Parents finally divorced and...
Well I am so happy for my dad today, the divorce is final. It took almost a year for what should have been quick and simple, my mother did everything she could think of to drag it out. Dad made her a good offer, she refused, wanting to leave dad with nothing, but her greed backfired, she ended up with less than what he was going to give her in the first place. She would not even try to work with dad, she wanted it all up to the judge. When the judge ruled that she get less than dad originally offered she wanted to appeal but the judges decision is final. I really am glad it's all over, I'm happy for dad that he didn't get as screwed over as she wanted him to be. She is a truly awful person, and yet I am having nightmares anyway. What if I end up alone and with nothing, what if I turn out like my mother? What if one day I'm out in a city and I get approached by a ragged homeless woman or worse a used up strung out prostitute and recognize my mother? What if she ends up dead in a ditch somewhere? What if one day a police officer knocks on my door because someone needs to identify my mothers body? I don't want bad things to happen to her, but I can't help her, I can't let her into my life. I know the path she is on and the people she keeps around her will only lead to terrible things, but she refuses to even try to help herself and she will drag anyone who tries to help her down. I refuse to allow her to do that to me. There is nothing I can do about any of this and I need to step back and let it all go, but I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I think about where she might end up, or I think of some natural disaster where I am stripped of everything and cast out into the world unprotected. 2 am and can't sleep, got up to get some of this down because I didn't want to keep Brad up, he has to get up at 5 am. Can't think of anything else to say.