so go on and tear it up....
there's this unexcusable ache in my lungs everytime i drive past your car.
which happens to be almost everyday.
or everytime i see a picture of us.
or see something that reminds me of you.
or hear someone say or name.
or when i say your name.
there's this unexcusable ache in my lungs all of the time.
i'm not sure how to distinguish it anymore.
first it was anger. then sorrow. then regret. then sadness.
then anger. then sorrow. then regret. then sadness.
and somewhere it got all jumbled up and now i'm not quite sure where it stands.
more often than not, i think it stumbles between regret and sadness.
let's be honest for a second;
for the most part i do an award-winning job of convincing the right people that i believe i made the right decision. they think i'm grinning from ear-to-ear and that i'm way better off.
but am i really better off?
or are they better of?
is this about me? was this -ever- about me?
i hate that i even question that. it makes me feel...guilty. but sometimes i just can't help myself.
when the name is so nonchalantly passed off like it wasn't six years of my life.
six years of believing i'd finally found someone to be there forever. through everything.
when everyone makes it their business. like it was them that felt like they had to chose.
because in reality, that's exactly what i had to do.
it was the unspoken request, no, demand, that had ended it.
i wish for the awkward meeting. the one where there won't be any words to say.
but i fear for it, too.
because i know i won't like what i hear. or what i see.
i never regret. i always look at everything as a simple learning experience.
but in this one instance, this exception to the rule; i regret.
i regret making a snap decision that not only affected me, but affected you as well.
and so now i'll never know what would have happened had we have actually tried to fix things.
made an effort instead of leaving the burned matches on the ground and the remains of the bridge to drown in the water.
which happens to be almost everyday.
or everytime i see a picture of us.
or see something that reminds me of you.
or hear someone say or name.
or when i say your name.
there's this unexcusable ache in my lungs all of the time.
i'm not sure how to distinguish it anymore.
first it was anger. then sorrow. then regret. then sadness.
then anger. then sorrow. then regret. then sadness.
and somewhere it got all jumbled up and now i'm not quite sure where it stands.
more often than not, i think it stumbles between regret and sadness.
let's be honest for a second;
for the most part i do an award-winning job of convincing the right people that i believe i made the right decision. they think i'm grinning from ear-to-ear and that i'm way better off.
but am i really better off?
or are they better of?
is this about me? was this -ever- about me?
i hate that i even question that. it makes me feel...guilty. but sometimes i just can't help myself.
when the name is so nonchalantly passed off like it wasn't six years of my life.
six years of believing i'd finally found someone to be there forever. through everything.
when everyone makes it their business. like it was them that felt like they had to chose.
because in reality, that's exactly what i had to do.
it was the unspoken request, no, demand, that had ended it.
i wish for the awkward meeting. the one where there won't be any words to say.
but i fear for it, too.
because i know i won't like what i hear. or what i see.
i never regret. i always look at everything as a simple learning experience.
but in this one instance, this exception to the rule; i regret.
i regret making a snap decision that not only affected me, but affected you as well.
and so now i'll never know what would have happened had we have actually tried to fix things.
made an effort instead of leaving the burned matches on the ground and the remains of the bridge to drown in the water.