Into The Abyss Will I Run
Okay. Here we are. The Day Before The Test. We haven't left yet--hopefully in about twenty minutes we'll be on the road.
I'm trying to keep calm, and find my Zen Place.
It does help that I really just have to focus on the fact that, you know what, I've never really cared about grades. Grades are just these meaningless evaluations someone else has decided will let them know how much I've learned. Obviously, the ideal test would be one that I would get a 100% on, because that would show all the things that I learned. What the tests are really there to do is try and trick you, try and find out what you DON'T know, and try and create unrealistic situations that never happen in life.
I have always cared more about learning than anything. Sometimes that focus on learning gets me an A, other times a B, and sometimes an F because there wasn't anything to learn and I got too bored. I can't really explain to someone who hasn't ever had to learn a foreign language for several years and hit that brick wall, where you just feel like you can't push yourself to learn any more, because it's all hard stuff after that point. I've been trying to push beyond where I was for years. I've been trying to learn katakana ever since that summer now FOUR YEARS AGO. That's right, I've been able to read hiragana for four years...and not katakana.
Now. I read katakana. I read around 300+ kanji. I can finally read hiragana approaching an actual speed I recognize that I used to read things at when I was around 7 or so (instead of kindergarten, which is where I've been hanging out for the past three years or so). I've learned complicated grammar I never thought I'd be able to memorize. I've learned so much vocab that I never knew. I've learned about connections that I'd never made before. I understand on a level I really hadn't before just how important kanji really is in understanding in any deep way the INTENTION behind the words in Japanese.
I have to focus on the fact that no matter what happens tomorrorw, no matter if they pick all the kanji I don't know, and they don't touch on any of the grammar points I know, and obscure vocab I've never heard of, and a really unrealistic conversation, and incomprehensible passages...there are things I do know. They could construct a test of certain things that I could pass perfectly, because I know those things. I am closer to my goal of becoming a literary translator. I can, and I will, keep pushing this, because it's not a closed wall to me anymore. I know where to go next, and I know how to do it, and I know that I can. Some day, in the coming months while I wait for my results, I'll keep learning kanji and grammar. I'll keep "studying for the JLPT" even without it there.
And I'll get even better.
I'm trying to keep calm, and find my Zen Place.
It does help that I really just have to focus on the fact that, you know what, I've never really cared about grades. Grades are just these meaningless evaluations someone else has decided will let them know how much I've learned. Obviously, the ideal test would be one that I would get a 100% on, because that would show all the things that I learned. What the tests are really there to do is try and trick you, try and find out what you DON'T know, and try and create unrealistic situations that never happen in life.
I have always cared more about learning than anything. Sometimes that focus on learning gets me an A, other times a B, and sometimes an F because there wasn't anything to learn and I got too bored. I can't really explain to someone who hasn't ever had to learn a foreign language for several years and hit that brick wall, where you just feel like you can't push yourself to learn any more, because it's all hard stuff after that point. I've been trying to push beyond where I was for years. I've been trying to learn katakana ever since that summer now FOUR YEARS AGO. That's right, I've been able to read hiragana for four years...and not katakana.
Now. I read katakana. I read around 300+ kanji. I can finally read hiragana approaching an actual speed I recognize that I used to read things at when I was around 7 or so (instead of kindergarten, which is where I've been hanging out for the past three years or so). I've learned complicated grammar I never thought I'd be able to memorize. I've learned so much vocab that I never knew. I've learned about connections that I'd never made before. I understand on a level I really hadn't before just how important kanji really is in understanding in any deep way the INTENTION behind the words in Japanese.
I have to focus on the fact that no matter what happens tomorrorw, no matter if they pick all the kanji I don't know, and they don't touch on any of the grammar points I know, and obscure vocab I've never heard of, and a really unrealistic conversation, and incomprehensible passages...there are things I do know. They could construct a test of certain things that I could pass perfectly, because I know those things. I am closer to my goal of becoming a literary translator. I can, and I will, keep pushing this, because it's not a closed wall to me anymore. I know where to go next, and I know how to do it, and I know that I can. Some day, in the coming months while I wait for my results, I'll keep learning kanji and grammar. I'll keep "studying for the JLPT" even without it there.
And I'll get even better.