A mass of family drama
Hey LJ. Long time no see, I guess. If you follow me on twitter or facebook, you might have a vague idea of what is happening. But remember that post I made months ago about my mum possibly splitting with my dad and stuff?
Well it's happening.
This will be a long and jumbled story, so sorry if it;s hard to figure out.
It started a few weeks ago, I guess. Mum decided that she was going to meet up with the guy she met online, and was going to do it without dads knowledge because of some advice she was given. And I guess my dad would have taken it the wrong way if he'd known, but it was still something stupid to do in secret.
Anyway, on tuesday I facebooked my sister, asking her to get my mum online, as I had not seen her and needed to speak to her regarding my (now failed) christmas plans which were an attempt to get the family together to go on an outing and see a pantomine. Her reply was that she was no longer speaking to mum, because she and dad were getting a divorce, and upon further probing I found out that mum wasn't home and hadn't been for a few days. Charlotte exaggerates a lot, so I text mum saying that we needed to talk, and spoke to charlotte more, and she told me that she hated this guy, mum wanted to sell the house etc.
Anyway, mum phoned a bit later, by which point I was in tears anyway. I told her I couldn't speak to her on the phone because I was a wreck, so eventually she managed to get online and we spoke. I spilt out everything I felt about the entire thing, all the stress i've gone through etc. And her reply was kinda eh. IDK but she said that the divorce was between her and dad, which she doesn't understand is a complete lie. They have 4 kids, i'm the eldest, and my youngest sister is 7. This is going to affect them a lot. I'm lucky because i've pretty much moved out, but they have to live with this still and yeah. It involves the entire family when she does this. She doesn't understand really, but after a kinda argument, but not really because I hate upsetting anyone and i'm not a mean person (I think?), I went to bed.
Mum phoned the next morning and she was in tears, I was in tears, and I pretty much caved and said that I wanted her to come over and see me when she could. She then asked if I would meet this guy that she is with, that he had been reading our conversation last night and was upset that Charlotte hated him etc, and that he was terrifed that all of us would hate him, and I couldn't say no? I hate thinking I might be the person that makes someone else feel like shit, so I said yeah, and well it happened a lot quicker than I expected, but she said she was coming down that day (wednesday).
Dad also phoned that morning, and he was in tears, absolutely distraught over the entire thing, and I felt completely useless. He phoned again in the afternoon though, and was pretty angry, and told me that he wouldn't give up the house like mum wants, that it would be too much upheaval, and he might possibly want the custody of my sisters also. Which means of course, that the divorce will be messy and long and awful. I don't think I can see either of them coping with the kids alone tbh. I don't think they appreciate what each other does with them. Anyway mum and this guy got here pretty late, and then mum said that work had called and she had to be back the next morning, despite asking for the week off. And I met the guy and it was kinda awkward, but of course he's a pretty nice guy, and like, the complete opposite of dad. And watching him and mum interact with each other was so painful because she seems so happy with him, and she doesn't act like that with dad and yeah. He was also married, but is also leaving his wife, which cranks up the drama even more, and mum said it was going a lot faster than either of them imagined. Far too fast in my opinion. They haven't known each other for long enough, I don't think.
Anyway, at that point mum is cooking some food and the guy is helping, and I decide that to break some of the awkward air, I will get out my hedgehog, as mum is the only one who doesn't know about her. And of course, Mocha decides that this is the prefect time to try hibernating. My nerves were already shaken so by this point I was pretty much in tears. For anyone who doesn't know, hibernating can kill domesticated hedgehogs. I got there and she was curled up in a very spiky ball, and was very cold. Luckily i'd checked on her a few hours before, and she was ok, so it was a recent thing and I was able to get her out of it in time. I pretty much used her as my ice breaker, and had her warming up on my stomach (they need body heat before a hot water bottle) the entire evening. The good thing that came out of this is that I did catch her in time, and the reason that she was so tired and unactive all the time was because she was too cold. Since then she has had 2 microwave heat pads in her cage, and her electric heat pad has just arrived. She has also become a lot more active and has discovered the use of her wheel, and climbed on top of her overhang thing in the cage the other night.
BUT BACK TO THE SITUATION
Yesterday morning, mum and the guy left early, and I went skating and to work. At this point my uncle has facebooked me offering someone to talk to (my mums sister) and my grandma emailed me saying that we needed to arrange a time to talk and that she hoped we were ok. This grandma is my mums mum, and not long after she called me.
She hasn't heard from my mum about this at all, just from my dad, who she has been supporting and looking after a little. She doesn't think that the divorce will last, and that it will all blow over, but she hasn't seen mum and the guy and I don't know that it's that simple. She also went on to talk about how she doesn't even want to meet this guy mum is with. And then she also went onto say how worried she was for dad, kindly mentioning the stories you hear in the newspaper about parents who kill their children and then themselves over these things, which was nice :l She then went on to reassure me that she didn't think dad would do that, but now it's in my head and yeah. Anyway, that was my phonecall with grandma, and my uncle also replied saying that they were all angry with mum for what she was doing, but dad seemed ok so far. And I kinda feel bad for mum at this point because yeah. I also got another phonecall from my dad who was back to being upset in the evening.
And then this morning, I sent texts to both my parents saying that I hope they were ok, etc. My dad phoned me back in a right state. Apparently mum had been home and said something along the lines of 'you don't care about the kids' to my dad, which had him in tears, and he kept asking if he was a good dad and stuff. Someone, either mum or grandma, because they are the only ones who knew, told him that I had met this guy, and so I got questions about that, which was awful because I couldn't lie and say he was horrible just to make dad feel better and stuff. And it hurt a lot and it was right before I had to go to work so I pretty much walked there in tears.
I've arranged for some days off not this coming week, but the week after, so I can go home and help out a little. I think we all need that right now. It's just difficult because i'm going to be the one that they rely on in some ways, and it's stressful enough as it is. And when I got back i'd had another misscall from dad, so I phoned him, and he's still very upset, angry with what mum said, and angry because mum has apparently brought the guy into the house at some point. He's also found out, or suspects that she is living with him somewhere right now, in a hotel or something, which was true at some point, but not sure if it is at this moment. And he's torn up and really wants me to come home I think, it's very hard not to jump on a train right away, but I can't get time off work that fast.
And thats it do far, but it's only promising to get worse. Mum might be seeing my grandma on sunday, so i'm not sure what will come of that, but it's all so hard, and I feel like i'm in some horrific drama that people watch on the tv. I don't know how to feel about my parents right now. Obviously I love them very very much, and I honestly don't want to imagine them apart, because what child would? Unless their parents are awful or violent. Mum's suddenly become this person who is only looking out for herself. She's running with this and I guess it's a shot of freedom from life with emily who constantly goes into fits, Charlotte, who is a very difficult and naughty teenager, Laura, who is just young and tries to copy Charlotte, and my dad, who drinks and does not do enough around the house for her. But it's upsetting that she seems to have forgotten that dad is a person too, who get's just as hurt, and still loves her. She's completely disregarding his feelings, and should not have got together with this guy so fast. She's handled everything here wrong. And my dad seems like a complete victim here, and I guess he is really. Mum said she'd discussed divorce with him a lot in the past few months, but I honestly don't think that he believed it would ever happen. And I wish he would have listened to her about not drinking so much. It made all of us unhappy, and it's the reason I am so against alcohol myself I guess. I think that he really needed a hobby or an activity to do away from a pub, and I guess my next task is to try and find him something like that. I don't think that any of us pressed the issue in a way that could make him stop. And yeah. Sisters aren't going to help. I know Charlotte will be very difficult about the entire thing, which might stir the others up too.
Most of all i'm worried about my dad doing something drastic, like killing himself, which sounds stupid, but his side of the family is where we think emilys aspergers came from, and I can honestly see him getting very very depressed. He'd just never admit it because he wouldn't diagnose it or anything. On a lesser level i'm worried about my mum doing the same thing. And i'm just worried about them both being miserable. My dad doesn't really have much. He doesn't have a ton of friends he can turn to, he retired early, and his family is rather distant and not amazingly loving, which will make it even harder to cope.
It's kinda like i'm trying to pull them all together myself and I can't do it. I've cried a lot over the past few days, made myself ill, i'm off my food, and I just wish it was a horrible nightmare that wasn't happening to me.
Sorry this isn't behind a cut. I can't html right now.
Well it's happening.
This will be a long and jumbled story, so sorry if it;s hard to figure out.
It started a few weeks ago, I guess. Mum decided that she was going to meet up with the guy she met online, and was going to do it without dads knowledge because of some advice she was given. And I guess my dad would have taken it the wrong way if he'd known, but it was still something stupid to do in secret.
Anyway, on tuesday I facebooked my sister, asking her to get my mum online, as I had not seen her and needed to speak to her regarding my (now failed) christmas plans which were an attempt to get the family together to go on an outing and see a pantomine. Her reply was that she was no longer speaking to mum, because she and dad were getting a divorce, and upon further probing I found out that mum wasn't home and hadn't been for a few days. Charlotte exaggerates a lot, so I text mum saying that we needed to talk, and spoke to charlotte more, and she told me that she hated this guy, mum wanted to sell the house etc.
Anyway, mum phoned a bit later, by which point I was in tears anyway. I told her I couldn't speak to her on the phone because I was a wreck, so eventually she managed to get online and we spoke. I spilt out everything I felt about the entire thing, all the stress i've gone through etc. And her reply was kinda eh. IDK but she said that the divorce was between her and dad, which she doesn't understand is a complete lie. They have 4 kids, i'm the eldest, and my youngest sister is 7. This is going to affect them a lot. I'm lucky because i've pretty much moved out, but they have to live with this still and yeah. It involves the entire family when she does this. She doesn't understand really, but after a kinda argument, but not really because I hate upsetting anyone and i'm not a mean person (I think?), I went to bed.
Mum phoned the next morning and she was in tears, I was in tears, and I pretty much caved and said that I wanted her to come over and see me when she could. She then asked if I would meet this guy that she is with, that he had been reading our conversation last night and was upset that Charlotte hated him etc, and that he was terrifed that all of us would hate him, and I couldn't say no? I hate thinking I might be the person that makes someone else feel like shit, so I said yeah, and well it happened a lot quicker than I expected, but she said she was coming down that day (wednesday).
Dad also phoned that morning, and he was in tears, absolutely distraught over the entire thing, and I felt completely useless. He phoned again in the afternoon though, and was pretty angry, and told me that he wouldn't give up the house like mum wants, that it would be too much upheaval, and he might possibly want the custody of my sisters also. Which means of course, that the divorce will be messy and long and awful. I don't think I can see either of them coping with the kids alone tbh. I don't think they appreciate what each other does with them. Anyway mum and this guy got here pretty late, and then mum said that work had called and she had to be back the next morning, despite asking for the week off. And I met the guy and it was kinda awkward, but of course he's a pretty nice guy, and like, the complete opposite of dad. And watching him and mum interact with each other was so painful because she seems so happy with him, and she doesn't act like that with dad and yeah. He was also married, but is also leaving his wife, which cranks up the drama even more, and mum said it was going a lot faster than either of them imagined. Far too fast in my opinion. They haven't known each other for long enough, I don't think.
Anyway, at that point mum is cooking some food and the guy is helping, and I decide that to break some of the awkward air, I will get out my hedgehog, as mum is the only one who doesn't know about her. And of course, Mocha decides that this is the prefect time to try hibernating. My nerves were already shaken so by this point I was pretty much in tears. For anyone who doesn't know, hibernating can kill domesticated hedgehogs. I got there and she was curled up in a very spiky ball, and was very cold. Luckily i'd checked on her a few hours before, and she was ok, so it was a recent thing and I was able to get her out of it in time. I pretty much used her as my ice breaker, and had her warming up on my stomach (they need body heat before a hot water bottle) the entire evening. The good thing that came out of this is that I did catch her in time, and the reason that she was so tired and unactive all the time was because she was too cold. Since then she has had 2 microwave heat pads in her cage, and her electric heat pad has just arrived. She has also become a lot more active and has discovered the use of her wheel, and climbed on top of her overhang thing in the cage the other night.
BUT BACK TO THE SITUATION
Yesterday morning, mum and the guy left early, and I went skating and to work. At this point my uncle has facebooked me offering someone to talk to (my mums sister) and my grandma emailed me saying that we needed to arrange a time to talk and that she hoped we were ok. This grandma is my mums mum, and not long after she called me.
She hasn't heard from my mum about this at all, just from my dad, who she has been supporting and looking after a little. She doesn't think that the divorce will last, and that it will all blow over, but she hasn't seen mum and the guy and I don't know that it's that simple. She also went on to talk about how she doesn't even want to meet this guy mum is with. And then she also went onto say how worried she was for dad, kindly mentioning the stories you hear in the newspaper about parents who kill their children and then themselves over these things, which was nice :l She then went on to reassure me that she didn't think dad would do that, but now it's in my head and yeah. Anyway, that was my phonecall with grandma, and my uncle also replied saying that they were all angry with mum for what she was doing, but dad seemed ok so far. And I kinda feel bad for mum at this point because yeah. I also got another phonecall from my dad who was back to being upset in the evening.
And then this morning, I sent texts to both my parents saying that I hope they were ok, etc. My dad phoned me back in a right state. Apparently mum had been home and said something along the lines of 'you don't care about the kids' to my dad, which had him in tears, and he kept asking if he was a good dad and stuff. Someone, either mum or grandma, because they are the only ones who knew, told him that I had met this guy, and so I got questions about that, which was awful because I couldn't lie and say he was horrible just to make dad feel better and stuff. And it hurt a lot and it was right before I had to go to work so I pretty much walked there in tears.
I've arranged for some days off not this coming week, but the week after, so I can go home and help out a little. I think we all need that right now. It's just difficult because i'm going to be the one that they rely on in some ways, and it's stressful enough as it is. And when I got back i'd had another misscall from dad, so I phoned him, and he's still very upset, angry with what mum said, and angry because mum has apparently brought the guy into the house at some point. He's also found out, or suspects that she is living with him somewhere right now, in a hotel or something, which was true at some point, but not sure if it is at this moment. And he's torn up and really wants me to come home I think, it's very hard not to jump on a train right away, but I can't get time off work that fast.
And thats it do far, but it's only promising to get worse. Mum might be seeing my grandma on sunday, so i'm not sure what will come of that, but it's all so hard, and I feel like i'm in some horrific drama that people watch on the tv. I don't know how to feel about my parents right now. Obviously I love them very very much, and I honestly don't want to imagine them apart, because what child would? Unless their parents are awful or violent. Mum's suddenly become this person who is only looking out for herself. She's running with this and I guess it's a shot of freedom from life with emily who constantly goes into fits, Charlotte, who is a very difficult and naughty teenager, Laura, who is just young and tries to copy Charlotte, and my dad, who drinks and does not do enough around the house for her. But it's upsetting that she seems to have forgotten that dad is a person too, who get's just as hurt, and still loves her. She's completely disregarding his feelings, and should not have got together with this guy so fast. She's handled everything here wrong. And my dad seems like a complete victim here, and I guess he is really. Mum said she'd discussed divorce with him a lot in the past few months, but I honestly don't think that he believed it would ever happen. And I wish he would have listened to her about not drinking so much. It made all of us unhappy, and it's the reason I am so against alcohol myself I guess. I think that he really needed a hobby or an activity to do away from a pub, and I guess my next task is to try and find him something like that. I don't think that any of us pressed the issue in a way that could make him stop. And yeah. Sisters aren't going to help. I know Charlotte will be very difficult about the entire thing, which might stir the others up too.
Most of all i'm worried about my dad doing something drastic, like killing himself, which sounds stupid, but his side of the family is where we think emilys aspergers came from, and I can honestly see him getting very very depressed. He'd just never admit it because he wouldn't diagnose it or anything. On a lesser level i'm worried about my mum doing the same thing. And i'm just worried about them both being miserable. My dad doesn't really have much. He doesn't have a ton of friends he can turn to, he retired early, and his family is rather distant and not amazingly loving, which will make it even harder to cope.
It's kinda like i'm trying to pull them all together myself and I can't do it. I've cried a lot over the past few days, made myself ill, i'm off my food, and I just wish it was a horrible nightmare that wasn't happening to me.
Sorry this isn't behind a cut. I can't html right now.