the perfect is the enemy of the good
Subject line attribution: Wikipedia tells me that there are several variations of this particular aphorism, dating to as early as 1600 C.E. This particular one is a popular form of the version attributed to Voltaire.
(I also rather like the one attributed to Confucius: "Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.")
Anyway, in keeping with the spirit of the subject line, this is a quick catch-up post rather than a carefully crafted narrative, the purpose of which is to share a general life update.
Family stuff. I just returned from a whirlwind weekend trip to Tennessee, both to visit my parents and to address some perceived issues with Mom's long term care. As y'all may remember, I admitted her to the memory care unit of the local assisted living facility back at the end of last year, due to 1) continuing issues from traumatic brain injury, and 2) Dad's growing inability to care for her as well as himself at home (he's nine years older than she is). The good news - and it is good news, no question - is that she is doing much, much better. The more difficult news is that she wants very badly to come home ... and also, Dad very much wants her to come home. My concern is, of course, that we'll be right back where we were in mere months, or worse, that someone will die. I don't think I'm overstating the case to say that we avoided that outcome before by a matter of weeks at the most.
Why this matters in more than a purely emotional sense is that I hold both financial and medical power of attorney, and am appointed as health care agent. I have both the responsibility and the obligation to help make the best choices for them, in accordance with their wishes to the fullest extent possible. However, the "fullest extent" is a very poorly defined area, with a lot of complex considerations.
Hence the difficult moral question: is it right for me to stand in the way of bringing Mom home, even knowing the potential bad outcomes, if this is their own sincere preference and free choice, made "of sound mind," and with full knowledge of the risk?
So, I flew to Tennessee. I talked with each of them, separately and together, openly and candidly. I listened to what they had to say. I watched how they were together, I took them out to lunch, and brought Mom to the house for day trips. I met with the facility care team, and with a local in-home caregiver service. I ran the math in six separate financial models. (I also talked to my sister, who said she'd fully support whatever I decided to do, and that it was my choice.)
In the end, after everything, I decided the best thing for them both was to bring Mom home, and to establish daily in-home support as the best possible chance of making it work. We'll be doing that effective June 1st. Here's hoping I made the right decision.
Work stuff. This continues, basically. It's grant application season (next deadlines: May 27, June 6 and June 16), which is always a busy time. Other things at work that I've been involved in are also busy, but it looks like a transition is in the offing, which I'm glad of.
Life stuff. I still have thoughts on Civil War to share, but that post is sitting in draft at very nearly the character limit and needs refining into something at least vaguely resembling coherence. I am still talking to lawyers about filing suit against the insurance company. I checked in on my reading so far this year and confirmed that I've read 54 books so far, including 16 new ones and 38 rereads. I have a great deal of writing to do, and will get there eventually. Gamewise, I finished another replay of DAII and am about halfway through Skyrim. (I stalled out on Mass Effect but will go back to it next.) I have done my first hike of the year, and am planning several more, along with resuming concentrated race training. I'm also taking off tomorrow to go see J. for the Memorial Day weekend, which is something I'm really looking forward to.
That's enough for one catch-up post! More to come in the near future, really-and-truly. :)
This entry was originally posted at http://silveraspen.dreamwidth.org/337831.html and mirrored to LJ. Please comment where you wish! (There are
comments currently posted at Dreamwidth.)
(I also rather like the one attributed to Confucius: "Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.")
Anyway, in keeping with the spirit of the subject line, this is a quick catch-up post rather than a carefully crafted narrative, the purpose of which is to share a general life update.
Family stuff. I just returned from a whirlwind weekend trip to Tennessee, both to visit my parents and to address some perceived issues with Mom's long term care. As y'all may remember, I admitted her to the memory care unit of the local assisted living facility back at the end of last year, due to 1) continuing issues from traumatic brain injury, and 2) Dad's growing inability to care for her as well as himself at home (he's nine years older than she is). The good news - and it is good news, no question - is that she is doing much, much better. The more difficult news is that she wants very badly to come home ... and also, Dad very much wants her to come home. My concern is, of course, that we'll be right back where we were in mere months, or worse, that someone will die. I don't think I'm overstating the case to say that we avoided that outcome before by a matter of weeks at the most.
Why this matters in more than a purely emotional sense is that I hold both financial and medical power of attorney, and am appointed as health care agent. I have both the responsibility and the obligation to help make the best choices for them, in accordance with their wishes to the fullest extent possible. However, the "fullest extent" is a very poorly defined area, with a lot of complex considerations.
Hence the difficult moral question: is it right for me to stand in the way of bringing Mom home, even knowing the potential bad outcomes, if this is their own sincere preference and free choice, made "of sound mind," and with full knowledge of the risk?
So, I flew to Tennessee. I talked with each of them, separately and together, openly and candidly. I listened to what they had to say. I watched how they were together, I took them out to lunch, and brought Mom to the house for day trips. I met with the facility care team, and with a local in-home caregiver service. I ran the math in six separate financial models. (I also talked to my sister, who said she'd fully support whatever I decided to do, and that it was my choice.)
In the end, after everything, I decided the best thing for them both was to bring Mom home, and to establish daily in-home support as the best possible chance of making it work. We'll be doing that effective June 1st. Here's hoping I made the right decision.
Work stuff. This continues, basically. It's grant application season (next deadlines: May 27, June 6 and June 16), which is always a busy time. Other things at work that I've been involved in are also busy, but it looks like a transition is in the offing, which I'm glad of.
Life stuff. I still have thoughts on Civil War to share, but that post is sitting in draft at very nearly the character limit and needs refining into something at least vaguely resembling coherence. I am still talking to lawyers about filing suit against the insurance company. I checked in on my reading so far this year and confirmed that I've read 54 books so far, including 16 new ones and 38 rereads. I have a great deal of writing to do, and will get there eventually. Gamewise, I finished another replay of DAII and am about halfway through Skyrim. (I stalled out on Mass Effect but will go back to it next.) I have done my first hike of the year, and am planning several more, along with resuming concentrated race training. I'm also taking off tomorrow to go see J. for the Memorial Day weekend, which is something I'm really looking forward to.
That's enough for one catch-up post! More to come in the near future, really-and-truly. :)
This entry was originally posted at http://silveraspen.dreamwidth.org/337831.html and mirrored to LJ. Please comment where you wish! (There are
comments currently posted at Dreamwidth.)