in his birthday. He found out of love and grief, out of messages and wishes, just like how this little thing could light a path towards the darkness of the sky, there is also hope.
Author’s Notes: Inspired by the Disney movie “Tangled” and “A Walk To Remember” (LOL~ isn’t it obvious I love Mandy Moore’s movies? Hahaha~) so expect a bit of dramatic parts.
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The night ended as they headed back towards their homes that only consisted of unspoken words, bicycle’s wheels against their track and cricket singing in the night. Yunho stopped when he notice his companion, Jaejoong was shaking. He finally noticed that the latter had only a thin layer of black garment against the piercing cold of night. So leaned his bicycle towards his body and struggled to get to his jacket.
“Here.” He said and when Jaejoong didn’t respond, he took the liberty to put it around Jaejoong’s shoulder, glad the other didn’t protest but quite lost with the absence of any response. And so, they just continued their silent journey.
Moments later, Jaejoong stopped at house not so far from the foot of the hill. There, Yunho saw a signage saying “Kim’s Household” and Yunho knew it was time to say goodbye.
“Ah, goodnight then…” Yunho said and then corrected jokingly, “Well, more like good morning.”
Lame. He scolded his self. He didn’t want to leave an impression that he was trying too hard. He heaved a sigh hearing again no response from the other and started walking away.
“Thank you…”
Yunho paused and then turned around but he just saw Jaejoong heading back to his house. He swore he heard the other spoke but he didn’t press it. Along his way back, a small smile never left his face even at the cold night where his jacket was missing action.
Kim Jaejoong had been the main singer of their choir that that lead their school into winning competitions. He was also a top student, an achiever in math and the idol of everyone. (Add also that fact the heartthrob of boys and girls alike.)
It wasn’t hard for Yunho to know these facts because everything was already laid out even though he didn’t pay attention at first but now was a change and so he did pay attention. All he needed was to observed, over-heard conversations from females and males talking about Jaejoong’s whereabouts. He also found out that they were actually in the same class in Math and Music class.
Behind his black-rimmed glasses, he paid attention when the smaller male impressed their Math teacher and the whole class, answering a complicated problem in their Calculus 101. His ears were also alert as Jaejoong was asked to sing for their music class to be example for a musical piece their class would present in their school festival. But when piercing cold eyes from Jaejoong met his, he wondered if he paid his attention too much to the other that it was quite disturbing already.
He got his confirmation when at one afternoon he left their school later than usual because he just felt like it. At the hallway in the third floor was a crouching Kim Jaejoong, hand clenching his chest. Yunho instantly doubled his pace; standing by Jaejoong’s side as he stretched his hands out to held the other by his shoulder to steady him.
“Are you okay? Jaejoong-sshi?”
“Don’t!”
“Let’s go to the infirmary-“
Words died down from his mouth when he felt a push. He lost his balance not because of the strength of the push but rather the abruptness of it. He blinked his eyes, taken back at the treatment he got from the other. He looked at the other, seeing the sweat forming in his forehead, his fringes sticking to and Yunho couldn’t understand if the other was shaking with anger or with the struggle to breathe.
“Don’t…” Yunho could hear the other whispering and then Jaejoong’s next words rang, like a slap in his face.
“I.DON’T.NEED.YOUR.PITY!”
Yunho stayed in his position, bum still against the cold tiled floor of the hallways, his upper body’s weight supported by his hands in his back. Yunho was certain it was better to back-off from Jaejoong from now on.
It was easily said than done as Yunho still find himself observing Jaejoong from afar, discreet as possible. Everything couldn’t go back to the way they were supposed to. That night in the hill somehow opened his eyes. He was able to see through Jaejoong’s eye. He might be smiling, his eyes in delight but there was still a hint of something missing. There may be sparkle and genuinely but a part of it felt like there was missing and Yunho wished he could find that missing piece.
From afar he tried to find that missing piece, in the little ways he could. He found himself sending Jaejoong gifts, careful not to let his identity out. It started with red roses every morning that would wait for Jaejoong’s arrival. (He would arrived extra early, hiding either in the library or the rooftop till class would start.), a box of chocolates at some point if his allowance could allow it (he actually learned to save money for someone and not for himself), and sometimes a bunch of letters if he felt he needed to express things (he did bribed for his sister to write for him, doing her homework as she re-wrote what Yunho had written before so just he could hide his penmanship). All made Jaejoong to smile but still it won’t complete the sparkle Yunho had been looking.
Out of desperation, he finally went to the hill one night (and no, it wasn’t his birthday or any special occasion) bringing a paper lantern with him because he felt the answers were there.
Staring at the beautiful stars full of skies, Yunho heaved a sigh and finally let the small light go with a wish in his heart.
“Please let me find what could complete Jaejoong’s smile.” He wished from the bottom of his heart.
As time went by, Yunho relaxed his back gazing through the skies with a small smile. Tranquility surrounded him with nature’s sounds echoing beautifully around him. Closing his eyes, Yunho decided it would be okay to spend more time here. He could always sneak back to his room before dawn would come. At least he could be alone with his thoughts or so he thought…
“Hmmm, I’m not really surprise I’ll find you here after seeing a paper lantern flying towards the sky.”
Yunho jumped up from his position as he heard that voice. A chuckled next and it managed to ease his tense muscles (except for his furiously beating heart.)
“J-Jaejoong sshi…” Yunho breathed out, nervousness now striking his nerves.
“Yunho sshi…” Jaejoong smirked, mirth reflecting in his eye’s as the moonlight seemed to be acting as Jaejoong’s spotlight.
The shorter of the two was in his sweats and a white shirt, accompanied by a jacket which was strikingly familiar and then it dawned to him it was actually his jacket.
Maybe he looked really terrified (although admittedly, he was just gawking at the other) that made Jaejoong to say, “Geez, Yunho sshi… Relax will you, I’m not going to eat you, you know.” but it was said in a carefree manner and so Yunho managed to finally let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. Okay, maybe he did tensed a bit at the presence of the other but it was the first closest proximity they got after the accident in the hallway and Yunho didn’t know how to react.
Yunho carefully observed the other, watching how the latter walked towards the part of the grassy field just beside his last position. Jaejoong sat there, hugging his knees as his eyes instantly trained towards the night sky. Yunho on the other hand stood there, not knowing to do. Should he join him or should he-
“Aren’t you tired of just standing there?” Jaejoong asked as he raised his eyebrow and Yunho found himself nodding and scurrying in haste beside Jaejoong although not forgetting to leave at least a few inch away from each other.
There was silence and then the soft sound of calm breathes and nature’s soft hum and then Jaejoong’s voice broke that silence, speaking with an audible whisper.
“Wow, didn’t know it would be this beautiful this time of year.”
Yunho just hummed, taking side glances once in a while but didn’t speak of anything.
Everything felt like it fell to right places with just a comfortable silence between them, back to the tranquility he experience earlier (and Yunho could say this was much better) until another broken silence from Jaejoong’s side.
“Thanks for the gift by the way… I really appreciate it, Yunho.”
Yunho’s cheeks were tainted with red as his heart race like it was running for his dear life.
The next morning, everything started to change. Once cold piercing glares turned to warm smiles, silence that was always shared turned to cheerful greet and times spent apart before turned moments shared together.
Of course, people started to talk but none of them really cared. It wasn’t actually a bad thing, like people spreading rumors just to cause down a fall for someone but rather it was casual talk and Yunho was getting more attention beyond his comfort.
Jaejoong would laugh it out if Yunho complained for the fact he wasn’t used to it but he got to admit he do enjoy other people’s company too (but Jaejoong’s company was still the best no doubt about it) and so he learned to just shrugged it off and the hell with it. Nothing major really did change anyways.
Months had passed and his birthday was coming up, he wondered if Jaejoong would still go to the hill as scheduled and he got his answer at the afternoon of the day before his birthday. Jaejoong turned to him before going to the vicinity of the Kim’s Household.
“Can you come with me later?” Jaejoong asked and Yunho had to cock his head to the side to inquire more. Jaejoong then supplied realizing he said his words vaguely, “at the hill… an hour before midnight…”
Yunho finally understood, his head nodding eagerly than it should but stopped before catching Jaejoong’s disturbed look. He wondered if his actions somehow offended the latter.
“Thanks…” Jaejoong gave a small smile, enough to at least let Yunho to put aside the feeling of worry that came from seeing Jaejoong’s disturbed look for a moment. He replied with a smile and then a quick ‘I’ll see you later’ and walked towards his own home. Yunho look forward to what would come ahead of their night because he had a feeling that what would happen could turn them to a lot of things.
They were finally in the hill top, sitting the foot of the big oak tree, side by side with their shoulder bumping. Each one had a paper lantern but not yet lit. It was still a twenty minute away from the time of the tradition (and also his birthday).
It was a cold night but Yunho felt warm with the closeness he shared with Jaejoong who seemed comfortable with the jacket he hadn’t gotten back from the latter. Yunho didn’t mind because it fit the slighter male and Yunho was more thankful he could somehow warm up the other.
When Jaejoong’s phone vibrated at his pocket between them, indicating it was already midnight, they lighted both of their paper lanterns but not letting go.
Yunho observed his side, how Jaejoong closed his eyes and whispered something against the lantern’s wrap. He saw the play of emotions within Jaejoong’s face. Happiness with a small smile and then a second later, sadness with closed eyes and when Jaejoong opened again his eyes, with now tears starting to taint his pale cheeks, Yunho could finally see the longing reflected in Jaejoong’s hazel orbs.
Jaejoong lifted his right hand that held the paper lantern and then finally he let it go with a gentle push. Yunho followed afterwards, his eyes then following the two lanterns as they traced a path towards the sky.
There was silence yet Yunho didn’t try to break it. It dawned to him that exactly a year ago, he saw the same scene only this time Jaejoong was beside him and he was more thankful Jaejoong trusted him enough to show him his weak side.
“I was actually adopted by my parents’ friends eleven years ago…” Jaejoong admitted calmly and even if Yunho was surprised at the sudden confession, he didn’t voice it out. He would let Jaejoong talk, pour it all out just so he could share the burden he now learned Jaejoong had been bearing all to himself.
“My parents died in car crash that year as they came back from Seoul for a business…” and then a pause, a sob was heard. Yunho side glanced again, seeing Jaejoong with down head and bended knees against his chest while his hands were fidgeting with the hem of his shirt between it. Yunho then placed his left hand above the latter’s right knee, squeezing it for a reminder that he was there and Jaejoong wasn’t alone.
“My mother told me every time we send paper lanterns to the sky; we send messages, wishes and hopes to the sky, to angels above and love ones that could no longer be with us…” Jaejoong was now looking up in the sky, the moonlight never failed to reflect beautifully at Jaejoong’s tear stricken doe-like eyes and Yunho couldn’t miss the fondness in those eyes.
“Before… if we ever do it, I usually send wishes but now…”
A choke and more tears fell but Yunho didn’t respond, didn’t move. He knew Jaejoong was strong and he could overcome this. He knew the latter needed to let it all out. He didn’t know how thankful Jaejoong actually was for letting him be.
After a sniff, Jaejoong continued, “I could only send messages… saying to them that I…” A pause and hiccups followed until, “saying ‘Mom, Dad… I’m still continuing on… like I promise… I love you much’”
Uncontrollable tears soon emerged from Jaejoong and Yunho found himself cradling Jaejoong in his arms, rubbing his back in ways to soothe him. He kissed Jaejoong in the head, trying to lull him as the other clang to him like a life line, crying against his chest.
In what seemed to be hours, Jaejoong’s breathe even out with occasional hiccups and sobs yet they held that same position.
Yunho heard Jaejoong whispering against his chest. “I’m sorry…” the latter said and Yunho didn’t react giving Jaejoong the freedom of explaining what he was actually sorry for because surely, Jaejoong didn’t do anything wrong.
“It was the first time someone saw me like that and I don’t know how to react…and I hate people who pities me like those people when my parents died… since then I never cry in front of anybody else… not even in the funeral of my parents.” Jaejoong admitted and Yunho held him tighter. “I thought you’re just anybody else that pities the pathetic me but I’m glad you still stick around….”
Yunho was able to look at Jaejoong’s eyes when the latter pulled away a little just so the latter could look at his eyes while saying the last six words. There was also a smile and finally Yunho could finally see the complete sparkle in Jaejoong’s eyes.
“I finally succeeded.” Yunho thought with a smile as he felt Jaejoong shifting, laying his head at his shoulder as he intertwined their brushing hands, fingertips brushing softly resting at each other backhands. Yunho leaned his head above Jaejoong’s as both of them enjoyed what was the remaining of the night.
At the middle of it, Jaejoong spoke, sincere and now quite joyful with a smile, “By the way, Happy Birthday.”
There were no fancy gifts, no big surprises yet Yunho felt he won a big jackpot he’d treasure forever. Screw those who’d say a crying scene was the worst gift anyone could give. Because for Yunho, along those cries Jaejoong shared his burden and opened up everything may it be weakness and flaw.
A now eighteen year old Yunho had a new mindset. Not anymore would he look for Jaejoong’s sparkle because it was just a part of Jaejoong. Rather he wanted to know Jaejoong’s wholeness in whatever aspect, even fill it if it was lacking and protect it no matter what happen.
It wasn’t out of pity but because simply he cared and it was enough reason already.
Summer came and they found their selves spending it together for the first time. Unlike the usual summer day that Yunho would spend either in the training grounds for his hapkido or being surrounded by the walls of his house, Yunho found himself spending it with Jaejoong as frequently as possible. It consisted of quick trips to nearby beaches or to the arcades, mornings riding bicycles, afternoons strolling parks or cooking treats (with Jaejoong doing mostly of the cooking) and evening of star gazing or even long hours of telephone calls.
Because of rendezvous, Yunho started noticing things that him worried but he tried to reason out that maybe because it was summer and the summer heat was getting to Jaejoong that cause the latter sometimes breathless, even sweating too much than necessarily and getting to easily tied which wasn’t too normal for a growing up boy. He wanted to pinpoint it as soon as possible but only got the chance over an ice cream one afternoon.
He took first a side glance to the smaller male as they settled in a bench near the ice cream parlor where the bough their ice creams from. He caught the sight of Jaejoong, enjoying his own ice cream like a five year old boy would and that was completely an adorable sight that he was too close in forgetting his inquiry. He instantly composed his self because he maybe overacting like a mother would do but inwardly, he knew this was fairly important.
“Jae…” he started and Jaejoong’s reply was only a hum since the latter seemed to be busy savoring every drop of his ice cream. Still it was enough attention and so Yunho continued, “Are you okay?” he asked and he pondered if he chose the right question.
There was a pregnant pause, especially from Jaejoong’s part, his doe-like eyes alerted for a second before meeting Yunho’s brown ones and Yunho felt nervous all of a sudden until a small smile crept in Jaejoong’s face and replying, “What are you talking about? Of course I’m fine. Aren’t I’m eating an ice cream with you outside in the park?”
Yunho knew he should be relied at Jaejoong’s answer but something in his gut told him to press the matter. “I know… it’s just that… I…I-“ he struggled with his words, trying to further explain his concern, maybe give examples because he wasn’t sure whether they were in the same boat about this matter. “Sorry, it’s just that I can’t help but get worried.” Yunho confessed and bit big on his melting ice cream because even if his previous act caused him brain freeze, somehow it still acted as an anchor for him and a boost of some sort.
He glanced back to Jaejoong again and the said male was looking back at him intently. He decided that beating around the bush wasn’t going to help and so he directly told Jaejoong his thoughts, “It’s just that easily tired out. If we take a stall or run around the park, you end up getting breathless… I mean I know it’s hot during those time but then maybe you have asthma but I’m not also sure since it’s also summer so there might be chances that the heat got into you or just because we do many outdoor activities or…” and much to Jaejoong’s actual amusement, Yunho started babbling things.
It couldn’t be avoided that Yunho blamed himself because usually it was him who invited Jaejoong to do this or go to that or anything and maybe Jaejoong was too good to refuse.
He also had his eyes tightly close not wanting to see the other’s reaction. Surely what he admitted might gross the other that it wouldn’t be a surprise if Jaejoong started calling him a freak because he was paranoid and overacting mother or perhaps even a stalker because he was too observant to notice these things for people’s liking.
He opened his eyes when he didn’t get any reply from the Jaejoong and saw the smile the latter was giving him. It did work to calm his overthinking mind.
“Don’t worry Yunho… I’m really fine…” There came Jaejoong’s reassurance with a squeeze in his shoulder. “Yeah, maybe it’s just the summer heat plus you do realize I’m from the music club and not like you who’s in a sports club such as hapkido,” Jaejoong added, earning a chuckle from both of them before giving another continuation, “And this is actually the first summer I spend outside frequently and actively… I usually just laze around my house the whole time.”
Yunho bit his lower lip as guilt started to build again. Maybe he did push (or pull) Jaejoong too much to spend every day together with activities he might only enjoy that it may result for Jaejoong to grew tired of him sooner or later. Just the thought of it frustrated Yunho.
Emotions unconsciously played within Yunho’s small face and Jaejoong didn’t miss it. One second there was relief and then there was sadness in his eyes despite the blank face. It gave the latter a little clue what Yunho was debating in his self. Jaejoong removed his hand in Yunho’s shoulder and instead put it in his thigh. Almost two years had passed since they had gotten close that they develop the gesture of putting a hand to the other’s thigh was their way of consoling if one of them was down, a message that said, ‘You’re not alone’ or ‘It’s okay.’
Feeling Jaejoong’s palm against his thighs, Yunho looked up and met the raven’s brown orbs. He wanted to look away as soon as possible since he still can’t remove the worry of Jaejoong getting tired of him. (Ah! His overthinking mind again.) But when Jaejoong spoke words that he knew the latter mean every word with his eyes (He learned to read it like an open book because Jaejoong’s eyes were really expressive and beautiful. He wondered if the other knew it?), Yunho’s worries were forgotten.
“Honestly, now I’m wondering how I could enjoy those summers just doing like that when clearly, there were so many things I can do and enjoy. This would be the best summer I had in year, Yunho…”
Yunho’s smile lit up with those words, feeling proud he was able to bring that to Jaejoong.
“Thank you, Yunho… really… Thank you!” Jaejoong expressed with a big smile gracing his red plump lips, “Thank you for letting me spend this wonderful summer with you…If we can, let’s do this in the next summer again.” Jaejoong added with so much glee.
Yunho’s heart kept its pace up, and the world seemed to be a blur. Only Jaejoong’s smile was present and Yunho wanted to keep it like that because honestly seeing Jaejoong’s smile felt like seeing the sunrise, letting everyone know a new bright day was now present of them. And then Yunho had a sudden thought…
He wondered what sunrise would taste like.
Since then, Yunho found himself dreaming about him and Jaejoong, of how they would enjoy the bright sun in the beach as they take a stroll side by side with their hand intertwined, or how they would chase each other in the park, even throwing brownish or orange-coated leaves that fell in the mid-afternoon of autumn. He also visualized quiet nights under the thick covers of the comforter as they find true warmth snuggling in each other’s arms. And when the sun finally rose up for Yunho, he wished he could wake up at the sight of Jaejoong smiling at him and saying ‘Good Morning…’ Definitely it would be a sight like flowers greeting anyone with their bloom in spring. Heck it may be even beautiful, something like heaven.
Yunho imagined his future with Jaejoong, of morning waking up with his vanilla like smell, of afternoon with the sound of his cheerful laugh, and of night nestling with Jaejoong’s beautiful smile as his last sight. He wanted to make it all true, to experience everything with Jaejoong but then he thought about the latter… his thoughts… his feelings… and then their friendship.
Would Jaejoong think of him the same way if the other knew his growing feelings? Would he hurt Jaejoong’s feelings if he became honest with his own? And would he still be able to keep their friendship if he tried to gain his love?
Love might be a cliché for someone like him who was just in his late teen years and a graduating senior in high school. Maybe he even got also selfish to have thoughts like this. To feel something more and wishing Jaejoong would feel the same. He decided to let it aside, keep him to his self and be contented just to have Jaejoong by his side even if it did crush him bit by bit his hoping heart.
Too Idealist? He couldn’t careless because he knew his heart was for Jaejoong, ever since that night in the hill top.
But then emotions get too overwhelming, Yunho kept falling and deep he went. He was yearning for more, and he was in his limits that he finally exploded like the fireworks coloring the dark canvas of that night.
“So we really ditch the Graduation party huh?” Yunho chuckled and Jaejoong gave a pit of laughter that soon caught him breathless. The smaller boy halted and so did Yunho.
“Slow down… You’re too excited to get there Jae.” Yunho said his tone half worried and half with fondness.
“Can’t help it, I’m excited to tell Mom and Dad that I was able to graduate high school.” Jaejoong explained.
They did ditch their graduation party just so they could go to the hill top after Jaejoong suggested doing so earlier. And Yunho couldn’t refuse seeing how excited the shorter male was.
Delaying to arrive there would make them miss the bonus part of their trip and that was the privilege to see the fireworks from the best part of town and so Yunho had an idea.
“Hop in so we’ll get there sooner.” Yunho said, kneeling in front of Jaejoong for a piggy bank ride.
“What? Don’t’ worry I can get by.” Jaejoong refused but Yunho just gave him a straight stare, usually it meant, ‘Yeah right! Are you doing it or not?’
Jaejoong gave a defeated sigh and hopped to Yunho’s back, muttering “Fine! Fine! Just don’t blame me if you get sore back and arm muscles afterwards.”
Yunho just gave an enthusiastic chuckle and carried Jaejoong on his back. Despite the coldness the night offered, Yunho actually felt warm.
“Wow, this sight really still amazed me every time we come here.” Jaejoong chimed as Yunho put him down when they reach the top of the hill.
“What? You just appreciate it the beauty of it when you’ve been up here at least once a year for years?” Yunho stated amused and then he wanted to kick himself for realizing belatedly what his words implied, knowing perfectly well why Jaejoong kept coming here even before they started getting along but it was all well when Jaejoong replied without a force smile or stiffness but rather with mirth and casualty.
“Well, didn’t really notice it till now. And I’m asking myself how I could miss this. Such a bad eye-sight I have.” Jaejoong ridiculed before clicking his tongue playfully.
Yunho smiled, liking how actually witty Jaejoong was and how he changed. Instead of grief and sorrow, Yunho found Jaejoong talking about his deceased parent with bliss and happiness. He watched as Jaejoong animatedly recalled those times he and his parent would do this in special occasion, how sometimes his mother would playfully scold her for now waiting for them to release the paper lanterns the same time. Unconsciously to him, he stretched his stiffed arms and shoulder until the shorter male pointed it out.
“See, I told you not to carry me.” Jaejoong pouted at him while crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“No one is blaming you princess.” Yunho said, leaning his face with cringed nose not so far away from Jaejoong’s face. He headed to their usual tree that he didn’t notice how Jaejoong’s cheeks colored with pink. Jaejoong followed afterwards and both settled in the grassy field under it not after getting their carefully packed paper lanterns in their bags.
It was like a chilly night and Yunho was glad Jaejoong wore the jacket that he lend (or more like gave it already) to the black-haired male before. He observed from the corner of his eyes as Jaejoong lit up his own paper lantern and started whispering to it. It was just a jumble of words that Yunho won’t understand. It could be Jaejoong’s message to his parents… it could also be his wishes… it could be anything that couldn’t be registered to Yunho’s mind right that moment. Because all his attention was in Jaejoong’s side profile that he wasn’t just looking through the corner of his eyes but he was actually staring at him.
He would always love that sight, how Jaejoong’s eyelashes meet his cheeks whenever he would close his eyes, the way Jaejoong’s skin would seem to glow whenever he was calm, and then there was also the sight of Jaejoong’s full lips, moving so tantalizing until it landed a kiss on the paper lantern’s wrap and then a smile as he finally released it towards the sky.
Yunho was flustered a second later when Jaejoong looked at him with his doe-like eyes, asking, “Why haven’t you lit yours?”
Yunho looked away, coughing away his embarrassment and muttered, “Later… maybe…” and he could definitely feel the heat in his cheeks.
He then looked back to Jaejoong after feeling the latter’s hands on his shoulders. He raised his eyebrow for inquiry and Jaejoong just dismissed it with an indifferent look, saying, “What? I’m a good boy so I’m taking responsibility for your sore limbs.” Jaejoong said but he sounded nothing like annoyed but rather embarrass and also a bit shy. Yunho relaxed and closed his eyes, enjoying’s soft presses and touches to his now less stiff shoulders.
Tsuuu! Boom! Boom!
Yunho instantly opened his eyes and lead his eyes towards the colorful light bursting in the sky. Silence fell between them except the noises created by the fireworks. Not until finally voiced out his awe that got Yunho’s attention.
Yunho beheld towards Jaejoong’s direction, having his face in close-up. Indeed in whatever angle, Jaejoong was indeed beautiful. Complete with his pale skin, his raven locks, his button nose, his sparkling hazel orbs and his full lips and now it was even complimented by different light coming from the fireworks.
But what was outside was the same beauty inside and that made Yunho fell so deeply for the Jaejoong. Yunho could feel it, the warmness of care the other radiated in his hands as the latter continued to knead his shoulders even if he could just give his full attention at the fireworks. He could feel the happiness the other shares when he would laugh, or even with just a simple smile because he knew Jaejoong wasn’t selfish and he would love to share his happiness with anyone. Nevertheless, Yunho love Jaejoong’s weakness that could be seen through his eyes, those tears that spoke of sorrows. Jaejoong might keep it to himself because he knew the latter was stubborn but also sharing it meant Jaejoong’s trust was bestowed upon him and that made Yunho very happy.
Yunho then had a brief flashback when he hadn’t got close yet to Jaejoong, when he didn’t try to discover yet those paper lanterns. Would he gain new confidence? Would he learn to open up? Would it be the same if Jaejoong didn’t enter his life?
Yunho couldn’t imagine a life without Jaejoong anymore. It was all in the past and now was the present with Jaejoong and he wanted to keep it to the future. He was selfish he knew but he couldn’t stop it anymore.
“Jae…”
The shorter male turned around to face the caller of his name, their faces only quite an inch away with each other but none pulled back.
Yunho took a deep breath and before his chickened out, he said, “I love you…”
All seemed to blur moments later. He just looked at the sky with thoughts miles away. The fireworks shot had long been done but it kept replying to his mind.
“I can’t…”
Those were the last words Jaejoong said before he ran away. Yunho had nothing to blame except his repulsive heart, but was it wrong to open up what you feel?
In their graduation night, Yunho finally let go his paper lantern with a wish of a chance… a chance of future with Jaejoong may it be with love or even just friendship. Because to be with Jaejoong, even just by his side or even back was what Yunho could live for….
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Author's Notes: Why do I love ending things with separation? Nyahahha~ I'm cruel right? Anyways, been starting to write chapter 2 (literally, as in writing it in a notebook) already though I'm not sure whether I could post it next week, maybe at least 2 weeks I got midterms projects coming up and 3D animation and so on. As much as I want to, I dunno... my muse is disappearing again (Well, more like unstable. I mean I'm writing a story then suddenly I wanted to write for another story). Argh! Although I have a bit or reputation of slacking off in updates and not concentrating in one, rest assured I don't abandon my fics unless I don't really see it anymore or it disappeared and I don't have copy (like some of my Super Junior fics.) It's just that process are slow for me and I'm really fickle-minded. Sorry if I'm making excuses but then I can't avoid it.
I'm still worried with how I write? I dunno, maybe it was boring or too cliche? I would really appreciate criticism about it. I've been writing since 2007 but I know I really lack a lot. My old readers said my wordings are easily understand but then lately I think I've been using different and big words already so I dunno. Also they say my stories relied in conversations but I dunno? Am I? Uwaaah! I'm blabbing again.
This is still unbeta-ed unless someone will be kind enough to be my beta? Especially someone who is a Super Junior, Arashi, and DBSK fan since I'll be releasing a fic with my 3 OTP from the different fandom. (See! See! My muse is so unstable!) Just leave a comment or tweet me @6002TheMekMek and if you do have questions or anything, you can just tweet me there or comment here or even message me.
I hope you enjoy this and thank you in advance to taking your time in reading this (also for silent readers too like myself, *grins*)~
P.S. I'm still debating whether to have a smut or not? Please let me know... Onegaishimasu!
Fandom: DBSK/JYJ
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13 (R for later part)
Genre: AU, Drama/Angst, Romance, a bit fluff
Previously: Prologue
Chapter - Words: Chapter 1 - 5 561 words
Disclaimer: Big emphasis to the word “FICTION”. Don’t own them and no right to do so, just this plot.
Warning: Character Death
Summary: Yunho sets out to discover what do those paper lanterns meant as they travel towards the vast sky in his birthday. He found out of love and grief, out of messages and wishes, just like how this little thing could light a path towards the darkness of the sky, there is also hope.
Author’s Notes: Inspired by the Disney movie “Tangled” and “A Walk To Remember” (LOL~ isn’t it obvious I love Mandy Moore’s movies? Hahaha~) so expect a bit of dramatic parts.
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The night ended as they headed back towards their homes that only consisted of unspoken words, bicycle’s wheels against their track and cricket singing in the night. Yunho stopped when he notice his companion, Jaejoong was shaking. He finally noticed that the latter had only a thin layer of black garment against the piercing cold of night. So leaned his bicycle towards his body and struggled to get to his jacket.
“Here.” He said and when Jaejoong didn’t respond, he took the liberty to put it around Jaejoong’s shoulder, glad the other didn’t protest but quite lost with the absence of any response. And so, they just continued their silent journey.
Moments later, Jaejoong stopped at house not so far from the foot of the hill. There, Yunho saw a signage saying “Kim’s Household” and Yunho knew it was time to say goodbye.
“Ah, goodnight then…” Yunho said and then corrected jokingly, “Well, more like good morning.”
Lame. He scolded his self. He didn’t want to leave an impression that he was trying too hard. He heaved a sigh hearing again no response from the other and started walking away.
“Thank you…”
Yunho paused and then turned around but he just saw Jaejoong heading back to his house. He swore he heard the other spoke but he didn’t press it. Along his way back, a small smile never left his face even at the cold night where his jacket was missing action.
Kim Jaejoong had been the main singer of their choir that that lead their school into winning competitions. He was also a top student, an achiever in math and the idol of everyone. (Add also that fact the heartthrob of boys and girls alike.)
It wasn’t hard for Yunho to know these facts because everything was already laid out even though he didn’t pay attention at first but now was a change and so he did pay attention. All he needed was to observed, over-heard conversations from females and males talking about Jaejoong’s whereabouts. He also found out that they were actually in the same class in Math and Music class.
Behind his black-rimmed glasses, he paid attention when the smaller male impressed their Math teacher and the whole class, answering a complicated problem in their Calculus 101. His ears were also alert as Jaejoong was asked to sing for their music class to be example for a musical piece their class would present in their school festival. But when piercing cold eyes from Jaejoong met his, he wondered if he paid his attention too much to the other that it was quite disturbing already.
He got his confirmation when at one afternoon he left their school later than usual because he just felt like it. At the hallway in the third floor was a crouching Kim Jaejoong, hand clenching his chest. Yunho instantly doubled his pace; standing by Jaejoong’s side as he stretched his hands out to held the other by his shoulder to steady him.
“Are you okay? Jaejoong-sshi?”
“Don’t!”
“Let’s go to the infirmary-“
Words died down from his mouth when he felt a push. He lost his balance not because of the strength of the push but rather the abruptness of it. He blinked his eyes, taken back at the treatment he got from the other. He looked at the other, seeing the sweat forming in his forehead, his fringes sticking to and Yunho couldn’t understand if the other was shaking with anger or with the struggle to breathe.
“Don’t…” Yunho could hear the other whispering and then Jaejoong’s next words rang, like a slap in his face.
“I.DON’T.NEED.YOUR.PITY!”
Yunho stayed in his position, bum still against the cold tiled floor of the hallways, his upper body’s weight supported by his hands in his back. Yunho was certain it was better to back-off from Jaejoong from now on.
It was easily said than done as Yunho still find himself observing Jaejoong from afar, discreet as possible. Everything couldn’t go back to the way they were supposed to. That night in the hill somehow opened his eyes. He was able to see through Jaejoong’s eye. He might be smiling, his eyes in delight but there was still a hint of something missing. There may be sparkle and genuinely but a part of it felt like there was missing and Yunho wished he could find that missing piece.
From afar he tried to find that missing piece, in the little ways he could. He found himself sending Jaejoong gifts, careful not to let his identity out. It started with red roses every morning that would wait for Jaejoong’s arrival. (He would arrived extra early, hiding either in the library or the rooftop till class would start.), a box of chocolates at some point if his allowance could allow it (he actually learned to save money for someone and not for himself), and sometimes a bunch of letters if he felt he needed to express things (he did bribed for his sister to write for him, doing her homework as she re-wrote what Yunho had written before so just he could hide his penmanship). All made Jaejoong to smile but still it won’t complete the sparkle Yunho had been looking.
Out of desperation, he finally went to the hill one night (and no, it wasn’t his birthday or any special occasion) bringing a paper lantern with him because he felt the answers were there.
Staring at the beautiful stars full of skies, Yunho heaved a sigh and finally let the small light go with a wish in his heart.
“Please let me find what could complete Jaejoong’s smile.” He wished from the bottom of his heart.
As time went by, Yunho relaxed his back gazing through the skies with a small smile. Tranquility surrounded him with nature’s sounds echoing beautifully around him. Closing his eyes, Yunho decided it would be okay to spend more time here. He could always sneak back to his room before dawn would come. At least he could be alone with his thoughts or so he thought…
“Hmmm, I’m not really surprise I’ll find you here after seeing a paper lantern flying towards the sky.”
Yunho jumped up from his position as he heard that voice. A chuckled next and it managed to ease his tense muscles (except for his furiously beating heart.)
“J-Jaejoong sshi…” Yunho breathed out, nervousness now striking his nerves.
“Yunho sshi…” Jaejoong smirked, mirth reflecting in his eye’s as the moonlight seemed to be acting as Jaejoong’s spotlight.
The shorter of the two was in his sweats and a white shirt, accompanied by a jacket which was strikingly familiar and then it dawned to him it was actually his jacket.
Maybe he looked really terrified (although admittedly, he was just gawking at the other) that made Jaejoong to say, “Geez, Yunho sshi… Relax will you, I’m not going to eat you, you know.” but it was said in a carefree manner and so Yunho managed to finally let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. Okay, maybe he did tensed a bit at the presence of the other but it was the first closest proximity they got after the accident in the hallway and Yunho didn’t know how to react.
Yunho carefully observed the other, watching how the latter walked towards the part of the grassy field just beside his last position. Jaejoong sat there, hugging his knees as his eyes instantly trained towards the night sky. Yunho on the other hand stood there, not knowing to do. Should he join him or should he-
“Aren’t you tired of just standing there?” Jaejoong asked as he raised his eyebrow and Yunho found himself nodding and scurrying in haste beside Jaejoong although not forgetting to leave at least a few inch away from each other.
There was silence and then the soft sound of calm breathes and nature’s soft hum and then Jaejoong’s voice broke that silence, speaking with an audible whisper.
“Wow, didn’t know it would be this beautiful this time of year.”
Yunho just hummed, taking side glances once in a while but didn’t speak of anything.
Everything felt like it fell to right places with just a comfortable silence between them, back to the tranquility he experience earlier (and Yunho could say this was much better) until another broken silence from Jaejoong’s side.
“Thanks for the gift by the way… I really appreciate it, Yunho.”
Yunho’s cheeks were tainted with red as his heart race like it was running for his dear life.
The next morning, everything started to change. Once cold piercing glares turned to warm smiles, silence that was always shared turned to cheerful greet and times spent apart before turned moments shared together.
Of course, people started to talk but none of them really cared. It wasn’t actually a bad thing, like people spreading rumors just to cause down a fall for someone but rather it was casual talk and Yunho was getting more attention beyond his comfort.
Jaejoong would laugh it out if Yunho complained for the fact he wasn’t used to it but he got to admit he do enjoy other people’s company too (but Jaejoong’s company was still the best no doubt about it) and so he learned to just shrugged it off and the hell with it. Nothing major really did change anyways.
Months had passed and his birthday was coming up, he wondered if Jaejoong would still go to the hill as scheduled and he got his answer at the afternoon of the day before his birthday. Jaejoong turned to him before going to the vicinity of the Kim’s Household.
“Can you come with me later?” Jaejoong asked and Yunho had to cock his head to the side to inquire more. Jaejoong then supplied realizing he said his words vaguely, “at the hill… an hour before midnight…”
Yunho finally understood, his head nodding eagerly than it should but stopped before catching Jaejoong’s disturbed look. He wondered if his actions somehow offended the latter.
“Thanks…” Jaejoong gave a small smile, enough to at least let Yunho to put aside the feeling of worry that came from seeing Jaejoong’s disturbed look for a moment. He replied with a smile and then a quick ‘I’ll see you later’ and walked towards his own home. Yunho look forward to what would come ahead of their night because he had a feeling that what would happen could turn them to a lot of things.
They were finally in the hill top, sitting the foot of the big oak tree, side by side with their shoulder bumping. Each one had a paper lantern but not yet lit. It was still a twenty minute away from the time of the tradition (and also his birthday).
It was a cold night but Yunho felt warm with the closeness he shared with Jaejoong who seemed comfortable with the jacket he hadn’t gotten back from the latter. Yunho didn’t mind because it fit the slighter male and Yunho was more thankful he could somehow warm up the other.
When Jaejoong’s phone vibrated at his pocket between them, indicating it was already midnight, they lighted both of their paper lanterns but not letting go.
Yunho observed his side, how Jaejoong closed his eyes and whispered something against the lantern’s wrap. He saw the play of emotions within Jaejoong’s face. Happiness with a small smile and then a second later, sadness with closed eyes and when Jaejoong opened again his eyes, with now tears starting to taint his pale cheeks, Yunho could finally see the longing reflected in Jaejoong’s hazel orbs.
Jaejoong lifted his right hand that held the paper lantern and then finally he let it go with a gentle push. Yunho followed afterwards, his eyes then following the two lanterns as they traced a path towards the sky.
There was silence yet Yunho didn’t try to break it. It dawned to him that exactly a year ago, he saw the same scene only this time Jaejoong was beside him and he was more thankful Jaejoong trusted him enough to show him his weak side.
“I was actually adopted by my parents’ friends eleven years ago…” Jaejoong admitted calmly and even if Yunho was surprised at the sudden confession, he didn’t voice it out. He would let Jaejoong talk, pour it all out just so he could share the burden he now learned Jaejoong had been bearing all to himself.
“My parents died in car crash that year as they came back from Seoul for a business…” and then a pause, a sob was heard. Yunho side glanced again, seeing Jaejoong with down head and bended knees against his chest while his hands were fidgeting with the hem of his shirt between it. Yunho then placed his left hand above the latter’s right knee, squeezing it for a reminder that he was there and Jaejoong wasn’t alone.
“My mother told me every time we send paper lanterns to the sky; we send messages, wishes and hopes to the sky, to angels above and love ones that could no longer be with us…” Jaejoong was now looking up in the sky, the moonlight never failed to reflect beautifully at Jaejoong’s tear stricken doe-like eyes and Yunho couldn’t miss the fondness in those eyes.
“Before… if we ever do it, I usually send wishes but now…”
A choke and more tears fell but Yunho didn’t respond, didn’t move. He knew Jaejoong was strong and he could overcome this. He knew the latter needed to let it all out. He didn’t know how thankful Jaejoong actually was for letting him be.
After a sniff, Jaejoong continued, “I could only send messages… saying to them that I…” A pause and hiccups followed until, “saying ‘Mom, Dad… I’m still continuing on… like I promise… I love you much’”
Uncontrollable tears soon emerged from Jaejoong and Yunho found himself cradling Jaejoong in his arms, rubbing his back in ways to soothe him. He kissed Jaejoong in the head, trying to lull him as the other clang to him like a life line, crying against his chest.
In what seemed to be hours, Jaejoong’s breathe even out with occasional hiccups and sobs yet they held that same position.
Yunho heard Jaejoong whispering against his chest. “I’m sorry…” the latter said and Yunho didn’t react giving Jaejoong the freedom of explaining what he was actually sorry for because surely, Jaejoong didn’t do anything wrong.
“It was the first time someone saw me like that and I don’t know how to react…and I hate people who pities me like those people when my parents died… since then I never cry in front of anybody else… not even in the funeral of my parents.” Jaejoong admitted and Yunho held him tighter. “I thought you’re just anybody else that pities the pathetic me but I’m glad you still stick around….”
Yunho was able to look at Jaejoong’s eyes when the latter pulled away a little just so the latter could look at his eyes while saying the last six words. There was also a smile and finally Yunho could finally see the complete sparkle in Jaejoong’s eyes.
“I finally succeeded.” Yunho thought with a smile as he felt Jaejoong shifting, laying his head at his shoulder as he intertwined their brushing hands, fingertips brushing softly resting at each other backhands. Yunho leaned his head above Jaejoong’s as both of them enjoyed what was the remaining of the night.
At the middle of it, Jaejoong spoke, sincere and now quite joyful with a smile, “By the way, Happy Birthday.”
There were no fancy gifts, no big surprises yet Yunho felt he won a big jackpot he’d treasure forever. Screw those who’d say a crying scene was the worst gift anyone could give. Because for Yunho, along those cries Jaejoong shared his burden and opened up everything may it be weakness and flaw.
A now eighteen year old Yunho had a new mindset. Not anymore would he look for Jaejoong’s sparkle because it was just a part of Jaejoong. Rather he wanted to know Jaejoong’s wholeness in whatever aspect, even fill it if it was lacking and protect it no matter what happen.
It wasn’t out of pity but because simply he cared and it was enough reason already.
Summer came and they found their selves spending it together for the first time. Unlike the usual summer day that Yunho would spend either in the training grounds for his hapkido or being surrounded by the walls of his house, Yunho found himself spending it with Jaejoong as frequently as possible. It consisted of quick trips to nearby beaches or to the arcades, mornings riding bicycles, afternoons strolling parks or cooking treats (with Jaejoong doing mostly of the cooking) and evening of star gazing or even long hours of telephone calls.
Because of rendezvous, Yunho started noticing things that him worried but he tried to reason out that maybe because it was summer and the summer heat was getting to Jaejoong that cause the latter sometimes breathless, even sweating too much than necessarily and getting to easily tied which wasn’t too normal for a growing up boy. He wanted to pinpoint it as soon as possible but only got the chance over an ice cream one afternoon.
He took first a side glance to the smaller male as they settled in a bench near the ice cream parlor where the bough their ice creams from. He caught the sight of Jaejoong, enjoying his own ice cream like a five year old boy would and that was completely an adorable sight that he was too close in forgetting his inquiry. He instantly composed his self because he maybe overacting like a mother would do but inwardly, he knew this was fairly important.
“Jae…” he started and Jaejoong’s reply was only a hum since the latter seemed to be busy savoring every drop of his ice cream. Still it was enough attention and so Yunho continued, “Are you okay?” he asked and he pondered if he chose the right question.
There was a pregnant pause, especially from Jaejoong’s part, his doe-like eyes alerted for a second before meeting Yunho’s brown ones and Yunho felt nervous all of a sudden until a small smile crept in Jaejoong’s face and replying, “What are you talking about? Of course I’m fine. Aren’t I’m eating an ice cream with you outside in the park?”
Yunho knew he should be relied at Jaejoong’s answer but something in his gut told him to press the matter. “I know… it’s just that… I…I-“ he struggled with his words, trying to further explain his concern, maybe give examples because he wasn’t sure whether they were in the same boat about this matter. “Sorry, it’s just that I can’t help but get worried.” Yunho confessed and bit big on his melting ice cream because even if his previous act caused him brain freeze, somehow it still acted as an anchor for him and a boost of some sort.
He glanced back to Jaejoong again and the said male was looking back at him intently. He decided that beating around the bush wasn’t going to help and so he directly told Jaejoong his thoughts, “It’s just that easily tired out. If we take a stall or run around the park, you end up getting breathless… I mean I know it’s hot during those time but then maybe you have asthma but I’m not also sure since it’s also summer so there might be chances that the heat got into you or just because we do many outdoor activities or…” and much to Jaejoong’s actual amusement, Yunho started babbling things.
It couldn’t be avoided that Yunho blamed himself because usually it was him who invited Jaejoong to do this or go to that or anything and maybe Jaejoong was too good to refuse.
He also had his eyes tightly close not wanting to see the other’s reaction. Surely what he admitted might gross the other that it wouldn’t be a surprise if Jaejoong started calling him a freak because he was paranoid and overacting mother or perhaps even a stalker because he was too observant to notice these things for people’s liking.
He opened his eyes when he didn’t get any reply from the Jaejoong and saw the smile the latter was giving him. It did work to calm his overthinking mind.
“Don’t worry Yunho… I’m really fine…” There came Jaejoong’s reassurance with a squeeze in his shoulder. “Yeah, maybe it’s just the summer heat plus you do realize I’m from the music club and not like you who’s in a sports club such as hapkido,” Jaejoong added, earning a chuckle from both of them before giving another continuation, “And this is actually the first summer I spend outside frequently and actively… I usually just laze around my house the whole time.”
Yunho bit his lower lip as guilt started to build again. Maybe he did push (or pull) Jaejoong too much to spend every day together with activities he might only enjoy that it may result for Jaejoong to grew tired of him sooner or later. Just the thought of it frustrated Yunho.
Emotions unconsciously played within Yunho’s small face and Jaejoong didn’t miss it. One second there was relief and then there was sadness in his eyes despite the blank face. It gave the latter a little clue what Yunho was debating in his self. Jaejoong removed his hand in Yunho’s shoulder and instead put it in his thigh. Almost two years had passed since they had gotten close that they develop the gesture of putting a hand to the other’s thigh was their way of consoling if one of them was down, a message that said, ‘You’re not alone’ or ‘It’s okay.’
Feeling Jaejoong’s palm against his thighs, Yunho looked up and met the raven’s brown orbs. He wanted to look away as soon as possible since he still can’t remove the worry of Jaejoong getting tired of him. (Ah! His overthinking mind again.) But when Jaejoong spoke words that he knew the latter mean every word with his eyes (He learned to read it like an open book because Jaejoong’s eyes were really expressive and beautiful. He wondered if the other knew it?), Yunho’s worries were forgotten.
“Honestly, now I’m wondering how I could enjoy those summers just doing like that when clearly, there were so many things I can do and enjoy. This would be the best summer I had in year, Yunho…”
Yunho’s smile lit up with those words, feeling proud he was able to bring that to Jaejoong.
“Thank you, Yunho… really… Thank you!” Jaejoong expressed with a big smile gracing his red plump lips, “Thank you for letting me spend this wonderful summer with you…If we can, let’s do this in the next summer again.” Jaejoong added with so much glee.
Yunho’s heart kept its pace up, and the world seemed to be a blur. Only Jaejoong’s smile was present and Yunho wanted to keep it like that because honestly seeing Jaejoong’s smile felt like seeing the sunrise, letting everyone know a new bright day was now present of them. And then Yunho had a sudden thought…
He wondered what sunrise would taste like.
Since then, Yunho found himself dreaming about him and Jaejoong, of how they would enjoy the bright sun in the beach as they take a stroll side by side with their hand intertwined, or how they would chase each other in the park, even throwing brownish or orange-coated leaves that fell in the mid-afternoon of autumn. He also visualized quiet nights under the thick covers of the comforter as they find true warmth snuggling in each other’s arms. And when the sun finally rose up for Yunho, he wished he could wake up at the sight of Jaejoong smiling at him and saying ‘Good Morning…’ Definitely it would be a sight like flowers greeting anyone with their bloom in spring. Heck it may be even beautiful, something like heaven.
Yunho imagined his future with Jaejoong, of morning waking up with his vanilla like smell, of afternoon with the sound of his cheerful laugh, and of night nestling with Jaejoong’s beautiful smile as his last sight. He wanted to make it all true, to experience everything with Jaejoong but then he thought about the latter… his thoughts… his feelings… and then their friendship.
Would Jaejoong think of him the same way if the other knew his growing feelings? Would he hurt Jaejoong’s feelings if he became honest with his own? And would he still be able to keep their friendship if he tried to gain his love?
Love might be a cliché for someone like him who was just in his late teen years and a graduating senior in high school. Maybe he even got also selfish to have thoughts like this. To feel something more and wishing Jaejoong would feel the same. He decided to let it aside, keep him to his self and be contented just to have Jaejoong by his side even if it did crush him bit by bit his hoping heart.
Too Idealist? He couldn’t careless because he knew his heart was for Jaejoong, ever since that night in the hill top.
But then emotions get too overwhelming, Yunho kept falling and deep he went. He was yearning for more, and he was in his limits that he finally exploded like the fireworks coloring the dark canvas of that night.
“So we really ditch the Graduation party huh?” Yunho chuckled and Jaejoong gave a pit of laughter that soon caught him breathless. The smaller boy halted and so did Yunho.
“Slow down… You’re too excited to get there Jae.” Yunho said his tone half worried and half with fondness.
“Can’t help it, I’m excited to tell Mom and Dad that I was able to graduate high school.” Jaejoong explained.
They did ditch their graduation party just so they could go to the hill top after Jaejoong suggested doing so earlier. And Yunho couldn’t refuse seeing how excited the shorter male was.
Delaying to arrive there would make them miss the bonus part of their trip and that was the privilege to see the fireworks from the best part of town and so Yunho had an idea.
“Hop in so we’ll get there sooner.” Yunho said, kneeling in front of Jaejoong for a piggy bank ride.
“What? Don’t’ worry I can get by.” Jaejoong refused but Yunho just gave him a straight stare, usually it meant, ‘Yeah right! Are you doing it or not?’
Jaejoong gave a defeated sigh and hopped to Yunho’s back, muttering “Fine! Fine! Just don’t blame me if you get sore back and arm muscles afterwards.”
Yunho just gave an enthusiastic chuckle and carried Jaejoong on his back. Despite the coldness the night offered, Yunho actually felt warm.
“Wow, this sight really still amazed me every time we come here.” Jaejoong chimed as Yunho put him down when they reach the top of the hill.
“What? You just appreciate it the beauty of it when you’ve been up here at least once a year for years?” Yunho stated amused and then he wanted to kick himself for realizing belatedly what his words implied, knowing perfectly well why Jaejoong kept coming here even before they started getting along but it was all well when Jaejoong replied without a force smile or stiffness but rather with mirth and casualty.
“Well, didn’t really notice it till now. And I’m asking myself how I could miss this. Such a bad eye-sight I have.” Jaejoong ridiculed before clicking his tongue playfully.
Yunho smiled, liking how actually witty Jaejoong was and how he changed. Instead of grief and sorrow, Yunho found Jaejoong talking about his deceased parent with bliss and happiness. He watched as Jaejoong animatedly recalled those times he and his parent would do this in special occasion, how sometimes his mother would playfully scold her for now waiting for them to release the paper lanterns the same time. Unconsciously to him, he stretched his stiffed arms and shoulder until the shorter male pointed it out.
“See, I told you not to carry me.” Jaejoong pouted at him while crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“No one is blaming you princess.” Yunho said, leaning his face with cringed nose not so far away from Jaejoong’s face. He headed to their usual tree that he didn’t notice how Jaejoong’s cheeks colored with pink. Jaejoong followed afterwards and both settled in the grassy field under it not after getting their carefully packed paper lanterns in their bags.
It was like a chilly night and Yunho was glad Jaejoong wore the jacket that he lend (or more like gave it already) to the black-haired male before. He observed from the corner of his eyes as Jaejoong lit up his own paper lantern and started whispering to it. It was just a jumble of words that Yunho won’t understand. It could be Jaejoong’s message to his parents… it could also be his wishes… it could be anything that couldn’t be registered to Yunho’s mind right that moment. Because all his attention was in Jaejoong’s side profile that he wasn’t just looking through the corner of his eyes but he was actually staring at him.
He would always love that sight, how Jaejoong’s eyelashes meet his cheeks whenever he would close his eyes, the way Jaejoong’s skin would seem to glow whenever he was calm, and then there was also the sight of Jaejoong’s full lips, moving so tantalizing until it landed a kiss on the paper lantern’s wrap and then a smile as he finally released it towards the sky.
Yunho was flustered a second later when Jaejoong looked at him with his doe-like eyes, asking, “Why haven’t you lit yours?”
Yunho looked away, coughing away his embarrassment and muttered, “Later… maybe…” and he could definitely feel the heat in his cheeks.
He then looked back to Jaejoong after feeling the latter’s hands on his shoulders. He raised his eyebrow for inquiry and Jaejoong just dismissed it with an indifferent look, saying, “What? I’m a good boy so I’m taking responsibility for your sore limbs.” Jaejoong said but he sounded nothing like annoyed but rather embarrass and also a bit shy. Yunho relaxed and closed his eyes, enjoying’s soft presses and touches to his now less stiff shoulders.
Tsuuu! Boom! Boom!
Yunho instantly opened his eyes and lead his eyes towards the colorful light bursting in the sky. Silence fell between them except the noises created by the fireworks. Not until finally voiced out his awe that got Yunho’s attention.
Yunho beheld towards Jaejoong’s direction, having his face in close-up. Indeed in whatever angle, Jaejoong was indeed beautiful. Complete with his pale skin, his raven locks, his button nose, his sparkling hazel orbs and his full lips and now it was even complimented by different light coming from the fireworks.
But what was outside was the same beauty inside and that made Yunho fell so deeply for the Jaejoong. Yunho could feel it, the warmness of care the other radiated in his hands as the latter continued to knead his shoulders even if he could just give his full attention at the fireworks. He could feel the happiness the other shares when he would laugh, or even with just a simple smile because he knew Jaejoong wasn’t selfish and he would love to share his happiness with anyone. Nevertheless, Yunho love Jaejoong’s weakness that could be seen through his eyes, those tears that spoke of sorrows. Jaejoong might keep it to himself because he knew the latter was stubborn but also sharing it meant Jaejoong’s trust was bestowed upon him and that made Yunho very happy.
Yunho then had a brief flashback when he hadn’t got close yet to Jaejoong, when he didn’t try to discover yet those paper lanterns. Would he gain new confidence? Would he learn to open up? Would it be the same if Jaejoong didn’t enter his life?
Yunho couldn’t imagine a life without Jaejoong anymore. It was all in the past and now was the present with Jaejoong and he wanted to keep it to the future. He was selfish he knew but he couldn’t stop it anymore.
“Jae…”
The shorter male turned around to face the caller of his name, their faces only quite an inch away with each other but none pulled back.
Yunho took a deep breath and before his chickened out, he said, “I love you…”
All seemed to blur moments later. He just looked at the sky with thoughts miles away. The fireworks shot had long been done but it kept replying to his mind.
“I can’t…”
Those were the last words Jaejoong said before he ran away. Yunho had nothing to blame except his repulsive heart, but was it wrong to open up what you feel?
In their graduation night, Yunho finally let go his paper lantern with a wish of a chance… a chance of future with Jaejoong may it be with love or even just friendship. Because to be with Jaejoong, even just by his side or even back was what Yunho could live for….
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Author's Notes: Why do I love ending things with separation? Nyahahha~ I'm cruel right? Anyways, been starting to write chapter 2 (literally, as in writing it in a notebook) already though I'm not sure whether I could post it next week, maybe at least 2 weeks I got midterms projects coming up and 3D animation and so on. As much as I want to, I dunno... my muse is disappearing again (Well, more like unstable. I mean I'm writing a story then suddenly I wanted to write for another story). Argh! Although I have a bit or reputation of slacking off in updates and not concentrating in one, rest assured I don't abandon my fics unless I don't really see it anymore or it disappeared and I don't have copy (like some of my Super Junior fics.) It's just that process are slow for me and I'm really fickle-minded. Sorry if I'm making excuses but then I can't avoid it.
I'm still worried with how I write? I dunno, maybe it was boring or too cliche? I would really appreciate criticism about it. I've been writing since 2007 but I know I really lack a lot. My old readers said my wordings are easily understand but then lately I think I've been using different and big words already so I dunno. Also they say my stories relied in conversations but I dunno? Am I? Uwaaah! I'm blabbing again.
This is still unbeta-ed unless someone will be kind enough to be my beta? Especially someone who is a Super Junior, Arashi, and DBSK fan since I'll be releasing a fic with my 3 OTP from the different fandom. (See! See! My muse is so unstable!) Just leave a comment or tweet me @6002TheMekMek and if you do have questions or anything, you can just tweet me there or comment here or even message me.
I hope you enjoy this and thank you in advance to taking your time in reading this (also for silent readers too like myself, *grins*)~
P.S. I'm still debating whether to have a smut or not? Please let me know... Onegaishimasu!