confusion, heart broken, & damned
2 weekends ago Zach and i almost broke up.
i'm:
manipulative
controlling
selfish
a bitch
annoying
&
apparently so much more.
it hurts a lot to know that is what he thought about me.
he told his best friend that as well so i get to deal with knowing his friend has that sort of view on me. tarvin will always be in Zach's life (not like i don't want him to be). since he and Zach both went through shitty relationships within the same time period i presume tarvin will never want to hear the other side to things. because women in general are bitches even if one fucks you over. not every girl you date or go out with is that one girl. not every girl will let you down. and not every girl is without better morals.
I'M NOT STEPHANIE OR MANDI!
I'M ME!
reason as to why I'm consider the things in the list above.
1. when we plan things or say we are going to do something another thing will come up or he'll procrastinate. he'll do the "do you want to go hang out with ____?" and make the decision up to me. if i decline then i'm a bad person and hate his friends. if we don't do what i want then i guilt him. i guilt him when i tell him i want to spend time with him and he goes and plans something with his friends or stays at the shop forever working on his friends cars or his. that is when i really know i'm guilting him. when we make plans it usually seems like a solid decision, but apparently his memory isn't any better than mine. he says he forgets so i have to remind him that day what we have planned.
2. controlling in the sense i'm not into the drug & alcohol scene. yea i don't mind drinking a bit if we go to a party together. but sitting back and smoking a bowl every minute of the day or fuckin goin crazy on acid or better yet shooting up meth. WTF!? why would any person want to be around an asshole that does that shit? its in my opinion another serious form of suicide. so what if you think your not going to live until your 23 or w/e the fuck. live life smart and be happy. don't dick it over with drugs. that is not cool at all.
2b. controlling in the sense i don't like the influence most of his friends have on him. yea you are your own mind when it comes down to it, but still the influence isn't any greater. when he was about to go to jail for not having enough money to pay for his fine no one was there to help him except Adam, Me, & his parents. what kind of friends are the other group if they won't even help keep a so-called friend out of jail. THEY AREN'T FRIENDS! simple as that. they are acquaintances! if they got put in jail they know he'd probably help them but when it comes to returning the favor...NOPE!
3. yea i'm greedy and really enjoy spending time with him. he is my boyfriend and i do love him very much. i understand he has a full time job and has his life and stuff, but sometimes its really hard to think about how often things get put before me. in some cases its understandable, but in others...for example promising to come spend time with me on a day school was off then saying he didn't want to come over because of my mom and there was nothing to do. AND THEN going over to Joe and Derrick's with Brent and smoking tobacco out of there hookah. that is what i call being stood up. it doesn't feel so great or make a girl feel so important. it hurts like hell honestly. its like ditching him to go get drunk with another guy almost.
4. i'm a bitch because if you snap at me i'll snap back. "you should treat others the way you would want to be treated". TADAH! plain and simple right there.
5. i'm annoying because my memory sucks to the point we say i have a reset button. the theory is that when my emotions no matter what kind are too strong then i block out a lot of things. i can ask you the same question about twice or three times a day and have no recollection of asking it before. i seriously have no memory of an answer. sorry, but that is me.
i'm:
manipulative
controlling
selfish
a bitch
annoying
&
apparently so much more.
it hurts a lot to know that is what he thought about me.
he told his best friend that as well so i get to deal with knowing his friend has that sort of view on me. tarvin will always be in Zach's life (not like i don't want him to be). since he and Zach both went through shitty relationships within the same time period i presume tarvin will never want to hear the other side to things. because women in general are bitches even if one fucks you over. not every girl you date or go out with is that one girl. not every girl will let you down. and not every girl is without better morals.
I'M NOT STEPHANIE OR MANDI!
I'M ME!
reason as to why I'm consider the things in the list above.
1. when we plan things or say we are going to do something another thing will come up or he'll procrastinate. he'll do the "do you want to go hang out with ____?" and make the decision up to me. if i decline then i'm a bad person and hate his friends. if we don't do what i want then i guilt him. i guilt him when i tell him i want to spend time with him and he goes and plans something with his friends or stays at the shop forever working on his friends cars or his. that is when i really know i'm guilting him. when we make plans it usually seems like a solid decision, but apparently his memory isn't any better than mine. he says he forgets so i have to remind him that day what we have planned.
2. controlling in the sense i'm not into the drug & alcohol scene. yea i don't mind drinking a bit if we go to a party together. but sitting back and smoking a bowl every minute of the day or fuckin goin crazy on acid or better yet shooting up meth. WTF!? why would any person want to be around an asshole that does that shit? its in my opinion another serious form of suicide. so what if you think your not going to live until your 23 or w/e the fuck. live life smart and be happy. don't dick it over with drugs. that is not cool at all.
2b. controlling in the sense i don't like the influence most of his friends have on him. yea you are your own mind when it comes down to it, but still the influence isn't any greater. when he was about to go to jail for not having enough money to pay for his fine no one was there to help him except Adam, Me, & his parents. what kind of friends are the other group if they won't even help keep a so-called friend out of jail. THEY AREN'T FRIENDS! simple as that. they are acquaintances! if they got put in jail they know he'd probably help them but when it comes to returning the favor...NOPE!
3. yea i'm greedy and really enjoy spending time with him. he is my boyfriend and i do love him very much. i understand he has a full time job and has his life and stuff, but sometimes its really hard to think about how often things get put before me. in some cases its understandable, but in others...for example promising to come spend time with me on a day school was off then saying he didn't want to come over because of my mom and there was nothing to do. AND THEN going over to Joe and Derrick's with Brent and smoking tobacco out of there hookah. that is what i call being stood up. it doesn't feel so great or make a girl feel so important. it hurts like hell honestly. its like ditching him to go get drunk with another guy almost.
4. i'm a bitch because if you snap at me i'll snap back. "you should treat others the way you would want to be treated". TADAH! plain and simple right there.
5. i'm annoying because my memory sucks to the point we say i have a reset button. the theory is that when my emotions no matter what kind are too strong then i block out a lot of things. i can ask you the same question about twice or three times a day and have no recollection of asking it before. i seriously have no memory of an answer. sorry, but that is me.